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[Viken]

I've been a member of Bay12 for a while, but usually I'm only active in the Modding or Other Games forums.  But I have a bit of an active life in writing, atleast for fun.  I'm a long-term member of a chat roleplaying website called The Keep.

But recently I started working on my own high-fantasy setting that I'm seriously debating turning into a series of books.  The only problem is that I have very little experience with writing professionally.  In any case, let me provide some background on the setting and story.

The setting is called Midrealm, and its a place where the living (also called Livers) live and work amongst the dead (Deaders), both of the deadmen variety (zombies, liches, ect.) and wraiths (ghosts, spirits, ect.).  Midrealm is a barren wasteland, drawing inspariation from deserts and canyons and the like.  Crops are extremely hard to grow, as the cold seasons are alot longer than the warm, growing seasons are.  Zombies are often used as packhorses and the like, drawing carraiges and coaches while being managed by a liche, who atleast is still somewhat of human intelligence, in most cases.

The economics, currancy, political structure and everything is of my own creation.  Midrealm is ruled over by a quasi-deity known as the Summoner King, but comes by his authority and power from a massively powerful artifact known as the Prophecy, which is semi-sentient.  Unbeknownst to almost everyone besides the Summoner King, he is not immortal, and after several centuries the powers he wields starts burning through his humanity, and is thus replaced.   In this case, the Summoner King finds out that his time is drawing to a close, and makes the decision to fight against the Prophecy, and actively starts searching for the one who's destined to replace him in order to become effectively immortal and all-powerful.

The starting of the setting is rather cliche, but at the same time it provides the most opens with how the story could unfold.  The story will center around the Prophecy's 'chosen one' as he grows from a teenager into a man along with his companions, and quite possibly a civil war that draws the attention of both the Lowrealm (Livers only), and Highrealm (Lands of the Dead).  Not to mention the various other creatures, species, and the several-thousand year timeline I've had bouncing around in my head a while.

Anyway, any thoughts, suggestions, or questions are welcome! Thank you.

[Fishbreath]

While I like your dead/undead dichotomy (I'm of a mind to eventually work on something similar, albeit less serious), I do have to offer a few warnings about things you said:

The starting of the setting is rather cliché

This, in my opinion, is not a good sign (although, from what you said so far, it's also a problem you can dodge). You have an interesting hook with the living and undead not being necessarily adversarial, and I think it would be a good idea to introduce the setting with something like the packhorse zombies you mentioned (when you start the story, at least). A few unusual details at the start help differentiate you from the vast quantity of high fantasy that's already out there.

The story will center around the Prophecy's 'chosen one' as he grows from a teenager into a man along with his companions

This is a classic story, but the problem is, it's so classic that it begins to feel samey. I'm not going to lay claim to any particular originality, because a lot of the things I write are so classic they've become cliché, but unless you have some very memorable characters and some very good execution, you may run into issues where readers/publishers/what have you end up saying, "This is the same chosen one hero's journey civil war story I've read dozens of times before." In particular, although the setting is distinct, your plot outline made me think 'Eragon' almost immediately.

Which isn't prima facie a bad thing, but again—high fantasy is an exceptionally crowded space, and I'd definitely want to be able to point at distinct plot and setting elements to say why some random reader should look at my story instead of someone else's.

[Viken]

Hm, not quite.  Its a bit cliche in my mind because really, it is.   But Eragon was blatantly the hero from the get-go.    In this case, its more like events push him upon that path, even though he seems to make all the choices, or atleast is given the illusion of choice in those matters.

Thank you for the idea of starting off, perhaps in the prologue, with the coach and whatnot.  That's not something I had had in mind before, but looking at it now, it does make alot of sense.  Also, for a bit more background,  Midrealm is high in mineral content, metals and even precious gems and the like.  Most of the population deals with metalcrafts or rough trade, with very few 'farms' and ranch-style set up in specific areas. 

Also, tradition wood is all but non-existant in Midrealm, so stonework is extremely important for building materials and projects.  At the same time, though, several areas where mass graves are have become home to a type of fungus called Deadwood, which can grow to be quite big (20 feet tall, 5 feet thick) and the stems are fiberous, almost like a wood, while the tops bloom once a season, creating a flower that's quite potent magically, and a type of fruit that is poisonous to Livers, but can be consumed by Deaders instead of their traditional food.

Speaking of the Deaders for a moment, because Midrealm is seperated from the true lands of the dead, and yet is distant from the true land of the living (Highrealm and Lowrealm, respectively), Deaders can survive in Midrealm, but only by mostly consuming a substance known as Emptimus, also called Eus (E-us) as its slang name.  Emptimus is a crystal that grows in the presense of the Summoner King, and slowly solidifies in gaint vats of water within the throneroom of the Dread Palace.  Its used as an energy source in magics, as well.  Emptimus 'Shards' are the official curancy of Midrealm, ranked via quanity as well as quality, depending upon how 'pure' the shards are.  The purer Emptimus is, the lighter in color it is, and the more potent.  Highly pure Eus is deadly to Livers, and prolonged contact can cause sickness or immediant death.

Deaders, on the other hand, consume it to keep their existance in Midrealm.  Zombies, liches, and the like munch on it in a parody of ingesting it.  Ghosts and spirits on the other hand simply touch it to consume it.  The more a Deader consumes, the stronger they become, as well.  A spirit for example that consumes a massive quanity of it... Lets just say the Summoner King himself had to deal with one several centuries before the start of the story and it created a region called the 'Pit', where the destruction and energy released there created the Scourge, the collective name for a race of demonic-like beings of primitive intelligence and unsatable hunger.  Demons are seperate entities both in their biology and creation than the other beings.

Also, to touch a bit upon the Prophecy, I'm using it as both a common element, and a plot device.  No one has seen the true Prophecy sense Midrealm was created.  Only the Summoner King, the Judges (Lesser Deities), and the Archeon know its true purpose and its rough whereabouts.   Instead, most people in Midrealm know it only through collective information, much in the form of a book or a script, like a Bible.  This though is all second hand, and over time has been re-written and re-drafted by different individuals and Summoner Kings to misguide the general population to the truth.

The Prophecy is partially a living, sentient thing that balances out the world of Midrealm.  Midrealm was a distaster that never should have happened, but did anyway, and thus had to be kept in balance between the true lands of the living and the dead.  Its both the keystone of all existance within Midrealm, the encoding of its laws and traditions, and also partially its own author.  As times change, so do the Prophecy, and it can indirectly influence some things within the world, acting like Lady Luck in some cases.

Anyway, thanks again!

[AlStar]

...Stuff...

If nothing else, I'll say that you've got an interesting world, although I'm a bit curious how the entire Emptimus grows around the King/The dead need it to survive balance works out there. If the dead need to consume Emptimus or they... um, die.. again, then it means that they must have come after the King, since the stuff only grows in his presence.

Which, I suppose, would lead to the question of: how are the dead created? Have I just stumbled onto the (probabably obvious) reason why he's called the Summoner King?

So yeah, sounding like you've got some good world building going on. Of course, coming up with settings is only the first part - you'll need to actually come up with interesting characters and a good (ie well-written) story for a novel; dialog helps too.

[Viken]

Indeed, AlStar.   Its actually tied into the history of Midrealm that it starts to make sense.  I'll outline some of it here.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Before Midrealm was created, the Lowrealm (I haven't got a name for it yet) was nearly completely conquered in a series of wars called the Unification Wars, under an engmatic Emperor and his General.  It was a time of great advancements in the Lowrealm, where the unexpected increase of trade and increase in security from the vast army the Emperor commanded actuallly did a fairly decent job of raising the economics and encouraging the flow of information and knowledge.

About twenty years after the Unification Wars ended, one of the three main Wizard Colleges of the Empire found a way to combine their magical power with newly invented machines, many of which operated on very primitive steam technology.  But at the same time, a group of Priests and Clerics came before the Emperor and told him a dreadful thing.  That there were no gods.  That their prayers had gone unanswered for ages.  That their powers came from within, instead of from their religious might. 

All of this though had made the Emperor greedy and wanting.  For twenty years he had lived a life of utter lavishness and decadance, completely abandoning many of the principles he'd supported during the Wars.  He immediently issued orders to form a new army, and amass the resources required for a long campaign, and summoned the Wizards and the Priests into a council.  If there were no gods in Heaven, why couldn't he be one?

In the end, only his General opposed the entire thing.   It was too risky, too dangerous.  Even the Wizards were afraid of the idea, combining their powers with the newly created technologies and opening a portal into heaven was something no one had ever done before.  It took them nearly five years to come up with the massively complex rituals and machines required.

But it only brought about misery.  When the ritual started, and the portal opened, they inadvertantly tore a chunk out of heaven.  Tore a chunk out of a higher plane of existance and forced it into the physical plane.  That would later become Midrealm.

Now, the other thing that was asked is how the dead are created in Midrealm.  Most of them actually come from the Lowrealm.  While the portal used in the war was forced closed during the war that happened during that time, smaller, lesser entrances were created in its stead.  When a person dies in Lowrealm, one of three things happens. They can either pass on directly to Highrealm, like most do.  Or they can struggle and try to put themselves back into their bodies, which reanimate them as the various Deadmen.  Or they can struggle to stay there in the world, becoming as a ghost or spirit.

But resisting like that has consequences, and if they resist the natural flow in Lowrealm, they are pulled into Midrealm without a choice in the matter.  Most of them never really know what happens.   But not everything goes right sometimes.  Zombies, for example, are reanimated corpses that continue to hold a spirit inside of them, but they've lost all connection to themselves.  Over the course of about two weeks, they lose their human intelligence, and fall into using instinct and instruction from Liches to survive.  Liches are similiar to Zombies, in that the dead had decided to stay in their body; but with a much stronger connection between their 'soul' and their remains.  They mostly retain their intelligence and former knowledge.  Zombies almost always automatically look up to Liches, and thus a liche may end up commanding whole packs of them.

Also, its more likely that a Liche was someone of power before his death, a powerful wizard, a mage, or a priest, for example.  Many of them have kept the knowledge of their magical studies while living, and can use it to devistating effect if provoked; although some slowly lose their ability to cast such magic.  The magic in Midrealm is inherently unstable and different than that in Lowrealm.

Thankfully, when the dead cross over from Lowrealm into Midrelam, the first place they end up is in a Chronicler's Camp.  The Chronicler's are one of the major groups of people within Midrealm, second only to the Order, which acts as Midrealm's military arm.  The Chronicler's though do exactly as their name suggests.  They write their chronicles.  Every person living and dead within Midrealm gets noted, and they keep and maintain vast records of everyone who has ever been in Midrealm. 

Now, because Midrealm is a place stuck between the worlds of the living and the dead, it has several problems when it comes to substaining any sort of life or existance.  Its out of balance with the natural way the world is supposed to work.  As such, the natural energies of Deaders slowly fades while in Midrealm.  And a Deader can spend centuries or millinium in Midrealm before finally passing through the 'Gate' and into Highrealm.   This problem had to be ironed out, and at the time of Midrealm's creation, Midrealm also needed continuous leadership and rule. 

It was decided to solve both issues in a single deal after the war between the Living and the Dead was done and over with.  The General, who had opposed the entire thing was chosen to become the first Summoner King by the Judges, a group of powerful spirits (deities), and was imbued with the power after having his soul bound to the original writing of the Prophecy.  The process that turns a man into the Summoner King is rather straight forward, but unknown to anyone else but the Kings, they are all descended through the General's bloodline.

It is an extremely painful process, though.  The man chosen to become the new Summoner King to replace the old has to consume a massive amount of Emptimus, which is actually a naturally occuring substance during Midrealm's creation, where the energies of the Highrealm leak down into Midrealm.  In doing so, though, the person actually burns away his physical body, and becomes an undead being that's totally different from natural Deaders.   He also becomes a conduent from the energies of Highrealm.  Its why most of the Emptimus forms around him.   The situation with the vats in the throneroom was just a natural decision, since the purest Emptimus crystals form in clean, fresh water.  Otherwise it would form just about anywhere.

The Summoner King was also named so because of the old traditions of the usually outlawed Necromancers in Lowrealm.  The Summoner King has the right and the power to call any Deader to himself as a summons, should he wish.  On the other hand, Emptimus itself is a very potent power source in its purest forms.  Deaders consume it in small quanities over time to continue to exist in Midrealm as they make their slow journey through Midrealm society until its their time to pass on completely.  This generates a constantly shifting economic situation, which has kept the actual 'value' of Emptimus as a currancy in balance for centuries at a time.

On that note, though, what actually happens to a Deader that doesn't consume Emptimus is what they call Fading.  For a ghost or a spirit, it does exactly that; they literally fade out of existance.  Should they vanish completely, their names are forever removed from the records of the world, and they become as if they never existed at all.   For zombies and liches and the like, Fading is a bit of a longer, and more digusting process.  Their bodies actually start to rot and fall apart.  While most Deadmen types are never pretty, they don't stink on their own, and their bodies are maintained at a certain level of decomposition that provides them some form of balance.  Even Skeletons, which are generally rarer compared to the other types are maintained this way.  But when they Fade, that all breaks down.  Once enough of their form is gone, they lose the final connection with their spirits and they crumble.  Its just like with the others, their existance is gone, and they disapear out of the records.

Okay, that was a little long winded, so I put it in spoilers.  But yes, I have a thing for world building, although I've never gone into quite this much detail before.   But this only scratches the surface of everything I have in mind for the setting.  Thanks.

[schrocko88]

So, I want to write something. But I'm not sure what to write. How about a prompt, since we haven't had one in about four hundred years?

[Reudh]

If Phantom doesn't mind  / can't be reached, I'd love to give out the prompt for this week.

[Skyrunner]

Yey.
It might be a chance to try my hand at a different style xD

[Tiruin]

If Phantom doesn't mind  / can't be reached, I'd love to give out the prompt for this week.

Do it, sire.

You're one of the mentors, so I am sure that Phantom won't mind. 

* Tiruin calls the next prompt after Reudh.

[AlStar]

Its why most of the Emptimus forms around him.   The situation with the vats in the throneroom was just a natural decision, since the purest Emptimus crystals form in clean, fresh water.  Otherwise it would form just about anywhere.

Some questions that came to me while reading:
Does he have control where these crystals form? If not, it seems like any castle/palace/whatever inhabited by him for any length of time would eventually turn into a giant crystal, as crystals would form in the walls.
Do crystals only form in inanimate material? If not, it seems like it could be hazardous to be anywhere near the King, lest you get crystals growing in you.

[Viken]

There is some concious control over it, yes.  Although as a currency that also acts a renewable resource, its constantly being harvested and put into circulation.  It can grow on inanimate objects, but not in them; but being exposed to air makes it a really slow process, like crystal quartz and calcium.  It grows alot quicker in the water.

Also, its generally hazardous to be near the King anyway.  As time goes no, he becomes more and more unstable and can't maintain his humanity.  So violent outbursts and the like are common.  Think Darth Vader with bi-polar disorder. 

[Reudh]

Alright. Prompt for this week:

What is the most peaceful place you know? Write about it. Write about what makes it so peaceful. Think how peaceful it is, and then... someone you very strongly dislike comes in and disrupts the peacefulness. How do you feel about this? How do you resolve it?

[Fishbreath]

I'm listed on Web Fiction Guide, and I've found that it's been good for traffic so far. I don't know who else here is posting their stuff, but I'd recommend getting a listing up if you're doing so.

[mcclay]

Some of you may rember me from  being that one fucker who posts a lot on the Forum Games section. I however do come up this far sometimes and often look at this thread. My of my dreams is to be a writier and have wanted to post in this thread but I keep on forgetting. Getting to the point of this ramble I just finished the first draft of a essay for school about the nature of value that is important to me so I'm going to post it here. Just as a warning I tend to ramble on about my view point on the world and humanity as a whole so yeah.
The value I did was Determination

Spoiler: Determination (click to show/hide)

Determination
By Charles Clay
10/10/12
4th period

What is the nature of Man? The answer to this quote is what most philosophers are looking for. Oh of course they will go on about “The Nature of Life” or “Revealing the Secrets of the Universe” but what they are really looking for is what our purpose? Are we to be a warlike race of conquers; spreading out across the galaxy like a plague, destroying all that gets in our way? Or are we to be the moderators and peacekeepers, preventing conflict and strife as we colonize new worlds? Are we to be a species that frees its self of petty morality and strife and devotes itself to the pursuit of knowledge? All of these will require one thing that has pushed humanity on throughout history: the desire to live and survive, Determination. For all of those possible histories can never happen without us getting off this planet and exploring the universe, to escape the ticking galactic time bomb that is our own sun.
We have scraped and fought against animals and each other since the first ape stepped out of a tree and onto two legs. Determination is what keeps us going when times are bad, when disaster threatens and our fortresses fall down about our ears. When what is lurking out there in the depths of space comes to visit us Determination is all that will be left for us to cling to. If you look back on history you will see this…the word value does not seem to do it justice but I can think of no better word for it…save the bastions of sanity and humanity against the tides of dressed up barbarism and inhumanity.
When Alexander the Great conquered what was thought to be the world, he fought insanity when most other man would have fled and faced insurmountable odds with Determination.  When American colonists revolted against the English they threw off the yoke of oppression from an old and powerful country and fought against well trained soldiers, they showed bravery and Determination. When Britain and France fought the Germans in WWI their soldiers toiled and died within the bloody trenches but never gave up and won the war through Determination. And when Germany united under Hitler, Italy under Mussolini and Japan railed against the US, the Allies fought three fascist empires holding half the world between them and most importantly won that war with great Determination.
I too have known Determination, if not on so grand and important a scale. I was put in the Cub Scouts when I was about four or five and enjoyed it greatly. However as my rank grew so did my irritation and annoyance with the program. When I “Crossed Over” to true Boy Scouting I still felt happy but the happiness was tinted with frustration. In Boy Scouts my unhappiness grew, incredibly so in the time I was a Patrol Leader, until I ended up almost hating it. But as I approached Life, the last rank before Eagle, I found that my annoyance cooled until it was only a slight twinge at core of indifference. Now as I approach the last few things for Eagle I find enjoyment in the moments I can in Scouts and feel mild amusement and annoyance at others.
Determination is something we all feel. It is what drives great men to do good things and what drives the insane to commit atrocities.  It is neither good nor evil, more a force of humanity more than anything else. It is what has propelled us to become the leader on this planet of ours and what will hopefully propel us into the stars and above. And it will equip us with what is necessary to deal with what we will find up there, and what to do if the stars come to us.

[kisame12794]

I may pop up another story sooner or later. Last one seemed to go well, title was A Space Oddity, I believe.