Chapter 4: No Snack Time
And so, the first real battle commences!
Sun Tzu looks at the Mongolian warriors ahead of him.
"A journey of a thousand li starts beneath one’s feet, strutting over your enemies' testicles." Waving the Battle Banner of China with one hand, the general calls his army on his mobile cell with his other.
"Brethren in arms! I call upon you to arm yourselves and face the combats of China in glorious warfare!" (1) A message appears on his phone. WARNING: CALL INTERCEPTED BY ROMANIAN SATELLITE. PLEASE PREPARE FOR WORTHY ENEMY TO APPEAR. THANK YOU. With a cackle of evil laughter, a black pillar of shadowy darkness appears in front of Tzu, and out steps
Vlad the Impaler!
Vlad the ImpalerDictator. Murderer. Vampire. Romanian.
Equipment: Vampire Saber, Halberd, Crossbow, Medieval Gun, Royal Romanian Armor
Bloodlust:
Normal"This is for the thousands of Romanians that perished at the hands of the Europeans! China had nothing to do with it, but I'll take my anger out on you, Sun Tzu!" The Romania Vampire King howls and charges wildly at
Sun Tzu. (5 vs. 1) The Chinese commander easily outmaneuvers the oncoming enemy.
"When one is being attacked,-" Sun Tzu is cut off as his left arm below the Elbow falls to the ground.
"-Oh shit."Taylor Lawrence uses his experience in playing for the New York Giants to let him perform the legendary Double Reverse Handoff. It involves, 1. The football player scoping his surroundings. 2. Looking for an opening to throw the ball. 3. Throw the ball aimlessly. 4. Start screaming and charge a Mongolian Trebuchet. (4 vs. 4) The Trebuchet Operators see a man in a football outift running towards them and screaming nonsense. Utilizing the wheels on their device, they roll it away before he can catch them. By the time he runs across the battlefield, Lawrence is out of breath.
A rainbow colored blur flies through the battlefield. It swings around and begins to tail the Mongolian Horse Archer. Intimidated by the blur, he begins to gallop away. But the blur catches up to him. Then, it whispers sympathetically to his mount,
"Sorry pal." Then there is a flash of steel. (6 vs. 6) R.D. attempts to slice through her hamstrings, but the Mongolian Horse jumps straight in the air, the Katana slashing the air under his hooves.
Rainbow Dash stops for a second to remark, "Woah! That was awesome!""I'll show you Mounted Mongolian Motherfuckers what an American fights like!" Teddy Roosevelt charges forward, blasting at the various Mongolians with his
American rifle. (6 vs. 1) Lining up a shoot with the Mongolian Infantryman, Theodore fires a shot into his Sternum, and then his Neck! The Mongolian Infantrymen falls, grasping his bleeding throat, as he dies and becomes the first casualty!
The Mounter Mongolians sit upon their cavalry, waiting for the perfect time to strike the enemy. But a preemptive rabbit attacks them first! (5 vs. 1) Angel bites both of them in "Critical" areas, stunning them both and throwing them off their horses. In the meantime,
Fluttershy walks up to the dismounted horses. Sheepishly, she says ''Hey there you big and beautyful horses. Those mean Mongolians are only kicking you in the sides and hurting you, aren't they? Why don't you help us? I would love to count such wonderful creatures such as you as friends. And also I made you some really good hay sandwiches." (6)
"You know, that sounds great! Plus, hay sandwiches." The other one approaches Fluttershy,
"So what's your name, cute filly?"Mongolian Horses gained as allies!RZA shakes his head at the Mongolian Wrestler.
"God dammit man either you put on some pants or I'm gona have to kick your ass." The Wrestler simply huffs and starts advancing on the Wu leader. The Abbot takes the 'White Tiger' stance and is ready to land the first blow when the Wrestler charges him. (3 vs. 6)
RZA attacks the Mongolian Wrestler with a kick, but the Wrestler jumps high in the air over him, and spins around catching
RZA from behind!
"Well damn." (2 vs. 2) In a full-nelson position, both of the men resist the attempts of attack of each other, leading to a vaguely-homerotic scene.
Twilight Sparkle's horn started to glow purple with magic flow.
"Eat meteor you Mongolian Clusterfucker!" And with that, a huge, fiery rocky mass fell from the skies towards the onlooking Mongol leader,
Genghis Khan. (6 vs. 4) The meteor hits him in the face, knocking him down. He face-plants. Well, he doesn't seem very happy now.
Pinkie Pie loads candy candy cane hookshot ammunition into her party cannon. Pointing it at the Mongols and lighting the fuse, the pink pony declares,
"Snack time is served!" (1) The cannon misfires. Snack time is not served.
The Mongolian Infantryman #2 kneels down and closes the eyes of the fallen Mongolian Infantryman #1.
"Rest brother, as I will take the blood of your killer to show your death will not be in vain!" The warrior grips his Turkish Saber and runs after
Teddy Roosevelt. (4 vs. 6) The president is able to side-step a fatal slash, (1 vs. 1) by running into the Mongolian Infantryman #2 full force. They both collapse to the ground in a mixed up scrumble.
Mongolian Archer loads his Longbow with an arrow. He sees that a
Pinkie Pie has attempted to attack him with artillery. Wanting to dispose of the threat, the Mongol lets the arrow loose at her head. (3 vs. 5) The arrow goes into Pinkie's Party Cannon. (2 vs. 4)
"Hey, watch were you aim that thing bozo!"Mongolian Spearman notices that a crazy looking
Taylor Lawrence is attacking the Trebuchet. The Spearman trotts over, and tries stabbing the occupied football player in the back. (1 vs. 1) He misses the stab and runs straight into Taylor. They both tumble to the ground.
The Mongolian Cavalrymen see that their horses have defected, having been seduced by a yellow mare. Angrily, they march forward to attack her.
"We'll silence you for your insolence, you butterfly-marked whorse!" Fluttershy cowers in fear. But the two Mongolian Horses stand up to defend her.
"Leave her alone!" In a spark of hatred, the pair of partners begin to attack each other. (5 vs. 2-1) The Horses buck at their masters, leaving one on the ground with a Chest bruise, and the other with a Fractured Knee!
The Horse Archer, the last mounted Cavalry man, utilizes his horse-riding skills to leap over
Rainbow Dash's assault! The rider turns to fire his Shortbow at her, (4 vs. 4) but the arrow goes wide and the skilled Pegasus performs a double loop to evade it!
"That all you got knuckle-head?!" The Mongolian Wrestler has
RZA from behind in a full nelson. Pulling off a complex move, he twists backwards to turn the full nelson into a sup-lex! (3 vs. 2) He slams the rapper into the ground, but besides some bruising,
RZA brushes himself and gets up fine.
The Trebuchet workers see that the attacking
Taylor Lawrence is being held at bay by their Spearman. Loading the Trebuchet with a rock, a man with binoculars looks for potential targets.
"The enemy has a gang of Mongolian defectors! Fire the ammunition at the traitors!" The large Rock flies through the air. (2 vs. 4) The Rock lands away from the
Friendly Mongolian Warriors, but it's enough to piss them off and have them charge the Trebuchet. (4 vs. 1) Before the Trebuchet Workers can load more ammo, the NLR Mongolians have descended upon them and started a systematic slaughter.
Genghis Sans has been charing through the midst of all the fighting, getting up and closer to the formidable
Genghis Khan. The Khan has been injured with a meteor to the Face, which is currently causing a bit of bleeding. Just as the Mongol stands up, the Sans man has swung his sword at point-blank. (3 vs. 5)
Genghis Khan brings out his Sword of Khan and blocks the Sword of Sans. (4 vs. 4) The mighty Khan, swings and misses decapitating the Sans by inches, slicing away a few neck hairs!
Genghis KhanHealth:
(Bleeding from a bad face wound) KHANATE!Mood:
SAAAANNNNNSSSSS!!!
Twilight Sparkle
Items:
Health: Fine
RZA
Items: Microphone
Health: Bruised
Rainbow Dash
Items: Katana
Health: Fine
Pinkie Pie
Items: Party Cannon
Health: Fine
Lawrence Taylor
Items: Football Helmet, Cleats
Health: Fine
Teddy Roosevelt
Items: Rifle, Pistol, Knife
Health: Fine
Sun Tzu
Items: Kaiyun, Ji, Battle Banner, Art of War, Lamellar Armor
Health: No Left Arm Below Elbow, Heavy Bleeding
Fluttershy
Items:
Health: Fine
Mongolian Infantryman #2
He's buddies with the first guy.
Equipment: Turkish Saber, Mongolian Armor
Health: Fine
Mongolian Archer
This guy can shoot!
Equipment: Longbow, Mongolian Armor
Health: Fine
Mongolian Spearman
Well, he's got a big pointed thing.
Equipment: 3 Throwing Spears, Mongolian Armor
Health: Fine
Mongolian Cavalry
The Party isn't the only one with horses now!
Equipment: Lance, Mongolian Armor
Health: Heavy Stomach Bruise, Stunned
Mongolian Cavalry #2
Horses. Horses everywhere.
Equipment: Turkish Saber, Mongolian Armor
Health: Fractured Knee, Stunned
Mongolian Horse Archer
Getting all up in your face and shooting you.
Equipment: Shortbow, Mongolian Armor, Mongol Horse
Health: Fine
Mongolian Wrestler
He'll grapple with you, and he's barely clothed. Eww.
Equipment: Loincloth
Health: Fine
Trebuchet
A seige-weapon that flings rocks, flaming stuff, and cows at you.
Equipment: Rocks, Flaming Stuff, Cows
Health: 11/20 Seigers
Vlad the Impaler
Dictator. Murderer. Vampire. Romanian.
Equipment: Vampire Saber, Halberd, Crossbow, Medieval Gun, Royal Romanian Armor
Bloodlust: Normal
Mongolian Warriors
Equipment: Turkish Sabers, Mongolian Armor
Health: 50/50 Warriors
2 Mongolian Horses
Equipment: Mongolian Horse Armor
Health: Both Fine
Author
Topic: Roll to Dodge Princess Celestia, Act II [Actually Done This Time: R.I.P] (Read 337977 times)