SalmonGod, I realize this is a really important subject for you. I still think that there are some points in that rant there where you really shouldn't be telling everyone else what's best for them, or what their motivations are for doing x or y thing. A lot of your points could just be argued from another side and made to look equally good.
I don't mean it to come across that way. I didn't even mean for it to seem like a rant. The only part I meant that way was the part about having two kids if you're going to have any. I'm not judging anyone for not having kids or anything like that. I was just trying to share my thoughts. Parents seem to be a minority here, so I thought there was a lot left unsaid about perspective that seems to only come from being a parent.
The thing I most wanted to relate is that I think it's important to spend time around children if you can, not because children are wonderful or anything, but because it's just a healthy experience. It seems really common these days for people to think of it as "I don't like kids and they would prevent me from focusing on stuff that I want. So I should just avoid kids." I've lost touch with a bunch of offline friends who think this way. It's not because I care about whether they have kids or not. It's because they can't be bothered to make the effort to put up with mine, and they get annoyed with the reality that I can't just abandon them to go do things spontaneously. Eventually, they just stop calling. I'm talking about educated (PhD level, even) people from their mid-20s to 30s, who still have that self-centered teenage level of social/emotional maturity because they avoid any catalyst into their lives that would help them to grow past that. Looking back at how I've changed and grown over the last several years compared to the people I know who have not grown at all has led me to believe that this is the most valuable thing that children have to offer us, and I just want people to ponder that.
I recognize that some people, you among them, have circumstances which make tolerating children especially difficult, and not in any way that reflects on your character. That's a different thing entirely, so don't take anything above personally.
There is absolutely no evidence to support this lingering "only children grow up selfish" myth. As someone who is an only child that kind of attitude irritates me to no end.
Sorry. I've known several only children who are incredibly self-centered. If the world doesn't revolve around them, they will make it revolve around them. Have to receive exclusive attention on demand and do not know how to share. My grandmother was one, and she's responsible for a ton of drama in my family. My wife is another, to a lesser extent.
It's not a hard rule. Only children can turn out fine. You just have to be diligent about putting them in lots of social situations and, most importantly, limiting the exclusive attention that you give them. This is the major thing because sharing attention is an incredibly important social skill that is difficult to learn when all attention you receive growing up is the exclusive kind. When adults go into pay-attention-to-the-kid-mode, it becomes a back and forth exchange of attention between the child and the group. Most of the only children I know have this style of social behavior where they feel the need to compete for attention (they get annoyed when it's divided among a group as equals instead of an exchange between them and the group), where other people don't seem to feel that need.
I admit this could all just be personal belief based on a few anecdotes, plus confirmation bias. For now, my belief is just that it's best not to raise a kid in a household where they're the only one.
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