Chapter 73: These Colors Come Back
"I have a glorious idea!" Dagoth Ur climbs through the attic to the top of the house, coming out onto the roof, where he brandishes his copy of
The Holy Bible. "THE POWER OF YOUR N'WAH SUPERSTITION COMPELS YOU!" (6) (Cannon: 5) (Confederate Company No. 2: 1)
The night sky suddenly parts to reveal some sort of shining layer of existence beyond the mortal realm. From this holy tear in the fabric of reality comes a storm of giant yellow lasers, raining down upon the Confederates. The Cannon is able to retreat from the storm, but a small ray of holy Mana bounces off a window and strikes one cannoner through the chest. He cries out and falls, his teammates unable to do anything but hide the canon. The Confederate Company No. 2 is much less fortunate. A giant pillar of light descends upon them, ripping them apart from their earthly bodies in a nano-second. As the sky reverts to its normal form, all of the Confederate Company is gone, save for two guys running through the trees...
Swedish Chef calls up Mr. Fox. (2) He gets no response, which probably has to do with Mr. Fox getting blasted a while ago. He calls Mr. Tom, and informs him of his next plan.
"But the Confederates have fled." "I SEE. ARRARARGAHAHAH-" The Chef runs outside to meet
Macho Man Randy Savage beating the
Head Guard. The Swede joins in the fun. (1 vs. 6) The Chef does not notice the Guard's gun, (5 vs. 3) but does notice when the guard shoots him in the abdomen. He falls on his knees, bleeding from the wound.
The Pastamancer equips his
Spaghetti Elemental with a Shotgun, snatches the High Quality Kush and hangs around his
Automated Turret, weapons at the ready.
"The South ain't gonna rise again after this! YA HEAR THAT YA SECEDIN' SONS OF BITCHES?! YA'LL FUCKED WITH THE WRONG COWGIRL!!!" Applejack runs out of the house holding
Teddy Roosevelt's Twin Chromes in her hooves and the
Turkish Saber in her mouth. (1 vs. 3) She runs after the Cannon (2 vs. 5) but is dissuaded from continue when a cannonball flies over her head and strikes the house.
Al Capone runs after the Cannon.
"Hey, abataboom pepperoni pizza with the mozzerella and frankie comin' in with lennie and louie and this here's real racist." (1 vs. 2) Turns out, shooting an AK47 in one hand and a Tommy Gun in the other simultaneously is not very efficient at hitting anything. (4 vs. 1) You know what it is good for? Getting your left arm broken by a flying ball of lead.
"Hey. That hurts."Altria Pendragon watches guard over the valuable hostages.
"Everyone in good shape? What happened to you all?" The Hostages respond with silence. One child cries. What a strange place. Altria questions her nearby teammates,
"Do any of you recognize our enemy and who they are? Why they are here, to be precise?" She gets a response from the
Swedish Chef, To kill the wrestling champion, of course! To lose him would be a powerful blow to our side." Altria then witnesses the Chef running into the battlefield and being promptly wounded by a gun-shot. One of the hostages asks, "Miss, why have you come here if you do not even know of the current situation? You are a soldier of the Lunar H.O.E.S., correct?"
"I AM TWILIGHT SPARKLE. FEAR ME." (4 vs. 1) A wall of fire descends upon the Confederate Cannon. The gunpowder in the artillery explodes. There is a brief fireball in the area where the cannon and its handlers once stood, before it subsides into an ordinary flame.
Elite Kingston S.W.A.T. Team surrounds the
Head Guard. (4 vs. 1) The guard looks up at the imposing figures, each one pointing a barrel at his body. Realizing his fate, he manages to get out a last utterance,
"Long live the Confederacy. Amen." Popping and a few muzzle flashes occur. The policemen then fan out away from the guard's body.
Finally, the siege is over. After an entire month, the
H.O.E.S. can truly relax and tend to their wounds. Just as they begin to settle, they are alerted by the sound of incoming hoofbeats. At the front of the house, a solitary lone man descends from a white stallion. He's dressed in proper military clothing for a general, stars adorned on the front of his grey uniform. He stops a few meters away from the house.
He salutes the
H.O.E.S. before returning his hand to his side.
"On behalf of the Celestian Confederate States of America, I, General Robert E. Lee, forward a proposition unto the Lunar H.O.E.S.: Irregular Force. The C.C.S.A. is willing to exchange the surrender of your unit for not only the safety of your lives, but also that you may become citizens of our great and prosperous nation. We offer each of you land and monetary funds for the rest of your life. This offer will be made only once. We have decided to give you one hour to make your decision. In any case, we will need your response by then. Failure to respond will be noted as decline, at which point, I will ensure the capture or death of every single one of you and your associates. God bless y'all."
Twilight Sparkle
Items: The General's Oversized Machete Blade, Socially Acceptable Club Behavior (Part of the Official "How to: For Equestrians" Book Series)
Health: Fine
Pastamancer
Items: ASCII T-Shirt (Torn), Skiing Pants, Glass Balls, Merasmus's Bombinomicon & Staff of Wood-ness, Cortez's Chrome, Cyan Garamonde's Samurai/Light U.S. Armor, Sherlock Holmes's Hat, The Boss's Cell Phone, Mobile Turret Parts, "Bikini Inspector" T-Shirt, High Quality Kush.
Health: Health: Fine
Applejack
Items: Lasso, Theodore Roosevelt's Chromes, The Boss's Fragmentation Grenades, Hacha Axe, Turkish Saber, Heavy Machine Gat (Jammed)
Health: Fine
Dagoth Ur
Items: Golden Mask, Loincloth, Ash Statue
Abilities: Summon Ash Cloud (3 Turns: 3 Turns), Call Upon Minions (Once Per Battle: Used), A Present From House Dagoth, Telepathic Power Nap, Decorative "Mickey Mouse" Ears, The Holy Bible
Health: Fine
Al Capone
Items: Tommy Gat, Revolver, Pineapple Bombs, Molotov Cocktails, Brass Knuckles, Baseball Bat, AK47, Cursed Machete, Martini Glass with Tiny Umbrella
Health: Health: Back Scratched Up by Shrapnel, Left Arm Broken
Big Macintosh
Items: Pony Gauntlets, Pony Armor, Armored Greaves, Bandana, Overpriced Souvenir, Straw Hat
Abilities: Apple Family Reunion (3 Turns: 2 Turns)
Health: Fine
The Swedish Chef
Items: Knife, Viking Chestplate, Viking Helmet, Armored Boots, Spoon, Several Bowie Knives, Beer, Roland Deschain's Father's Guns, Dallas Cowboys Hat, Mayo (3 Jars),
Abilities: Summon Mr. Fox or Tom (Mr. Fox Available), Taking Too Much Time! (1 Turn: Ready!) Swedish FUS RO DAH (2 Turns: 2 Turns), Mayo Rush (Passive), Mayo Addiction (2 Turns: 1 Turns to Eat)
Health: Burned, Abdomen Shot, Bleeding
Simo Hayha
Items: Suomi 9mm SMG, Mosin Nagant Rifle, White Sniper Camouflage
Health: Fine
Gary Motherfucking Oak
Items:
Abilities: Bitchmobile Coming in Hot! (2 Turns: Ready!), Pokemon!
Health: Left Leg Below the Knee Gone
Altria Pendragon
Items: Plated Harness, Caliburn
Health: Fine
Elite Kingston S.W.A.T. Team
Items: MPSK Sub-machine Gats, Tactical Shotguns, Riot Shields, Tasers, Flashbangs, Smoke Grenades, 5 Pounds of Kush Herb
Health: Health: 30/30
Automated Turret
Items: Gatling Gat, Legs
Health: Fine
Mr. Tom
Items: Carlos Mencia DVD, TNT, Firebombs
Health: Fine
Soldiers
Items: Soldier Stuff
Items: 3/3
Hostages
Items:
Health: 30/30
Macho Man
Items: Ridiculous Spandex Suit
Health: OH YEAH!
Spaghetti Elemental
Items: Spaghetti Bandages, Shotgun
Health: Fine
Next turn coming in two weeks at the latest, or earlier if everyone has posted.
Author
Topic: Roll to Dodge Princess Celestia, Act II [Actually Done This Time: R.I.P] (Read 336899 times)