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[Manveru Taurënér]

Our Delicious Plump helmet Love
    - A Valentine's Song For Urist
by Catten

This one's for you Lord Romanceglazed!

My love for you is like the most delicious plump helmet,
Your face reminds me of mighty cave dragons,
Together, we are like cat tallow biscuit and quarry bush leaves.

Oh darling Urist,
My delicious plump helmet,
My mighty sweet pod,
The perfect companion to my cat tallow biscuit soul.

Bloodied hammers are red,
Sapphires are blue,
I like socks,
But not as much as I love drinking with you!

Oh darling Urist,
Your beard are like magnificent axes on a winter day,
You're like the most useful Baron to ever walk Dwarf Fortress.

Your mighty face,
Your quarry bush leaves soul,
Your magnificent beard,
Your useful Baron being...

How could I look at another when our delicious plump helmet love is so strong?

Be my valentine Lord Romanceglazed!



(did change a few words after the first input, but not as much as you might think ^^)

[Urist_McGamer]

Got another gem:

That's why Lord Urist is a Noble
    - In the style of Frank Sinatra

by Urist McCheesemaker

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

"Have you met Lord Urist?"
Someone said as we shook hands.
He was just Lord Urist to me.

Then I said, "Lord Urist,
You're a gentleman who understands,
I'm a gal who must be useful."

"'You better have socks, you better not pull the lever,
You better not play in magma, I'm telling you why,
Goblin Christmas is comin' to town!
Goblin Christmas is comin' to town!
Goblin Christmas is comin', comin' to town."

I practiced every day,
To find some clever lines to say,
To make the meaning come through...

And then I went and spoilt it all, by saying something stupid like:
"I'm sober."

I can see it in his eyes, that he despises purring maggots,
Like the day before.

He loves eating,
He hates elves,
He loves drinking.

That's why Lord Urist,
That's why Lord Urist,
That's why Lord Urist is a noble.

I'm sober.
I'm sober...

Living For The Fortress in a Blood Red Minecart
    - In the style of The Beatles

by Urist McBeatle

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Oh yeah, I'll tell you something,
I think you'll understand.
When I'll say that something,
I want to hold your Great Axe,
I want to hold your Great Axe,
I want to hold your Great Axe.

Oh please, say to me,
You'll let me dine in a legendary dining room.
And please, say to me,
You'll let me kill goblins.
Now let me hold your Great Axe,
I want to hold your Great Axe.

Imagine there's no large gems.
It's easy if you try.
No floodgates in Diamond Wound,
Above us only elf skull totems.
Imagine all the people,
Living for the Fortress...

You may say I'm a drunk,
But I'm not the only one.
I hope someday you'll join us,
And the world will become flooded with magma.

All you need is bigger beard.
All you need is bigger beard.
All you need is bigger beard, bigger beard.
Bigger beard is all you need.

We all live in our blood red minecart,
Blood red minecart, blood red minecart,
We all live in our blood red minecart,
Blood red minecart, blood red minecart.

Oh yeah!

[Greiger]

Just did a beetles one as well.   It sounds a little dirty at the beginning

Living For To Be Legendary in a Red Minecart
    - In the style of The Beatles
by Tamun
Oh yeah, I'll tell you something,
I think you'll understand.
When I'll say that something,
I want to hold your sword,
I want to hold your sword,
I want to hold your sword.

Oh please, say to me,
You'll let me find that sock.
And please, say to me,
You'll let me dig a hole.
Now let me hold your sword,
I want to hold your sword.

Imagine there's no pants.
It's easy if you try.
No goblins in the fortress,
Above us only kittens.
Imagine all the people,
Living for to be legendary...

You may say I'm a brave,
But I'm not the only one.
I hope someday you'll join us,
And the world will become over-run with clowns.

All you need is that sock.
All you need is that sock.
All you need is that sock, that sock.
That sock is all you need.

We all live in our red minecart,
Red minecart, red minecart,
We all live in our red minecart,
Red minecart, red minecart.

Oh yeah!

[Kolnukbyne]

All you need is that sock.
All you need is that sock.
All you need is that sock, that sock.
That sock is all you need.

The Dwarf Manifesto.

[thefish1992]

Living For The Dwarven Fortress in a Blood Red Wagon

Oh yeah, I'll tell you something,
I think you'll understand.
When I'll say that something,
I want to hold your crossbow,
I want to hold your crossbow,
I want to hold your crossbow.

Oh please, say to me,
You'll let me shoot goblins.
And please, say to me,
You'll let me defend the fortress.
Now let me hold your crossbow,
I want to hold your crossbow.

Imagine there's no goblins.
It's easy if you try.
No bolts in gazegate,
Above us only fortifications.
Imagine all the people,
Living for the dwarven fortress...

You may say I'm the militia of gazegate,
But I'm not the only one.
I hope someday you'll join us,
And the world will become the moutainhalls.

All you need is fun.
All you need is fun.
All you need is fun, fun.
Fun is all you need.

We all live in our blood red wagon,
Blood red wagon, blood red wagon,
We all live in our blood red wagon,
Blood red wagon, blood red wagon.

Oh yeah!

[Sigulbard]

Ahem...

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The Moist Appendages Hip Hop
    - In the style of Eminem

by Flexta McSignals

May I have your attention please?
I'm not afraid (I'm not afraid)
To dig tunnels (to dig tunnels)
Everybody (everybody)
Come take my beard (come take my beard)
We'll walk through the fucking kingdom together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm

His tentacles are dirty, appendages moist, tongues are oily
There's food on his chainmail already, acquaintance's blump helmet
He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready to dig tunnels,
But he keeps on forgetting what he wrote down,

And I am, elf
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
In the paper, the news everyday I am
Radio won't even play my jam
'Cause I am, elf
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
In the paper, the news everyday I am
I don't know it's just the way I am

You better fuck bitches
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to dig tunnels
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo
You better fuck bitches
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to dig tunnels
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo

So lets go back
Follow the a cat as we go on another episode
Journey with me as I take you through the fucking kingdom
I once used to call home sweet home

Well, gotta go, I'm almost at the mine now

And when I'm gone, just dig tunnels, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my dirty tentacles
Just know that I'm looking down on you digging
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no pain
Just fuck bitches

And when he's gone, just dig tunnels, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of his moist appendages
Just know that he's looking down on you fucking
And his didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no pain
Just fuck bitches in your chainmail.

[WordsandChaos]

 Mining
    - An Original Song
by studded with spikes

You get on with life as a hauler,
You're an gregarious kinda person.
You like stonecarving on Sundays,
You like sock getting in the week.
You like to contemplate magma.
But when you start to daydream,
Your mind turns straight to hammer.

Sometimes I look at you and I look into your eyes,
I notice the way you think about hammer with a smile,
Curved lips you just can't disguise.
But you think it's magma making your life worthwhile.
Why is it so hard for you to decide which you love more?
Magma or...
Hammer?

You like to use words like 'mining,'
You like to use words like 'lever.'
You like to use words about magma.
But when you stop your talking,
Your mind turns straight to hammer.

Sometimes I look at you and I look into your eyes,
I notice the way you think about hammer with a smile,
Curved lips you just can't disguise.
But you think it's magma making your life worthwhile.
Why is it so hard for you to decide which you love more?
Magma or...
Hammer?

You like to hang out with urist,
You like to kick back with other urist,
But when left alone,
Your mind turns straight to hammer.

Sometimes I look at you and I look into your eyes,
I notice the way you think about hammer with a smile,
Curved lips you just can't disguise.
But you think it's magma making your life worthwhile.
Why is it so hard for you to decide which you love more?
Magma or...
Hammer?

You're not too fond of greenskins,
You really hate a lack of booze,
But you just think back to hammer,
And you're happy once again.

[palu]

The Tale of My Purple Noble Baron
    - A Ballad
by Urist McDwarf
It began on a deadly felsite morning:
I was the most drunk miner around,
He was the most purple noble.

He was my baron,
My purple baron,
My noble.

We used to fight so well together,
Back then.
We wanted to drink together, around the world,
We wanted it all.

But one morning, one deadly morning,
We decided to drink too much.
Together we touched a forgotten beast.
It was masterwork, so masterwork.

From that moment our relationship changed.
He grew so bloody.

And then it happened:

Oh no! Oh no!

He pulled the lever magma.
Alas, magma!
My baron pulled the lever magma.
It was stone, so stone.

The next day I thought my beard had broken,
I thought my head had burst into flames,
(But I was actually overreacting a little.)

But still, he is in my thoughts.
I think about how it all changed that morning,
That deadly felsite morning.

My head... ouch!
When I think of that purple noble,
That purple noble and me.

[palu]

Stick Your Miserable and Stupid Job, Urist McStupidNoble

Dear Urist McStupidNoble,

I have some news, which I think you will find bearded.

Over the last 5 years, I have found working for Boatmurdered Inc. both miserable and stupid.

It's fair to say that the bookkeeper is rock and military are masterwork, but this has not stopped me from finding the work miserable.

I have really enjoyed drinking with the bookkeeper and stealing steel ☼crafts☼ from the stockpile. But all good things must come to an end.

As time has passed, I've found that my dreams of becoming Axelord have become increasingly frequent. Last week I took the plunge and bought myself an axe. I dream of getting up in the morning and partying, something that my current job fails to nurture. Now all I need is a +dwarven wine barrel+ and I'm almost there.

Thus I must resign from my job as Miner, to pursue my true calling as Axelord.

In your role as my superior, you have been the picture of drunkenness, which is why I leave with a bearded heart.

Best of luck with your continued pursuit of mandates.

Yours sincerely
Urist McDwarf

Edit:
Mr McDwarf Investigates
    - a crime thriller
by Mr Pseudonym

Mangled beards have been turning up all over Koganusan and the inhabitants are scared. Ten murders in ten weeks, all committed with a axe, and still nobody has a clue who the sober killer is.

Mr Urist McDwarf is a bearded and drunk miner with a fondness for magma. He doesn't know it yet but he is the only one who can stop the lazy killer.

When his pet, Catten McCat, is kidnapped, Mr McDwarf finds himself thrown into the centre of the investigation. His only clue is a masterwork barrel.

He enlists the help of a stout mason called Urist McDagger.

Can McDagger help McDwarf overcome his booze addiction and find the answers before the elfy killer and his deadly axe strike again?

Praise for Mr McDwarf Investigates
"Mr McDwarf is the best detective ever. A passion for magma and booze is something we all can relate to."
- The Daily Tale
"About as scary as a minute ant, but Mr McDwarf Investigates does deliver an important message about the dangers of a axe."
- Enid Kibbler
"As always, a stout mason makes the best sidekick."
- Hit the Spoof
"I could do better."
- Zob Gloop

[Humdilla]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The Non-hippy Legs Hip Hop - In the style of Eminem by Armok

May I have your attention please?
I'm not afraid (I'm not afraid)
To use my own child as a shield (to use my own child as a shield)
Everybody (everybody)
Come take my beard (come take my beard)
We'll walk through The Boiling Hills together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm

His fists are strong, legs non-hippy, alcohol sacs are hairy
There's food on his socks already, God of Blood's plump helmets
He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready to use my own child as a shield,
But he keeps on forgetting what he wrote down,

And I am, on fire
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
In the paper, the news everyday I am
Radio won't even play my jam
'Cause I am, on fire
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
In the paper, the news everyday I am
I don't know it's just the way I am

You better dig
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to use my own child as a shield
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo
You better dig
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to use my own child as a shield
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo

So lets go back
Follow the the scent of plump helmet wine as we go on another episode
Journey with me as I take you through The Boiling Hills
I once used to call home sweet home

Well, gotta go, I'm almost at the fortress now

And when I'm gone, just use my own child as a shield, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my strong fists
Just know that I'm looking down on you fighting
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no pain
Just dig

And when he's gone, just use my own child as a shield, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of his non-hippy legs
Just know that he's looking down on you drinking
And his didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no pain
Just dig in your socks.

[Xmpel]

Stick Your Stunning and Euphoric Job, Urist
Dear Urist,

I have some news, which I think you will find Strong.

Over the last Five years, I have found working for Justice Inc. both Stunning and Euphoric.

It's fair to say that The Hammerer is Short and The Justice Department are Dumb, but this has not stopped me from finding the work Stunning.

I have really enjoyed Drink with The Hammerer and stealing Fat Waterskins from The Stockpiles. But all good things must come to an end.

As time has passed, I've found that my dreams of becoming The Hammerer have become increasingly frequent. Last week I took the plunge and bought myself Hammer. I dream of getting up in the morning and Take Breaks, something that my current job fails to nurture. Now all I need is Chain and I'm almost there.

Thus I must resign from my job as Fortress Guard, to pursue my true calling as The Hammerer.

In your role as my superior, you have been the picture of Laziness, which is why I leave with a Strong heart.

Best of luck with your continued pursuit of Less Hammerings.

Yours sincerely
Urist

[Noel.se]

Aggressive Urist McMason
    - a short story
by Urist McWriter

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

 Urist McMason was thinking about Noble Duke again. Noble was a tired elf with drunk beards and strong hands.

Urist walked over to the window and reflected on his dark surroundings. He had always hated oppressed Boltmurdered with its loud, large lots of nobles. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel grumpy.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the a tired figure of Noble Duke.

Urist gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was an aggressive, arrogant, alcohol drinker with short beards and sturdy hands. His friends saw him as a tough, tired true dwarf. Once, he had even revived a dying, child.

But not even an aggressive person who had once revived a dying, child, was prepared for what Noble had in store today.

The blood rain teased like drinking cats, making Urist annoyed. Urist grabbed a mighty -copper pickaxe- that had been strewn nearby; he massaged it with his fingers.

As Urist stepped outside and Noble came closer, he could see the motionless glint in his eye.

"I am here because I want a slade cabinet," Noble bellowed, in an untrustworthy tone. He slammed his fist against Urist's chest, with the force of 346 dogs. "I frigging hate you, Urist McMason."

Urist looked back, even more annoyed and still fingering the mighty -copper pickaxe-. "Noble, go die in a see of magma," he replied.

They looked at each other with angry feelings, like two knobbly, kaleidoscopic kittens eating at a very unfunny party, which had dwarven song music playing in the background and two hectic uncles idling to the beat.

Suddenly, Noble lunged forward and tried to punch Urist in the face. Quickly, Urist grabbed the mighty -copper pickaxe- and brought it down on Noble's skull.

Noble's drunk beards trembled and his strong hands wobbled. He looked aggressive, his body raw like a squiggled, shredded silver hammer.

Then he let out an agonising groan and collapsed onto the ground. Moments later Noble Duke was dead.

Urist McMason went back inside and made himself a nice drink of alcohol.