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[MorleyDev]

Okay, I once explained how someone can be asexual but still interested in relationships as people have two types of attraction: Romantic and Sexual. Hence, they can be interested in romance but not sex. I now contend that this simplification is well...too simple, maybe to the point of being called "wrong".

Now, I'll instead say there are four types of attraction.
- Emotional
- Aesthetic
- Sexual
- Intellectual

Now, the last one is the one I suspect may not be applicable to many people. And aesthetic and sexual probably have a lot of overlap for most people. But there are people in the world whom I'm sure you can look at and go “hot damn!” without thinking “I want their genitalia and my genitalia in to come into contact!”.

Ergo, aesthetic is finding them physically appealing, sexual is wanting genital contact. Emotional is of course, when you get the funny feeling from them some like to call 'wuv'.

Now, Intellectual is the one I include here but others may go “uh?” at, but I'm basing that one off of my personal experience. I don't mean, as you may suspect, simply having things and interests in common. Perhaps I need to explain my thoughts on this with a little life story about one of my blind stabs in the dark at a romantic relationship.

I don't have much interest in sex, but I can find people aesthetically attractive. I also have trouble developing emotional attachments, so rarely develop emotional attraction. However, one of my earlier girlfriends cut herself.

Okay, that seems like a random statement but hear me out: I found this fascinating. I mean, really, I was curious as to why someone would do that, what her specific motivations where. So I was nice to her, provided a sympathetic ear, and eventually we started dating. Now, if you just heard that last line you'd think me the stereotypical “nice guy”....except I'm not.

See, when we started dating (which I by no means objected too) I had her motivations pretty much figured out, and after a bit of time the intellectual intrigue was gone. Well, with no real reason to care any more I stopped being the nice guy she knew me as, reverted back to my more natural-at-the-time sarcastic bastard of a personality (I've been compared to the character of House before. I'm less of this now except when I need to be) and she soon started disliking this and dumped me (which I was pretty close to doing to her anyway). Without any intellectual intrigue, I had nothing more than a passing aesthetic attraction so there was pretty much nothing there for me. Which meant I stopped trying.

The reason I relate this story is because it shows where my idea of Intellectual Attraction comes from. I've had similar situations since and before, finding a person interesting for one reason or another but not having any real emotional or sexual desires towards them besides satisfying my curiosity.

So, I guess I'm doing that here too, trying to satisfy my curiosity: This idea of Intellectual Attraction, being attracted to a person because they are interesting but perhaps without any real emotional investments from yourself, is it a solid little idea or is it one of those “You're insanity is showing” moments again from me?

Thoughts?

EDIT: Crud, may have posted this into wrong forum...unless they think it vaguely fits under "Life Advice", any chance of a move to General Discussion?
EDIT2: Oh, apparently I can do it myself...that's a weird place to put a move button.

[Andrew425]

one of those “You're insanity is showing” moments again from me?

Seems like it...


But seriously I'd advise to be nice to people, not to do some sort of experiment with them. She might have actually liked you and you started becoming a dick to her.

Though i'd say being intellectually attracted is a great thing to be.

[MorleyDev]

Like I said, this was an early girlfriend, and I used to be quite the dick when I wasn't paying close attention to what came out my mouth. I'm better at paying attention nowadays ^^

[scriver]

If you want to, you can move the thread yourself. I think it's down in the left corner.

[Loud Whispers]

Bloody hell, you're trying to cover human attraction in one page? D:

[MorleyDev]

Bloody hell, you're trying to cover human attraction in one page? D:

Well no. I was more "hmm, so simplification doesn't cover case. How can I expand it so it does? Hmm, that's an interesting idea, wonder what others think of it".

[Zaerosz]

This is basically me, yeah. Asexual, cares more about personality and intelligence than appearance etc.

[Reudh]

I agree that intellectual attraction does play a part. For example, there are many girls who I do not find aesthetically attractive, nor sexually attractive, but their intellect makes me want to talk to them all the more.

My last girlfriend had aesthetic attraction, emotional attraction and physical attraction- there was little to no intellectual attraction there though. She was clever, but the kind of smart that was never utilised or nurtured.

Naturally friction began to occur when she wouldn't understand something and I would explain it, making her feel 'like a dumb english chav' (her words) or when she would reference a British cultural thing or series that was on when I was too young to watch it, and I'd miss the reference entirely. (I'm 19, she was 21 last september.)


For me, appearance does play a part, but not as great as personality or intelligence.

[Blargityblarg]

Yeah, I can +1 this.

[MorleyDev]

I don't mean, as you may suspect, simply having things and interests in common.

Okay, I guess a better term I could of used is "Curiosity Attraction" or "Puzzle Attraction". You want to figure something out about them, and that curiosity supplements or even takes the place in your mind of any emotional investments in that person...in my example it was "She cut herself. I wonder why" but it could be "She works for charity a lot, I wonder why"...

[Reudh]

When I was younger I felt attracted to a girl who had cut herself too- it's a 'vulnerability' thing. You just want to protect them.

[Max White]

I guess I will agree with the premise of this thread, within current complexities.
There are defiantly people I feel an emotional attraction towards, but none of the others. Without aesthetic or sexual attraction these people will often be refereed to as 'friends', although some also fill an intellectual attraction, it isn't required.
There are people I feed an aesthetic attraction towards, but none of the others. This is mostly either guys who are good looking, but I don't know and have no desire to sleep with, or girls who are good looking, but I have got too well to want to sleep with them any more.
Are there people I only feel a sexual attraction to, but nothing more? Hard to say, I am a very shallow guy and aesthetic attraction, in one form or another, plays an important part, be it physical appearance from strangers, or personality from girls well known to me. Seriously, dem artists!
Now I know there are people who I'm solely intellectual attracted to. I don't particularly like these people, nor go out of my way to help them, but I do respect them. These are the people who I enjoy debating and competing with.

Clearly things get more complex when there is overlap, but if you can feel each of these without any of the other three, they can be thought to be separate feelings.

[Stargrasper]

You were either feeling platonic love or some variant of curiosity.  I'm going to disagree with your earlier definition and state that attraction is caused by emotion in some form.  By my definition, things just got tricky.  We're talking about emotion now and intellect simply is not an emotion.  It can, however, cause or otherwise contribute to emotion.  Your intellectual attraction is probably curiosity.  Most attraction is some form of love, although I consider friendship a form of love, so take that how you will.  I could reasonably argue that attraction through curiosity is also a form of love; it tends to be fleeting, though.  Love is a much more complicated subject that I think is beyond the scope of what the OP wanted to talk about in this thread.

[ChairmanPoo]

I think I know the feeling that MorleyDew describes. I don't agree with the dickery behavior, though.

[Leatra]

Intellectual attraction is simply curiosity. Sometimes, mystery can spice things up in a relationship. People love mystery and get attracted to mysterious people easily. This goes for both men and women. Also, this is why some people get attracted to insane and unreasonable people.

In my experience, most girls say they like gentle and good-willed guys but they end up getting attracted to badass antihero types because they are out of ordinary and interesting.