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[freeformschooler]

...

The sword.

The sword.

The one you get within 30 seconds of the game?

The one that shoots lazers?

This is the very first game right? I can't seem to make it go. It just flashes a lot then quits.

Actually, wasn't the first zelda game kinda hard to go through without a guide? Try link to the past.

It's funky about certain operating systems. Hasn't had a proper update in years. Either way, change the settings from the zlaunch app and launch zelda-w from there. Might want to make it windowed.

Also, yeah the first one was hard as nails for the guesswork. But it's still good to go through.

[Scelly9]

Suck on my hand to make the pain go away. Then use other hand to stab Dariush with another stick.

[Gatleos]

In the end, Derm, the effects of a hammer hitting someone is up to you. Just remember the Chunk Salsa Rule and the fact that brains are squishy.

[Dermonster]

I still don't know why Dariush is trying to kill Sorenor, but it seems that Sorenor is doing the work for him while he futzes around.
Turn Four: PvP is overrated.

Alright, enough of this madness. Look around. Where am I REALLY? Also, sharpen my staff on the tree.

[4] Finally getting a hold of yourself, you observe your surroundings. You appear to be in what you tentatively call a gigantic forest village. Huts and houses made from trees litter your view, as do a few rope bridges across high terraces. A large pond is nearby to the left, at the bottom of a waterfall. The grass seems abnormally tall, and high pitched voices ring out from somewhere in the distance. All in all it is very serene.

You are suddenly distracted from your investigation by what looks to be a 12 year old girl with green hair running down the path leading to the tree house behind you. There is a mote of light hanging on her shoulder.

"Hey, you there in the light blue! Who are you?"

Exploit Sorenor's vulnerability and break his other hand.

(...) You stick your tongue out at Sorenor in a vaguely insulting manner. You come out of the deal looking decidedly foolish, but you feel much better after Sorenor continues to maim himself. Heck, It's like you don't even need to do anything!

"Screw it." Pick up the body, rip it in half, and shake it like a Piņata, collect the candy that falls out.

Sinclair: RIP AND TEAR, RIP AND TEAR!

(...) You manage to stretch out the corpses skin before realizing that you simply do not have the proper strength or implements to tear a human body in twain. You do manage to find out that it was carrying a couple small gems, one blue and the other yellow.

Suck on my hand to make the pain go away. Then use other hand to stab Dariush with another stick.

(...) Ineffectively sucking the pain away from a broken limb, you attempt to stab that bastard who keeps making faces at you. (...) You find a hefty two handed wood spear nearby, and turn it upon Dariush! (...) You drop the spear and stab yourself straight through the foot.


Player: freeformschooler
Name: Hayley
Status: Being approached by a child.
Location: Forest Village, outside the Mysterious Treehouse.
Inventory: Aqua Tunic Large branch
Wounds: [HP:100/100]
Player: Scelly9
Name: Sorenor
Status: Continuing to inflict bodily harm upon himself.
Location: Mysterious Treehouse.
Inventory: Lime Green Tunic Large wood spear.
Wounds: [HP:85/100] Broken Hand Wounded Foot
Player: Sinpwn
Name: Sinclair
Status: Robbing dead people.
Location: Mysterious Treehouse.
Inventory: Dark Red Tunic 15 Rupees.
Wounds: [HP:100/100]
Player Dariush
Name: Dariush
Status: Making faces.
Location: Mysterious Treehouse.
Inventory: Ultramarine Tunic
Wounds: [HP:100/100]

[Sinpwn]

Remove the spear from Sorenor's foot, guide him outside and present him to the girl.
"Don't worry, he's okay. We're just having a... Party! After all, he's suddenly the size of a grown human!"
Nudge "Link" to say something.

[freeformschooler]

"Oh! I'm Hayley. I was just going to the bathroom and my floor opened up, causing me to fall in a tree! Who are you and why do you have Spock ears?"

Attempt to gain more information about present location from the girl.

Spoiler: Terribad Hayley face (click to show/hide)

Gotta have blue hair.

[Dermonster]

(That is helpful, thank you.)

[Scelly9]

Help sipwn open the corpse with mah stick.

[Dariush]

Jump out of the treehouse, dropkicking 'Link' in the process.

[Dermonster]

Well five turns in and one guy is almost halfway to dead and you freaked out the local populace. Well done.
Turn five: Amusing Injuries.

Attempt to gain more information about present location from the girl.

(...)
: "Oh! I'm Heyley. I was just going to the bathroom when my floor opened up, causing me to fall into a tree! Who are you and why do you have Spock ears?"
  "My name is Saria. What do you mean by spock ears? My ears have always looked like this! Everyone ears do. *gasp* Are you an outsider?"
: "Well, yes. Why?"
"Outsiders rarely make it to the village. They usually turn into Stalfos!"
: Stalfos?
: "Walking skeletons who feast on the living."
: "What the fuck."

Help sipwn open the corpse with mah stick.

(...) You delicately lay the continually unexamined corpse in his or her bed, fold it's arms, and shut it's eyes. It looks like it's sleeping, now. Turning around, you abruptly get attacked by a furious ball of light that was hidden under the corpse. It can't do much more than scratch you, but you still fall down screaming until Sinclair hauls your sorry ass out of there.

Remove the spear from Sorenor's foot, guide him outside and present him to the girl.
"Don't worry, he's okay. We're just having a... Party! After all, he's suddenly the size of a grown human!"
Nudge "Link" to say something.

(...) Quickly dislodging Sorenor's foot-spear and throwing it to a corner, you grab the screaming light ridden man and hurl yourself down out of the tree house. Landing on the ground, you quickly spring to your feet and present him to the world.

Sinclair: "Don't worry, he's okay. We're just having a... party! After all, he's suddenly the size of a grown human!"
: "What!?"
Sorenor: "Oh god, everything hurts! Why, blue man, why!?"
: "Oh spirits, his foot! His hand! Why is Dore's fairy clawing at his face?"
Sinclair: "EVERYTHING IS NORMAL AND NOTHING IS WRONG."
: "I don't know them."

Jump out of the treehouse, dropkicking 'Link' in the process.

(...)
Dariush:HUOOOOOOOOOOO
Stepping up your act, you execute a flawless running missile dropkick onto the unsuspecting neon green clothed man below. (...) He sees you coming, but can't do much to get out of the way. You manage to give him a knock in the head before landing flat on your ass, crushing the disorientated fairy that was attacking Sorenor's face.

Sorenor: "Auggghhh..."
: "What!?"
Sinclair:: "EVERYTHING IS NORMAL AND NOTHING IS WRONG!"
: "Oh godammit."

Player: freeformschooler
Name: Hayley
Status: Facepalming.
Location: Forest Village
Inventory: Aqua Tunic Large branch
Wounds: [HP:100/100]
Player: Scelly9
Name: Sorenor
Status: Vomiting.
Location: Forest village
Inventory: Lime Green Tunic
Wounds: [HP:69/100] Broken Hand Wounded Foot Bruised Head Scratched Face
Player: Sinpwn
Name: Sinclair
Status: Lying terribly.
Location: Forest village
Inventory: Dark Red Tunic 15 Rupees.
Wounds: [HP:100/100]
Player Dariush
Name: Dariush
Status: Wondering why his ass is now soggy.
Location: Forest Village.
Inventory: Ultramarine Tunic
Wounds: [HP:100/100]

[kisame12794]

Well that was hilarious. Keep up the good work.

[Scelly9]

Lol. Writhe in pain.

[Sinpwn]

Grab Link, Hayley, Dariush, myself and run.

[Dermonster]

You don't know any 'Link'. You've only met Saria and 'Mysterious Corpse'

[freeformschooler]

Refuse to be grabbed. Lead Saria somewhere less concerning.

"I'm sure they were just messing with you. So... what are those balls of light? Are those like portable flashlights or something?"

EDIT: Also Derm, now that you're an RTD GM (and a pretty good one at that), you should pop by #Bay12RTD on Freenode once in a while to talk about it. It can be insightful and hilarious.