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[Loud Whispers]

Dropped it between my legs and almost removed myself from the gene-pool. Left a neat circular hole in my trousers and underwear.

Erm... Wow. Just wow.

I had just learned about the milk man (do they even still have those?)

Yep

A couple of months ago I was at the local lake with my friends, drinking beer and stuff. We were sitting on a bench, and one of my friends was playing with his butterfly knife by jamming it into the bench under him. After a while he missed and instead of sticking the knife into the bench he hit his junk.

Right so my hand is still injured, right? Well, I completely forgot. Now, with a normal hand, I can juggle glass bottles around neatly with one hand. My right hand. The injured one. Now, whilst attempting to do so....

My foot hurts.

[Reudh]

Running down a slope in Warragul when I was ten, and leaping as high as possible so I could pretend to fly. That didn't end too badly.

Using a soldering iron with glasses on (supplied by the school) and having a tiny orb of molten solder fly into my eye despite the glasses.

MY EYES! THE GOGGLES DO NOTHING!

I seem to remember someone making that joke. :>

[blackmagechill]

A couple of months ago I was at the local lake with my friends, drinking beer and stuff. We were sitting on a bench, and one of my friends was playing with his butterfly knife by jamming it into the bench under him. After a while he missed and instead of sticking the knife into the bench he hit his junk.

Did you laugh or did you freak out and scream? I'd probably start laughing and then get help, because that's hilarious.

[Silfurdreki]

Chalk me up as another person having been launched over the handlebars of a bike. The cause of said launch was, however, not front brakes this time, but rather me jamming my foot into the wheel. Why, you ask? At the time, my bike was approaching 10 years of loyal service and had, amongst other quirks, a loose front fender that would occasionally drag against the wheel to produce an annoying sound and slowing the bike down. I decided that, at full speed, it would be a good idea to gently kick it into place resulting in my foot getting jammed in the spokes and me flying over the handlebars and the bike landing on me a few seconds later. In hindsight I'm pretty amazed that I didn't have any pain at all afterwards. I went on to go to the indoor climbing wall that I was on my way to as if nothing had happened.

Although it isn't very stupid, mainly because I have no idea how I actually managed it, I dislocated (or something similar) my jaw a year or two back. If at all possible, try to avoid experiencing that. I couldn't open my mouth more than about a centimeter without incredible pain, which made eating an incredibly arduous process. In the end I had to go to my dentist, who couldn't do anything, it would fix itself. Randomly getting intense pain spikes while eating for a week sucks.

Finally, there's the story of my brother who was with me and my father at our grandfathers house where he had gotten hold of an old, forge-thing, I guess. (it's called an "ässja" in Swedish, I have no idea how to translate the word, and neither google nor wikipedia are being helpful) It's basically an open forge where you can get temperatures high enough to forge steel. Anyway, my grandfather thought we should try us some good old fashioned smithing, so we did. At some point, in a moment of incredible absent-mindedness my brother decides to take out the white-hot piece of steel from the fire with his bare hands. Two of his fingertips received third degree burns, but only in very small areas, fortunately.

[Reudh]

Just last year, I was preparing to clean the stove just after my brother had cooked noodles there. I waved my hand over the switched off hotplate, felt no radiant heat from it so assumed it was safe to touch.

I grabbed the hotplate to lift it off-- OH SWEET MERCIFUL JEEZUS I CAN SMELL BURNT PORK OH LAWD THIS HURTS WAIT WHY IS MY SKIN SIZZLING?

Yeah, ouch.
Ran it under water for an HOUR when the pain had subsided enough to merely be painful rather than agony.
Got some weird looks on the train next day for having blisters nearly the size of my finger joints there...

Darn painful too. Made writing near impossible.

[dreadmullet]

When I was like 10, my friend and I were playing with lawn darts. If you don't know what lawn darts are, imagine a regular dart, except ten times bigger. Now imagine throwing it straight up in the air, for it to come down and impale the ground. We were doing this, until I threw one without my friend's noticing it, and it came down and hit him square on the back. I'm amazed that he didn't die. All he received was a really bad bruise.

[DJ]

A couple of months ago I was at the local lake with my friends, drinking beer and stuff. We were sitting on a bench, and one of my friends was playing with his butterfly knife by jamming it into the bench under him. After a while he missed and instead of sticking the knife into the bench he hit his junk.

Did you laugh or did you freak out and scream? I'd probably start laughing and then get help, because that's hilarious.

Laughed, of course. Until he insisted that I, as the most educated guy present, have a look at it to determine how serious it is. He just nicked the sack between the family jewels, but it was bleeding quite a bit for such a small cut. Still, I didn't deem it serious, so I just told him to hold it till it stops bleeding and was it with high-proof alcohol when he gets home

[Errol]

I vaguely remember being somewhere my parents had to do something, left to my devices, with a friend and short pants, about 6 years ago or so. There were a bunch of brick-like rocks stacked on the backyard of that place. So, what do you do? You climb the piles of stacked bricks. Unfortunately, I failed at proper climbing, jumped wrongly and hit the edge of one of the brick stacks. Said edge being really really sharp.

I got cuts across my entire leg for my troubles. Not too deep, but they bled spectacularily.

[MaximumZero]

MaximumZero + Rum + Trampoline = Attempting to turn a double backflip. Protip: The ground is hard.

[Vorthon]

When I was ten, I spat on a lightbulb until it exploded. It smelled like broccoli when the spit was boiling. I then got hit in the neck with a very hot piece of glass.

[Telgin]

That actually reminds me of a stupid thing I did when I was maybe 12 or so.  I took a BB gun and shot a light pole next to my house.  The BB bounced back and hit me in the cheek, maybe a centimeter from my eye.

I don't know if it had the velocity to actually damage my eye, but just the thought gave me chills for a long time.

[Angel Of Death]

I partially melted a plastic bag using a lightbulb that regularly got red hot. My whole room smelt of chemicals for hours.

[Knight of Fools]

My mother enjoys those big, individually wrapped muffins, and she enjoys them even more when they're warm. She usually stuck the muffins in our old microwave to warm them up. The microwave was broken, however, so you had to crank the timer above 10 minutes to get it to run. My good old mum was in the habit of cranking it up to about 15 - 20 minutes and removing the deliciously warm muffin once she felt it was warm enough.

Queue my mom putting a yummy chocolate muffin in the microwave and forgetting about it.

Yes, microwaves can turn chocolate muffins into unrecognizable masses of carbon, and, yes, it smells very, very bad.

It turned the inside of the microwave a nasty yellow color and stunk up the house for a couple of days. As for the muffin itself, it was placed in a full trash bin, where it promptly started burning a hole through the accumulated trash. We salvaged it and saved our plastic trash bin from death by super heated muffin, and promptly began running cold water over the muffin in the sink. After an initial burst of steam, everything looked alright, so my dad experimentally cut the muffin in half and ran more water over it. The center was still hot enough to give out another burst of steam.

Awesome, but stinky.

[Telgin]

Oh, that reminds me of another thing.  My brother and I once microwaved some gak (you remember this right?  Funky gooey putty stuff from I think Nickelodeon).  Now that was a horrible smell...

For all I know we were releasing chlorine gas into the house or something.   

Oh, the things I used to do with gak...

[Loud Whispers]

Oh, the things I used to do with gak...

I remember once putting fake rubber eggs right next to real ones. In a carton. In a Cupboard.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Cupboard opens, real eggs cake the place in gooey glory, rubber eggs begin their chaotic dash to freedom, right onto a lit stove.