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Poll

What's your opinion on the SCP-foundation

It's cool to read.
- 28 (56%)
It's kind of obtuse.
- 4 (8%)
Pretensious
- 4 (8%)
Stop ripping it off, Kitten, you hack.
- 12 (24%)
No
- 2 (4%)

Total Members Voted: 48


Pages: 1 ... 24 25 [26] 27 28 ... 257

Author Topic: You are Patient Zero  (Read 327456 times)

Mr. Palau

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Re: You are Patient Zero
« Reply #375 on: March 28, 2012, 11:52:03 am »
DAMN YOU VIRUSES, DAMN YOU DELAYING MY FORUM GAME!

Seroisously though I am fine and can understand.
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Quote from: greatorder on May 20, 2012, 01:28:54 pm
you can't just go up to people and get laid.

Argonnek

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Re: You are Patient Zero
« Reply #376 on: March 28, 2012, 01:48:24 pm »
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Mr. Palau

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Re: You are Patient Zero
« Reply #377 on: March 28, 2012, 02:13:45 pm »
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Quote from: greatorder on May 20, 2012, 01:28:54 pm
you can't just go up to people and get laid.

Kitten Snot

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  • In need of literary skill.
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Re: You are Patient Zero
« Reply #378 on: March 29, 2012, 02:27:08 pm »
Yes i was aware of the irony when i posted the notice.
Anyway. Back to the story

You demand to know if there are other outbreaks occuring.
No, don't worry. Only one test subject ever escaped from this building. I'm assuming you already met him.He smiles at you. You shudder mildly.
Stop giving info,Tom.
I am of higher rank then you are,Jerry. So shut up!

You snicker a little at the their names then ask where the children are.
Wait? You actually CARE about your little soldiers? Motherfucker...
Why is it bad that he cares about them?
Well, if he actually cares about them then the parasite isn't really shutting down most of the brain.
Aaaaand?
If he doesn't see these things as complete tools there is chance that he sent out some other zombies to another city.
... We gotta tell Mercer this
No,no man. You know his tendency to shoot the messenger.
... Good point. And the people in that city should know when they get there.
Alright, Zombie! Did you send any of them out!?

Well, telling them you sent some out will give you some privacy.
Time fur planningz.


Health 11/25
Energy 13/30
Infectivity 30%
Hunger 10/35
Durability level 2
Inventory: Empty
Gun experience: Can hit broad side of barn.

A short reminder.
I would really like criticism on my story so i can improve. You can be rude but please be specific. Saying" your story sucks" does not give me a lot of things to go on.
Saying that the action scenes are too short or too long will help. Mmmkay?
Logged
I make stories and sometimes people like them.
Well, they did that once.
I think.

zomara0292

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  • Its a lie. he is still an escaped lunatic brony.
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Re: You are Patient Zero
« Reply #379 on: March 29, 2012, 02:39:16 pm »
Mix truth with a lie and you get an eaisier way to tell a lie and keep up with it. Tell them about the plan to attack the town you were just at. If they give you some food and let you see your children.
I don't really have much to say about your writing style itself. Its actualy quite good.
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Quote from: Toaster on July 24, 2015, 08:09:38 am
I hear a piranha is good eating.  I have a spear; I'll be fine!
Quote from: vkiNm on February 23, 2016, 09:49:30 pm
The Pilot and their cargo handlers paused when they saw that the entire camp is covered in eldritch runes coated in blood. And rotting monkey corpses everywhere..

They decide that they didn't get paid enough for this..

Mr. Palau

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Re: You are Patient Zero
« Reply #380 on: March 29, 2012, 04:25:50 pm »
Quote from: zomara0292 on March 29, 2012, 02:39:16 pm
Mix truth with a lie and you get an eaisier way to tell a lie and keep up with it. Tell them about the plan to attack the town you were just at. If they give you some food and let you see your children.
I don't really have much to say about your writing style itself. Its actualy quite good.
+1, as far as the story goes i think of it as a fine line that allows me to suspend my disbelief and get involved in the game, so I can't offer much criticism
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Quote from: greatorder on May 20, 2012, 01:28:54 pm
you can't just go up to people and get laid.

Argonnek

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Re: You are Patient Zero
« Reply #381 on: March 29, 2012, 07:53:09 pm »
I have no big problems with the story so far, though when it comes to describing an environment we're in the best thing to do IMO is to add lots of details. It could just be me, but useful little details (such as landscape, general shapes of rooms, etc.) really improve the reading experience. They also make it so we have more to work with when it comes to suggestions.

Speaking of suggestions: DO NOT tell them we sent anyone out. Assuming Lt. Lucy has yet to be discovered, the last thing she needs is to have zombie specialists hunting her down.
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Mr. Palau

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Re: You are Patient Zero
« Reply #382 on: March 29, 2012, 08:19:09 pm »
Thats why we lie, we tell them we are planning to attack the town we already destroyed.
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Quote from: greatorder on May 20, 2012, 01:28:54 pm
you can't just go up to people and get laid.

stabbymcstabstab

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Re: You are Patient Zero
« Reply #383 on: March 29, 2012, 08:26:33 pm »
Or that our "other" forces will attack other places we can think of or that we are a Lt. to our "boss" and he has a lot more zombies in a place they can't find.
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█████ Long Live Arst- United Forenia!
Quote from: Jboy2000000 on October 02, 2013, 02:43:49 pm
"Wanna be a better liberal? Go get shot in the fuckin' face."
Quote from: Zecro_The_Scourge on July 03, 2012, 10:31:27 am
Contemplate why we have a sociopathic necrophiliac RAPIST sadomasochist bipolar monster in our ranks, also find some cheese.

Mr. Palau

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Re: You are Patient Zero
« Reply #384 on: March 29, 2012, 08:50:24 pm »
No better yet lets lead them on a long and hard wild goose chase, tell them we were part of an advance force that destroyed a city near here, but that our real boss is like half way across the continent and that he has sent similiar advanced forces to (random list of far away cities we didn't send any forces to) adn they are spreading the infection there!
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Quote from: greatorder on May 20, 2012, 01:28:54 pm
you can't just go up to people and get laid.

NobodyPro

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Re: You are Patient Zero
« Reply #385 on: March 29, 2012, 08:56:20 pm »
Say we were smuggled into town by government agents. Try to remember the name of a high ranking politician and say you heard their name mentioned.
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killerhellhound

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Re: You are Patient Zero
« Reply #386 on: March 31, 2012, 02:51:18 am »
what about the new zombie types are you thinking about them ???
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My Sig
Quote from: TCM on September 28, 2012, 10:14:01 pm
Fluttershy jumps onto TCM, giving him a hug. "~Yay~"*Player TCM has left the server. Reason: HHHHNNNNNGGGG-

We Madmen are very ingenious.  Sometimes it just takes just a little less sanity to pull off something completely awesome.

Kitten Snot

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Re: You are Patient Zero
« Reply #387 on: March 31, 2012, 02:59:31 am »
Fine, I will tell where i send the other force too IF you can give me some more food and the children.
We can hardly give you around 300 children you know.
Pick the ones that aren't slobbering maniacs. That should be possible.
...Alright then. Tell us where you send your other force and we will give you some of the children.
Alright then. I sent another force towards New Haken, Now give me my goddamn kids.

Tom goes away for a while and after what must be around half an hour the door opens.
Around 10 kids get go in. Upon seeing you they rush towards you and give you a big hug.
Well ain't that cute. So the feelings are mutual as well?
The other one comes back in the room and looks at you with disgust.
Cute as this is he still infected these children with a mind-controlling maggot. Fucking disgusting piece of shit.

One of the kids looks at them and says:Shut up! Daddy's the best dad ever and i bet I'm having much more fun then before he became my dad!
But can you even remember that!? You can't! He killed you and uses your body as a living weapon!

Want to say something in this?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
I also can't really decide what to do with the main character. Should i keep him very vague so you can act he's you or give him a personality?
Up to you guys to decide what kind of personality he or she gets.(I don't think i have made it clear what gender the main character is.
If i have before,possible Retcon ahoy!)

Killer what do you mean? If you are asking when i figure out new zombie types i just come with it on the fly. Just like all the other things in this story.
« Last Edit: March 31, 2012, 03:08:15 am by Kitten Snot »
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I make stories and sometimes people like them.
Well, they did that once.
I think.

killerhellhound

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Re: You are Patient Zero
« Reply #388 on: March 31, 2012, 04:10:04 am »
I had a idea for a specul infected from pregont wemon and i thnks some others have ideas for more zombies
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My Sig
Quote from: TCM on September 28, 2012, 10:14:01 pm
Fluttershy jumps onto TCM, giving him a hug. "~Yay~"*Player TCM has left the server. Reason: HHHHNNNNNGGGG-

We Madmen are very ingenious.  Sometimes it just takes just a little less sanity to pull off something completely awesome.

Kitten Snot

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  • In need of literary skill.
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Re: You are Patient Zero
« Reply #389 on: March 31, 2012, 03:21:01 pm »
Alright lemme guess.
They have a hole there and attempt to pull things in there to devour them messily?
Or just a tentacle that can come out of the stomach.
Or they just explode.

Was that idea of yours one of those?
Try to find a spellcheck thing online.
It helps me a bunch while writing this and bad spelling has the unfortunate side-effect of giving the first impression that the writer is sort of stupid.
« Last Edit: March 31, 2012, 03:25:47 pm by Kitten Snot »
Logged
I make stories and sometimes people like them.
Well, they did that once.
I think.
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