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[Bloogonis]

So I've been doing this little creative project for a few months now that is leaning towards becoming a comic, and I have gotten to the point where I am actually starting to make stuff but I am having limited success in getting any critical assessments from friends and family. Now seeing how the bay12ers are a creative bunch I thought you all would be a great group of people to ask for your point of view.

The story is a standard western yarn. Gunslinger hero, living in the west off rattlesnake venom and his wits, comes to a little down-on-its-luck mining town who through a series of events crack his rough gritty exterior to show the big damn hero he truly is. Throw in a love interest and some paranormal Lovecraftian hijinks and there you go. Six Shot Chaos.

I have two things that I want help with. One is the image below. Its a rough sketch-up of the potential cover. I'm not looking for art advice as it is clearly wip, but before I go about putting an extended amount of time going into detailed drawing I was wondering what you might have to say about the placement, action, lighting, imagery, etc. that strikes you.

The image is of our hero facing off against some sort of shadow-creature gun drawn. Shadows clearly play a large roll in the image. There are also cacti and a rising/setting sun. all images are simply there because they are more useful then simply placing rectangles on the page with the word "Cactus" or "Hero guy" in them.

My other question is a bit more specialized, I have a villain character that I am using who is having name issues. His current working name is Clause Fukuoka. Problem is I have extremely limited understanding of Japanese and have very little way of knowing what it meant and if it would work in the context I was using it in. His previous name was going to be fukumu, while the meaning of the word would work, the actual usage as a name, or even on its own like that might not work or make any sense whatsoever. Japanese written forms are beyond my ken and I just want to get it right, or at least acceptably close to it, the few times I will be using it in my story.

I look forward to your advise and hope to be posting more SSC things soon.

[LordBucket]

Clause Fukuoka

Clause is German, and far more commonly a last than first name. Note that while American readers might tend to associate single-syllable Germanic names with villainy (Example: "Hans." Does that name make you think good guy or bad guy?) "Clause" as a name is actually Clause as in Santa Clause, which is hardly sinister to anyone who recognizes it.

Fukuoka is a prefecture on the southernmost island of Japan, but it is a suitable family name, as well as the name of the Fukouoka clan that ruled the Chikuzen province (now Fukuoka) in the 1600s.

Note that:
"Fukuoka Prefecture has the largest number of designated yakuza groups among all of the prefectures, at 5; the Kudo-kai, the Taishu-kai, the Fukuhaku-kai, the Dojin-kai and the Kyushu Seido-kai. Between 2004 and 2009, and in early 2011, Japan's most gun-related incidents happened in Fukuoka Prefecture

Fukuoka Prefecture has had the highest frequency of youth crime among all of the prefectures of Japan since 2003"


As such, the use of the last name for a villain seems suitable for a modern reader. Though personally, when I saw Fukuoka, I simply identified it as a location name without any particular association to yakuza. Sort of like how if you heard the name "Tom Paris" you probably wouldn't immediately associate that name with drinking lots of wine. There may be a connection of sorts, but it's vague and indirect enough that there's nothing particularly sinister about the name itself. "Kardeth Grimslaughter" is obviously the name of someone to stay away from. Fukuoka may be suitable for a villain, but it's not overtly sinister. Though I do note that Fu-ku-o-ka has four syllables.

Suggestion: Fukuoka as family name is probably fine, but I'd suggest changing Clause to eliminate the connection to Santa Clause. Also, keep in mind that using a German first name for a villain with a Japanese family name sort of comes across as a deliberate attempt to invoke All Germans are Nazis. Finally, note that if the character is Japanese it would be customary for the family name to come first: "Fukuoka Clause" rather than "Clause Fukuoka."

[The Fool]

Try a more dramatic shot. Here's my suggestion for the placements in that scene.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

You need a more solid pose for your character, whether he is walking or standing. If he is leaning off to one side he'll look like he's off-balance. If he is walking with a heavy lean, have the left foot further out to compensate for the lean.

While I can understand the need for a title space, the horizon line is too low. A lower horizon line makes for a more dramatic shot, because it looks like you're at the around the same height as the character, if not lower.

Lastly use shadows to balance the image. If you have something you want someone to see up high, use something, whether it be an object, or a shadow to bring the eyes to the focus of the picture. Another issue is that the monster lacks a shadow. While it may be made of shadows you don't know exactly how big the creature is, because there's no shadows on the ground. For all I know that thing is 50 feet tall and rather far away.

Spoiler: An example (click to show/hide)

While not a lot is happening in the picture, the shadows and the lighting bring the eyes to the figure rather than the center.

I hope this helps. Good luck with the comic.

[Brackev]

I'm not sure why you are putting a German-Japanese name in a lovecraftian western, but you have your reasons.  I just think there is too many cultures getting mashed up together.  Think about a full Japanese name, or a western name with a Japanese last name.  Also, I don't speak Japanese or know it's culture.  All I see in his last name is slightly veiled profanity, no offence.  I read the above discription of what it is but my first opinion is still on the surface of my mind. 
Also, check the length of your shadows.  Judging by the cactus and the monster, the hero's shadow should only show his legs up to his knees.  I'd like to see his gun arm either by his side or horizontal.

[Bloogonis]

:Name Questin: Clause is German variant of Nicolas and is perfectly acceptable as a first name, even if it isn't the most common one, being a shortened form of Niklaus. I hadn't scrolled all the way down the wiki because by that time I was getting frustrated by my inability to translate it to make sure I wasn't naming my repugnant fat asshole 'Dancing Flower' or some other whimsical name. The Yakuza angle is an interesting one and is putting points behind making the name official.

I am sort of pulling on the "All Germans are Nazis" sentiment and knew that BBEG + German name, and Japanese name, would lead people to jump to that sort of conclusion. However in story its more of an overt display of that common Western element of East meats West and the resultant melding of cultures.

:The Image: For staging I'll play with raising the horizon line a bit*, it looks like an improvement from here. Shadows however are important in the image and I cant lose that right arm shadow as they are sort of character themselves. The shadows I used are a bit sheer but also his right arms shadow isn't really supposed to be playing by the rules anyway.

For the story, even though book 1 doesn't play with the sanity element, of what is and Isn't there, I have to lay the groundwork for later. The shadow wisp there is not a being of this world, and isn't fully on this side of the divide. I guess I will have to use scenery to better show its location on the page, better then having it next to but in front of a poorly drawn cactus.

I built the character without plotting out the skeleton first, and he has a little drunken tilt to him, but that's an easy fix. thanks for all the pointers I will work on it a bit, next post will probably be some character sketches.


*The Fool, did you mean I should lift the horizon? cause you wrote that it was to low, then said lowering it made it more dramatic?

[The Fool]

Sorry about the confusion. What I really meant was that the angle that you draw it at needs to be at about character level. You can ignore the bit about the horizon line since it has very little effect on the kind of perspective I was talking about.

When you lower the horizon line it changes the angle which buildings and objects are drawn. The lower the line the more isolated a nearby figure is. Here is a better explanation. It uses photography as an example, but the same goes for drawing. I don't often have to explain something about composition, so when I do I don't explain it well.

[Brackev]

I still have difficulty with the shadows.  Consider switching the places of the hero and the serpent so the hero's shadow has room to interact with the serpent directly. The shadow-shadow conflict doesn't work unless the charactors are beside each other.

[Enzo]

The framing of the shot makes me unsure what the focal point is supposed to be. A wider shot would emphasize the vastness of the terrain. A close up would shift the focus to one or both of the two characters. Right now it's an incredibly conservative shot. The framing also gives roughly equal weight to all the elements, the sunset, shadow-creature, and protagonist each dominate a vertical third of the page. Overall if makes it look very static and doesn't really get much across regarding what's going on.

Two very quick examples of shifting the focus to the characters to make the image more dynamic:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

OK, not perfect, but each imply something different about the confrontation and have more action than a straightforward semi-wide shot.

[lordnincompoop]

One thing re. the cover: Decide what you want your focus(es) to be on the poster (this includes all elements - title, drawing, etc.) and make all other design elements subordinate. You want only a couple focal points (ideally just one), as few things are as unappealing as a confusing, complex poster.

I'd also lower the horizon line to the bottom third to bring more focus on the title. It's very, very restricted there.


Frankly, there are much better sources of advice than this forum. Look up professional art communities centered around help, like conceptart.org.

[LordBucket]

I was getting frustrated by my inability to translate it to make sure I wasn't
naming my repugnant fat asshole 'Dancing Flower' or some other whimsical name.

The most reasonable interpretation for the name is roughly "lucky hill." But I think the name is sufficiently removed from the literal meaning of the characters, and the area is well-enough known that it's unlikely anyone would hear it and think about luck or hills instead of the place. Kind of like New Jersey. When you read the words "New Jersey," or if I say it to you, odds are good that you're thinking about the US state, and not about shirts or cows that aren't old, even though that's what the words might literally mean.

So yes, the name should be fine.

One other thing to consider though, "Clause" is difficult to render in Japanese. It seems a bit unlikely that a Japanese parent would want their son named Clause for basically the same reason an American parent would be unlikely to want their daughter named Zsa Zsa. If you hear it, you'll immediately think of the Hungarian actress by that name. But if instead of reading the name in this post, someone had walked up to you and introduced themselves as Zsa Zsa, then asked you to write down their name...you might have a difficult time because there's no english character for the "zs" sound. Similarly, there's no Japanese character for the "l" sound. But unlike english, which at least has the "zs" sound in words like "treasure," there's no l-sound in Japanese at all. If you introduce yourself to a Japanese as "Clause" they probably wouldn't be able to say it, and would probably pronounce it something like "koo-dau-soo."