Chapter 43: :c
The Pastamancer is surrounded by the angry protesting
Anti-Pastians. Thinking fast, he conjures up a Orchiette Abode. (5) When the large shell apparates, the pasta wizard pulls it up and goes inside, using it like a giant starch turtle shell. The protesters whack the abode with their pasta cutters, to no avail.
Lieutenant Colonel Alfred Daniel Wintle pulls out
Shakespeare's Twin Pistols and charges at the invaders.
"Let us show these foreigners how to fight like Englishmen!" (6 vs. 1) The Lieutenant points both guns in opposite directions and fires them. Two bullets fly over the deck, one striking the first Conquistador in the chest, and the third Conquistador in the back. If the initial impact wasn't fatal enough, the force of both hits launches both Spaniards meters into the air and they both fly helplessly overboard into the deep ocean below.
Gordon Freeman 2.0 calls a Lunar Guard over to assist his wounded
Rebel. As a guard runs over, Gordon turns his attention to the final Conquistador, who just recently stabbed him. Before the Conquistador could raise his Halberd again, Freeman whips out his Laser Rifle and fires a point blank burst. (5 vs. 4) The Conquistador's Armor takes most of the bullets, deflecting them off into the distance. However, one laser hits a weak spot and penetrates the armor. It hits the Spaniard right in the ribs, melting a few of them.
Merasmus raises the Bombinomicon into the air and activates a Bomb Shower! (3) The bomb shower consists of a single bomb. (4 vs. 5) The bomb falls right next to the Artillero on the opposite ship. However, the gunner acts fast and throws the bomb overboard, where it explodes harmlessly in the water.
"That large blue man on the other ship is a demon! Return him to hell!" (6 vs. 4) There is an explosion of gunpowder. The bomb wizard looks down. Looks like someone shot him in the chest.
Delta goes into an offensive mode and charges at the second Conquistador. Some of the boarding guards take passing slashes and shots at him, but the Big Daddy's heavy armor deflects all of their attacks. When he is close enough, the machine-man pulls out his Rivet Gun and fires a quick shot at the Conquistador. (4 vs. 3) The rivet tears right through the Conquistador's lightly protected Left Ankle. He falls to the ground.
Teddy Roosevelt sadly fires his Pistol at the boarding guards. (1-1 vs. 2) It misfires. He groans as several of the boarders charge him with swords. (6 vs. 1-1) What's the point of fighting for America? America's dead. No one cares about America. Teddy comes to this revelation and aims his gun again, and actually manages to get an accurate shot off.
*POW* Everyone on the ship stops fighting. Well, suicide's a first.......it's morbidly awkward for everyone.
Teddy Roosevelt has given up on this world.Cyan Garamonde takes this pause in the battle to stop the bleeding. (2) Well, it's too late now. There's only one way a Samurai can let himself die.
*Shwink* The crowd looking at Teddy turns to Cyan. He's lying there, a large portion of his chest, including his heart, carved out onto his side. His Katana is still clutched in his hand, his eyes still staring into the blue sky.
Cyan Garamonde has died!.....
"FIYA'!" (2 vs. 5) Everyone on the Crater jumps as a Southern battle cry comes with a series of explosions. The Appleshot fires off, but not a single shot manages to do any significant damage to
La Hispaniola. "Drat!" (3 vs. 5) The Spanish ship just keeps on coming. With the burst of the explosion, the battle atop the ship quickly resumes.
Rainbow Dash uses the ancient "Shoot-a-sub-machine-gun-through-a-storm" attack on
La Hispaniola and her crew! (2 vs. 1) Turns out electrical bullets have a tendency to explode before they hit their target. Well, at least now the ship is distracted by the pretty fireworks. A group of sailors gets so distracted they forget how to breath and die.
El Conquistador Dos manages to stand up shakily by supporting himself using his Halberd like a cane. He knows in his crippled state he couldn't charge
Gordon Freeman 2.0 again. Grunting with effort, the Conquistador tosses his Halberd at the scientist like a spear. (1 vs. 4) It falls a foot short of it's target. (1 vs. 2) Gordon fires a return shot but the bullet goes off into the air.
With his Ballesta loaded, el Ballestero gets on his knee and scans the
L.R.S. Crater for a suitable target.
Lieutenant Colonel Alfred Daniel Wintle just killed two Conquistadors, so he seems like a suitable target. The archer lined up his sight and released the crossbow. (2+1 vs. 1) The arrow hits Wintle right in the back of his flank, or how humans refer to it: The ass. The arrow mainly was a flesh wound, albeit a fairly painful one. The worst part about this injury though, is that the Lieutenant Colonel will never here the end of the story of how he "got a long shaft in his butt."
Artillero fires at
Merasmus again! (6 vs. 5) The wizard is shot in the chest, again! Not a good day for his cardiovascular system. One more hit like that and he'll turn into a prop...
El Bucanero runs at the
Pastamancer and tries hacking his abode apart with his Espada! (5 vs. 1) He shatters the pasta wizard's defenses, leaving him open for a follow-up attack! (4 vs. 5) The pirate slashes at the Pastamancer but he ducks and counters (3 vs. 4) by throwing a small macaroni at him.
*Plink*Musico calls out to
Rainbow Dash "Little pony, why do you not enjoy my music? How about this song?" (6 vs. 2)
"That!...was actually pretty good. Can you play another?" Rainbow has been entranced, she has a 50% chance of not attacking until she breaks out of his spell!
Elite Mongolian Warriors back out of the main fighting and fire upon the Boarding Guards with their Composite Bows! (6 vs. 1) The Mongols fire their first volley into guards, and every arrow is instantly fatal or at least a fatal wound. By the time the guards can react, the Mongols are already firing their second volley. The guards run for it, but are arrowed before they can get behind cover. Even the Second Conquistador meets his end when an arrow runs straight through his chest. After a couple minutes, the guards are gone.
Rebel clutches his wounds in one hand and fires a shot at El Bucanero with the other. (4 vs. 3) His shot tears through the Bucanero's Right Arm. The guard attempts to heal him, (2) but the Rebel convulses and dies of blood loss right there.
Oleg picks up a fallen guard's sword and tosses it at
Hernando Cortez. (4 vs. 6) The chief Conquistador ducks and the sword flies over him. Hernando grimaces and fires his Musket at the giant. (6 vs. 3) The bullet strikes Oleg right through the eye! The giant grunts and scrambles backwards, falling off the edge of the ship into the ocean. With a splash, the last of the
Saints are out of the fight.
La Hispaniola, undeterred by the shots fired at her, closes in on the Broadside of the
L.R.S. Crater. As
Applejack sees the Spanish ship come closer and closer, she runs upstairs to warn everyone.
"Y'all better brace!" (2 vs. 1) The Spanish ship rams into the Lunar ship at full force! Everyone stumbles a bit as the ship rolls slightly, but quickly regains their balance.
"Actually, that was a tad' anti-climatic if I say so."Admiral Waverider ceases the failed ram attack.
"Point the cannons at er' bow and fire!" (4 vs. 1) This is a much more successful maneuver, as a few cannonballs rip holes in
La Hispaniola's bow and lower deck.
Hernando Cortez throw his spy glass in the ground and yells,
"Turn her right, we're going to board!" The wounded vessel begins turning to be parallel with it's Lunar enemy.
Hernando Cortez
Health: Fine
Mood: Ramming Speed!
The Hispaniola
Status: On Fire, Holes in Bow, Holes in Lower Deck
- Created in the same fashion as an old Conquistador Ship, with several modern upgrades.
Sailors: 194/250
Guards: 320/500
Gunners: 110/130
Cannons: 57/65
- Numbers do not include Cortes's personal bodyguard.
Conquistador #2: Is on the trip to convert the natives to Catholicism.
Items: Alabarda Halberd, Conquistador Armor Set
Health: Several Ribs Melted, Left Ankle Torn
Ballestero: Like the last crossbowman, but more Spanish.
Ballesta takes 1 turn to load. +1 when fired.
Items: Ballesta Crossbow
Health: Burnt
Artillero: Hey look, guns!
Items: Mosquete Musket
Health: Fine
Bucanero: Apparently, there's also Spanish pirates.
Items: Espada Embarque Sword, Trabuco Naranjero Blunderbuss
Face Bashed, Right Arm Shot
Músico: Listen to those sexy-ass melodies.
Can inspire teammates and distract enemies.
Items: Spanish Trumpet, Spanish Guitar
Health: Fine
L.R.S. Crater
Status: Fine
- Captained by Admiral Waverider
- Made to be contemporary style to Cortes's vessel. However, it's modeled after a pirate ship. Aargh!
Sailors: 325/325
Guards: 355/400
Gunners: 480/480
Cannons: 70/70
- Contains small boats that can be launched and used to board enemy ships.
Gordon Freeman 2.0
Items: Crowbar, Gravity Gun, Fire Crossbow, 1911 Pistol, Handcannon Revolver, Uzi, Laser Rifle, Flashbangs, Fragmentation Grenades, ToadyOne's Legendary Longbow, Banana, The Boss's Fragmentation Grenades, The Boss's Cell Phone
Health: Hip Stabbed
Lieutenant Colonel Alfred Daniel Wintle
Items: Webley Mk.IV, Lee Enfield No.IV Mk.I, Sherlock Holmes's Hat, The Bard's Pistols
Health: Arrow in Booty
Rainbow Dash
Items: Dashie's Katana, Laurel Crown, Jackie's Micro Uzi, Pinkie's Rocket Propelled Chainsaw
Health: Entranced (50% chance of not attacking until spell is broken)
Pastamancer
Items: ASCII T-Shirt, Skiing Pants, Glass Balls
Health: Fine
Merasmus
Items: Bombinomicon, Staff of Wood-ness
Health: Chest Shot Twice
Applejack
Items:
Health: Fine
Delta
Items: Drill Arm, Rivet Gun, Machine Gun, Spear Gun
Health: Fine
Elite Mongolian Warriors
Equipment: Turkish Sabers, Composite Bows, Halberds, Anti-Cavalry Lances, Augmented Mongolian Armor
Health: 18/30 Warriors
Anti-Pastians
Equipment: Anti-Pasta Materials
Health: 100%
Author
Topic: Roll to Dodge Princess Celestia, Act II [Actually Done This Time: R.I.P] (Read 337137 times)