Chapter 52: 420 Blaze It
Twilight Sparkle walks herself into the
Scientific Museum of Jamaica. Inside she learns about the history of the Earth, it's beginnings from the first microbes to the dinosaurs to modern species. She finally gets an explanation to a question she had for a long time: On Earth, primates managed to advance faster than Equine, allowing them to become the dominant species.
Roland Deschain wanders into the nearest quiet bar. It's a generic place and he sits down at a stool at the end, ordering up some ale. He's slipped a glass of the stuff and starts drinking it down.
The Pastamancer, a bit homesick, heads down to the shore of the city. The water washes up into the sand and recedes. It is peaceful. Minus the fact that there is some huge event composed of rambunctious drunk college students partying, but not a sand-which or sea monster in sight. This is definitely not the Kingdom of Loathing.
Simon jumps the fence into the back of the Kingston Airport, looking for a suitable vehicle to morph with Lagann. Along the way, he sees a nice jet in his hangar. As he approaches it, a search light from a tall building shines directly on him. A booming intercom voice bellows,
"What are you doing here?!" Out of nowhere armed Airport Guards start surrounding Simon....
Dagoth Ur heads to the nearest resort hotel and asks for the penthouse. Before the deskman can question his appearance, Dagoth throws some miscellaneous, expensive piece of junk he found on one of his journeys onto the desk. He is handed a key-card immediately. Dagoth takes the elevator up, because magic is hard, and opens the door to his luxurious penthouse suite. Flopping onto his bed, Dagoth takes a nap and peers into the weak-minded mortals around him:
"Seriously, is she going to wear that dress? The back is all messed up and it doesn't go with her shoes!"
"Little does anyone know that the moon landing was faked by ME in 1895!"
"I wonder if my girlfriend got her toy and shoved it up my-"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.
Applejack & Big Macintosh go sightseeing in downtown Kingston. They recall their various struggles since the start of the war, and reminisce before it even started. Oh how great Equestria once was...
Al Capone traverses to his familiar territory, the seedy underground of the big city. He ducks down into a shady club in the inner-city, lights flashing and the 21st century kids listening to whatever boopin'-ass music they designed. Quietly, he works his way for to the back to start up a deal.
Rainbow Dash [CENSORED], but at least that's legal in Jamaica....right?
While the
H.O.E.S. chill out in Kingston, a casually-dressed green army marches into the city from the north. There are shots fired and explosions riddling the city as civilians scream and run about as civilians do. In the middle of the army is a long, green limousine. It opens it's speakers and blasts at a piercing volume:
"We are the Sons of Samedi! We have taken over our Haitian homeland, and we will now take the island of Jamaica. Stand down or be executed! Long live Samedi!" [Left to Right: Veteran Child, Mr. Sunshine, The General]
The General sits in the back of the vehicle, smoking a hash pipe, surrounded by guards on every limousine seat, poking rifles and RPGs out of the windows. Veteran Child and
Mr. Sunshine flank the vehicle on it's sides.
<Communicator Message Inbound!:
"Tis' I, Princess Luna. You all must repel the Sons of Samedi. They are not of Celestian control, but they are a powerful nationalist army. If we lose Jamaica, we lose one of our best islands in the Western Hemisphere. The regular Samedi soldiers will not be any threat to you, but watch out for the commanders. The Jamaican military and police will assist you in this battle. Good luck!"
End Message>Son of Samedi Commanders-Mark Gabby: The top Samedi trafficker and soldier, fierce in combat.
Items: AK47, Machete
Health:
FineSilverfeet: A seasoned drug runner for the Samedi, quick and daring.
Nimble: Can attack a target twice. 50% chance of -1 to defensive rolls.Items: Automatic Pistol, Machete
Health:
FineAutonomous Mobile Turret: A walking war robot developed by the Samedi. Consists or a turret machine-gun held on a base on top of four, spider-like legs.
Items: Machine Gun, Legs
Health:
FineCyborg Warrior: A result of an experiment, a entity that's human on one half and robot on the other, split down the middle.
Bulky: +1 to offensive rolls, 50% chance of -1 to defensive rolls.Items:
Health:
FineAlisha Deathrow: A head Samedi soldier with experience gunning down targets in everything from drive-bys to seiges.
Items: Dual Sub-machine Guns, Machete
Health:
FineEagle-Eyes: A quiet and deadly sharpshooter of the Samedi army with an eye for knocking off enemy commanders.
Sniper: Takes one turn to load primary weapon. When fired, primary weapon gets +1.Items: Dragunov Sniper Rifle, Sunglasses, Bandana, Machete
Health:
FineTrailblazer: One of the chief chefs of the potent Samedi drugs, which he also utilizes for combat.
Smokescreen: Can give someone a +1 to defensive each turn, including himself.Items: Machete
Health:
FineVeteran Child: The head DJ and one of the original Samedi gangsters.
Items: Heavy Machine Gun
Health:
Fine Mr. Sunshine: The most mystical and deadly of Samedi soldiers who uses not only brute strength, but voodoo to crush opposition.
Voodoo Regeneration: Recovers from some wounds after his turn.Items:
Cursed MacheteHealth:
FineAnd our boss:
The General - Sons of Samedi Head General. (Big surprise.) Rides around in a huge green limousine, bent on claiming the entire Caribbean.
Health: Kite-High
Mood: "This island is mine!"
Mark Gabby: The top Samedi trafficker and soldier, fierce in combat.
Items: AK47, Machete
Health: Fine
Silverfeet: A seasoned drug runner for the Samedi, quick and daring.
Nimble: Can attack a target twice. 50% chance of -1 to defensive rolls.
Items: Automatic Pistol, Machete
Health: Fine
Autonomous Mobile Turret: A walking war robot developed by the Samedi. Consists or a turret machine-gun held on a base on top of four, spider-like legs.
Items: Machine Gun, Legs
Health: Fine
Cyborg Warrior: A result of an experiment, a entity that's human on one half and robot on the other, split down the middle.
Bulky: +1 to offensive rolls, 50% chance of -1 to defensive rolls.
Items:
Health: Fine
Alisha Deathrow: A head Samedi soldier with experience gunning down targets in everything from drive-bys to seiges.
Items: Dual Sub-machine Guns, Machete
Health: Fine
Eagle-Eyes: A quiet and deadly sharpshooter of the Samedi army with an eye for knocking off enemy commanders.
Sniper: Takes one turn to load primary weapon. When fired, primary weapon gets +1.
Items: Dragunov Sniper Rifle, Sunglasses, Bandana, Machete
Health: Fine
Trailblazer: One of the chief chefs of the potent Samedi drugs, which he also utilizes for combat.
Smokescreen: Can give someone a +1 to defensive each turn, including himself.
Items: Machete
Health: Fine
Veteran Child: The head DJ and one of the original Samedi gangsters.
Items: Heavy Machine Gun
Health: Fine
Mr. Sunshine: The most mystical and deadly of Samedi soldiers who uses not only brute strength, but voodoo to crush opposition.
Voodoo Regeneration: Recovers from some wounds after his turn.
Items: Cursed Machete
Health: Fine
Rainbow Dash
Items: Dashie's Katana, Laurel Crown, L.C. Wintle's Lee Enfield, Whip
Health: Fine
Pastamancer
Items: ASCII T-Shirt, Skiing Pants, Glass Balls, Pasta Armor, Merasmus's Bombinomicon & Staff of Wood-ness, Cortez's Pistol, Cyan Garamonde's Samurai/Light U.S. Armor, Sherlock Holmes's Hat, The Boss's Cell Phone
Health: Fine
Applejack
Items: Lasso, Theodore Roosevelt's Pistols, The Boss's Fragmentation Grenades, Hacha Axe, Turkish Saber
Health: Fine
Old Spice Guy
Items: Towel, Old Spice (TM)
Health: Fine
Simon
Items: Lagann, Core Drill
Abilities: Spiral Power (3 Turns: Ready), Infinite Spiral (Once Per Battle: Available), Lagann Impact
Health: Fine
Dagoth Ur
Items: Golden Mask, Loincloth, Ash Statue
Abilities: Summon Ash Cloud (3 Turns: Ready), Call Upon Minions (Once Per Battle: Available), A Present From House Dagoth, Telepathic Power Nap
Health: Fine
Al Capone
Items: Tommy Gun, Revolver, Pineapple Bombs, Molotov Cocktails, Brass Knuckles, Baseball Bat
Health: Fine
Big Macintosh
Items: Pony Gauntlets, Pony Armor, Armored Greaves
Abilities: Apple Family Reunion (3 Turns: Ready)
Health: Fine
Roland Deschain
Items: Father's Guns, Ammo Bandolier, Wanderer's Clothing
Abilities: Gunslinger (2 Turns: Ready)
Just want to tell everyone I'm really excited for this fight. Whereas most battles previously took place in a huge room or outdoor space, this one has the dynamic environment of a huge city, so everything from cars in parking lots to bricks on the street will play a role in this fight.