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[flame99]

As the title says, my friend has begun to practice self-harm. I really don't know what to do. She refuses to speak to a psychologist, and her parents don't know. A friend of mine, who's more experienced with dealing with things like this, has begun trying to help her out, but to little effect. What, if anything should I do? I'm kind of panicking at the moment.
She's been clearly overstressed and unhappy for quite a while, but I didn't think she'd start cutting herself.

[Exerosp]

Did she recently break up with her boy/girlfriend? I know some people that say the common reason for self-harm is to relieve yourself of pain, so try to find the reason for this and help out. Poor advice but that's the best I can think of a drunk night. Good luck you!

[flame99]

Did she recently break up with her boy/girlfriend? I know some people that say the common reason for self-harm is to relieve yourself of pain, so try to find the reason for this and help out. Poor advice but that's the best I can think of a drunk night. Good luck you!

No. Or at least, if she has, she's kept uncharacteristically quiet about it.

[4maskedwolf]

... Have you ever been depressed...?

If not, there's nothing you can do, if my experiences are any guide...

*exits thread stage right

[Vector]

.

[Orange Wizard]

> self harm
> ignore it
> wtf

[Vector]

.

[Orange Wizard]

Oh, right. Never mind, then.

* Orange ducks behind a curtain.

[LordBucket]

A friend of mine has begun cutting themselves

I've known a few cutters. In every case, they've been unhappy about something else. Their life, themselves, the person molesting them, whatever. The cutting is a coping mechanism for other problems.

I advise you to consider that the cutting might not be the actual problem, but rather it's the thing they're doing to allow themselves to deal with the problem. If you take away someone's coping mechanism, that doesn't make things better for them. Cutting her arms and legs probably isn't the healthiest thing in the world, but try to imagine suffering so much that cutting yourself until you made yourself bleed actually made you feel better because it gives you a sense of self control, or distracts you from the emotional pain by giving you physical pain to focus on.

I don't know what the situation with your friend is. But I advise against trying to get them to stop cutting without a very good understanding of why they're doing it.

[Caz]

A friend of mine has begun cutting themselves

I've known a few cutters. In every case, they've been unhappy about something else. Their life, themselves, the person molesting them, whatever. The cutting is a coping mechanism for other problems.

I advise you to consider that the cutting might not be the actual problem, but rather it's the thing they're doing to allow themselves to deal with the problem. If you take away someone's coping mechanism, that doesn't make things better for them. Cutting her arms and legs probably isn't the healthiest thing in the world, but try to imagine suffering so much that cutting yourself until you made yourself bleed actually made you feel better because it gives you a sense of self control, or distracts you from the emotional pain by giving you physical pain to focus on.

I don't know what the situation with your friend is. But I advise against trying to get them to stop cutting without a very good understanding of why they're doing it.

Very well-put.



Pretty much echoing everyone else here - just be as supportive and non-judgmental as you can.

[Moogie]

Tell her parents. She'll hate you for it, but what do you value more: your friendship, or your friend?

[Truean]

I've dealt with some self mutilators. It's not pretty or easy.

You've gotta balance keeping her trust/friendship against safeguarding her life.

I had a friend in college who did this. I made her promise to talk to me before she did anything drastic or if she felt like taking her own life.That gave me a chance to talk her out of it in the event she ever wanted to. She did not want to kill herself but she didn't are if she died or not. I spent a lot of time hanging out with her to see that didn't happen.

I also gained her trust by not taking away the razor she cut with. The logic was simple, she's a girl, she shaves and razors are $1 for a pak of three... If she really wanted a cutting instrument, then there was fuck all I could do to stop her. If I took this razor away, she'd get a new one and never talk to me again. At least this way she'd keep trusting me and I could monitor her.

Eventually, I felt forced to tell others about her. She was working in a school lab with scalples and began cutting with those. I had to tell her boss, a promenent doctor and professor, who fired her. She waa cutting deep enough at that point that it was only a matter of time before she'd hit an artery and die (accidently or not). I told her it was me, and why. She understood, and we still talk.

[IronyOwl]

Tell her parents. She'll hate you for it, but what do you value more: your friendship, or your friend?

If this would solve anything, she'd probably have alerted them to the issue before she needed such a coping mechanism. She hasn't, so most likely they're not helpful here.

[LordBucket]

Tell her parents. She'll hate you for it, but what do you value more: your friendship, or your friend?

If this would solve anything, she'd probably have alerted them to the issue before she needed such a coping mechanism. She hasn't, so most likely they're not helpful here.

Or they might even be the problem. For example, it could be that the step-father is molesting her. You don't know. Again, I recommend you take no action on her behalf unless you're awfully certain you know what's going on and why she's doing it. This is the kind of thing where "good intentions" can easily make things worse.

Remember that you can talk to her. Ask if if she wants help. If says no and you try and force help on her, you aren't necessarily making things better for her. If she says yes, then whatever she asks you to do is more likely to help her than anything anyone here will be able to suggest.

[Caz]

Tell her parents. She'll hate you for it, but what do you value more: your friendship, or your friend?

Bad advice.