Here is a fun little thing I decided to write. It is a certain joke I really liked and fleshed out into a story.
Seriously, tell me your opinion about it. I wanna hear. I might even continue this thing. It is dumb. It is a blatant self-insert, and has Minecraft youtuber in it.
Yeah, it is that bad. You'll have to see it for yourself.
Will woke up, trying to stretch by habit, and was a bit annoyed by his inability to do so. He also noticed how cold it was. He then noticed that he was sitting upright, all cramped. Then the darkness, and the cage and- What the fuck?
Will fully snapped back to reality, inside a cage he didn't remember getting into, in almost total darkness.
He shallowed his fear in denial. This must be a nightmare, he thought. But dreams don't feel this real, do they? Maybe this was real?
Okay, he would just have to get his mind together and think about what he knows about his situation. He takes a deep breath and counts what he knows and doesn't knows.
He didn't knew where this place was. He didn't knew how he got here. He wasn't even sure how much time had passed. Fuck, he didn't even knew what this fucking cage was made out of. It resembled something between metal and plastic, but it was also unbelievably tough. It just wouldn't budge. There was no visible entrance to it either; no locks, no cage door, no screws. How did he even ended up inside this thing?
Things he did knew were that this cage was way too small for him, that it was very cold and dark and he was scared.
Sometime passed with him sitting alone and cold in this uncomfortable solitude with only his thoughts and back pain for company. Cold was also very much here, and only wearing pjamas and being barefoot didn't helped at all.
The silence didn't lasted forever. From the indistinct darkness, previously unseen torches set upon the once hidden walls all lit up at once, filling the room in a soft ember glow and faint crackling of fire. Will took notice of how big this empty stone room was in every dimension and appreciated the small surge of warmth, but this short sense of awe ended when he took a closer look at the walls and the floor. His eyes opened wide at the sight.
Light from the torches had revealed the stone surfaces just enough that Will could now see them clearly. They were filled with pristine engravings of people getting murdered, in very violent ways. Pulled out intestines, caved-in skulls, mangled limbs. Death. He was at the center of the room, he could see all of it. He then noticed the rooms two doors also made of stone, but a different kind. They both had sharp, jagged bone spikes which menaced him.
The actual weight of his situation finally dawned on him.
He could die here. He was completely at mercy of whoever put him here. He had nothing to defend himself with. Maybe they wouldn't even kill him, but do things even worse. They could have killed him, but they wanted them alive...
Thoughts of him killed as some sort of demonic cult sacrifice or tortured for fun continued to race through his mind, yet the fear he was feeling was nothing compared to what he was going to feel a mere 5 second later.
Will was pulled out of his thoughts when he heard one of the doors open just slighly, with loud, long creak. Will froze in fear, almost tearing up. He begged at nobody for mercy. He grimaced and was about to lose it, when-
When a normal looking black cat went through the small opening and started to frolick inside the room. Will was still in shock, he barely registered what he was looking at. Yet seeing the cat just calmed him. He liked cats. The cat loafed and looked at the walls, as if understanding the artwork. The scene calmed Will just a little bit. The whole thing about him being in risk of getting killed was forgotten for a moment, coming back after a moment later.
Fuck it, he though. If he was going to die today, then at least he could enjoy a cats company one last time. The cat was still looking at the engravings, not even noticing of Will.
"So cute." Will quietly said to himself, and the cat turned to face him, in a kind of surprised way? It stood still for a moment, then kinda just, shrugged. But then its ears rose at some noise. It got up, in anticipation. And that is when Will heard what the cat was responding to. Footsteps. A whole lot of them. Coming closer by the second. Sound of chatter, growing louder. He held his breath. What was going to happen to him, was going to happen now.
Both doors opened without warning, and things started to walk in. Some were very much human. But others were straight out monsters. Some looked unreal. There was a three headed rat in royal clothing, a fox, a man shaped mushroom, a dog-sized dragon, and other unreal stuff. Even what looks like a giant red subatomic particle with a plus on it, just floating around, making otherworldly noises while facing others. Was it talking? Yes it was, apparently, an anime looking dude was nodding along with the noise it made, occasionally even replying.
They were all talking then. Infact, that was all they did after they all entered the room. They just talked. Normal looking ones spoke in a language he haven't even heard before, and the weirder ones made weirder noises. It was a cacaphony unlike anything he heard before. And he hated every second of it. The sounds dulled his mind, and he began to feel tired.
But on the bright side, he was now pretty sure this was all real now. He, a grown man, really did woke up imprisoned in a plastic cage with nothing but his bed attire. And he was really abducted by a secret society of weird people, scary monsters, eldritch apparitions, and a cat. They didn't do anything bad to him, yet. If those engravings indicate anything, it was that these people were very okay with harm. Yet they didn't even seem to acknowledge him. They occasionally looked his way in a puzzled expression, exchanged something about him, but then just returned to their talking.
That was when he felt something poking him from the side. He reluctantly looked to see two large eyes penetrating into his soul. It was a floating cube of lava with huge eyes. It bore a toothy grin with two rows of triangular black teeth. And most importantly, it had a stick, which somehow didn't burn in its lava hand.
Wilbur looked at the creature with no feeling in particular, his existantial dread reserves had run dry. Up until it poked his eye with the stick, which he recoiled in annoyance, while holding his eye.
"Bitch.", he simply stated at the cube. Cube looked smug at first, but then its expression changed into one of contemplation. It leaned in, taking a good look of his face. His face was then filled shock, and then it changed into a grimace. It held its body between its hands. Then it fearfully looked around, shaking its body- head? Both were the same thing for it anyways?
It looked around again, pinching its nostrils, which were on top of its head, like a whale. It made clicks and whistles like one too, into the crowd. But they were barely audable from the noise.
It was so loud. Was it so loud before? No, it wasn't. What was this smell of ash and smoke? Why was it much warmer than before? Will watched the strangers again. They all seemed much more angry now. Talking had turned to yelling, random noises were roars and disjointed cacaphony.
He saw a ball of fire hurled at the fox he saw earlier, the fox in turn morphed into a humanoid fox and hurled one back. Soon, others followed. A gargantuan croack revertabrated throught the now smoke filled room, filling it with an aurora of authority. But he couldn't really register that, he was feeling really dizzy. He felt light and very warm, the flames were now rising from pretty much everywhere. Screams echoed from the walls, but halting heartbeat and labored breaths were all he could really hear.
In this chaos, he had a what he assumed was his last train of though. One of pure, futile desperation.
No, he couldn't die! He didn't wanted to die! How about his friends? His family? His fans? He can't leave them behind. He wasn't ready! Not yet NOT YET NOT YET, Not yet. Not... yet...
He knew he was going out. He wasn't in peace with that fact. The fact that he was dying. Yet that was what he got in the end. He would never return home. See his loved ones. No big deal. He was just one guy, and people died everyday.
Last things he saw was the cube laying some gray thing on the floor, then reaching out for him.