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[FearfulJesuit]

Terrible love poetry.

We've all written it. We all thought we were expressing some new, uncharted yearning of the heart. We all realize how wrong that assumption was, and how cringe-worthy the work we produced actually was. Some of us, like me, can't stand to read what we've written because it is simply so terrible and embarrassing.

However, terrible love poetry does noöne any good if nobody sees it. So, a few days ago, I thought up a project. I would ask people on the internet, and possibly in real life, for the worst, most cringe-worthy, unappealingly erotic, most simply painful love poetry they've ever written, which I can then package into a book. I have as much incriminating material in here as any of you, having written a truly awful piece of work entitle Cride about a year ago, which you can read here, quoted by someone who gave it the review it deserved.

So I'm asking you guys for your work. The longings of your heart. The written incarnation of your teenage sexual frustration. All of it. You don't have to attach a name, although that would certainly be printed if you did; you can go anonymous, and rest assured that, unless an acquaintance can guess from the poem's content, I'll never do anything to let you be find out. It will simply contribute to readers' laughs, cringes and facepalms. To all of you who will submit, thank you. Thank you muchly.

Please send to camnilsen3480@gmail.com.

[Pnx]

I actually went through a period when I tried very hard to make a good love poem. I had a lot of trouble though, it  studied some big poets to see how they did it but no matter what everything just seemed so shallow, silly, and/or insincere.

So I sat down and wrote what is in my opinion the greatest love poem of all time. It went something like this:

     In all the wide world,
     No poem described my love,
     So instead, have this.

Of course, I never shared it with anyone, until now! It was still just too cheesy for me.

[FearfulJesuit]

Actually, I kinda like it. It's goofy, but it's sincere.


dhokarena56, anthology editor cancels Add Poem: Submission too decent.

[Heron TSG]

Here's one.

*HEAVY BREATHING*

Just kidding, but I'll see if I can find anything.

[Vector]

here, quoted by someone who gave it the review it deserved.

Malware warning.

Unfortunately, I have no shitty poetry, but I will happily supply lots of pointing and laughing to your noble cause.

[FearfulJesuit]

Yeah, that's a bug. I will vouch for that site since I spend two to three hours a day on it and know the admins.

[Pnx]

I suppose I could write some bad poetry. Should I aim for cheesy, bad taste, or ridiculous?

EDIT:Here's something, and I would like to stress this is a pure work of fiction about people I just made up.

I present to you, the jazz/rap song "Beautiful Blues".

*ahem*

*cue beatbox*
...
So I was feeling all dope in my teenhood hallways.
Classes were boring, and were such a drag as always.
Still sleepy from snoring, we were always imploring.
For something better than the shit we were scoring.

Then one day while I was on the shrooms.
I ran into her on the street and fell into the skies.
Those beautiful blue eyes.
Yeah.
Those beautiful blues.

When I came back down I was sitting at the bus stop.
She was next to me drinking some diet pop.
She was playing on a gameboy while I tried to acclimate.
And I'm going to say it like a presidential candidate.
She wanted to be the master, Pokemon.
She had the skills to be number one.

She was playing blue,
Beautiful blue.
Yeah.

*throws pen at wall*
Damn it, this is turning out too good, I was expecting it to have turned out much cheesier. I guess I just fail as a love poet.

[Vector]

That actually is pretty good.  It'd sound better if you had "were a drag as always," I think, though.  A little bit less awkward.

[Pnx]

That actually is pretty good.  It'd sound better if you had "were a drag as always," I think, though.  A little bit less awkward.

Yes, exactly, it's too good, it was supposed to be really bad.

I changed it since it was sort of typo anyway.


Anyway, this is attempt #2 where I try to make it as overly emotional as possible. However I dislike mundane settings so I set this in ancient Egypt.

They say she had a grandmother, with skin as white as snow.
She was a treasured slave from precisely where I cannot say.
Though to see her granddaughter you might never know.
But for the ice in her eyes, that comes from a land far away.

She bears with her a grace, blessed on her by Bastet.
And with this grace upon my heart she has beset.
Her eyes will find me whenever I enter the room.
And the ice within those eyes, will chill me to the bone.
It is not me they look for, when they look to the door.
She looks for the god king, and yearns to sit by his throne.
Every time she sees him, I see her heart bloom.
Yet for me it holds only ice, from a distant shore.

Through her I see the king anew, and behold his grace.
His as a star, distant, and without emotion on his face.
He cares little for the beauty, born to warm his bed at night.
He feels not a thing, and cares naught for her plight.
It seems sorrow is the price she pays, for loving our god king.

What could I ever offer her, to compensate the loss.
Unmoving loins, and a girl's voice?
I am not even a choice.
Though none else could see within her heart the strife.
To me it was little surprise that one day when we rode a boat the sea across.
She leapt into the waters, and took from herself her life.


I am aware I completely butchered the setting.

[FearfulJesuit]

Edit: my forum moved to another board, and you can read my terrible piece of work in its full glory here.

[Gremsmith12]

It is easy to find someone to love, but it's even harder to find someone to love you back.
"Deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance.

[Ehndras]

Oh dear gods, I have an entire collection of those from my teenage years. Behold. >_<

This is the last of the cheesy depressing romance-inspired poems I wrote in regard to my sick (in body and mind... Especially mind <_<), suicidal ex-fiance and I who split last year. I had taken a long break from the genre but considering the circumstances it felt right.

Relinquish Me
by ~Maximilian-Aurea
(Direct Link: http://maximilian-aurea.deviantart.com/gallery/#/d4q7zlm )

"I can feel her falling,
I can see her spirit fade,
Watching her pulse weaken,
Feel her last breath fade away

I watch her dying in my arms,
Self-inflicted wounds that run so deep.
I see her gasping out for air,
My god it almost makes me weep.

Has she gone so far away,
Is there something I could say?
Was there ever hope for her,
Or did it all lead to this day.

Feel me reaching out to you,
Let me hide your pain away.
Why did it have to be you,
It just can't end this way,

<*Chorus>
*Angel, dearest friend,
How could you guide me?
Why did you sacrifice your wings,
Why would you try to set me free?*
</Chorus*>

I never knew it ran so deep,
I never realized what it meant.
I never saw the simple truth,
I never followed where you went.

Calm voice, singing in my head,
Why would you whisper unto me?
So thoughtlessly, so deathly still,
That it would be alright?

You clipped your wings and fell towards the Earth,
Sacrificed your spirit and your worth.
Saintly soul, why did you try to guide my way,
My guardian angel, dying on this day.

The purest spirit tries so hard to stay,
Even if her end must come today.
Her purest heart keeps pounding in her chest,
Convinced that I was the very best.

Angel, dearest friend,
How could you guide me?
Why did you sacrifice your wings,
Why would you try to set me free?

I must thank you for every moment,
All the passion and the trust you placed in me.
Angel, simple woman,
I must release you, to learn to finally just be.

Creature, of the darkest night,
How could you place your spirit in my hand?
Beauty, of the brightest light,
Was this really your final stand...

Please, don't you die on me,
Don't let your spirit fade away.
Let me show you how to fly,
That you may live another day.

Leave now, leave this solitary place,
Let the voices of the wind - carry you.
Angel, guiding light,
I know you'll always follow through.

Angel, dearest friend,
How could you guide me?
Why did you sacrifice your wings,
Why would you try to set me free?

Hear my voice on lightest wind,
When we're still so far apart.
I will bring with me your joy,
Everywhere I've been...

Angel, of the night,
One day you'll be found!
When the dust has settled,
I'll still be around.

Child, of the heart,
Know that I love you.
I will never tell you,
And we'll forever be apart.

Know that I want to,
Be your guiding light,
Surrender to you, my beating heart,
And lend to you my might!

Angel, dearest friend,
How could you let me be your fall?
Why did you sacrifice your wings,
You should have simply let me be.

Sacrifice, that runs so deep,
Every night I feel you in my sleep.
Mistress, of the dark,
Upon my heart is your immortal mark.

Know that I want you,
But I must set you free.
I want to watch you fly again,
I long to see what you can be.

Angel, I would give you wings,
If ever given any choice.
Though I'd never hear your voice,
For you I'll always sing.

I care for you more than you'll ever know,
'Cause you're my guiding light.
But because I love you,
I must choose to let you go.

Angel, dearest friend,
Now you can fly to meet your dreams.
Go, follow your heart,
'Cause in this world, oh, nothing's as it seems."

[Sergius]

I don't like sand.
It's coarse and irritating
and it gets everywhere.

Everything here is soft
and smooth
... like you.


  What. I totally didn't plagiarize that

[Ehndras]

Simply genius.

[Leatra]

Oh, man! I wish I could find the old .jpegs now. I wrote the text first, then drew something on the background with Photoshop. I feel stupid just thinking about it now. But I kinda miss the days I was stupid and didn't know anything.