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[Coke_Can64]

Now all we need is a buch of dwarves running around insane in a flash animation and this is set!

That song is awsome... good work...

[Cthulhu]

quote:Originally posted by Torak:
<STRONG>That song was good before every 12 year old watched it A MILLION FUCKING TIMES AND TOLD ALL HIS FRIENDS TO WATCH IT, AND THEN THEY QUOTE THE SONG, MAKE REFENCES TO THE SONG, AND WORSHIP THE SONG UNTIL IT MAKES ME WANT TO GOUGE MY EYES OUT.</STRONG>

I KNOW, RIGHT?!

[McDoomhammer]

See, it's the fear of that that sets of my "noooes, no big publicity for teh DF!" paranoia.

Anyway.  Mad props for the parody!  Especially working a bat man into line 3  

I have some suggestions too.  Okay, more than 'some suggestions'- this is the sort of thing I'd do, so I'm pretty into it.  Please forgive me if I'm overstepping the mark- I wish only to be constructive.  What you've produced would have taken me so long to come up with that I probably never would have embarked on it.  Anyway:

quote: And oh, what a terrible fit she threw

This line is short, It might scan better with "tantrum" for "fit"?

quote: Smashin’ and breakin’ and throwin’ for starts

"For starts" feels a little forced for me.  May I suggest something line "Smashin' down doors and throwin' ballista parts"?

quote: The tantrums, they spread like some kind of fad

Again, a syllable short- can you tell that missing syllables bother me?  Anyway, perhaps 'throwing tantrums, it spread'?

quote: But though Armok rejoiced in the volumes of blood

This maps to "pulled an AK-forty-seven out from under his hat", so maybe going passive to "But though Armok was rejoicing" would match up better.  The next line could use another beat too, easily done by adding a 'so'.  

quote: Endin’ the spiral of tantrums forever

Hmm.  "(to) put an end to the spiral of tantrums forever"?

Love the chorus.

quote: And the trader offered them a brand-new cedar chair

If you use the stress pattern "and the trader offered them" to match "Like Scruff McGruff took a", then "brand-new cedar chair" works just fine- but you no longer need "brand new" to pad the line out if you don't want it- you could drop a syllable and go with "feather-tree chair" (a good-aligned tree, that much more offensive) or drop the word 'them' and go with 'offered a mahogany chair'.  Or not.

quote: The elves took one look, and they were appalled

"then Shaq came back covered in a tyre track" is a hard one to work with.  I really want to rhyme the second, fourth and final beats, but I can't make that happen.  Regardlss, might I suggest altering the rhyme on this one?  I have trouble with the present tense of 'fall' in context, so maybe, ummm... "They whined at the fine hanging rings of turtle shell"?  Then the next line could be "So the broker pulled the lever and the pointy-ears fell".

quote: With pictures of others who’d met their grave

One more syllable... "Who fell to their graves"?  You might be able to fit in "Renditions" for extra dwarvenness, too?

quote: And they hit the bottom with a mighty SPLAT!

"Hit the menacing spikes with an almighty splat"?

quote: They looked at the goods, couldn’t find what they need
Just piles and piles and piles of rope reed
So they locked it all up and set it ablaze
Left it alone, let it burn a few days
Even a barrel of Sunshine, it ain’t fit for drinkin’
Them poor ol’ dwarves, they just weren’t thinkin’
‘cause the flames hit that booze with a massive KABLAM!
And a good chunk of fortress fell in with a WHAM!

This whole verse is brilliant.
The problem is the next bit- from there the original goes into the whole chuck norris bit.  I'm too tired now to add any more to this, and I've probably thrown out quite enough already anyway.  

Thoughts?  Comments?  XXFruitXX?

[Impending Doom]

Thanks.  

The problem is, my speakers are swiss cheese at the moment, so I can't hear what the original sounds like. The tune I was writing it to is probably closer to "Uneasy Rider" than it is to the original "Ultimate Showdown."

I'll take your advice, and go ahead and make those corrections.

[McDoomhammer]

Whereas conversely, I've listened to that song so many times that I didn't actually need to when I was writing that.  Hopefully not hubris on my part  
Thanks for allowing me some input!

[Sean Mirrsen]

I wrote a bit of what could be the "Chuck Norris phase", we just need to stick it into the general story of this, uh, Fortress.

[Red Jackard]

This joke belongs in 2005. Don't drag it screaming from its lovely home.

[McDoomhammer]

Are you afraid of us spoiling it, or just don't want to hear it again?

If it's the latter, you can just avoid this thread.

[Sean Mirrsen]

Alright, that definetly got my rhyming up to Novice. I'm still no poet though, I just made tweaks.
It needs a witty list of various dwarves to charge towards the invaders near the end - that was beyond my skill.

 

quote:The Ultimate Fortress of Ultimate Destiny – remake v2 by Sean (incomplete)

Original version by Impending Doom.

Urist the miner was down in the mine
Diggin’ away, just passin’ the time
When a batman grabbed his neck from behind
And threw him in the chasm, where his death he would find
His wife didn’t see it, but somehow she knew
And oh, what a terrible tantrum she threw
Toppling over her kitchen and tossing her tarts
But a pack of war dogs came and tore her apart

Then some dwarves she was friends with got really mad,
Throwing tantrums, like flame through the woods it spread,
Then some of the guards caught it like it was viral
And they all joined in on the tantrumin’ spiral
But though Armok was rejoicing in the volumes of blood
The mayor couldn’t take it, so he ordered a FLOOD
And one of the dwarves who was sane pulled the lever
Endin’ the spiral of tantrums forever

This is the Ultimate Fortress of Ultimate Destiny
Dwarves, tantrums, monsters and cave-ins as far as the eye can see
And no one sane will survive, they are all doomed, can’t you see?
This is the Ultimate Fortress of Ultimate Destiny

Well the elves came along with their hippie long hair
And the trader offered them a great willow chair
With spikes of pike bone, cat bone and the like
But they turned in disgust and prepared to hike
The broker was glad they were leaving already
And then pulled the lever that held the floor steady
The traders fell down with an almighty SPLAT!
And no one survived but one single cat

They looked at the goods, couldn’t find what they need
Just berries and flowers and heaps of rope reed
There was nothing of value, no need to appraise
So they locked it all up and set it ablaze
Even barrels of Sunshine no dwarf would be drinkin’…
Them poor ol’ dwarves, they just weren’t thinkin’,
‘cause the flames hit that booze with a massive KABLAM!
And a good chunk of fortress fell in with a WHAM!

This is the Ultimate Fortress of Ultimate Destiny
Dwarves, dying elves and explosions as far as the eye can see
And no one sane will survive, they are all doomed, can’t you see?
This is the Ultimate Fortress, of Ultimate Destiny.

Watchdwarves cried out that were waiting for traders,
Out of the forest came goblin invaders.
With a number so great that it could not be told,
They charged to the gates of this fearsome stronghold.
Then …insert witty list of fearsome dwarves here…
…
All ran to the entrance like a landslide,
Though the order was made to stay inside,
It was the bloodiest massacre the dwarves have seen
Ever since the elephants crept in unseen…

The siege went on for a week no less,
Then Armok got bored and lost interest
A lever was pulled, the magma was loose,
Everyone was dead…  hey, it’s fun to lose!!

this is the Ultimate Fortress of Ultimate Destiny
Dwarves, goblins, corpses and magma, as far as the eye can see
And none at all could survive, they were all doomed, can’t you see?
This is the Ultimate Fortress… (the ultimate fortress..)
This is the Ultimate Fortress… (the ultimate fortress..)
This is the Ultimate Fortress…
Of Ultimate Destiny

[ April 25, 2008: Message edited by: Sean Mirrsen ]

[Istrian]

I see it's getting better by the day.

Somehow it feels like it lacks an INFLATE -3  

[Sean Mirrsen]

Heh, sorry, no place to stick that into. Besides, I think it's been quite long since Inflate -3 errors were common.

Alright, no list of fearsome legendary dwarves, just some list of dwarves. This is probably final until someone else has anything to add.

quote:The Ultimate Fortress of Ultimate Destiny – remake v3 by Sean Mirrsen
Original text by Impending Doom

Urist the miner was down in the mine
Diggin’ away, just passin’ the time
When a batman grabbed his neck from behind
And threw him in the chasm, where his death he would find
His wife didn’t see it, but somehow she knew
And oh, what a terrible tantrum she threw
Toppling over her kitchen and tossing her tarts
But a pack of war dogs came and tore her apart

Then some dwarves she was friends with got really mad,
Throwing tantrums, like flame through the woods it spread,
Then some of the guards caught it like it was viral
And they all joined in on the tantrumin’ spiral
But though Armok was rejoicing in the volumes of blood
The mayor couldn’t take it, so he ordered a FLOOD
And one of the dwarves who was sane pulled the lever
Endin’ the spiral of tantrums forever

This is the Ultimate Fortress of Ultimate Destiny
Dwarves, tantrums, monsters and flooding, as far as the eye can see
And no one sane will survive, they are all doomed, can’t you see?
This is the Ultimate Fortress of Ultimate Destiny

Well the elves came along with their hippie long hair
And the trader offered them a great willow chair
With spikes of pike bone, cat bone and the like
But they turned in disgust and prepared to hike
The broker was glad they were leaving already
And then pulled the lever that held the floor steady
The traders fell down with an almighty SPLAT!
And no one survived but one single cat

They looked at the goods, couldn’t find what they need
Just berries and flowers and heaps of rope reed
There was nothing of value, no need to appraise
So they locked it all up and set it ablaze
Even barrels of Sunshine no dwarf would be drinkin’…
Them poor ol’ dwarves, they just weren’t thinkin’,
‘cause the flames hit that booze with a massive KABLAM!
And a good chunk of fortress fell in with a WHAM!

This is the Ultimate Fortress of Ultimate Destiny
Dwarves, goodies, elves and explosions, as far as the eye can see
And no damn elf will survive, they are all doomed, you will see!
This is the Ultimate Fortress, of Ultimate Destiny.

Watchdwarves cried out that were waiting for traders,
Out of the forest came goblin invaders.
With a number so great that it could not be told,
They charged to the gates of this fearsome stronghold.

Then Agak the cook, and Obok his son,
And Ibis their pet hippo weighing a ton,
And Gobok the Almighty, and Ubuk the Farty,
And seventy-three dwarves that were attending a party,
Crossbow-makers, soap-makers,
Tanners and pump operators,
Threshers, fisherdwarves,
Every single pet in fortress
Twenty children, ten babies creeping,
And the three guards that were not sleeping

All ran to the entrance like a landslide,
Though the order was made to stay inside,
It was the bloodiest massacre this fort’s ever seen
Ever since some elephants sneaked in unseen.

The siege went on for a week no less,
Then Armok got bored and lost interest
A lever was pulled, the magma was loose,
Everyone was dead…  hey, it’s fun to lose!!

this is the Ultimate Fortress of Ultimate Destiny
Dwarves, goblins, corpses and magma, as far as the eye can see
And none at all could survive, they were all doomed, do you see?
This is the Ultimate Fortress… (the ultimate fortress..)
This is the Ultimate Fortress… (the ultimate fortress..)
This is the Ultimate Fortress…
Of Ultimate Destiny

Also, this needs its own thread. And wiki entry. And a singer. And a really good Flash specialist.  

[Mel_Vixen]

Animated it could be a new intro for DF

[Sean Mirrsen]

GAHH! I missed four whole lines!!!...

Hmm...

[TotalPigeon]

The second verse needs a slight change, as spread and mad only half rhyme, which doesn't work for this silly song. I would suggest something witty, but I can't think of anything better than Impending Dooms original for the second line at the moment...

Also in the same verse, I always pronounce lever as "lee-ver", which kills that rhyme for me every time I read it  :mad:

[Sean Mirrsen]

"Lever" and "forever" match according to RhymeZone.
And yeah, "mad" and "spread" make a bad rhyme. I was considering changing the first line to "Then her friends got upset with her being dead", but "upset" doesn't convey the exact magnitude of the event, unlike being "mad", so I settled for factual accuracy over rhyming precision. That, and "fad" makes no sense to me.