The sock puppet begins to chew on the insane man's arm as best as a sock puppet can until he wakes up. You can probably hear him scream out from where you left him. "Mr. Dirt Man! Where are you! I've got five fingers I swear!" He seems to have forgotten being a mount. Then the other voice comes out. "Come out and play with me!", quite a menacing tone at that. "I'm gonna blow up now." Maybe he just let out all of his insanity, but a massive explosion starts. The explosion is slow. As if time itself warps from it. However it still disintegrates everything it touches as it begins its creep over the city. You could probably throw your enemies into the insanity explosion. Its lulling light already very attractive. Some people even walk into it, being disintegrated.
As I sit suspended in the vast nothingness of the plot hole with the one known as the Burning Elf, I am distracted from doing nothing by the sound of something. A voice, a very familiar voice...
It's difficult to hear from inside the plot hole, but it sounded like it was talking about dirt and fingers, playing with someone, then something about blowing up. After that, all went silent. I wish I could see who it was, but I can't even find the way I fell into this place. Just lots and lots of nothing. Hopefully everyone's alright.
Eventually, Armok appears out of the void, and he is very surprised to see you there. After an exchange of words, you are challenged to an arm wrestling match.
I get back to doing nothing, before being interrupted by yet another voice. And this one I recognize all too well.
"D.Z.A.??" , I hear the thundering voice inquire.
"Armok...? What the hell are you doing here?", I ask, equally confused.
"Oh, I just came here to crash for a bit. My arena...Uh, kinda got destroyed...""Yeah, yeah. I saw that...", I respond.
"Yeeahh...Hey, you wanna arm wrestle?""As fun as that sounds, I'm kinda trying to deal with the crippling pain of my life threatening injuries at the moment...", I explain to Armok.
"Come on, it'll be epic!", says Armok, as an incredibly muscular, disembodied, skinless arm, dripping with blood places its elbow on a coffee table that seems to have appeared out of nowhere. "How did that coffee table...Oh, plot hole. Right", I say to myself.
"Alright, fine.", I say, placing my elbow on the table and gripping the hand of Armok. "Ugh, couldn't you have at least worn gloves or something?"
The Burning Elf comes over to referee our little arm wrestling match. "On the count of three. One...Two..."
The burning elf is immediately seen by a group of voidwalkers and Gilgamesh. (Anyone play FF here?)
After taking an unusually long amount of time to say three, I look over to see that our burning elven referee is fixated on something off in the distance. After getting closer, I realize that we are being approached by a large man in some rather flamboyant armor, carrying weaponry unlike any I've ever seen. Following shortly behind him is a group of beings who seem quite skilled at traversing large, endless voids as this. the Burning Elf abandons his referee position, and floats over toward the new visitors, I guess their business must be with him. Oh well, no reason to let this stop the arm wrestling match.
"I guess I'll count.", I tell Armok. "One...two..."
>A Dwarf with a staff in one hand, and a bucket of Magma in the other, suddenly falls from the sky into the plothole. "By Armok's holy blood. Where am I?"
Before I am able to get to three, I am again distracted by the sound of a voice. This voice clearly isn't saying anything though, just shouting frantically. I look up to see a bearded little man falling from above, directly over our location. The arm of Armok suddenly dissipates into the nothingness, And I quickly move out of the way as the little bearded man crashes onto the table, sending countless little wood chippings flying everywhere. Hm, he seems to have brought some items with him as well. A lovely looking staff, and a special bucket, containing a good amount of(amazingly unspilled)lava. Or is that magma...Yeah, I'm gonna go with magma.
After picking some of the table fragments from his beard, he curiously asks to know where he his. "Welcome to the plot hole!", I say in a friendly tone.
>A door in the wall opens up and the golden cloaked man appears, and speaks for the first time explaining to you how to escape and apologizing for not speaking before. His only power currently is the ability to be ominous beyond that which anyone else could ever be, Luckily his special ability changes every 24.7 hours, so it should be something usefull in a few minutes... maybe.
Just then, I turn around to see a large concrete wall, slowly drifting along. I'm certain that wasn't there a second ago. A portion of the wall begins to glow in the vague shape of a door, and from it emerges the golden cloaked man. For a massive plot hole of infinite nothingness, this place is starting to seem pretty crowded.
Much to my surprise, he actually speaks to me this time. He apologizes for his previously ominous ways, and hands me a map, explaining that it will lead me to the way out of here. He tells me that, despite currently only having the ability to be unimaginably ominous, in a matter of minutes his power will change, hopefully into something of greater usefulness. Well that's good to hear...I think.
>Miner: Dig out a bunker.
Outside of the plot hole, the miner, having split off from the rest of the crowd some time ago, quietly hides deep within a personal bunker he dug out for himself. Patiently waiting until life on the outside becomes slightly less apocalyptic.
>walk through the plot hole.
FLASHBACK MOMENTS BEGIN!!
With this song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhKe-Z-NhBs
After thanking the golden cloaked man, I sneak off far into the nothingness in search of the exit. Opening up the map, I am displeased to see that it is merely a blank piece of paper with a small X drawn on it. I guess there isn't very much room for distinguishable landmarks with all the nothing around. Unfortunately, upon turning back, I find that the golden cloaked man, and everyone else for that matter, is nowhere to be seen.
Music, because why the fuck not.I wander through the plot hole for what seems like an eternity. Tired, bored, and completely lost. To make matters even worse, It becomes harder and harder for me to focus as images of the past begin to dance around in my head...
"Sorry, friends of blunt and blade. But today, I shall need a weapon of a different sort."
I reach into the depths of the mirror, and grab something pointy.
This isn't a mystical and mysterious mirror spear at all, it's a mystical and mysterious mirror spearsword! It has to be at least ten feet in length, and it makes a cool 'fwoosh' sound when I move it. Groovy.
Hmm, I remember...My first encounter with Flesh Liberator. I wonder where it is now...
"Come, Flesh liberator! Let us begin our quest for fortune!"
Eventually I build up a nice stock of all sorts of goodies taken from the drugmongerers. A considerable amount of weed, of varying quality. Rocks, loaded syringes, and a large variety of pills and tabs. Not to mention a nice roll of money after figuring I might as take that from the dealers as well.
Things were so much simpler back then...
The light slowly dies down, And I find myself standing directly across from a large, anthropomorphic toad. He doesn't say anything. He kind of...stands there, and stares at me.
And then he came along. The toad man...
He holds his hand outward, as if waiting for me to give him something.
"Yeah..No. You can't have Flesh Liberator".
The hammer-wielding, scorched toad man walks toward me slowly. In my slight panic, I notice that I seem to have a faint aura surrounding me.
It's difficult to see what's happening through the timespace distortion, but I see no sign of the toad man. After the laser rain ends, I look around to see a massive crater around me where there was once a good chunk of city. The toad man is nowhere to be seen, All I can find is his strange hammer, lying in the dirt and rubble.
And then shit really went downhill...
the bright light appears before me once again.
he then swiftly delivers a toad punch straight to my gut. Out of breath, and struggling not to fall over, I look up and see that the toad man has suddenly grown a full head of glowing, spiky blonde hair.
Flying several hundred feet away as a result of said kick, my velocity slows down as I begin to grind into the ground. Saiyan Toady flies to my location in a matter of seconds, lifts me by my throat, and ascends far into the sky, before hurling back toward the center of the crater.
as I struggle not to choke on my own blood, the aura around me dissipates.
He brings the spearsword down with incredible force, while I close my eyes and try not to think about how much this is going to suck...
Man, my body aches just thinking about that...
I'm more than just D.Z.A. I. AM. VENGEANCE!!"
I begin to look around the crater, and notice that it is entirely surrounded by armed soldiers. Thousands of them.
As the soldier's body hits the floor, his face-concealing helmet is knocked off. Hm, those are some pointy ears he's got the- wait, what the hell?!
You know, I think I am just now realizing how amazing it is I haven't died yet...
The last thing I remember seeing before closing my eyes is the kitten taking down a fighter jet, while the beard strangled several soldiers with its tendrils of hair, and the guinea pig man snatching the hammer and swinging it down in an attack that was likely directed at me.
After what feels like a good ten minutes of meditating, I open my eyes to find myself in a massive circular temple of some sort.
I still never quite figured out just what that temple for made for, or who it was made by, or where it even was...
Taking a small walk around the temple, it is clear that this place is ancient. If it wasn't for the masterful architecture, I wouldn't be surprised if it had crumbled into ruin long ago.
Along with Flesh Liberator, the long, faded red and black banners, and the massive fucking pillars, the only other things of interest seem to be the many large statues in between said pillars.
All of a sudden, I begin to hear the distant sound of something sizzling and bubbling.
Nevertheless, I will not ever forget the events that took place during my time there...
I begin to see a lot of thrashing and splashing about in the shallow magma pool below, followed by screams and roars of unspeakable horror.
The good news:
Flesh Liberator can now be easily removed from the broken obsidian. Which will at last allow me to summon the heroes of Dwarf Fortress.
The bad news:
The power concentrated in my eyebrows was so great, that I also created a crevice all the way down to the very bottom of hell. Which the demons clowns seem very thankful for as they once again begin to crawl their way up to the surface.
Luckily, one member of the hell horde becomes intrigued by the strange scent originating from some of them, and decides to pick them up off the floor and try them out.
Seeing as I now have a few moments of relief from the currently distracted clown horde, I can think of no better way to spend it other than diving directly through hell itself!
I am interrupted by the unpleasant sensation of a clown's claws slicing through my flesh, I then look over and notice two things:
1) The dismembered body of the drug-curious clown.
2) The clown who has just left some rather deep claw wounds in my upper arm.
I slowly reach my hand outward toward the clown horde. "Join me, my friends."
One by one, the clowns preform their respective ritual. Flesh Liberator growing stronger with each one completed.
Legends, from all across Dwarf Fortress, now stand before me, many with armor and weaponry of amazing quality.
"This is it, my friends. The next step in our adventure lies at the very bottom of hell itself"
No matter what happens, it. Will .Be. EPIC.
Overwhelmed with feelings of happiness, guilt, love, and hate, the bombardment of vivid memories stop. I sit there unsure whether I should be smiling with joy, or crying out of misery.
Walk around the nothingness, and hope to see someone with a keyblade.
Discover that the void is actually near the outer layers of The Fourth Wall, and attempt to communicate with the users here for a way out, or a way into another world. Or something.
While trying to compose myself, I almost don't see the strange, window-like hole in front of me. After a bit of examination, I notice several people on the other side of it, who appear to be watching me. I politely wave to the odd assortment of people. A few of them wave back, so at least I know they can see me. I wonder if this is the spot that the golden cloaked man was talking about...
Unfortunately, try as I might, I find myself unable to pass through the strange hole within the plot hole. However, maybe these people know of somewhere that I
could get through. At this point, anything seems better than nothing.
Feel the floor, feel yourself away from there.
You see a lonesome, ancient dwarf... Maybe 1000 years old, scribbling on the floor dead dwarves and menacing elephants, all of them with the words "boatmurdered"
You hear the sound of bronze and you Black out when you see an even older bronze clad dwarf appear
Suddenly, I come up with a brilliant idea! Why spend all of this time looking around for a way out of the plot hole, when I could be
feeling for a way out? I shut my eyes and attempt to guide myself by feeling around the floor instead. Who cares if there isn't any actual floor around? I won't let that stop me!
After feeling around the nothingness with my eyes closed for what seems like yet another long, tiring eternity, I actually start to feel something, cold and solid. I open my eyes and find myself in a room. The floors, walls and ceiling are made of concrete, every inch of which seem to be covered in etchings and scribbles. They all seem to follow a common theme of dead or dying dwarves, and some very mean looking elephants. Overlapping each of these little doodles is the word "boatmurdered". Well it looks like someone has a lot of free time on their hands.
After a quick glance around the room, I spot the artist responsible. A very old looking dwarf, scribbling away in a corner of the room. I approach him, and ask if he knows how I got in here, but he's too distracted by his artwork to pay attention to me.
At that moment, the clanking sound of metal armor is heard behind me. I turn to see another old dwarf, this one in a full suit of what I believe to be bronze armor. For one reason or another, less than a second after seeing the ancient armored dwarf, my mind goes completely blank, and I fall unconscious.
After an unknown period of time, I slowly start to regain consciousness, my vision is too blurry to see anything. I can, however, hear someone talking...
Fan head: "i have been working on a major weapons factory, usually with fan-based weaponry, toady wanted me to make him a lilypad... Flash freedommer as how you call it, a custom tailored retractable spearsword...
I still dont get how you cracked the code though.
Toady- the toad man -had a quite smart password: the desire of drugs and saying hastur thrice, then extending your hand into the mirror, I can give you a similar weapon, just find my body"
Interesting...
So, I once again find myself in a situation where I have no idea what the hell is going on. I really need to stop blacking out like that. On the bright side, I do feel a little more rested. As I struggle to focus my eyes, my vision begins to clear...
Name: D.Z.A.
Sex: Male.
Age: ??
Badassery Level: Epic.
Location: ??
Inventory: Nothing.
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Topic: You are Me, Chapter IV: Into Lands Unknown (Read 131300 times)