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Author Topic: My lungs are dirty, and I can't get them clean!  (Read 10071 times)

Oliolli

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Re: My lungs are dirty, and I can't get them clean!
« Reply #30 on: January 29, 2012, 02:41:34 pm »

Giant dwarf
Intelligent dwarf
Useful noble
Unneccessary overkill
Too much dakka

What do these have in common?
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Minnakht

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Re: My lungs are dirty, and I can't get them clean!
« Reply #31 on: January 29, 2012, 02:42:08 pm »

Hes a good Warrior. Brave and Strong. You should make Him a Noble, so He can be Useful!
which universe are you from?
useful and nobles? that's an oxymoron if ever I saw one...

Well, if you cut off his leg(s), then he can be a fine captain of the guard/sheriff. An alder crutch is survivable when used for a beating.
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IamanElfCollaborator

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Re: My lungs are dirty, and I can't get them clean!
« Reply #32 on: January 29, 2012, 02:46:07 pm »

Alternatively, use him as a sentry. Somehow.

LoneTophat

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Re: My lungs are dirty, and I can't get them clean!
« Reply #33 on: January 29, 2012, 03:20:00 pm »

All these suggestions require too much work. Wall him up and fill the room with lava. That's what I'd do.
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Duntada Man

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Re: My lungs are dirty, and I can't get them clean!
« Reply #34 on: January 29, 2012, 03:38:42 pm »

Well, he's not too upset about it all, at least. :) Maybe burrow him in a dining room or something, so he can't go and clean and must stay and talk to people, taking his mind off his affliction?



With his luck, this guy will die, and the entire fortress ends just because he's sociable. 

Just end the poor man's life.  Then build him an awesome catacomb and turn him into a god, worshipped by your other dwarves. 

For good measure, burn his body, cleaning the stain once and for all.  THEN he'll be a true deity.

Make him the god of misfortune. His temple will consist of wooden weapon traps, and spiked pitfalls.
Force your enemies to wander around the temple being beaten arbitrarily by unseen bamboo maces for reasons they can no fathom. Eventually they will catch on to what causes the bamboo to strike them and will dodge the attacks, into the spiked pits.

One spiked pit should also have a pressure plate, so that if one survives that fall and attempts to crawl away he collapses a section of the ceiling on himself and anyone nearby.

Then an unfortunate dwarf must go and rebuild the temple roof, thereby spreading misfortune ever further.
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Girlinhat: The biggest issue seems to be size.  A 1x1 room would allow for maximum child desecration.

Gizogin

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Re: My lungs are dirty, and I can't get them clean!
« Reply #35 on: January 29, 2012, 04:52:14 pm »

Wow, I should have known this would come from this community.  Eral Larurdim is a hero to my fortress!  His valiant sacrifice allowed me to halve the casualties I would otherwise have suffered during my last siege.  I'm going to give him all that I can to make his retirement enjoyable.  Then I'll kill him in a blaze of glory so spectacular it will inspire epics to be sung about him for centuries to come.  His tomb shall be constructed entirely of iron, then filled to the brim with magma.  It shall become the heart and power source of my world-destroying megaweapon.  Then, when all the world lies in ruins, I shall (somehow) transport him to the next version, bring him back from the dead, and appoint him as the general of my legion of the damned.  He deserves nothing less.
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Loud Whispers

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Re: My lungs are dirty, and I can't get them clean!
« Reply #36 on: January 29, 2012, 04:55:11 pm »

Wow, I should have known this would come from this community

But... But I want him to live D:

And adamantine-sharp limbs are a plus anyways.

Gizogin

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Re: My lungs are dirty, and I can't get them clean!
« Reply #37 on: January 29, 2012, 04:57:31 pm »

Wow, I should have known this would come from this community

But... But I want him to live D:

And adamantine-sharp limbs are a plus anyways.

I'm going to keep him alive and in comfort for as long as possible.  His glorious death will come on his 100th birthday.
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Loud Whispers

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Re: My lungs are dirty, and I can't get them clean!
« Reply #38 on: January 29, 2012, 04:59:01 pm »

Wow, I should have known this would come from this community

But... But I want him to live D:

And adamantine-sharp limbs are a plus anyways.

I'm going to keep him alive and in comfort for as long as possible.  His glorious death will come on his 100th birthday.

So you're going to have what... A fortress hero, Urist McLungs, playing on his limestone saxaphone, forever awesome?

JelloSnark

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Re: My lungs are dirty, and I can't get them clean!
« Reply #39 on: January 29, 2012, 05:12:39 pm »

Let's hope he doesn't die before the 100 year mark. Treat him well.
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Splint

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Re: My lungs are dirty, and I can't get them clean!
« Reply #40 on: January 29, 2012, 05:50:12 pm »

Wow, I should have known this would come from this community

But... But I want him to live D:

And adamantine-sharp limbs are a plus anyways.

I'm going to keep him alive and in comfort for as long as possible.  His glorious death will come on his 100th birthday.

So you're going to have what... A fortress hero, Urist McLungs, playing on his limestone saxaphone, forever awesome?

That's EXACTLY what s/he's saying.

Gizogin

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Re: My lungs are dirty, and I can't get them clean!
« Reply #41 on: January 29, 2012, 06:01:22 pm »

Wow, I should have known this would come from this community

But... But I want him to live D:

And adamantine-sharp limbs are a plus anyways.

I'm going to keep him alive and in comfort for as long as possible.  His glorious death will come on his 100th birthday.

So you're going to have what... A fortress hero, Urist McLungs, playing on his limestone saxaphone, forever awesome?

That's EXACTLY what s/he's saying.

Yes it is.  Also, I'm male.  Just so you know.
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Quote from: franti
"Let's expose our military to zombie-dust so they can't feel pain. They don't NEED skin."
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One FB post. Many dick jokes. Pokemon. !!VOLCANO!!. Dwarven mood thingee. Derailment itself. Girlinhat's hat. Cuba. Karl Marx. This is why i love Bay12 forums.
The rest of my sig.
Fear the fluffballs

Lord Dullard

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Re: My lungs are dirty, and I can't get them clean!
« Reply #42 on: January 29, 2012, 07:07:13 pm »

NOOOOOO~~! Li'l brudder... he's got the heart of a champion...
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Gizogin

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Re: My lungs are dirty, and I can't get them clean!
« Reply #43 on: January 29, 2012, 07:10:08 pm »

NOOOOOO~~! Li'l brudder... he's got the heart of a champion...

OH GOD

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
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Quote from: franti
"Let's expose our military to zombie-dust so they can't feel pain. They don't NEED skin."
Quote from: Ipwnurmom221
One FB post. Many dick jokes. Pokemon. !!VOLCANO!!. Dwarven mood thingee. Derailment itself. Girlinhat's hat. Cuba. Karl Marx. This is why i love Bay12 forums.
The rest of my sig.
Fear the fluffballs

Loud Whispers

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Re: My lungs are dirty, and I can't get them clean!
« Reply #44 on: January 29, 2012, 07:11:49 pm »

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

(I assume  brudder was trying to grow a beard).
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