Chapter 71: Turnabout
"Hm. Dagoth Rather has proven as useful as usual." Dagoth Ur notes this as one of his minions is gunned down immediately on his arrival. Looks like it's up to the boss to work again. He sets about to the West side of the house where the first Confederate Calvary has run into issues, perfect for further disruption.
"WAH', ASH MAGIC CLOUD!" (5 vs. 2) Ur casts his magic spell, which involves him reaching into his pocket and throwing a fistful of ash at the Calvary. The clump of ash hits the ground and explodes like a smoke grenade, expanding into a fog of smoke around the unit. Men yell out and horses scream as they are trapped in sudden smoky darkness.
Whilst the Confederate Calvary No. 2 Company goes into pandemonium from the smoke attack,
Simo Hayha jumps through the hole to land just outside of them. He slips the Suomi 9mm SMG off of his back bandolier, brandishing it for revenge. He aims into the smoke. (4 vs. 1-1) From the perspective of the company, out of the nothingness of the smoke comes muzzle flashes and popping. The soldiers are felled immediately upon a barrage of hot lead. There is only a brief respite in the shooting as a clip falls to the floor before it is quickly replaced. In the chaos of the smoke, some of them manage to get out one way for another, only to be made an easy target for Hayha and lit up with a congression of bullets. The few survivors flee out the windows they came through, running back to the brush. They're not coming back anytime soon.
"Defend the house!" Twilight Sparkle barks out a comprehensive command to her soldiers as they scatter. She turns to the south, seeing the oncoming soldiers coming upon the
Swedish Chef. Her horn glows in response. (4 vs. 6) Suddenly, fire! Not that it hits any soldiers, but a huge pillar of fire erupts between the Chef and the Company, sending out flames several feet high across the backyard. The company pauses in their march, obviously not wanting to be burned to ashes. (5) The fire surges strongly, Confederate boots step backwards.
Despite being dangerously close to a raging fire,
The Swedish Chef focuses more on eliminating his enemies than anything.
"FUCK-" (1) As he focuses hard on strangling the unconscious Sentry, The Chef manages to fumble with the body in a way that sends both it and himself rolling down to the fire. (Dexterity: 2) The Sentry is no more to be worried about as he tumbles into the flames, though Swedish Chef also manages to fall into the fire.
"FUCK FUCK FUCK-""Ah' just finished paintin' those walls!" Applejack complains as the soldiers outside work to dismantle her fortifications through sheer force.
"Y'all wanna' play it like that? We'll do it then! Yee-haw!" The Heavy Machine Gat swiveled as it pointed straight for the door. (1 vs. 4) She pulls the trigger, but the gun only gives off a groan.
"Damn thing jams just when aye' need it..." Before she can do anything, the first wave of the soldiers manage to get past her Fortifications.
"Oh look, more little squealers arrived on all da pretty hawses. Looks like they brought sawds to a gunfight, though! They's only goin' home in crates!" Caught up in his gangster glee,
Al Capone proceeds to the West, only to find the Confederates have fled the area.
"Never getta' have fun with these pussies..."Pastamancer sets up his
Automated Turret while screaming about the mortars.
"SOMEONE GET ON THESE MORTARS! THEY'RE MAGIC, CAN'T BE THAT HARD TO USE.""Heading East, we're here to help you...people." Truly,
Altria Pendragon never had worked with such an odd group of soldiers before, ranging from muscular men to pompous ponies to whatever the hell that guy was. Well, all her work was promised to result in her acquisition of the Holy Grail once this war was over, so she'd do whatever it took until then. Hopping out an Eastern window, she comes upon the Confederate Gatling Guns. (5 vs. 3) "What the hell is this woman doing out here?" Truly not the best last words as before the guns can be primed, the holy Caliburn blade slices right down the middle of both guns in a rapid succession. The offending soldier doesn't even react before the blade separates him horizontally. Pistols, revolvers and shorter swords are drawn in an attempt to stop Altria but only result in a mess of limbs, organs and extremities. The last soldier dares to slice at her with his knife, only to get a foot worth of steal plunged into his mid-section. As she pulls out her blade, the knight looks for more combatants to fight.
Big Macintosh watches HBO's Game of Thrones. (6) It's a great episode! All the twists! The gore! Incest? More like Wincest!
As
Applejack attempts to work her Machine Gat out, the first Confederate Company comes in literally screaming through the front. AJ looks up, pulling out
Theodore Roosevelt's Twin Chromes. "Y'ALL AIN'T WELCOME HERE!" (2 vs. 1) However, her position is overrun with soldiers, and the pony is forced to retreat upstairs past the fortifications, abandoning her largest gun.
Sweeper No. 2 leads the Company charge, and runs after
Applejack up the stairs. "You ain't gettin' away from me lil' pony!" (2-1 vs. 1) He fires his Shotgun, not only missing completely, but the knock-back is enough to throw him back down the stairs.
To the West, the Confederate Cannons see their own men being gunned down through the smoke laid down by
Simo Hayha. "Dammnit! I want that gunner son-of-a-bitch dead!" The cannons are primed and aimed. "FIRE!" (4 vs. 5) The cannon rips through the air, and Simo takes a last minute duck-dodge to the ground as a lead ball slams into the wall behind him, splintering his White Sniper Camouflage with superficial wood debris but not doing him any real damage. Simo picks his head up, returning fire. (3 vs. 4) The bullets do no actual damage to the cannons, but are enough for the soldiers to realize their in for a fight.
The Second Confederate Company takes the opportunity to shoot the flaming
Swedish Chef. (1 vs. 4) Before they can properly aim their guns, a flaming figure of a man raises from the flames.
"IT IS VIKING FIRE FOOD TIME!" (3 vs. 5) The Chef draws his knife at the army, slowly advancing upon them. The soldiers pull back a bit, hoping the flames would finish him off before he could reach them.
The Elite Kingston S.W.A.T. Team arrives at the front of the house just in time to see the first soldiers break through. The S.W.A.T. team sets up a physical boundary of kneeling shields and standing guns, ready to engage in a fire-fight. (5 vs. 1) As it turns out, modern SMGs and Shotguns have a distinct advantage over old-school rifles. The Confederates are barely able to start shooting before the room is turned into a killing floor. Thus the cycle begins again of the entire Confederate company being chased out by a technologically superior enemy. Even after hundreds of years, some things never change.
The
Automated Turret remains functional but now with super-sick decals.
Mr. Tom crawls away from the site of the battle, bleeding badly. (6) He gets better after eating a Swedish subway sandwich he happened to have on hand. (Fun Fact: "Subway Sandwich" in Swedish translates to Hoorakanfallusbookheiter.))
Equestrian Soldiers run to the back of the house to face off against the Second Confederate Company. While the first company was easily dispatched, it was at the hands of dozens of trained officers, not three rag-tag individuals. Still, they try their best. (3 vs. 6) The company reacts to getting shot at with rinky-dink hunting rifles. (2 vs. 5) They return fire, successfully shooting down a small tree nearby.
Upstairs, the eternal battle between
The Head Guard of the Plantation and
Macho Man perpetuates. The guard struggles to get out of the wrestler's grip, (1 vs. 6) but winds up in a compromising head-lock!
"OH YEAH, MACHO MAN TIME!" (5 vs. 1) Randy Savage throws the guard onto the ground, before leaping onto a table and flying through the air. He lands on the ground, elbow-first to the Guard's head. Macho wraps his arm around the Guard's left leg, going for the pin. One of the Hostages slides in for the pin count.
"1! 2! 3! It's over! Macho Man wins!"As the fighting goes on, a giant Confederate War Zeppelin darts through the night sky like a falcon in search of a good falcon simile to apply to a Confederate War Zeppelin darting through the night sky. Upon it, thousands of trained, armed, and ready Confederate Soldiers, prepared to fight and die for their mother-land. There is little idle talk on the ship as they near their destination; a dropoint near a famous plantation where they will reinforcement the army attacking the
H.O.E.S. of Equestria. A Confederate General makes his way to the Pilot's room. "Captain, how is our progress?"
The gruff Zeppelin Pilot casually spins a wheel, the course of the machine changing ever so slightly. "Well Sir, things are going fine. Clear night. No wind. Frankly, I don't see why we need to go through all this trouble to shoot a coupla' horses and strange folk. If I was in command, I-...what in the hell-"
The battle stops temporarily as a huge blimp structure flies into the region of the plantation, only for a triplet of planes to whizz by almost simultaneously. As the planes intersect paths over the zeppelin, there's a series of eruptions. The planes fly off just over the house, as the Zeppelin crashes into a valley a half-mile or so away from the house, lighting up in a series of explosions that set the trees ablaze and put on a permanent glow to the entire battlefield. Between the roar of the planes and the exploding zeppelin, the entire house shakes with the combined force.
The Lunar Republic has gained Aerial Superiority over Virginia!Enemy Positions:-North-Sweeper No. 2
Items: Shotgun With Flashlight
Untrained: -1 to combat rolls.Health:
Fine-West-Confederate Cannon
Items: Cannon, Cannonballs
Health:
5/5-SouthConfederate Company No. 2
Items: Rifles
150/150-Upstairs-
(Solid Fortifications)
Twilight Sparkle
Items: The General's Oversized Machete Blade, Socially Acceptable Club Behavior (Part of the Official "How to: For Equestrians" Book Series)
Health: Fine
Pastamancer
Items: ASCII T-Shirt (Torn), Skiing Pants, Glass Balls, Merasmus's Bombinomicon & Staff of Wood-ness, Cortez's Chrome, Cyan Garamonde's Samurai/Light U.S. Armor, Sherlock Holmes's Hat, The Boss's Cell Phone, Mobile Turret Parts, "Bikini Inspector" T-Shirt.
Health: Health: Fine
Applejack
Items: Lasso, Theodore Roosevelt's Chromes, The Boss's Fragmentation Grenades, Hacha Axe, Turkish Saber, Heavy Machine Gat (Jammed)
Health: Fine
Dagoth Ur
Items: Golden Mask, Loincloth, Ash Statue
Abilities: Summon Ash Cloud (3 Turns: 3 Turns), Call Upon Minions (Once Per Battle: Used), A Present From House Dagoth, Telepathic Power Nap, Decorative "Mickey Mouse" Ears, The Holy Bible
Health: Fine
Al Capone
Items: Tommy Gat, Revolver, Pineapple Bombs, Molotov Cocktails, Brass Knuckles, Baseball Bat, AK47, Cursed Machete, Martini Glass with Tiny Umbrella
Health: Health: Back Scratched Up by Shrapnel
Big Macintosh
Items: Pony Gauntlets, Pony Armor, Armored Greaves, Bandana, Overpriced Souvenir, Straw Hat
Abilities: Apple Family Reunion (3 Turns: 3 Turns)
Health: Fine
The Swedish Chef
Items: Knife, Viking Chestplate, Viking Helmet, Armored Boots, Spoon, Several Bowie Knives, Beer, Roland Deschain's Father's Guns, Dallas Cowboys Hat, Mayo (4 Jars),
Abilities: Summon Mr. Fox or Tom (Mr. Fox Available), Taking Too Much Time! (1 Turn: Ready!) Swedish FUS RO DAH (2 Turns: Ready!), Mayo Rush (Passive), Mayo Addiction (2 Turns: 1 Turns to Eat)
Health: ON FIRE!!!
Simo Hayha
Items: Suomi 9mm SMG, Mosin Nagant Rifle, White Sniper Camouflage
Health: Fine
Gary Motherfucking Oak
Items:
Abilities: Bitchmobile Coming in Hot! (2 Turns: Ready!), Pokemon!
Health: Fine
Altria Pendragon
Items: Plated Harness, Caliburn
Health: Fine
Elite Kingston S.W.A.T. Team
Items: MPSK Sub-machine Gats, Tactical Shotguns, Riot Shields, Tasers, Flashbangs, Smoke Grenades, 5 Pounds of Kush Herb
Health: Health: 30/30
Automated Turret
Items: Gatling Gat, Legs
Health: Fine
Mr. Tom
Items: Carlos Mencia DVD, TNT, Firebombs
Health: Fine
Soldiers
Items: Soldier Stuff
Items: 3/3
Hostages
Items:
Health: 30/30
Macho Man
Items: Ridiculous Spandex Suit
Health: OH YEAH!
After 1/2 a Month in Development, Chapter 21 has been released.
Here at TCM Studios, we hope it has been worth the weight.
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Topic: Roll to Dodge Princess Celestia, Act II [Actually Done This Time: R.I.P] (Read 336918 times)