Chapter 55: PIERCE THE HEAVENS!
The Pastamancer flips open
The Boss's Cellphone and browses through the contacts, which hosts its own selection of gangsters and other unique people. Looking for a good candidate to assist the
H.O.E.S., the Pastamancer dials the number of a large Russian fellow.
"Hey Oleg, can you come over here and help us fight some Voodoo dude? I think he's had some beef with the Saints before." "Yes, I will be there soon." In the meantime, the Pastamancer decides to whip up some pasta armor for the giant. (3) A Pasta Helmet, good enough. Just in time, as
Oleg bursts out of nowhere and grabs the helmet, placing it upon his head.
Oleg has joined the battle!He then charges at
Lord Samedi! (2 vs. 6+1) (1 vs. 4+1) Samedi's giant blade swings at the genius bruiser and.....oh....ouch...well , that's the shortest lifespan we've seen yet.
Oleg has been killed!Dagoth Ur bitches about stuff.
"Hey, I'm a god! How is it that I don't have any guards? Somebody could have strangled me in my sleep! Granted, I would respawn at the Heart of Lorkhan, but still!" Angrily, Dagoth began calling forth the Ascended Sleeper. (3) Flames come forward from the floor of the hotel room, forming a circle. The flames spew ash and out of them come;
"WOOBOOWOAOAOOAOAO!" It seems in his angry haste, Dagoth has accidentally summoned an Asinine Sleeper! The Asinine Sleeper is exactly like the Ascended Sleeper in the same way that the Dwarf Fortress forums are exactly like Reddit.
Asinine Sleeper has joined the battle!The Old Spice Guy shakes his head in pity. These so called "Gods" don't realize the true source of everything holy and divine in the universe: Old Spice (TM). To prove his point, he takers out a can of the elixir and tosses to the
Elite Kingston S.W.A.T. Team, so they may indulge in it's greatness.
"Enjoy." (2) The can hits one of them in the helmet and bounces off, rolling into a sewage drain.
Big Macintosh congratulated his family before witnessing the Samedi's transformation. Reaching into his bag, he passed a drink of Zap-Apple-Cider to his group.
"Drink up everyone, you're gonna' need it." (5) After a big swig, Mac stamps his hooves.
"Woo-wee that's good!" (Liquid Courage Boost: +1 to all rolls next turn.)Roland Deschain loads up his guns. Seeing
Simon charging up his signature attack, he fires at
Lord Samedi! (3 vs. 2+1) The bullets don't make it past the Voodoo god's swirling aura.
Rainbow Dash scopes out
Lord Samedi and fires a shot at him. (3 vs. 1+1) The shot hits him right in the chest!....Though he doesn't seem to react or notice it at all.
Al Capone starts punching the shit of
Mr. Sunshine's ash.
And soma' diss! And soma' dat!" The ash flies all over the place.
Applejack wraps up all of
The Boss's Fragmentation Grenades with her Lasso into a pile.
"That oughta' do it! Now for some cider, just in case." She takes a bottle from her brother and gulps it down. (3) It doesn't invigorate her like it did to Big Mac, but it makes her feel more steady.
Twilight Sparkle walks around the fallen city, when she has an idea! (3) Twilight uses her magic to gather up a bunch of debris and makes a big fucking pile of rocks!
Big Fucking Pile of Rocks has joined the battle!Lord Samedi floats into the sky, a swirl of green aura surrounding him.
"I give you all one more chance. Bow down to me and I-wait, what the fuck is dat'?" Across the city,
Simon activates the Infinite Spiral.
"Here we go, all or nothing! INFINITE SPIRAL!" Thrusting the Lagann forward at hyper-speed, a huge drill appears on and whirls about the bottom half of the mecha. (4+4 vs. 3+1) The Voodoo God puts his abnormally huge Anime-esque blade out before him, it's flat edge clashing with the drill. However, the drill slowly pushes through his defenses.
"This is impossible!" "NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE WHEN YOU HAVE THE SPIRIT WITHIN IN YOU TO BELIEVE INSIDE THE PEOPLE THAT BELIEVE IN THEMSELVES FOR YOU! THIS IS A DRILL THAT CAN PIERCE THE HEAVENS! WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM!?" With a screaming grunt, Lagann pushes the giant drill straight through the center of Samedi's blade.
"NOOOOOO!" The blade chips in half and the giant blade slams into Samedi, the force skyrocketing him into the sky! He flies out for miles over the Atlantic ocean, leaving a trail of green mist behind him, before finally exploding into a huge blanket of ash that slowly falls and settles into the sea.
His job complete,
Simon crashes to the ground in exhaustion, and the
H.O.E.S. get him out of Lagann. By this time, the military had also rounded up the remaining Samedi gangsters prowling the streets. The populace comes out of hiding, and cheers. The party basks in the glory, hell, even Bob-fucking-Marley and the prime minister show up.
"Thank you all for saving me island mon'!"All seems good....
Until the spot in the ocean where Samedi had fallen starts to part. Everyone turns to watch as a towering figure emerges, rising several miles into the sky. The top of the figure is a giant human skull, and below the skull it is connected to a body of pure muscle, and all of it surrounded by green aura. The Skele-God roars.
"Aaah, blood clot."TO BE CONTINUED NEXT TURN, ON THE THRILLING CONCLUSION OF THE BATTLE OF KINGSTON!Rainbow Dash
Items: Dashie's Katana, Laurel Crown, L.C. Wintle's Lee Enfield, Whip
Health: Fine
Twilight Sparkle
Items:
Health: Shot in Left Flank
Pastamancer
Items: ASCII T-Shirt, Skiing Pants, Glass Balls, Pasta Armor, Merasmus's Bombinomicon & Staff of Wood-ness, Cortez's Pistol, Cyan Garamonde's Samurai/Light U.S. Armor, Sherlock Holmes's Hat, The Boss's Cell Phone
Health: Fine
Applejack
Items: Lasso, Theodore Roosevelt's Pistols, The Boss's Fragmentation Grenades, Hacha Axe, Turkish Saber
Health: Fine
Old Spice Guy
Items: Towel, Old Spice (TM)
Health: Fine
Simon
Items: Lagann, Core Drill
Abilities: Spiral Power (3 Turns: Activated), Infinite Spiral (Once Per Battle: Available), Lagann Impact
Health: Armor Pierced
Dagoth Ur
Items: Golden Mask, Loincloth, Ash Statue
Abilities: Summon Ash Cloud (3 Turns: Ready), Call Upon Minions (Once Per Battle: Used Up), A Present From House Dagoth, Telepathic Power Nap
Health: Fine
Al Capone
Items: Tommy Gun, Revolver, Pineapple Bombs, Molotov Cocktails, Brass Knuckles, Baseball Bat
Health: Right Arm Petrified
Big Macintosh
Items: Pony Gauntlets, Pony Armor, Armored Greaves
Abilities: Apple Family Reunion (3 Turns: Ready in 2 Turns)
Health: Liquid Courage Boost (+1 to all rolls)
Roland Deschain
Items: Father's Guns, Ammo Bandolier, Wanderer's Clothing
Abilities: Gunslinger (2 Turns: Ready)
Health: Fine
Elite Kingston S.W.A.T. Team
Items: MPSK Sub-machine Guns, Tactical Shotguns, Riot Shields, Tasers, Flashbangs, Smoke Grenades
Health: 12/12
Asinine Sleeper
Items: Useless Trinkets, Empty Cereal Box, Limited Edition "Mind of Carlos Mencia" DVD
Health: Fine
Big Fucking Pile of Rocks
Items: Rocks
Health: Rocks
Alright! There you people go. So, I need a break, and the next turn is one of those "story" turns where I'll just write out the next development. So don't post any actions, unless you want to roleplay as your character a little. So there. Game's not dead. I've just been busy. Bweh. :3
Author
Topic: Roll to Dodge Princess Celestia, Act II [Actually Done This Time: R.I.P] (Read 337481 times)