Chapter 18: Rise of Armok
Sun Tzu, who suddenly seemed to have a lot more big muscle under the weight of a boulder, despite being an old man, almost drops his weapon before regripping it with two hands.
"LET'S SEE YOU GRIT THOSE TEETH!" He tosses the boulder at the Great
ToadyOne, (5 vs. 2) who smirks back and casually loads his Legendary Bow. This all changes when the boulder
crashes into his face. As the rock fractures into tiny pieces, blood and teeth fly out from the Bay12 king in a move that would have made Gutsman proud.
Toady's calm demeanor suddenly turns to a look of hatred, and isn't helped by Tzu jumping around and continiously hollering,
"WHAT CHU' GONNA' DO?! WHAT CHU' GONNA' DO?!"Teddy Roosevelt regenerates from sheer
Awesomeness! (3) Well, it doesn't really help, but it keeps him going for the time being. ((Despite the use of him as a badass in game do to his historical and cultural stature, Theodore Roosevelt was actually a socially awkward, white supremacist, and master propogandist that had many of the tales of his superhuman ability and masculine extrodinaire propogated in order to hyperbolize and immortalize his image. So yeh.)) When that doesn't work, he decides to punch the last LCS member in the face!
"CHYYEEEARRRGGGGGEEEE!!!" (1 vs. 3) He doesn't make it in time, as the yoga instructor manages to raise her Glock sight poised at him. (6 vs. 1. Again.) Every shot she fires misses. As Teddy comes into point-blank distance with her, in desperation she swipes her Katana at him. There is a flash of blood. She opens her eyes. A headless hulk of man lies beside her. There is a
*plump* as the missing head and it's accompanying hat go into the lava. The battlefield is momentairily silent.
Teddy Roosevelt has died!..........
"TRAIN." (5 vs. 6)
Twilight Sparkle used the lull in the battle to sneak a cargo train above the battlefield, and have it descend on the
ToadyOne. The Dwarf King makes a flying dive to the side, barely dodging a huge hunk of metal that crushes his throne, as well as the surrounding fortress wall. Getting up, now actually intimidated by the forces in front of him, Toad takes reknocks his arrow from before and sends it flying at the purple unicorn. (6 vs. 6) Twi reenacts a movie cliche, in which time goes slow again and she arches her body backwards as it nearly penetrates her, the ripple wave clearly visible in the - I actually haven't seen any Matrix movies.
Cyan Garamonde continues the fighting by brandishing his ancient sword and charging the disorientated, decapitated Bronze Colossus. (6 Vs. 1-1-1) There is a flash of light and Garamonde appears behind the Colossus. It twitches, and then collapses into not two, or four, but dozens of pieces. And not just any regular pieces; bars.
Bars.
Cyan Garamonde slashed the Colossus until he smelted it.The terrified WWI Medic clutches his rifle, hiding in his trench as his teammates and enemies surround him. He doesn't see the shadowy shape float behind him. He seizes up as a pair of tentacles grip his body.
"IT IS TIME FOR YOU. TO. SEE." (6 vs. 4-1)
Deoxy implants visual images into the Medic's mind: A bar of soap. A still shot of liquor. Children playing in the sun. What do these do? Hell if I know, it's like of those artsy movies with the wierd pictures and you don't know what's happening but you assume it's a good movie because you'll instagram the screen before discussing indie rock with your friends at Starbucks. Oh yeah, and there's also booty-shaking, that's good brainwash material. Anyways, the Medic stares blankly as the tentacles unwrap around him, staring into the sky.
Fluttershy sees this as her cue, prancing her cute little hooves up to the stunned physician.
"Hey you seem to be pretty good at healing. Wouldn't you like to join us? We want to save many lives and i would love to see someone as capable as you on our side. Plus we have awesome cookies." Flutters proceeds to take out and cookie and eat it in correct kawaii-desu fashion and that picture HHHHHHNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGG- (Insta-sucsess) Needless to say, it works.
"Yes."WWI Medic joins the Party!Gordon Freeman is quiet for once. His actions have always spoken for him. Pulling another grenade out, Gordon pulls it's pin and throws it on the ground. It sharply connects and bounces back up into the air, like a basketball, and the Freeman holds the active explosive in the air with his gravity gun. Not a second to soon, the grenade is pushed by high amounts of G-Force, soaring at many miles an hour at the
ToadyOne. The king raises his Bow, but what can he do to stop this scenario? (5 vs. 6) Maybe, I don't,
imaple the grenade with an arrow and send it flying back towards it's sender. (3 vs. 2) Fortunately for the scientist, the Grenade explodes before it gets far enough back to severely hurt him. The shockwave merely throws him back on the ground, sprawling.
Pinkie Pie, in a continuing trend of psychotic attacks, chases Urist McSworden through the fortress. His stubby legs have a short but brisk stride as he continues to check back behind him, noticing Pinkie is catching up gradually.
"YOU CAN RUN BUT YOU CAN'T RUN." The Hammerdwarf's heart pounds as he turns a corner and finds himself in a corridor. Quickly, he jumps into a room and bolts the door shut. The door shakes as something runs into it, and then falls on it's face. McSworden sits on the bed and thinks of a logical solution to his predicament. They all involve booze, which he currently lacks. And regardless, he doesn't have much time to think when a wall of bullet's creates a sizable hole through the wooden door. Knocked off his chair, the scared dwarf sees the most terrifying grin, in all of it's bubbly-maned glory, appear through the hole in the door.
"HERE'S PINKIE!" (4 vs. 5) As Ms. Pie reaches her hoof for the doorknob, Urist reacts fast and grabs a Deus Ex Carving Knife from the drawer. With a last attempt to save himself, he lunges the Knife at the Equine, (2 vs. 5) and doesn't hit her, but manages to disuade her from opening the door by stabbing the area around the hole. Pinkie retracts her hand.
"Hey! Quit that!"The Dwarven Population notes
Sun Tzu hitting their leader in the face.
"Hey, that dude hit our king in the face!" "Should we fight him?" "No, let's make statues of Gwean the Kobold trading with bears." "BEER!" With that last chant, the Population suddenly goes into a frenzy and charges the Chinese General, as he looks like he might be made of beer. (1 vs. 6) Little did the dwarves know, that their battle cry also happened to be one of Tzu's, along with
"CLUB NIGHT!" and
"DUDE, SHE'S FUCKING EVERYBODY OUTSIDE!" "最終啤酒出擊!" (5+1 vs. 3-1) Sun
opens his mouth and shoots a bullet out of it which hits a Dwarf and the Dwarf turns into Arnold Schwareznaggermachwaeawziaewh the Second who goes "AAAAAAAGGGGHHHHH!" and pulls out two dual-machine guns and shoots all the surrounding dwarves 34492642139732^39 times and then grabs all the bodies and throws them into space and then he turns into a missile and the missile goes up to where the bodies are and explodes and all the dead dwarves are dead. It worked out pretty well.
"FOGET TORAH, IT'S TIME FOR CORPSES!" Urist McSworden heard a shotgun click outside the hole in the door. The barrel was shoved into the room's interior, pointed directly at him. His fate was sealed unless he could have a holy intervention, because even though
ToadyOne was getting his ass kicked outside,
Princess Celestia was still rocking with him. Taking his Carving Knife, he pulled his arm back and then sprung it forward, letting go off the blade and launching it into a spinning motion towards the hole in the door. (5 vs. 6) It goes into the barrel of the Shotgun. (6 vs. 2) The firearm goes off, and while the bullets don't go anywhere, the force of the blast sends the enlodged knife into the dwarf and guides it into his throat. He stumbles back as he realizes the delicious irony of the last courses of action he took, before slumping against the stone wall.
Urist McThrowin' looks in disbelief as WWI Medic, the man who had attended his wounds not a few minutes ago, was now partyin' wit the
H.O.E.. And while Urist had seen the Medic with many hoes before, this one flat out disgusted him. Grabbing one of his legs off the ground from his wheelchair, McThrowin' yells at the Medic,
"Dis' what ya' get ya' backstebbin' git'!" (2 vs. 2) The leg flies about six inches forward before coming to the spot where the dwarf had picked it up.
While
Cyan Garamonde had fended off one Beast of the Bay12 Army, he had not finished them all. Just as he begins to celebrate his victory, he surrounded by short, shadowy squaking figures.
"OOGA BOOGA!" (5-1 vs. 6) They begin to jump onto Cyan, trying to bring him to the floor with their mass. Cyan dissaproves and doesn't go down easily, and manages to shake them off. As they fall off of him, he reaches for Katana and begins slashing at them, (2 vs. 5+2) but before his first strike they have already scattered to the far end of the battlefield.
The Libral Crime Squad, or more accurately, the Liberal Yoga Instructor looks at the corpses of her teammates. And then
Teddy Roosevelt's Cadaver. Holstering her guns, she sneaks past the fighting and books it out of the fortress.
Liberal Yoga Instructor has fled!The
Mongolian Warriors load their arrows in attempt to stop the Boogymen. The Mongols try their best to aim at the rapidly shifting night creatures.
"Fire!" (6 vs. 3+2) Miraculously, each Boogymen manages to get struck by at least one arrow each. They all fall over, desintegrating into dust. The Mongols raise their bows and let out a victory cheer.
JFK in a Tank fires his a tank shell at
ToadyOne! (Instasucsess) It hits him dead center in the chest!
ToadyOne grasps at his gaping chest hole, falling to his knees.
"No, it can't end like this! For I am no mortal! No dwarf! No king! No God! ToadyOne no longer! I am ARMOK! With a great roar, the Dwarf King starts growing into a pure red bethemoth, leaving the
H.O.E.'s mouth agaped. It's several stories high, blood red, an indistinguishable face, and one arm fashioned into a giant spike of bone.
"I AM ARMOK. RUN COWARDS. I LIVE!"ARMOKHealth:
BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!Mood:
CHAOS REIGNS!
Urist McThrowin': The kids laughed at him for playing with rocks all day. But who's laughing now?
Items: Rocks, Sand, Water, Blood, Body Parts, Wheel Chair
Health: Legless
Twilight Sparkle
Items: Dashie's Katana
Health: Shattered Ribs
Pinkie Pie
Items: Party Cannon (Broken), Shotgun
Health: Slammed
Sun Tzu
Items: Kaiyun, Ji, Battle Banner, Art of War, Lamellar Armor, Heavy U.S. Armor, French Toast,
Health: Fractured Foot
Fluttershy
Items: Sniper Camoflouge, 60's Sub-machine Guns
Health: Fine
Cyan Garamonde
Items: Katana, Tanto Knife, Samurai Armor, Sniper Camoflouge, Light U.S. Armor, Bronze Bars
Health: Harshly Slammed
Deoxys
Moveset: Psychic, Wrap, Night Shade, Flash Cannon, Hyper Beam (4 Turns)
Health: Fine
Gordon Freeman 2.0
Items: Crowbar, Gravity Gun, Fire Crossbow, 1911 Pistol, Handcannon Revolver, Uzi, Laser Rifle, Javelin RPG, Flashbangs, Fragmentation Grenades
Health: Cut Up, Banged Up
Mongolian Warriors
Equipment: Turkish Sabers, Mongolian Armor
Health: 50/50 Warriors
JFK in a Tank
Equipment: Sherman Tank
Health: America
WWI Medic
Items: WWI Military Uniform, Military Helmet, Trench Rifle, Amputation Kit
Ability: Medic
Health: Saw the light.
Author
Topic: Roll to Dodge Princess Celestia, Act II [Actually Done This Time: R.I.P] (Read 336974 times)