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Author Topic: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___  (Read 314002 times)

mastahcheese

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #900 on: September 22, 2014, 11:39:30 am »

Spoiler: Sixth Fragment (click to show/hide)
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Parsely

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #901 on: September 22, 2014, 12:20:43 pm »

Ooh, this looks fun. I've been drafting my first 'serious' attempt at a story this year, and I'm starting to think it's sounding okay. I need your best criticisms to knock me down a peg and remind me I'm still a novice at this! :D Mind if I throw you guys an excerpt?

Spoiler: Excerpt proper (click to show/hide)

(Edit: Actually spotted a couple of annoying problems as I was reading my own post, hah! Sorry if you caught the 'old' one. I'll leave it alone now.)
That's quite good, no real critiques other than there's perhaps a few deets that could've been less nonspecific, like referring to the woman's tools as "medical supplies" when you could've perhaps described it a bit more. It's good to be just the slightest touch vague when you're describing things for the benefit of the reader's imagination, but the situation is too personal to use a term so broad as "medical supplies", as if she brought in a pile of crates or something. Perhaps "she held a dun-colored satchel in her arms, the whole assortment clinking noisily as she set it down with care and visible effort (it was obviously quite heavy for the frail old woman). It could be seen to be full of glass bottles, corked vials containing dark, bitter-looking tinctures that one wrinkled his nose at just to imagine the taste. There was a bundle which, retrieved and unfurled, held an assortment metal tools in neat sleeves. Some were long and pointed, others bent and hooked, all looked wicked and deadly, and Dannil swallowed hard at the thought of all the torturous deeds might have been done to similarly young men before him. Retrieving one of the sharper blades, the woman pulled bits of varicolored cloth from her pockets and, using it, began to divide them into neat strips-" That sort of goes on, and the fearful bit I threw in there sort of falls on itself, but it's just an example of how you can use fine details to paint a distinct picture.

It's sort of unclear what the set is, but the medic referred to "infection" and had laudanum so you're prolly going for a late 19th/early 20th century thing, I'd wager.
« Last Edit: September 22, 2014, 12:36:29 pm by GUNINANRUNIN »
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Arx

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #902 on: September 22, 2014, 12:52:56 pm »

It looks very good; at this point, if you want more criticism you'll have to post more stuff!

I'm inclined to differ with GUNIN on this particular piece, where I feel that the introduction of more details would begin to be overkill - you can't describe everything in detail, and it fits with the concussed MC that some details aren't carrying through. It's your writing though, and you are the one who decides how to apply criticism. If you think GUNIN's right, he's right, and ditto the other way.

Edit: because I can, here are a couple of prompts for anyone feeling like writing but with no idea what to write:

It will be spring, the season of weeping.
Plague, evil, and it seems the rain is scheming.

Pulled off a random prompt generator. Not in aid of anything in particular - just for the purpose of maybe encouraging some more writing. If you post it, you'll get feedback!
« Last Edit: September 22, 2014, 12:57:26 pm by Arx »
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Parsely

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #903 on: September 22, 2014, 01:00:06 pm »

I'm inclined to differ with GUNIN on this particular piece, where I feel that the introduction of more details would begin to be overkill - you can't describe everything in detail, and it fits with the concussed MC that some details aren't carrying through. It's your writing though, and you are the one who decides how to apply criticism. If you think GUNIN's right, he's right, and ditto the other way.
Well, my example was certainly overkill, I kinda went a bit overboard. Just a few more details couldn't hurt though.
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Arx

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #904 on: September 22, 2014, 01:41:49 pm »

And since I've just looked at the prompts, here's something on the first one. Not really happy with it, but I don't want to agonise over it for hours trying to get everything just right.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
« Last Edit: October 11, 2014, 11:11:03 am by Arx »
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Parsely

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #905 on: September 22, 2014, 01:49:29 pm »

That's a very fun little short story. :> You could probably get that published in a collaboration or summat if you cleaned it up some and added a bit more length.
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Moogie

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #906 on: September 22, 2014, 02:24:55 pm »

Thank you! Yes, I see what you mean, it's a bit vague. I think it needs just a sentence or two more to at least establish what kind of object it is, rather than just 'supplies', which could be anything. :P

Quote
It's sort of unclear what the set is, but the medic referred to "infection" and had laudanum so you're prolly going for a late 19th/early 20th century thing, I'd wager.

I'm glad you picked that up! It isn't strictly 19th century earth as we knew it, but definitely the same technological period.

A criticism I'd poke at myself (as if I don't have hundreds of those already...) is that I don't think I give each character a distinctive enough voice. The old lady should probably use a few word Dannil would consider 'old fashioned' or somesuch. But, that's something I'll focus on a lot more during editing, anyway.

I may post again, but for now, this was very helpful. Thanks!
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WillowLuman

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #907 on: September 22, 2014, 04:06:35 pm »

I've always wanted to write a story in some vaguely old-timey british setting and just put the date as the 1£00's. Not sure what to call that, though. The £th century? The British century?
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Parsely

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #908 on: September 22, 2014, 09:33:43 pm »

A criticism I'd poke at myself (as if I don't have hundreds of those already...) is that I don't think I give each character a distinctive enough voice. The old lady should probably use a few word Dannil would consider 'old fashioned' or somesuch. But, that's something I'll focus on a lot more during editing, anyway.
A good way to give characters voice is to describe their expressions when they say things, not just when they're obviously being emotive, such as when they're angry, or terrified. It helps get across their general attitude and once you cross that invisible hump near the beginning/middle of the story, the reader starts to read the character in the same voice that's been readily established, and from then on it's just a matter of consistency, sticking to the character's motives and attitude as you've written, and causing their perceptions to alter (usually) as the narrative progresses.
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Cryxis, Prince of Doom

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #909 on: September 22, 2014, 10:42:16 pm »

Didn't this thread do like writing exercises at one point where someone posted something to be the subject of a writing and then people post stories using it as a subject and everyone else reviews that and helps people with what they have trouble with?
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hops

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #910 on: September 22, 2014, 10:51:40 pm »

Yeah. I'd do it but I'm uncertain if people will participate.
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Cryxis, Prince of Doom

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #911 on: September 22, 2014, 11:01:30 pm »

I would when I can
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GiglameshDespair

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #912 on: September 23, 2014, 04:19:52 am »

I'd do it.
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Arx

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #913 on: September 23, 2014, 08:34:23 am »

I have nowhere near as much time as I used to, so I can make no guarantees, but I'll try. I say run it.
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hops

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #914 on: September 23, 2014, 06:10:28 pm »

Well, I've been doing tons of writing analysis for school, so I guess I'm slightly qualified to do analyses.

Short-ish Fiction Contest: Draigcorp Objectcorp Edition 2014

Rules
Your story must be greater than 250 words.
Your story must be less than 10,000 words. (Translated into average paperback pages, that's ~40 pages.)
Your story must be submitted before Sunday at whenever-I-start-grading (and preferably earlier) to be considered.
Your story must respond to the prompt (in some way) in order to be considered for grading.
You cannot win twice in a row. You may be ranked first, but you can't get the benefits of 'winning'.
You can submit a story either in the thread or by pm. If you submit by PM, your story will remain anonymous.

You Can
Submit stories from a larger body of work, as long as they fall within the word limits.
Write in any kind of style you feel like. I really don't give a damn and I've read pretty much anything.
Write poetry. Bear in mind that, like Draignean, I'm not exactly a good judge of poetry either unless said prompt is scenery. As before, poetry is exempt from the minimum word count limit.

You Cannot
Write stories of graphic sexuality. Forum rules, blah blah blah. Keep Reginald's quivering member to yourself. Sex is fine, just don't make it the centerpiece of the story.
Write nonfiction. I don't care if it's a spectacular history of central Asia that explains Kazakhstan's multi-vector politics AND somehow fits the prompt. NO. Bad brain!
Submit the exact same story twice, even if it fits two prompts. You must evidence clear and substantial revisions before you can re-enter an old piece.

How this Works

   Every week there will be a prompt submitted. You then have the rest of the week to work on your story. You can submit anytime between the start of the contest and the Sunday the week after the contest begins. The deadline for stories is the end of that sunday. (8-14 day window) If you post after that deadline then I won't consider your story for the rankings and you can use it another time.
   That sunday, or in the week following, I will declare someone a winner and rank the rest of the stories. I will provide critique along with each piece. It may not be substantial, but I guarantee you that I will read it and point out the parts of it that I think work best and the parts that need the most work. I will avoid being mean, but I will also avoid telling you something is awesome when I think it needs work.
   Then, after I declare a winner, that person declares the next two prompts. Then the process repeats. If the winner doesn't post prompts by the end of Wednesday, I will post one that night. The winner can also waive the right to make their own prompt, but I can't imagine anyone doing that. I may also veto the winner's prompt and write a new one of the occasion calls for it. Fanfic, since it you need knowledge to write in it, is a banned category for prompts. (Not, however, for stories.)


Prompts

Prompt: 1. Write a story set in the prehistoric era or equivalent in your setting.

Or

2. Write a story where the narrator is not humanoid.

Spoiler: FAQ (click to show/hide)

DEADLINE: 5 OCTOBER
« Last Edit: October 06, 2014, 07:59:03 pm by Objective »
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