> Determine your location in the universe.
> Get the hell out of here as fast as possible.
Fan head: inspect the surroundings and start grinding (as in eating) some cat meat with your fan head
While trying to think of an appropriate answer to give the jolly man, I am interrupted by the unpleasant sound of grinding bone and flesh. I turn to see that the monstrosity has begun picking up random cat corpses that have been scattered about as a result of the shockwave, and dropping them into his fan head thing. Apparently it also serves as a mouth.
Strange. Despite its lack of eyes, it seems that it can also tell that it is currently on a large street, lined with medium to tall buildings. And despite its lack of ears, can tell that there are quite a lot of people around, looking out of windows and crowding the street from all sides.
>Miner: Hide from the crowd by digging a hole in the ground.
The miner suddenly begins to swing his pick at the asphalt street. Creating a decent sized hole after only a few strikes. Man, he's good at this. Soon, he breaks through to the sewers. Falling down, he makes a large splash in the rushing sewage below. I look into the hole, searching for any sign of the miner. Yet it is so far down, the only thing I can distinguish is the faint glistening of the sewage water in the sunlight.
"Will he be OK?", asks the jolly man. "The current will only bring him deeper into the sewers, where he's sure to run into the Steampunk Necrons. And I can assure you, they are not very welcoming to visitors."
"It's alright, he knows what he's doing...probably.", I tell the jolly man.
Also: See a mysterious man in a golden cloak who melts into the ground the moment you try to approach him.
As the jolly man leads me and my remaining companions through the crowd, I spot a very peculiar man in front of all the others. He wears a cloak of gold. And, unlike the rest of the festival goers, he doesn't shout or cheer. Just stands silently and watches.
Curious about this peculiar cloaked man, I attempt to reach out and talk to him. But the instant our eyes lock, he melts away into the floor, leaving not a trace behind.
Some where under the city: A hiss of steam flows from the tomb as a Necron Tomblord steps out. He shakes himself off before summoning his advisors."Where the bloody hell am I? And why do it has geas and stem coming out of me. Oh well, raise the army, we shall harvest the souls of the living. Make sure my personal Doomsday Monlith Phlanx is ready
High above the planet: A Hive Tryant turns to his Carnfiex generals. "Brethern" he spoke in a raspy voice " our enemies draw near, consume them for the glory of the Hivemind. Mcclay, you are to have the honor of going in first. Clear the lessers off this world." Mcclay grunted his assent and lead his squad into a wating drop shit and onto the planet. (( Trynids:http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Tyranid, Necrons (non steampunk variant) http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Necron))
As the sun descends, me and my comrades are brought to a gourmet restaurant. One of the best in the city. Where we are told to order whatever we like, free of charge.
As the hours pass, our table becomes covered in maps of the city, books on the history of the Tyranids and Necrons, and stacks of plates that once held meals of exquisite quality. It was nice to have something good to eat, especially considering I can't remember the last time I ate anything at all.
My comrades chatter back and forth, while I sit quietly, still unsure about how we will manage to stop both of these terrors from tearing this city apart.
Then, a rumbling is heard, coming from below. Shaking the very floor of the restaurant, and causing the plates and utensils to violently clank and clatter. After a while, it dies down, and everyone returns to their food. Unsettling sounds have been heard coming from the hive fleet in the distance for the last couple of hours as well. Despite no one in the city wanting to talk about it, the two forces are readying for their assault. And when it happens, it will be a miracle if anyone other than them is around to see the next day.
> Determine your location in the universe.
> Get the hell out of here as fast as possible.
> "FOR THE EMPEROR!"
Steam orbital drop pods fall from the sky and crash into the ground. Clockpunk Space Marines emerge from the drop pods and fight against the steam-necrons and DZA.
Also:
DZA: Get the hell out of there.
Also they are My Little Space Marines
As our time at the restaurant draws to a close, loud crashes can be heard throughout the city.
High above, a wave of steam-powered drop pods make their way to the surface of the planet. The hive fleet, apparently not taking kindly to having their assault plans interrupted, attempt to intercept them. They do an admirable job, but due to being caught by surprise, a few manage to slip through anyway, and land scattered across the city. Carrying within them squads of some of the most battle-hardened, morally correct space marines on this side of the universe.
As the restaurant gets ready to close, I decide to speak with my companions about our situation:
"I think we should leave.", I somberly announce to the rest of my group.
"What do you mean?", asks Morul, as he and the others turn their attention toward me.
"From what I can tell, even one of these forces would be more than a match for our combined strength. We're going to be going fighting off both of them simultaneously.", I say.
"So what?", says the kobold prince, hopping out of the booster seat the restaurant provided. "We're heroes!"
"These people are counting on us to help them. They've shown us nothing but kindness, they even threw a festival for our arrival, and now you're suggesting we abandon them?", says Tholtig, with a slight tone of anger in her voice.
"Technically, the festival was for me", I respond. "And It's not like I don't want to help them. But at this point, I'm just not sure whether it's possible."
"Do what you wish, but I refuse to let everyone here die because the odds are not in our favor.", Tholtig says sternly, as she gets up from her seat. The other heroes say nothing, but by their expressions, I can tell they agree with her.
We are taken to a nearby luxury hotel to rest for a while. The assault will be upon us before long. Two are three hours if we are lucky. If I am going to leave, it will have to be soon...
Attempt to kidnap one of your adoring fans, maybe they will come in handy as a shield, the meat shield before worked quite well. However much to your dismay they begin trying to lick your chest a bit too sensually.
However it is a girl and you are pretty turned on by it and creeped out.
The banhammer falls through the portal and crushes her pre-emptively.
THIS OH SO MUCH.
...we need more fourth wall antics.
As the others rest and prepare in their rooms, I quietly open the door to mine. Or at least attempt to. To my surprise, someone falls through the doorway as I begin to open it, making a loud thud on the ground. They must have been leaning against the door.
I wait for a moment, to see if anyone noticed the sound, before helping the person up. What's this? It appears to be the girl that threw her shirt at me upon my arrival to the city.
"What the hell are you doing here??", I angrily whisper. "I was, um, just wanted to make sure you were feeling alright before the battle!", she nervously responds. "Keep it down!", I tell her, doing my best not to yell.
Taking a second to think things out, I sigh, and figure there's no way I can leave her here now that she could tell everyone that she saw me sneaking out in the middle of the night. "I'm feeling fine, now come with me". "OK!!", she responds excitedly. "Quiet, goddamn it!", I say, before realizing just how loud my voice was. "Fuck, we have to hurry", I tell her, pulling her by her arm.
After making our way out of the hotel and running through the city for roughly an hour, we finally reach its edge. I guess she was more useful than I thought, as without her, it no doubt would have taken me far longer to navigate through the maze of roads and buildings. We take a moment to sit and rest as she starts to cuddle uncomfortably close. "You know, I'm actually your biggest fan. I'd do
anything to help you", She says, smiling at me. "If you want, I could even-
Banhammer out of fucking nowhere!For a split second, a portal opens up before us. The strange hammer, once wielded by the toad man, flies through it, striking my(obsessively)adoring fan in the head,
brutally crushing her skull! "Eww! I got brain all over me...", I say, scooting away from corpse of my self-proclaimed biggest fan.
>The hybrid takes out a banhammer and prepares to fight.
>Then, the right hand man of the toad-man appears.
>suddenly one of the cats rise!
it is...
it is...
holy crap! it is scamps! he was watching all along!
Nearby, I begin to hear the sound of struggling and breaking branches. I then watch as the elf-dwarf hybrid falls out of a tall tree and crashes to the ground, before slowly getting up and dusting himself off. Hm, so that's where he's been.
he runs over to the corpse of my once living fan, and pulls the strange hammer from the pile of gore that could once be considered a head. "careful with that thing", I tell him, as he struggles to lift the unbelievably heavy hammer and enter a combat stance. "What's got you so worked up?", I ask curiously, just as I catch a glimpse of something quickly running through the the darkness.
Seconds later, a small ball of fur pounces toward us at lightning fast speed. To my disbelief, the hybrid manages to muster up a good swing with the hammer, and whether due to skill or luck, hits the ball of fur from the air, sending it flying backwards.
The ball of fur lands on its feet, creating claw marks in the ground as it slides to a stop, before letting loose a menacing hiss at the hybrid. Oh, it's not just a ball of fur, it's a cat. But the only cat I know that could move that fast, is...*cue flashback*
standing closely beside the toad man, I see a...kitten? At least that one isn't in humanoid form.
...Son of a bitch.
For now, lets just say an 'eccentric' Dwarf shows up, asking for eyeballs and the general direction the OMINOUS EXPLOSIONS are coming from. As it turns out, from a mysterious jade portal...
Just as the cat prepares to pounce once more, a short, bearded fellow walks up to me, as if out of thin air, with a strange request. For one reason or another, it seems he would like to know if we had any of the optic vision spheres, commonly referred to as eyeballs, to spare. While the others are distracted by the strange little figure, I sift through what remains of my fan's head to find a pair of badly damaged, but still recognizable, eyeballs. I then walk over and gift them to the little bearded one.
After giving me a thankful nod, he has yet another odd inquiry, and begins to ask if I could point him in the direction of the
ominous explosions. Assuming the assault must have started, I point him in the general direction of the more civilized part the city. He then happily wanders off out of sight. Though, now that I think about it, I suppose he could have been talking about the ominous explosions coming from the mysterious jade portal that opened up a few feet away just seconds ago...Nah.
So here I am, on the outskirts of the city, with my only company being the dwarf-elf hybrid, the corpse of my self-proclaimed biggest fan, and a rather pissed off kitten. I should be safe from the Necron/Tyranid assault out here, at least for the time being. But deserting my companions, along an entire city of people who trusted and believed in me definitely wasn't a very badass thing to do. In fact, it makes me feel particularly shitty. Oh well, no one ever said the life of an adventurer was an easy one. What to do now....
Name: D.Z.A.
Sex: Male.
Age: ??
Badassery Level: Great.
Location: Outskirts of the city.
Inventory: Pocket lint.
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Topic: You are Me, Chapter IV: Into Lands Unknown (Read 130828 times)