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Author Topic: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___  (Read 312810 times)

Cryxis, Prince of Doom

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1230 on: February 15, 2015, 07:06:02 pm »

I already said it was  :P
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Urist McScoopbeard

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1231 on: February 16, 2015, 12:27:40 pm »

Argh, did I hear poetry? Avast:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

one of three pieces I did for school!

EDIT: That one's a bit dark so take this one instead:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
« Last Edit: February 16, 2015, 12:30:22 pm by Urist McScoopbeard »
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GiglameshDespair

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1232 on: February 19, 2015, 06:36:26 pm »

Prompt 1

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hops

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1233 on: February 19, 2015, 06:45:13 pm »

All my love poems use way too much technical words and comes in the cynical variety.

Yeaaaaaaah I guess the good and bad thing about poetry is that it is really good at being a judge of character.

(Also I like my poems that way)
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Arx

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1234 on: February 21, 2015, 02:17:06 pm »

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

This was intended to be a bit of an experiment in writing in the style of the Bantu oral tradition. It, uh, didn't exactly play out like that.

I'm not sure whether I like it; I'd really appreciate any criticism anyone feels like throwing at it.

Also I guess it's kind of for Prompt One.
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hops

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1235 on: February 28, 2015, 06:22:24 pm »

Deadline's next Sunday.
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bahihs

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1236 on: February 28, 2015, 06:31:07 pm »

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hops

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1237 on: February 28, 2015, 06:32:15 pm »

It's just an arbitrary date because I forgot to set the deadline, and I wanted to give everyone who hasn't submitted anything one more week just in case.
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GiglameshDespair

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1238 on: February 28, 2015, 06:34:03 pm »

I submitted Monster.
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bahihs

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1239 on: February 28, 2015, 06:34:32 pm »

Alright, I'll have to withdraw my story then. It's not finished yet and I won't have any time this week to finish it.
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Cryxis, Prince of Doom

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1240 on: March 01, 2015, 10:15:02 am »

((Prompt one sounds like someone could make a story about sentient bacteria or viruses infecting a person, that would be fun.
Prompt two sounds like the World War Z movie, won't spoil anything from it though ))
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bahihs

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1241 on: March 01, 2015, 07:21:57 pm »

Actually, it turns out I won't be withdrawing my story because I just finished it :P

I had a lot of fun writing it and I hope you guys enjoy reading it.
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WillowLuman

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1242 on: March 03, 2015, 02:13:01 am »

Mirror shards
I should pick them up and try to see which way they go but
Puzzle pieces
How do they fit together? I don't know which way they go
Shards of glass
Seems like a lot of trouble just to pick them up,
Like I'd cut my fingers but
I don't know which way they go, how they fit together
It's probably just from lack of trying
But I don't know which way they go
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Urist McScoopbeard

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1243 on: March 03, 2015, 11:24:15 am »

Mirror shards
I should pick them up and try to see which way they go but
Puzzle pieces
How do they fit together? I don't know which way they go
Shards of glass
Seems like a lot of trouble just to pick them up,
Like I'd cut my fingers but
I don't know which way they go, how they fit together
It's probably just from lack of trying
But I don't know which way they go

Critique incoming:
You've got pretty good imagery implications (its not really imagery, but it gives a good sense of what is happening and is easily relatable), but my god is this prose-y. There's precious little rhyme and rhythm, the second being more important here. I mean, what is to stop me from reading it like prose other than your formatting?

It's fairly obvious that this isn't meant to be some singsongy poem, but you need rhythm, and the way to do that here is with alliteration, assonance, consonance, and where it fits: dissonance. Repetition like you have in the poetic lines including the phrase, "I don't know which way they go" works between stanzas, but otherwise, unless it's a list poem, it doesn't ADD anything.

That's my two cents on it, others might feel differently, and you probably do too, so god speed to you sir and keep writing poetry.
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WillowLuman

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1244 on: March 03, 2015, 12:26:42 pm »

I'll take it to mind. It came about as mental vomit on the frustrations of ADHD.
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