Chapter 54: Sheer Competence
"Cover me!" Roland Deschain commands the
Elite Kingston S.W.A.T. Team to guard him as he jumps over the trunk of the car and pulls his guns out in classic gunslinger form, both aimed at the legs of the robotic Autonomous Mobile Turret. (6 vs. 1) There's a flash from the muzzles of the guns as various bullets pierce the legs of the sentry, tearing the robotic limbs to shreds. Without the support of it's legs, the robot falls off of the building and slams flat on it's gun. The gun shatters into pieces as it hits the ground with a spray of circuitry breaking and fizzing. With his job done here, Roland turns his back and looks to the new situations unfolding in front of him.
Twilight Sparkle fled from Alisha Deathrow and her gang, running through the museum. Behind her Alisha and her group chases her down, spraying Twilight's path with a storm of bullets.
"You can't hide from me little pony!" As the unicorn runs through the museum, she has a plan though; she picks up all the sharp pointy objects, like spears, blades and flagpoles, along with heavy objects, like benches, pots, and armor, with her magic, dragging them all together into a Katamari sphere of doom. As she enters one spacious room, she suspends the sphere in mid-air and runs out of it. Just as Alisha and her thugs all enter, Twilight uses her magic again to lock the doors on both sides of the room. Leaving them trapped.
"Fuck you, when we get out of here-" She glances up to notice the giant rotating sphere levitating in the middle of the air.
"...Oh gowd'." (6 vs. 2) The sphere explodes and the contents of it fly everywhere. There are screams and then the sounds of bodies and objects of all sorts and sides slam into the walls. Even Alisha hesitates, and this leads to a downfall as a spear flies straight into her chest and pins her to the wall. In her death throes, she groans and drops her guns.
The Pastamancer stands up from the rubble of the pier. He raises his hands in the air while chanting,
"Hey Spaghetti Elemental! I'd like you to come and make the Sons of Samedi die!" (2)
"NO."Well, I guess today isn't the best day to summon it.
'~Ah, to be asleep and telepathic! Can't beat a sensation like that.~' Dagoth Ur remained cuddled up in his bed as his telepathy seemed to working out quite well. In his dreams, he saw his physic power transverse over the buildings, until it came to rest on a Samedi man scoping out the city with a powerful rifle. The physic energy descends upon the sniper, (3 vs. 1) and Eagle Eyes screams and resists the physic power for a bit until it finally overcomes him. Even when it does control him, he mentally protests but his body puts up no resistance. He raises his rifle and points it at the nefarious
Mr. Sunshine. (3+1 vs. 5) Sunshine jumps as a bullet hits the ground near his feet.
"What is this? A sniper! Go away!" Sunshine swings his arm at the building Eagle Eyes is resting on, a wave of green Voodoo magic racing out of it. (6 vs. 3) The blast rips through the buildings and causes it to fall on it's foundation. The various floors collapse into the ground and a cloud of dust and debris flies through the street. Eagle Eyes falls down with it, tumbling and screaming through the air....
Just as
Rainbow Dash came zooming by, her Katana end sticking right out at Eagle Eyes to make some eagle shiskabob. (6 vs. 2) The blade goes right through his chest and out his back, and Rainbow swirls her sword around to show off her prize.
"Hey guys, look what I caught! You know, for someone with good sight you didn't see that one coming?" Dashie flicks the blade and sends the bloodied corpse down into the building debris.
Simon, in his Jet-Lagann, swerves down to the ground and picks Mark Gabby up. Mark is surprised, and the rest of his group runs screaming away from the giant robot. Simon picks the Samedi commander and brings him right up to the faceplate of the Mecha.
"You think a weapon like that can hurt Sky Lagann? WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM!?" (5 vs. 2) Simon grips tightly on the struggling Mark Gabby, Lagann's fingers compressing around him. Frustrated that he doesn't die quicker, Simon uses
Spiral Power!Al Capone skedaddles out of the alley and confronts
Mr. Sunshine.
"Hey buddy, name's Al Capone. Don't forget it. Listen, I see ya' all got your little operations down here, something I ain't no stranger to. Here's deal, we get the west half a' dis' town, you get dah' other half, capeesh?" The mob boss extends his hand forward for a shake. Sunshine raises his Machete and slashes it downwards, only for Capone to mockingly jerk it back at the last second and making the Samedi commander stumble.
"Ah, no dice. Guess I'll bring out dah' toys then!" Swishing his jacket-cape open dramatically, Capone pulls his signature Tommy Gun from his back and swings it forwards pointing it straight at Sunshine. (2 vs. 5) He manages to get some hits on the leader, but they seem to have no effects as Mr. Sunshine simply stands up and walks towards Al, barely flinching every time a shot lands on him.
"Ya' know, this usually ain't how tings' work out!" (4 vs. 2) Mr. Sunshine brings his
Cursed Machete down on Capone's Right Forearm. He curses and drops his Tommy Gun, and looks at his arm. It doesn't hit but it starts to....become paralyzed. Petrified in fact. The area of the cut all the way to Capone's hand turns to solid stone.
"Now dat' ain't gud' either."Fortunately for Al, he has some back-up in the fight as
Applejack charges out of a building door straight at
Mr. Sunshine! As she gets near him she bends down into a slide, turns around, and smashes her hind hooves at him propelling him straight into the air.
"I'll show you how we hunt country style!" Applejack spins around and points both of
Teddy Roosevelt's Pistols at Sunshine, one in each hoof, and fires at the airborn target. (3 vs. 4) Several shoots slam into Sunshine, and eventually his body falls back on the ground, motionless. Applejack blows the smoke off of the pistol barrels.
"Well, how do ya' like them apples?" Apparently, Mr. Sunshine doesn't like them very much as he immediately springs to his feet and charges her. (3 vs. 6) He takes a swing right at her head, but the earth pony ducks under his attack and bucks him again, and he goes flying into a truck, only to get back on his feet.
"Come on, ain't there a way to take this sour-apple out?""I'm on it sis!" Big Macintosh declares as he bucks the side of a nearby abandoned apartment, causing part of the wall to crumble into piles of brick before him. He kicks up the piles of bricks and sends the hardened debris flying towards
Mr. Sunshine. (4 vs. 4) One pile strikes Sunshine right in the chest, sending him right back into the side of the truck. He grimaces with pain, and hides behind the truck so that no more bricks can strike him. When Big Mac runs out of his ammunition,
Mr. Sunshine emerges once more.
"I told you all you can not defeat me, for I am a true Son of Samedi, I am almost a good unto myself!""Yee-haw!" And then Braeburn and the Apple Family Reunion bunch charge in. (5 vs. 2)
Mr. Sunshine is thrown underfoot the stampede.
The Old Spice Guy shakes his head at the Trailblazer, as the man is so unmanly he can only respond to questions with wheezing and occasionally declaring
"MAKEITSTOPMAKEITSTO*coughing*". Isaiah stands up solemnly as the man pitifully tries to breath, probably out of breath since he is in such proximity of a true man. Isaiah then throws a ticket onto the man.
"May your soul smell like a great man in the great after after-shower." Isaiah turns and walks away. (2 vs. 4) There is an explosion, and he curiously looks over his shoulder. Much to his surprise, the Trailblazer is standing upright and perfectly fine in the explosion's crater.
"I am a true man, not you, for I am one with Samedi!" Triumphantly but sternly the Old Spice Guy turns around to face him.
"Oh? If you are such a man, prove it!" (1 vs. 6)
"WELL I AM SUCH A MAN THAT I DON'T EXIST." The Trailblazer disappears from the universe. Isiah claps.
Mark Gabby, flailing about in the grip of
Simon's Lagann, makes one last ditch effort at survival. He points his AK47 at the machine's cockpit where Simon would be and let's the trigger loose. (2 vs. 4) He misses because he is
pain. (5 vs. 3) Simon gets annoyed and throws him into a trash can. The garbage truck comes and takes him away.
"Mr. Sunshine stands up, even though at this point he has been so trampled and damaged that his healing has mended all of his body yet.
"Can't...beat me...I am a God!..." He stumbles up to the side and vomits. And then stands back up, moaning and with blurred vision.
"....Fat man dies first!" He grips his
Cursed Machete and charges
Al Capone. (6 vs. 1) Sunshine charges the stunned gangster and cuts through his clothes and hat, tearing into his flesh and body, ripping apart his limps, slashing and mashing his head into an unrecognizable pile of mush...
Capone turns to the ponies next to him.
"Your guy's family musta' done some real hurt on dat' head a' his. He's really goin' after dat' store's outfit display model." (Actually it was a 6 vs. 6. :3)
The General peers out a window. All of his commanders were either dead or taking out a vendetta on fashion. He slumps back down on this seat.
"...Which one of you motherfuckers told me the H.O.E.S. were those clown soldiers that died out of sheer incompetence?" His guard shrugs. Sighing, the mastermind looks to a glass case on the back of the car, that protected a red button, labeled with the warning
'ONLY FOR EMERGENCY USE'. Well, it looked it was time for that. He slammed his fist on the glass, shattering it and hitting the button. (6) Suddenly a green aura flies into the General. He closes his eyes, and reopens them with glowing red irises.
"I HAVE ASCENDED. FEAR ME MORTALS, FOR I AM ONE WITH SAMEDI." He steps out of his limo, which explodes in a fireball behind him from the sheer eminence of the power within the general. His Machete extends into a blade of anime proportions.
"I AM NO LONGER GENERAL. I AM SAMEDI, GOD OF THE UNDERWORLD, A TRUE SUPER SAYIAN." LORD SAMEDI has possessed the General! He gets a +1 to all rolls!Somewhere else in Kingston, the
Elite Kingston S.W.A.T. Squad comes upon
Mr. Sunshine. They do dat' point en' shoot.
"You can not beat me, I am-" They shoot him a lot of times. More than 7. He eventually dissipates into a puff of green ash.
Lord Samedi Health:
DeityMood:
~RUN COWARDS~Rainbow Dash
Items: Dashie's Katana, Laurel Crown, L.C. Wintle's Lee Enfield, Whip
Health: Fine
Twilight Sparkle
Items:
Health: Shot in Left Flank
Pastamancer
Items: ASCII T-Shirt, Skiing Pants, Glass Balls, Pasta Armor, Merasmus's Bombinomicon & Staff of Wood-ness, Cortez's Pistol, Cyan Garamonde's Samurai/Light U.S. Armor, Sherlock Holmes's Hat, The Boss's Cell Phone
Health: Fine
Applejack
Items: Lasso, Theodore Roosevelt's Pistols, The Boss's Fragmentation Grenades, Hacha Axe, Turkish Saber
Health: Fine
Old Spice Guy
Items: Towel, Old Spice (TM)
Health: Fine
Simon
Items: Lagann, Core Drill
Abilities: Spiral Power (3 Turns: Activated), Infinite Spiral (Once Per Battle: Available), Lagann Impact
Health: Armor Pierced
Dagoth Ur
Items: Golden Mask, Loincloth, Ash Statue
Abilities: Summon Ash Cloud (3 Turns: Ready), Call Upon Minions (Once Per Battle: Available), A Present From House Dagoth, Telepathic Power Nap
Health: Fine
Al Capone
Items: Tommy Gun, Revolver, Pineapple Bombs, Molotov Cocktails, Brass Knuckles, Baseball Bat
Health: Right Arm Petrified
Big Macintosh
Items: Pony Gauntlets, Pony Armor, Armored Greaves
Abilities: Apple Family Reunion (3 Turns: Ready in 3 Turns)
Health: Fine
Roland Deschain
Items: Father's Guns, Ammo Bandolier, Wanderer's Clothing
Abilities: Gunslinger (2 Turns: Ready)
Health: Fine
Elite Kingston S.W.A.T. Team
Items: MPSK Sub-machine Guns, Tactical Shotguns, Riot Shields, Tasers, Flashbangs, Smoke Grenades
Health: 12/12
WHAT A TWIST, TURNS OUT HE WAS A SUPER SAYIAN ALL ALONG. THAT SLAPS ME ON THE KNEE.
Anyway guys, based on the amount of deaths in the last few battles, I have decided on a new action your character's can use, if any of you are noble enough. This action is
Guard, which uses up a turn. First, a character chooses another character(s) to guard, and declares it in their action. When they are guarding, all attacks aimed towards the characters being guarded will be redirected to their guardian. Note that the guardian will counter any unsuccessful attacks as usual.
Also, I'd love to work on this game's TV Trope page, but my computer has been having issues with the site. If you haven't checked out the TV Trope "Roll to Dodge Princess Celestia" game, I'd advise you to check it out, maybe even add something if you want. Thanks guys! /shamelessselfpromotion
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Topic: Roll to Dodge Princess Celestia, Act II [Actually Done This Time: R.I.P] (Read 337981 times)