why
There are reasons. Do you wish to understand them, or would you prefer to rage helplessly that things are not how you wish them to be?
We live in a world where women can be domineering and masculine but men are quickly categorized 'pussies' (etc) for being feminine and submissive.
First, no we don't. We live in a
country where this is the case. There are countries where masculine women are not socially acceptable. There are countries where feminine men are. And even within this country there are varying shades of acceptability of the above.
Escaping these cultural biases might be as simple as moving somewhere else.
harassment as you do when you're a feminine male. Add a petite body
frame and a fondness of tight clothes? HEY IT'S THAT GAY KID
Again, realizing that this may be true, for you, for your particular cultural group, in your very localized part of the world...will you try to understand why people do as they do, or will you whine and complain and endure it? Will you try to change your self, or your environment, or move, or in some way adapt either yourself or your surroundings to be more comfortable with each other, or will you simply blame others who are clearly not comfortable with you for not treating you as you want to be treated?
These problems have solutions. Do you want solutions, or do you want to be at odds with your environment?
I'm not attempting to make any particular value judgement on this point. There are people who, for whatever reason, feel they need to be at odds with their surroundings, to be in positions of stress and unhappiness, etc. If that's what you want, you know how to accomplish it. But if it's not what you want, then continuing to do what you're doing, where you're doing it, might not be the best way to change the status quo.
Now I'm finishing up school in adult ed, that's
going well. Small groups>Large Classes
Ok. But I would advise against assuming that these issues will all magically vanish once school is over. The people who've given you grief in school will also graduate.
I mean, we're all people aren't we? Can't we
just accept our differences and move on?
It is not for me to say. However, I have consistently observed that humans have some difficulty doing as you suggest. I advise you to consider that this phenomenon is
not limited to gender issues. Humans persecute humans for a variety of reasons: religion, genetics, physical traits like height and body weight...even considerations such as preference for one brand of beer or another or choice of football team or the fact of not having one can draw taunting and ridicule.
There is nothing special or unique about being persecuted for perceived gender non-conformity.
I advise you to give up your belief that you are being uniquely targeted for this. You are not.
I never did anything to hurt these people,
why do they seek me out so they can hurt me?
They are acting on an instinctive drive to "clean their own house."
There are some who have difficulty distinguishing between themselves and the wolfpack they perceive themselves as part of. When you look at a pile of sand on the beach, do you think of it as millions of individual grains, or do you tend to think of it as "sand?"
These people who seek you out, on some level they perceive not you, not themselves, but "humans" as a group. Not you, not themselves, but "men" as a group. And these people have specific beliefs on what they consider to be the proper nature and behavior of these groups "human" and "male," of which they consider both themselves and you to be a part.
You do not conform to their expectations.
If you were some faraway "other" that might not bother them. But they perceive you to be part of these social complexes just as they themselves are. As such, their perception of "you" and "they" are not so totally separate and distinct as yours personally might be.
Simply ask yourself: if you saw a strange girl you didn't know prostituting herself out for money to buy drugs, which would bother you more? That, or seeing your sister and mother do the same? If someone were standing next to you wearing a completely mismatched set of clothing with their underwear hanging out and spaghetti stains on their face, would you be more likely to point it out to them if that person standing next to you were a total stranger, or a good friend of yours?
Is it more important to you that people who are close to you conform to your own personal expectations for conduct, decorum, presentation, etc? Why? Is it because you are closer to these people? They are
your friends,
your family. On some level you perceive them as being part of the same groups of which you perceive yourself to be a part. You might say of them that "we" are friends. "We" are family. You are part of them. And consequently, their actions, their behavior, and their presentation reflects on you personally.
Individuals with a strong sense of group affiliation feel real and personal discomfort when individuals they perceive as also being part of their group do not conform to behavior that they themselves would be comfortable with.
They perceive you as they might perceive a cancer cell. They are seeking you out and giving you grief in an attempt to clean their own body.
I advise against attempting to explain this to them. You are not responsible for the perceptions of others. Do what you will to preserve your own self, and allow others to do the same. Their actions are justified acts of self preservation in their worldview. Attempting to change the worldview of others is generally a difficult and unrewarding process.
But do try to understand
why they do what they do.
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Topic: Gender Stereotypes & Homosexuality (Read 6221 times)