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[Heliman]

I have a big issue when it comes to all forms of gaming. Whenever it comes down to a matter of competition, I get a very, very strong urge to win at it, by any means necessary. It boils down to me forgetting about the game relations, the friends I play with and the hilarity of situations and just focusing on winning.

It's fine as long as I win, but when I lose, I rage. And the feeling of utter helplessness I get when I'm beaten can make myself build up to childish outbursts of rage, like hitting phones, or throwing mice, or, one time long ago, chucking a controller. Rage is understandable in gaming, but I've broken about three mice in the last 18 years, and once I think I might of hit someone too hard in fencing practice(the fact that I did this scared the ever living shit out of me). I've since started to fear I might never be able to play just for fun at all, which is what I really, actually want out of gaming.

Since I realized I had issues with this, I've since resolved to avoid games that have heavy competition, and to drop out of games when I start getting the feeling of competitive rage coming on. It's been working so far, but I'd really like to be rid of it altogether, rather than avoiding it constantly. This is because my urge for competition extends to real life sports as well, where I feel terrible every time I miss catching a Frisbee, and run like a rabid dog for every soccer ball like a total tool.


So, my question to you is this: Do any of you ever feel similarly, and if so how do you usually get over it?

[Neonivek]

I am quite competative when I play.

To me I don't have much fun unless I am playing to the best of my ability and often that means I don't have many people to play with simply because I am simply better at most games then everyone else around me.

[Silleh Boy]

From my experience, knowing that when I was younger that I was much the same, I can relate to an extent with you.

I was terrible about wanting to 'always win' in games, to the point where in things like Lemmings for example, i'd undermine the spawnpoint and have a pixels difference in the size of the bridge covering it.

End result?

The person I was playing with's lemming fell past the bridge and mine fell atop it.

When you resort to doing things like that when skill fails you in games as you have to win at any cost, people quickly stop wanting to play with you, so I found myself shifting my perspective.

The most important aspect of the game is fun, and sure, while winning might be 'fun', it's a very superficial kind of fun where you enjoy a feeling of superiority at the expense of the other(s). Sure, I'd get frustrated when I faced impossible odds in games as well, when nothing I could try and do would overcome the challenges.
While I was looking to change my perspective on things, I found roguelikes.
Suddenly, I was dying again and again and again while still trying to learn how best to play the games - and still approaching them head on like many of the games i'd played before.
Around the same time, one of my brothers started to take a more active interest in gaming, though, he didn't want to directly face me as he was afraid of losing.

He also didn't want to face higher than easy difficulty alone on games without me to 'save him'.

In order to continue having somebody to game with regularly, I had was required to protect somebody who would have been considered by any other to be deadweight to the team due to lack of experience and skill, who I realised wasn't going to have fun - just like with myself - unless they were winning.

As things progressed, he went from deadweight who was more of a liability to me, to somebody fully capable of watching my back when I was leading the way in games - thus endangering myself on his behalf, as we'd progressively push the difficulty settings higher until we had to be very careful.

We went from trying to grab the best gear for ourselves, to splitting it based upon preference and role - while he still defers to me and would give me the best protective gear if I requested it, that's because typically he expects me to go into new situations first and if that goes badly, for attention to be off him long enough for him to run to my side and save me.

Sure, we get bored, we backstab each other, we try and force each other to spawn over bottomless cliffs or whatever.

In short, I was underhanded and competative to the point nobody wanted to play with me, I learned to distance myself from the game so that repeated deaths bore me instead of frustrate me. My brother needed somebody to teach him the ropes, I took that challenge up and taught him to be as underhanded and merciless as me, while at the same time teaching him not to get frustrated when things went wrong and got him killed.

At the end of the day we're all human, but this is my experience with things. I have gone from competative to more content to teach and explore, though no less of a bastard for it.

The catalyst for that change was having a brother who needed a hand learning how to play games who I could see something of myself in, that helped me mature somewhat (contrary to my handle on this forums. I should really get that changed...) myself.

Changing because you want to change takes a lot of self control and willpower, changing with a catalyst of sorts to assist makes things go a lot smoother.


Hopefully my inane rambling is of some assistance in this matter.

[zilpin]

I bet I can go a whole week without being competitive, and you can't.

Double dog dare you to try.

starting.... NOW!

[Ottofar]

I used to have that, but then I got in a sports team, which, uh... let's just say we got a single point in a season.

Somewhere about halfway through I decided fuck all competitively, and started taking insane risks with positioning and stuff.

It worked well (our only point!) until the coach noticed and put me in the reserve for the rest of the season.

So yeah.

[Neonivek]

I used to have that, but then I got in a sports team, which, uh... let's just say we got a single point in a season.

Somewhere about halfway through I decided fuck all competitively, and started taking insane risks with positioning and stuff.

It worked well (our only point!) until the coach noticed and put me in the reserve for the rest of the season.

So yeah.

I really hope that this topic doesn't devolve into Anti-competativeness.

[Vector]

Read Dragonball (non-censored version).  I'm not kidding--it's pretty much the only thing that helped me calm down and pick better targets for anger and competition.  I'm still an aggressive schmuck in a lot of ways, but I've gotten better at not hating myself for being unable to beat other people, and also at deciding when the victory would be pyrrhic.  Oh, and I realized how badly it came off to other people... it's basically the story of "how to be spirited competitor instead of a tool."

Dunno if it'll help you, but whatever.

[nenjin]

I can relate to a lot of this. You've just got an ego that refuses to let you forget about failure. I don't really know what to suggest about it. But don't lose that drive, even if it does sometimes have unfortunate side effects. I remember running for that ball faster than anyone else, I remember taking out attackers when no one on my team would even bother, and carrying the D. I remember feeling good about it and getting some validation for it.

Of course, I remember giving a war cry as I went for it and getting totally embarrassed by my opponent too. I remember getting angry and bitter about it, and by extension, my team. I still hate losing, and I avoid competition because of it. I still swear like a sailor playing FPS, and get really grumpy when I'm getting railroaded in games, be it FPS or board games.

You just gotta remember your ego before your blood starts pumping. You'll always struggle with it. Don't consider it flaw so much as just a part of your character you have to deal with. It works for you sometimes, after all. When you can be competitive without trying to prove something to other people, or yourself, you won't find as much anger at failure. You'll probably "do" better too. Or at least truer.

And yeah, Dragonball really. A book you might want to investigate is Monkey: A Journey to the West. It's a Chinese fable that's been retold for ages and translated into dozens of languages. Pay special attention to the Monkey King, his tale might have have meaning to you.

[Vector]

Haha, that's the much more cultured answer.  It's hard to find versions that aren't bowdlerized, though it may be easier post-globalization.  The only copy I've been able to get was ~300 pages, and was mostly about the Fry-Pan Mountain section.

[nenjin]

I seem to remember my copy clocking in at around 250ish. I didn't know until after that there are like, 30 different versions of it out there.

It's funny, my dad got that copy for me as a young teen. I read it, passed it on to a friend, who passed it on to a brother, who passed it on to his kid. I saw it sitting in her bookshelf a couple years ago. It's a good read on top of being good for the soul.

[Heron TSG]

I've always been ridiculously competitive. When I play D&D, I powergame all the time. No need to kill the drive, it's a pretty good thing to have. Just start competing with yourself. Once I've mastered something, I start doing self-imposed challenges. Playing Pokemon with no healing items and permadeath is a good example. When I'm playing D&D, I don't just go balls-to-the-wall and make a character that can flatten cities and whatnot at level 5. I could, and I would do well, but it's not fun. (Which is what I interpreted your problem as being.) Instead, I take terribad classes and try to make them not as bad. If my character is mediocre, I get the pleasure of playing a unique character because nobody else in the group would know how to make it work. If the character is actually good, I can take pride in knowing that I can make a bad framework into a good character. There are different ways to win, and not all of them involve an absolute, crushing victory. If you're playing a first-person shooter, try limiting yourself to the starting weapon while everyone else is free to use whatever. Challenging for everyone.

[eerr]

Huh, well on this note, perhaps there are online co-op games to be played?

[Zangi]

Online Co-op?  Left 4 Dead 1 & 2   
Its a team game, through and through, they rely on you to get them out of bad situations, you rely on them to do the same for you.  A challenge of a different pace, your goal... to win... is to make it to the end, with everyone else alive, even if you gotta drag em along.
Considering it, bad allies are bad.  Stick to Advanced or Expert cause you'll find much unnecessary rage with the incompetence and douchery found in the lower levels.  (Avoid the versus modes.... cause that is competitive as heck...)

But ya... perhaps patience might be part of your problem?  A lot of games these days is about instant gratification and you might also excel at the games you already do play... FPS for example.  If you are willing to go a different pace...
Demon's Souls and Dark Souls will probably count as a lesson in humility and patience...  though... it might end up killing ya...

[nenjin]

Left 4 Dead 1 & 2 is not good for rage. It really isn't. Even GOOD friends will make you rage if you play enough of it, especially if you play more than they do. Because Left 4 Dead more than any other game puts the emphasis on the players on succeed. And the # of things a team has to do right in L4D, and the nature of failure, makes it one of the most rage inducing games ever.

For example. Failing to check your 6 as the last person in the squad will get you surrounded, pounced, whatever. This forces your whole team to stop, come back, and save you. Against human opponents, it's much like Vietnam. Your teammate is a wounded person, and they're snipers waiting over their corpse for you to come save them, so they can kill you.

Friendly fire, knowing where to go without being told, properly breaching a room.....all these things in L4D co-op take time to learn and master....and the utter raping you receive for failing to do them makes you start looking to blame people. Because they're the only ones you can blame. L4D is very rock/paper/scissors. Under most circumstances the players have the advantage. When the infected get the drop on you, it's because someone made a mistake.

It shows really badly in Co-op. You'll repeatedly fail at the same places for the same reasons, and when you're on your 4th attempt to get through the first area, you start to get frustrated. In Multiplayer, death often comes so fast it's hard to blame any one particular person for their screw up. In Co-Op, it's much more obvious. And in some ways, more frustrating. Because the AI isn't that good and the Director isn't that smart.

And then there's just the fact it's the kind of game that gets people shouting. "Move!" "Get in the room!" "Behind you!" I think everyone I've ever played L4D with has sounded unintentionally nasty just because, in the beginning, it's a total adrenaline rush.

[Valid_Dark]

Try using a gun and aiming where the demon lives, (in your head)
Jk,, competitiveness is completely normal, don't fret.