> Just before impact, you miss the ground.
OR
> Suddenly, 300 cats.
A few hundred feet away from the concrete and asphalt that makes up the ground below, I suddenly notice that much of it is occupied by a large quantity of cats, of all different colors, sizes and breeds, patiently sitting in formation. "Oh god, they've learned how to organize themselves", I think, assuming that they must have somehow made it through the portal.
>The hybrid lands on the ground using a parachute made from the skin of 300 cats, then you use your omnipotence to halt the wave.
Only a couple hundred feet til impact, the hybrid creature reawakens. Upon realization of the dire nature of his current situation, he releases his special +Cat leather parachute+, and begins to float safely to the ground.
He then frantically yells at me to halt the wave with my spectacular omnipotence. But due to the lack of any noticeable wave, I find myself unable to do so. If there were some exceptionally large wave around, however, I would be sure to halt it.
New Guy: Act as a cushion for DZA, so that he doesn't get damaged. Of course, do this all unintentionally, and let's just say that I was tending the 300 or so cats.
And of course, die afterwards from the force of DZA's landing.
As I brace for impact, I close my eyes. The last thing I see is someone with an earpiece and a clipboard, walking directly under me. Yelling at unruly cats, while ensuring they are all nicely groomed for some for some sort of celebration.
I open my eyes and look around, to find that I have safely made it to the ground, with only minimal injuries. "Wow, that was much less excruciating than expected", I say happily. "Odd, I don't remember being
this bloody before I fell through the- Oh...oh my...", I say, staring at the mangled pile of flesh I appear to be sitting in. Poor fella. He may have been some New Guy I've never met before, but he prevented me from having a far less ideal landing.
the fan headed monstrosity quickly gets to you through the portal and stops the fall from itself, using its head and various amounts of wind.
also, use your badassery aura to create a shockwave and block the full force of the impact
Shortly after standing up and brushing bits of gore off of myself, the scaly, suit wearing abomination I freed earlier eases itself to the ground, using its high-powered fan head to slow its fall. "Aw what the hell, that thing made it through the portal too!?".
Just then, I am reminded that my companions should be having a collision with the floor at any moment now. I'm actually surprised they didn't make it before me. Then again, that quadruple flip did speed me up quite a bit.
I think fast, and unleash a powerful shockwave, the force of which is equal to that of the gravitational force pulling my companions toward the ground, effectively
neutralizing their velocity! Cats fly everywhere as a result of the shockwave, and the rest of my group is stopped mid-air, only a few feet before impact, before falling down at a now safe distance. Except for the hybrid, who was violently flung several hundred feet back into the air because of his much slower velocity.
My Badassery Level seems to have been drained a bit from that little tactic, but at least(most of)my comrades are now safely on the ground.
>Attempt to land on a farm. If we're lucky, we'll land on a pig merchant, and no one will take fall damage.
Then...
>SUDDENLY EERIE GLOWING MIST EVERYWHERE! SOMETHING IN THE MIST TOOK URIST MCLEE!!!!
"Hmm, you know what would have really been nice? To land on a farm. Then we could have landed on some sort of animal merchant, preferably a pig, which would have saved me the trouble of having to drain my badassery creating a shockwave. Oh well. Save it for next massive freefall, I guess.", I think to myself.
Future objective planned!suddenly, an eerie, glowing mist starts to surround our location. Seeping out of building windows, sewer grates, and rolling in from every direction. Well this is certainly ominous.
A figure slowly walks out from the mist, and introduces himself as Urist McLee. "Howdy! Haven't seen your faces 'round these parts, y'all must be new here.", he says in a cheerful voice.
"Yes. To both the city, and the dimension.", I respond.
Urist McLee slaps his knee and laughs. "Well how 'bout you strangers come along with me and I'll give you a tour of the city. Been here all my life, I know this place like the back of my AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!", says Urist McLee, just before he is yanked back into the mist by forces unknown. Well, I'd say this eerie glowing mist just went from ominous to foreboding on the horror-scale.
For whatever reason, there is a festival going on with people holding up banners reading "We love you D.Z.A.!" They seem to be having a celebration of your arrival, whether it be for better or worse. Some girl most like is waving her shirt around in the air at you somewhere. The people love you a little too much...
Just as the mist closes in on us, things take an unexpected turn. Shouts of joy and excitement are heard all around. The mist begins to clear, and much to my bewilderment, reveals a rather large welcoming party, that has begun to rejoice upon seeing my arrival. Holding up signs and banners with words of praise, the most popular ones seeming to be "We love you D.Z.A.!", "You Rock!!", and "MARRY ME!". A particularly joyous young girl lifts her shirt off and waves it around a bit, before throwing it in my general direction.
From what I can hear through nigh-indecipherable waves of chants and screams, there is also quite a high demand for me to father the children of many of the festival goers. It's nice being appreciated for whatever the hell it is I did to get everyone so pumped up, but these people seem a little bit...obsessive.
>Miner: Scream through webbing. Attempt to break through webbing with pick.
Everything is so loud, I can barely hear the muffled screams coming from the web cocoon that the miner is encased within. After squirming around on the floor like a panicking earthworm for a few minutes, the miner finally manages to pierce the web cocoon with his pick, and slowly but surely breaks his way free.
He nearly has a heart attack at the sight of the large screaming crowd surrounding him, but calms himself down, and lifts himself to his feet as he picks off the small pieces of webbing still stuck to him.
While still trying to figure out just what's going on, I see a jolly looking man with a top hat, and a golden sash which reads 'MAYOR', step through the crowd and approach me and my posse.
>high up above the city a Trynid Hive fleet prepares to land and destory an ancient enemy.
> Far below the city a Tomb full of Steampunk Necrons prepare to harvest the souls of the living.
The jolly looking man shakes my hand, and speaks to me, "D.Z.A.! So glad to see that you could make it! What did you think of the eerie glowing mist? Pretty neat, eh? It was my idea. I figured a magnificent adventurer such as yourself would appreciate a more dramatic introduction such as that. There was supposed to be a cat parade in honor of your arrival as well, but it seems there was an accident of some sort, and our Cat Coordinator isn't in any condition to reorganize the whole thing....Ah, and who are these dashing men and women beside you?"
"These are some of the heroes of Dwarf Fortress. Cacame, Morul, Tholtig, and the kobold prince. There's also this random miner I met in the Arena of Armok, and a dwarf-elf hybrid that should be making his way down any time now. And yeah, the mist was a nice touch. Sorry about the cats. That was my bad", I respond.
The kobold prince steps forward a bit to say something, "In case you're wondering, my name is-" "Ah, right. Lovely to meet you all! And...um, what about that one over there?", asks the jolly man, interrupting the kobold prince and pointing at the fan-headed abomination a few feet away. "I...I'm still not entirely sure yet", I tell him.
The jolly man watches the abomination with morbid interest for a moment, before continuing to speak, "Well in any case, I'm happy to see you and your friends made it here in one piece! I knew the legend was true! Though it described you as being much younger. Not to offend, of course! If there's anything I can do to help, just let me know."
"Actually, we met a cheerful little fellow who went by the name Urist McLee a little while ago who offered to give us a tour. I take it he was mysteriously pulled into the mist as part of your little festival opening. So if you could point us in the direction we could find him, that would be grand.", I say politely.
"Urist McLee?", the jolly man responds. "No, I don't recall anyone with that name having a significant part in the festival introduction. But if he was pulled away like you said, I'd say there's a good chance that it was probably the Steampunk Necrons who were behind it. Not much hope for him now, I'm afraid."
"Necrons?" I ask, a tad perplexed.
"Steampunk Necrons.", says the jolly man, correcting me. "Though, now that I think of it, I suppose it could have been the Tyranids as well. They've been causing quite a bit of trouble for us ever since their hive fleet parked itself a little off the coast of our wondrous city. Because of them, and the Steampunk Necrons that have recently awoken deep in the sewers, mutilated bodies have become a normal finding. And dozens, if not hundreds more go missing everyday.", the jolly man says gloomily. He perks up again, and then talks to me once more, "But now what you're here, you can stop them from terrorizing our city any longer, just like the legend says!...Right?".
"Um, give me a moment to think about this.", I respond, unsure about what to say.
Name: D.Z.A.
Sex: Male.
Age: ??
Badassery Level: Epic.
Location: Somewhere in the new city.
Inventory: Pocket lint.
Poll
3 (75%)
Author
Topic: You are Me, Chapter IV: Into Lands Unknown (Read 130841 times)