Chapter 1: What rebellion?
Couldn't have put it better myself, strange bodyless guy.
Oh, you do have a body! Or is that me? I never know... But here I am, a leader of the Uesugi clan. Or something like that. Perhaps a toddler, that would be quite the surprise. Anyways, it would appear that after putting this silly man aside, Hamare-what's-his-name for being a pussy, it turned out he wasn't so much of a pussy after all and organised a rebellion. And now Uesugi Mengko-what's-his-name with his 570 troops and 29-men bodyguad (Don't mention that near him, he's sensitive when it comes to his math skills..) goes out to show the world Hamuri-gibberish is a pussy. Period. Thought that would make him a fearsome pussy.
Manly-ko holds his usual pre-battle speech. Well, that is if you count his first speech "usual". I hope it won't become usual.
He doesn't waste much time, and deploys his bow ashigaru in front, the yari samurai behind them, who are in turn flanked by two yari ashigaru troops, and he himself hides behind all these men, hoping to survive.
The enemy is hiding in a forest of like... two trees. Man, our scouts must be blind idiots, and we're wondering why we only have a single town. Probably couldn't find another one on this damn island.
Man-man, probably weary of an ambush, makes his first wise choice by telling his troops to adopt a defensive position. Then he fudges it all up by getting stuck in the line, which even starts advancing towards the enemy.
After exchanging a few arrows with an equally dumb enemy bow ashigaru unit, he orders his troops to charge recklessly into battle, while he wanders off to the side. He probably saw a pretty butterfly, I heard he has a really nice collection.
Things start to heat up as one of his yari ashigarus has the presence of mind to flank the enemy, turning the battle into a bloody melee.
Him-hum, trying to prove he's a man, charges headfirst into a line of yari samurai. He soon realises this was a pretty dumb idea and sounds the retreat.
His army follows not long after, and Man-go-chu decides to get all heroic by pointing his sword at the retreating enemies.
After the battle, he boasted how he killed half the enemy army on his own, almost failing to realise that some ninety enemies got away.
After sobering up, and deciding to pursue the enemy, he hold another pre-battle speech. Note that "another" is not the best word to use here, given how he says pretty much the same.
God, not again. I honestly wonder what's he talking about with this whole last stand thing. I get it it's nice not to underestimate the enemy, but seriously?
And that's not even mentioning that I seriously doubt
anybody would feel proud of him for winning this battle. Especially not his bother, who's just chilling out in the castle with 29 young men. (He can't count either, but you can't offend him saying he sucks at math. For that, he'd have to know what math is. I suppose this is a family thing. Centuries of inbreeding and all that stuff.)
Seeing the ragged enemy line compared to our glorious troops makes me feel a bit light-headed. A bit.
While this wasn't the fairest of fights, I didn't really expect Man-chek to win it without losses. There may be something about this guy.
And like all good things, the victory celebrations must come to an end as another enemy army is spotted on our borders. Man-pung retreats to the castle, and I wonder how our scouts spotted the enemy from that far away, given their previous performance.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I only played one turn, but enough things happened to make it worthy of an update in itself. I'll try to make daily updates.
Author
Topic: Let's Play Shogun: Total War 2 – Vassalize everyone (Read 12625 times)