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Author Topic: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___  (Read 312812 times)

Urist McScoopbeard

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1140 on: January 01, 2015, 11:11:27 pm »

Hello people! It's been a long time since i've been here, but since I need/want to start working on my creative writing skills I thought I start writing a story! So to get the ball rolling on this, I think it would be a good idea to post my progress on here every once in a while. Although hopefully every night for the next week or so. It's not a short story, so hopefully at the end of the excerpt your questions are still unanswered and the section has left you wanting more. In that respect, I would love some critique on how to better start a full blown... well story of novel length I suppose. So without further ado,


So ya, I guess other than whatever you notice, if you're interested could you tell me if the story leaves you wanting more? and if you've got a good idea of what the immediate setting is?
« Last Edit: January 01, 2015, 11:13:10 pm by Urist McScoopbeard »
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TD1

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1141 on: January 02, 2015, 11:05:46 am »

The protector prompt:
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
« Last Edit: January 03, 2015, 10:26:59 am by Th4DwArfY1 »
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Urist McScoopbeard

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1142 on: January 02, 2015, 09:08:53 pm »

@Th4DwArfY1, I read your short story and it seemed very good! I'm not really experience enough to critique it, but it certainly drew me in.

Hello, back again. With some story for critique. For ease of reading, i'll being including everything already written. At least until I start covering more than a chapter.

Spoiler: Chapter 1 (click to show/hide)

watcha think?
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Arx

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1143 on: January 03, 2015, 03:23:58 am »

There are a handful of minor grammatical errors, but your writing is sound and there is a reasonable hook for the reader.

Keep reading, keep writing, keep posting!

@Dwarfy: I assume that's meant to come off as very formal. I wouldn't use numerals in that situation, especially for such small numbers- it throws off my immersion, at least, to go from formally constructed speech to numbers (doing it in dialog would, in my less than humble opinion, be inexcusable). It's a bit odd in terms of background plot- ice barbarians, sure, but who is this guy with recurring dreams of losing his place?
Otherwise, I like it. The sophisticated construction might get tiring to read after a while, though.
« Last Edit: January 03, 2015, 03:34:08 am by Arx »
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TD1

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1144 on: January 03, 2015, 10:25:39 am »

@Dwarfy: I assume that's meant to come off as very formal. I wouldn't use numerals in that situation, especially for such small numbers- it throws off my immersion, at least, to go from formally constructed speech to numbers (doing it in dialog would, in my less than humble opinion, be inexcusable). It's a bit odd in terms of background plot- ice barbarians, sure, but who is this guy with recurring dreams of losing his place?
Otherwise, I like it. The sophisticated construction might get tiring to read after a while, though.

Oh, shoot, I didn't even realise I'd done that. Thanks for the heads up! I'll fix it now :/
Urg, I did it twice. I'm gonna go commit sudoku  :(
Edit: As for the background problem, I had intended to write a longer story on it, but I had other stuff to do (revision, bleh) and I felt like writing at that time, so I...compressed it somewhat. Maybe not the best idea.

Also, Urist, on reading yours I must say I liked it. There was the odd grammatical mistake, as Arx pointed out, but a nice story.
« Last Edit: January 03, 2015, 10:35:12 am by Th4DwArfY1 »
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Urist McScoopbeard

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1145 on: January 03, 2015, 09:49:14 pm »

Hello again, for the third night in a row! As I continue my story, I feel as if I'm doing a little too much "tell" and not enough "show", I guess i'm a bit confused on when it's appropriate to just SAY something is happening or actually describing it without saying it... or both I guess. If anyone is interested, I'd love to hear some feedback on how the reader is perceiving the setting as well as the mood. Also, what do you guys think of sentence length?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Thanks for reading, and possibly critiquing!

Also, dialogue's got me in a bit of a tizzy. I suppose it's just my style, but maybe it seems that there's not enough said? Or perhaps, I'm lacking a way of incorpating less-than-important dialogue/chatter? Whatever you fellows think could help me, thank you!

EDIT: As i've been re-reading it, it appears to me that my sentences might be getting a little choppy. Do you guys feel the same way, or am I just being hypercritical?
« Last Edit: January 03, 2015, 09:53:43 pm by Urist McScoopbeard »
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Graknorke

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1146 on: January 03, 2015, 10:00:46 pm »

Posting to watch.
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Urist McScoopbeard

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1147 on: January 04, 2015, 11:34:14 pm »

heya heya, back with the latest iteration. Rounding out at about 2,500 words.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

enjoy it, comment on it, critique it!

peace.
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Arx

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1148 on: January 06, 2015, 03:11:54 pm »

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Completely unfinished. Hardly even started, since I could probably write a novel about that. The writing equivalent of doodling, really.
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TD1

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1149 on: January 06, 2015, 05:52:38 pm »

I like the premise, it's interesting.

Were you to write more, I'd read it.
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Urist McScoopbeard

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1150 on: January 06, 2015, 09:42:32 pm »

@Arx, very nice. It sounds like some awesome future, magic, noire genre!

In other news, this is the fifth night of my writing. (I'll think I'll stop posting it here, unless you guys want to keep reading it that is)

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

There's a bit of a plot inconsistency and I haven't quite decided how to fix it yet, but it should be fine in the end. Anyways, thanks for reading, I apologize for not posting last night, but I was exhausted.
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GiglameshDespair

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1151 on: January 07, 2015, 04:37:16 pm »

You know how the old-school depiction of hackers is that they always wear sunglasses, even though that makes no sense? And leather trenchcoats and stuff?

I had the idea that that was a type of memetic image that resulted in death to those who saw it. It could only be displayed on an image above certain resolutions.

The hacker's sunglasses are actually specially designed. They distort the memetic image enough it doesn't trigger the brain impulses that lead to death.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

So I made a setting. Look around you - how many big (or small) high definition (e.g above early CRT) screens do you have? What if they all suddenly showed an image that if you saw it, you died, convulsing? A lot of people would die. Coupled with an economy mainly moved off-world or to more advanced robotics, there's not many jobs available. Displays have regressed to old, crappy style, where there's no risk of malignant code displaying a screenshock image.

I'd appreciate a better name than screenshock, but it's the best i could come up with on short notice.
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TD1

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1152 on: January 07, 2015, 04:53:34 pm »

So I got an email from my hopeful course in creative writing. To get in, I must:
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
And then go for an interview.

Which one would y'all choose? I've semi made up my mind, but I want to see what the common opinion would be.
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Urist McScoopbeard

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1153 on: January 07, 2015, 04:57:55 pm »

So I got an email from my hopeful course in creative writing. To get in, I must:
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
And then go for an interview.

Which one would y'all choose? I've semi made up my mind, but I want to see what the common opinion would be.

Which ever on you are more confident with, they all allow you to showcase your knowledge pretty well (poetry might be a bit harder). Prose would allow you to show your awesomely descriptive side, where Drama would allow you to work in some dialogue AS WELL AS descriptive-y powers. Poetry is poetry... personally, I think it's a difficult manner in which to write excellently. There are so many factors it can be a hit-and-miss thing sometimes.
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GiglameshDespair

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1154 on: January 07, 2015, 08:06:46 pm »

By scene, do they mean like scene from a play?
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