Chapter 8: Back in Action
Sun Tzu leapt to the stage, running up to the podium. Opening his book, he quotes,
"When good men die because of the sheer stupidity of their teammates...YOU PARTY HARD! OHOOOOOOO!!!!" Materializing a Flying V gutair out of mid-air, Tzu begins a freestyle solo, thats both amazingly impressive and disrespectful.
Fortunatley,
Teddy Roosevelt runs behind
Sun Tzu, grabbing the general by his armor, and tossing him effortlessly off the stage where he lands with a *
thud*. While Tzu continues to do a seizure-dance on the floor, Teddy turns to the microphone and gives his speech.
The musicians start to play again."Fellow AMERICANS Equestrians, I come here to pay tribute to two of my fallen friends. Not just any comrades. AMERICAN friends. And let me tell you all something about Americans: We will stab you in the back with a knife and go 9 inches deep, pull out 4 inches, and call it progress. What I'm saying, is that we are freedom loving people. Because when two men marry each other, that's satanic communism. But when a man and a women marry each other for 18 hours, that produces the smell of George Washington baking Apple Pie on his grill while riding on top of a bald eagle. So take a moment to remember these two great men, who died in the line of honor, for all of us. Because it doesn't matter whether your Equestrian, English, Chinese or Russian. Because in the end, we're all Americans."There is confused applauding as Teddy steps down from the podium. Looking in his pockets, he saw his original speech that his teammates had wisely discouraged him from giving:
"Ha ha ha! Oh, those silly negroes."
Pinkie Pie hoped up to the microphone next.
"Heyah everypony! So, I'm sorry to Tawrence Laylor and that hip-hop guy. It was pretty sad. I mean, have you ever seen a guy with his arms broken, and another guy with a spear in his back, trying to run from a nuclear muffin? It sure is sad. Sad muffins. Like the time they had to switch Derpy's voices in the show because little girls can't handle the thought of mentally handicapped people exsisting in the world. I mean, how stupid is that! A show about friendship and tolerence is going to censore all the different types of people in this world to keep the Conservative Christian Soccer Moms happy? Jeez louise! Next they'll be banning Zecora! Ah! The only thing more stupid than this, is if you loaded up an artillery device with a nuclear weapon and killed your friends who had been saving your ass since the war started! Not cool! Pinkie Out!" She's gone in an explosion of confetti, reappearing next to
Sun Tzu, bludgeoning him with a baseball bat.
Usually a shy Pony,
Fluttershy is impressed by her squadmates speeches. As
Teddy Roosevelt passes her, she remarks
''That was was really touching Teddy.'' *sniff* Mustering up the courage to speak, the Pegasus flies over to the podium.
"...is this, um on? Yes? Okay..." She gulps.
''Even though, this is a sad day for all of us and even though we lost two valuable members of our party, we have to fight on. We have to end this war as fast as possible to prevent more ponys and other beings from dying and suffering under the hand of our once beloved Princess. I don't know what corrupted her and I don't know if we can heal her, but at first we have to get to her and at least try to do so.'' The crowd claps and
Fluttershy resumes her usual shy and clumsy form as she steps down.
There was a flash of purple light, and then
Twilight Sparkle stepped up to the microphone.
"Greetings my fellow comrades. Today we discuss the downfall of our blood-kin in the line of battle lost to an adversary that can only be described as malelvolent and barbaric..." Her speech uses too many big words and lasts way too long. (Good things those bagpipe ponies can play for a long time.) By the time the sun starts going down, she dissapears to tired appaluse.
Finally, the last remaining teammate of the fallen,
Rainbow Dash steps up. She pulls out a hefty stack of papers on the podium. Clearing her breath, she reads from her epic speech,
"Eh." She throws the papers in the air and flies off. There is massive applause.
After the speeches are made, the service ends and everyone goes back to camp.
Rainbow Dash spots an oddly shaped-figure in a tree.
"Huh?" Flying into the pine, Dash discovers a red, and whitish gigantic worm.
"Wurmple!" Rainbow picks it up.
"Woah! I'm bringing this back to camp!" With the worm in her hoof, she flies back to her team.
Wurmple has joined the Party!Meanwhile,
Theodore Roosevelt noticed a new, Oriental-style tent had sprung up in the camp. Being curious, Teddy goes inside to find a meditating Samurai. The Samurai opens his eyes.
"Greetings, I am-" Teddy rushes towards him yelling,
"COMMUNIST!", tackling him to the ground. There is an ad hoc wrestling match as the rest of the Party comes to investigate this sound.
"Teddy, what are you doing?" Putting the Samurai in a headlock, the President declares,
"I got me a communist! These no good criminals ruin everything, I mean, that's why are yellow friend Sun Tzu escaped from his homeland of Korea!" "MOTHAFU-" Twilight cuts Tzu off.
"Teddy, that's our new squadmate! You know, the one Luna promised after the last two got blown up?" Theodore looks down at the Samurai.
"Whoops. My bad. Welcome." He lets him go. The Samurai coughs and gasps for air. Standing up he states,
"My name is Cyan Garamonde. A pleasure being here." He bows.
Cyan Garamonde has joined the Party!A message from the Communicator appears!The Party opens the communicator to find a message.
"Dear Party,
Genghis Khan has joined our side.Name: Genghis Khan
Class Type: Khanate
+1 Strength
+1 Toughness
+1 Brutality
+1 Horseback Riding
+1 Intimidation
+1 Perception
+1 Tactics+Lotsa' Insanity
-1 Diplomacy
Weakness: Chinese GunsEquipment:
Sword of the Khanate - Royal sword, cuts through lots of stuff.
Mace of War - Hammerlike device to smash bones and skulls.
Mongolian Longbow - Kill someone from 5 Kilometers away.
Khanate Armor - The Great Khan is invincible! (Except for Chinese guns, anyways.)
Description: KHAAAAAAANNNNNNNN!
Sent reinforcements. Remaining Generals:
General MacArthur
ToadyOne & ThreeToe
William Shakespeare
P.S. Get a new name. 'The Party' is really generic and lame.
Your benevolent ruler,
-Princess LunaRainbow Dash gets a private message for herself on the Communicator.
'Hey Cutie,
Let's hang out sometime okay?
-Spitifre
Twilight Sparkle
Items:
Health: Fine
Rainbow Dash
Items: Katana
Health: Fine
Pinkie Pie
Items: Party Cannon
Health: Fine
Teddy Roosevelt
Items: Rifle, Pistol, Knife
Health: Fine
Sun Tzu
Items: Kaiyun, Ji, Battle Banner, Art of War, Lamellar Armor
Health: Bludgeoned Heavily
Fluttershy
Items:
Health: Fine
Wurmple
Items:
Health: Fine
Cyan Garamonde
Items: Katana, Tanto Knife, Samurai Armor
Health: Fine
Mongolian Warriors
Equipment: Turkish Sabers, Mongolian Armor
Health: 50/50 Warriors
2 Mongolian Horses
Equipment: Mongolian Horse Armor
Health: Both Fine
Meteor Golem
Equipment:
Health: Fine
Yep, I just made Theodore Roosevelt naively racist.