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[TD1]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Ah, slumber now the oaks and trees,
Be content and never mind
The summer and the autumn breeze-
Put thought of winter’s heart behind.

Aye, stream, make melody on rock,
And plant make bursting bloom,
To elongate the stalk,
To reach the river’s tune.

There’s a darkness upon me that weights,
But come the summer, the winter white
Will come undone to fate,
Will lose its hate.

So sing, ye birds of heaven’s vaults!
Bring forth the honey that is our life,
Sweep clear the combe, eat, take!
Be joyous while ye may.

Take whiteness, wight, away now go!
Bring forth the shower and the snow.
But still, the trees will slumber on
Awaiting on their wakening song.

Note: I've given the poetry thread up for dead at this point, so I'll just post here the odd time.

[Angle]

Hey, not bad! Very evocative.

[Worldmaster27]

* Worldmaster27 pokes Objective

[Cryxis, Prince of Doom]

Would this be a place to brain storm my idea for a short story or should I do that somewhere else?

[hops]

* Worldmaster27 pokes Objective

JNFAJLKAWNFKAWRPAWIRPAMWKRAWRA;RASF'LK

[TD1]

* Th4DwArfY1 pokes Objective

[Cthulhu]

Would this be a place to brain storm my idea for a short story or should I do that somewhere else?

I'm doing it.  Have to write eight pages (double spaced) by Friday at 5.  Right now I'm writing A Cancer Story.  Since it's a short fiction writing class obviously everything we read and write is phoned in realistic fiction trash and the most phoned in bullshit you can possibly write in realistic fiction is of course cancer.

So I'm actually writing a horror story about a guy who has cancer and it turns out the doctors at the clinic worship cancer as a superior form of life.  He meets a girl and he's trying to save her and her unborn baby from the doctors but it turns out she's on their side and her baby is the teratoma messiah.

I dunno if it'll be any good or even make sense but "Is this good?  Does this even make sense?" is basically how I roll in this class and it's served me very well so far.  Taking risks and challenging myself and all that.

[Cryxis, Prince of Doom]

Would this be a place to brain storm my idea for a short story or should I do that somewhere else?

snip

oh ok
I don't know what or how to write up my story but i've got a basic idea of what i want it to be

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Far into the future, humanity is spread among the starts.
On a basic earth like planet the story starts with the protagonist a male in his late teens
His parents opted for him to not get a brain augmentation/chip type thing
The majority of the human race is augmented (like 70%)
some choose to not augment their children for various reasons
well the company that has a monopoly on the brain augments doesn't like that there are people without their chips and since they basically own the governments of most of the planets they take control of the military forces and begin a mass genocide of non-augmented people.
Our protagonist (this is before the mass genocide starts) is very smart, so smart he is able to out perform augmented children. He is assigned to train at a military facility and has to leave his home (home planet, which is inhabited by a large amount of non augmented people).
He meets an augmented person that is also extremely out performing other augmented people, our protagonist befriends this person.
They take a long ride on a ¨light monorail¨ a intersteller ship that travels at the speed of light. This portion is used to create the friendship between the protagonist and the other super genius.
they arrive and begin basic training.
A few years later they are seperated as protagonist goes to school for tactical commander training and his friend goes off to a different field.
One day during his studies (this is the start of the genocide) all non-augmented people are sent to (btw they are on a different planet for military training) a camp like area and protagonist is on a late bus in along with several hundred other non augmented.
They exit the bus and enter the camps finding the smell of gunpowder and the sight of hundreds of others dead in the open field (the camp).
The living ones begin running away, either by highjacking buses or other means and the majority of them make it to the dockyard where space craft designed for training pilots are stationed
they take two ships and leave the planet one of the ships is shot down before exiting atmosphere the other gets out into space.
im lost as for what to do between this and the next part
so a bunch of filler story about whats happening with the military and whats going on in different planets and such

The protagonist gathers a large fleet of non augmented people and augmented people who are fighting against the genocide
the story comes to an end with a battle between protagonist and his fleet vs his basic training genius buddy who leads the fleet in a final stand to either wipe out non-augmented people or take down the genocidal augmented and basicaly shut down augmentation totally 

[GiglameshDespair]

Seems kind of silly. Killing potential customers... a much more 'sensible' approach would be to enforce chipping by law, then having those who don't get chipped prosecuted by law. Boom. More revenue, less pointless evil for evil's sake. 30% is a huge quantity of the population. Taking out that much of the workforce would crash the economy and basically make everything worse for everyone, chipped and non.

This also assumes the military's soldiers themselves are ok with just killing a bunch of civvies for no valid reason. Even today, soldiers are taught to not go around committing war crimes.

How rubbish are the military at killing a bunch of kids? You'd think they'd just lock down the spaceport against the presumably lightly/unarmed non-chipped. Lets look at Auschwitz. 1.1 million people were put in there, 144 escaped. Thats ~0.01%. So with future tech to help the military, hundreds of people escaping seems a little off.

Why are the non-augments fighting to shut down augments totally? Presumably they have some kind of positive effect, or people wouldn't have them in the first place. What does this implant actually do?

[Cryxis, Prince of Doom]

Seems kind of silly. Killing potential customers... a much more 'sensible' approach would be to enforce chipping by law, then having those who don't get chipped prosecuted by law. Boom. More revenue, less pointless evil for evil's sake. 30% is a huge quantity of the population. Taking out that much of the workforce would crash the economy and basically make everything worse for everyone, chipped and non.

This also assumes the military's soldiers themselves are ok with just killing a bunch of civvies for no valid reason. Even today, soldiers are taught to not go around committing war crimes.

How rubbish are the military at killing a bunch of kids? You'd think they'd just lock down the spaceport against the presumably lightly/unarmed non-chipped. Lets look at Auschwitz. 1.1 million people were put in there, 144 escaped. Thats ~0.01%. So with future tech to help the military, hundreds of people escaping seems a little off.

Why are the non-augments fighting to shut down augments totally? Presumably they have some kind of positive effect, or people wouldn't have them in the first place. What does this implant actually do?

ya i think making a mandatory thing would help the story make sense

im thinking of having there be two other chipping companies but have them be extremely small as to explain why the military just does whatever it is told (they are basicaly brainwashed by their chips)

and they aren't kids nor are they being starved to death or worked to death. They are highly trained (at this point) adults who are smart enough to compete with augmented peeps. that and since its a whole planet its not exactly the easiest thing to keep hundreds of people from getting away with a ship that is basicaly just made to fly with no armaments or anything

as for the work force your looking at 30% of a population in the trillions+ they have the ability to live without it, probably no worse than a really bad pandemic. That and you don't really need that much work force since the majority of stuff is automated anyhow

the non augmented aren't trying to shut down augments purposfully but to save themselves they have to take down the company to stop the genocide
the implants help boost your brain function and finely tune your motor skills
implanted people are able to have a larger short term-long term memory, greater physical ability, and (the main purpose of the chip) high intelligence

though this story is just an idea 

[Cthulhu]

I'd just write it.  The goodness or badness of it will be 90% execution. 

[hops]

I RISE FROM THE DEAD.

CONTEST RESULT & SUMMARY

First Place: Complex by GiglameshDespair

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I was debating to myself whether or not I should criticize you on the title, since I’m not good with coming up with titles either, but I feel like ‘Complex’ doesn’t really do the story justice. Sure, the Complex is a character in the story, but you have to ask yourself if it actually play that important of a role. It seems to me that the story places more emphasis on the bioknight’s loss than the Complex itself, since he already knows he will be stopped by the Complex. The theme does not seem to revolve around the word ‘Complex’ either. I wouldn’t really know what to name it, but you should use something more suited to the topic of the story.

The story also have a pretty weak plot in my opinion. Right from the start, the Bio-knight does not really have any clear-cut goal apart from killing things. I mean, he already knows that he will fail. At the very least, the interplay of his rage and his acknowledgement of the futility of his assault should be developed more.

Apart from that, I really like the premise. It reminds me of John Dies At The End, mainly from the body horror and wetwork pseudo-AI themes used.

Second Place: Untitled by Arx

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The “antagonist” of the short story is too weak. This would have been fine if he had done something minor, but it’s hard for me to belief that he killed eight followers of Light when he appears to clearly be pretty incompetent. Then again, that depend on your goal for the story, but from what I can see so far you intended the man’s assault on the follower of Light to be the climax, which is built up too suddenly and resolved too easily. His “mind manipulations” was mentioned and never utilized. It’s just my opinion, but this piece need some more action. The “hero”  seem to lend himself very well to that sort of thing anyways.

The dystopia setting put a nice spin to the “bar brawl” format of the story which I have seen countless of in fantasy settings. It somehow reminds me of 1984.

Third Place: Legend of the Star King Revenge by Worldmaster27

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I understand that this is a reference to KingOfStarrySkies, but I felt like the premise needs some more explaining. Maybe I am wrong here, and maybe adding more details would ruin the story, but I wish we get some explanation why Relun, who is supposed to be the King’s best friend, suddenly decided to betray him and steal his face.

The action in the story seems a bit too drawn out. I appreciate that action is hard to write, but there should be more building up then the two trading blows on each other, Relun appearing to be winning, and the King coming out on top. While this story has a clear-cut antagonist, he seems a bit too underdeveloped, and more focus should be put into expounding his relationship with his former friend.

GiglameshDespair will be choosing the two themes.

[TD1]

Huzzah for the rising of Objective!

Well done, Gig.

As an aside, I found this in my word document, where I had forgotten it.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Carp

Once teeth like knives you had, you fish
That ruled the river’s course.
You had more strength than Dwarves,
Could race a running horse.

Now beady eye and slimy skin,
Devoid of heart or kin,
Are all that’s left, of you my Carp
Whose teeth were once so sharp.

The rivers flow on by the forts
Where Urist fishes food-
You fought them once, you hero masked,
You saved all that was good
From Dwarves, from overlanded beasts
Who would have taken them to feast.

No more! Alas, no more the River’s Guard
The fish of Dwarven Dreams-
For they that tamed you, ruled you too-
Death was the cloth, and pain the seams.

“One more for table, Urist please!”
Cried out the baron from his hall.
“That plump one caught the other day!
Do you recall what grandfathers used to say,
That once we feared such fish?
Ha!”

No more the glories of the water,
No heart is left to you.
Where once you swam,
Where once the rivers ran,
Your numbers now are few.

[GiglameshDespair]

Heh. Cheers.
'Complex' was a working name that never got replaced.

Anyway, Prompts:
1) In defeat, victory is obtained.

2) Taking on the role of a protector

[mastahcheese]

That sounds like you could make something that fits both prompts and is totally awesome.

I'd actually work on something for that but my laptop is borked again and I don't know how to fix it. ;_;