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[Gizogin]

I have a dwarf, Eral Larurdim, who is just about the unluckiest dwarf in existence.

He's missing his entire right arm, his left hand is useless, and he was exposed to a particularly vicious syndrome that even three years later haunts him with vomiting and a heavy fever.  Then, when a siege attacked, he fell victim to a squad of goblin swordsgoblins, and took some heavy internal damage.  The upshot of all this is that he now has a perpetual blood splatter on his lungs, which he regularly goes to the hospital to try to clean, to no avail. 

I feel pretty terrible for the guy, since he's officially doomed to fail anything he attempts.  On top of that, he moves really slowly.

[Kilroy the Grand]

Eral:Why... why can't I clean through this stupid skin?

[Yoink]

...Wow. What's his mood like? Does your fort have a... 'No-euthanasia' policy?

[Mapleguy555]

I know what he does. The splatter emits the dwarven equivalent of pus (water? xD ),
and when he goes to the hospital, he uses the state of the art technology of rubbing his chest with a towel(?)
to pump it out.

[Urist Imiknorris]

...Wow. What's his mood like? Does your fort have a... 'No-euthanasia' policy?

He is only a presser after all.

[Vehudur]

Drop him into the dining hall - desensitize your citizens with lots of kittens first.

[Gizogin]

He's at it again... 


Here's his pref screen:

Spoiler: Large image (click to show/hide)

He often gives his knuckles a good crack when he's thinking hard.

This is the most depressing thing I've ever seen.

[Yoink]

Well, he's not too upset about it all, at least. Maybe burrow him in a dining room or something, so he can't go and clean and must stay and talk to people, taking his mind off his affliction?

I can just imagine him cracking his knuckles over and over again, trying to work out just why his lung feels dirty.

[Elifre]

Obviously, the only way to clean his lungs is to push him into the well head first. He just needs someone to help him climb in, what with the missing arm and all.

[NRDL]

Well, he's not too upset about it all, at least. Maybe burrow him in a dining room or something, so he can't go and clean and must stay and talk to people, taking his mind off his affliction?

With his luck, this guy will die, and the entire fortress ends just because he's sociable. 

Just end the poor man's life.  Then build him an awesome catacomb and turn him into a god, worshipped by your other dwarves. 

For good measure, burn his body, cleaning the stain once and for all.  THEN he'll be a true deity. 

[Urist Imiknorris]

I can just imagine him cracking his knuckles over and over again, trying to work out just why his lung feels dirty.

What knuckles?

[Yoink]

Oh... Yeah, guess I missed that bit. xD Sounds like what he needs is a nice necromancer. Then he can keep his knuckles on his desk, and have them crack themselves!

[dreadmullet]

1. Build a small danger room using one iron battle axe.
2. Burrow him inside it, and pull the lever.
3. When his upper body becomes cut open, allow him to clean his left lung.
4. Have the doctors suture him back up.
5. PROBLEM SOLVED WITH DWARVEN SCIENCE

[NRDL]

Actually, yeah, make him a super soldier, as well.  Dreadmullet's idea is brilliant, can you actually do it? 

[Oliolli]

Tear up a dwarf's lungs, simply to clean them?

I love Bay 12