At last, the next update! This is probably the longest one yet, so get comfy. It's also wonderfully epic, and fittingly musical. Let's rock:
> New Guy: "This cannot be! My awesome colossus, destroyed? Let me search around the Twelfth Bay for ammo... AHAHAHAHAHA, this one, you'll never kill!"
> New Guy: Summon Gizogin's Fluffballs.
I stand there, holding the Adamantine colossus body, unsure about what to do next. Then, for no explainable reason, a ball of fluff falls from above, making an adorable little squeaking noise as it softly collides with the stone floor. That's...weird. On the bright side, everyone has stopped paying attention to me, and has begun curiously staring at the little fluffball. I guess it is pretty cute.
Suddenly, another one falls, landing a few feet away from the first. And then another! And another! And...another? And another. And another. And another...Where the hell are these things coming from?
>Talk to the kobold, he's obviously not here of his free will, and you should be able to convince him to join you.
I turn to the kobold, and attempt to convince it to join me on my adventure. The kobold prince stares at me for a moment, and then glances around at all of the armored figures. "Oh, that's right. I'm the one who lead you down here in the first place. Well don't worry, I'll think of a way to get us out of here!". The armored figures all quickly turn their attention to me, rather than the balls of fluff that continue to rain from seemingly thin air. Guess that's not the best thing to announce when you're a captive, surrounded by the people in charge of ensuring that kind of thing doesn't happen.
lift the human miner and jump the hole where it came!
once there...
find an abomination with an office suit, fan head, and scales...
"Um, give me a second, I'll be right back", I say, grabbing the miner from his hole. I toss him aside before hopping down into hole, which is surprisingly deep. The guards hastily surround it, but are only able to catch a glimpse of my aura fading into the darkness before I am no longer visible.
I fall for roughly 11 seconds before finally hitting the bottom. It's pitch black down here. If it wasn't for my aura, and a small lantern sitting on a nearby rock, I wouldn't be able to see a thing. As a take I look around the small, carved out room I've found myself in, I begin to hear some rather unsettling sounds, coming from a mineshaft at the opposite end of it. It's too dark to tell for sure, but it seems to go on for quite a long ways. That miner had to have been down here for an exceptional amount of time, in order to get all of this carved out.
Being the great adventurer I am, I decide to enter the mineshaft and discover the origin of the unsettling sounds. As I get closer to the source of the sounds, they become more and more defined. While they were once completely incomprehensible, they can now be described as a sort of screeching, mixed with the whirling of metal blades. Whirling metal blades and screeching aren't exactly the sounds one would hear from the nicest creature in the world, but I've gone too far to turn back now.
After walking for an unknown amount of time, I at last reach the end of the mineshaft. Or what will be the end of it for me, at least. the remainder of the way is blocked by several close-set bars of some incredibly strong, grayish-black material. Effectively preventing me from continuing onward. The sounds are very loud now. Whatever they're coming from isn't far beyond this.
Just then, I see something strange walk out from the darkness beyond, and approach the bars, making the same sounds that I've been hearing all this time. I begin to step closer, trying to get a better look at the creature. Is it...wearing a suit? Well that's silly, I can't see why a creature locked so far underground would have any use for such formal att-
HOLY MOTHER OF FUCK WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!?!Wait....
>Use your omniscience and omnipotence to kill the guards ,then free the strange abomination, and the hybrid.
After speedily making my way back to the small, carved out room(as speedily as one can with shackles around their ankles), I take a moment to catch my breath. "That thing was horrifying....I should free it.", I say, breathing heavily.
Music, to set the vibe.I sit down on the rough stone floor, and begin to meditate, so that I may release myself from the restraints of my human body. As I once again become one with everything everywhere, I see that the armored figures are currently busy fighting off the hordes of fluffballs that continue to fall into the arena. I also become aware that their occurrence, and the occurrence of the colossus of blue, was the the work of some pesky being who seems to have the power to modify reality in this strange ASCII realm.
I then liberate each of the armored figures, and the goblins, from their mortal shells, concluding that it would be best for everyone. They begin to twitch and contort themselves, and then fall dead to the floor, bleeding from every bodily orifice they have. I focus on the bars, which turn out to be holding back a fan-headed dinosaur like creature. Wearing a suit. The bars shatter, allowing the strange abomination of nature to roam free.
I discover that the little blonde haired thing that was being tormented by the goblins is actually a rare elf-dwarf hybrid. And that it had also taken quite a beating from the now fallen goblins, to the point of fading in and out of consciousness. I am able to heal him. Not entirely, but enough to where he won't die within the next couple of minutes. Something is causing me to lose my concentration...
>Miner: Get chased out of the hole by a giant cave spider.
A few moments later, I find myself pulled back into my own body, with a very unpleasant headache as a result of the sudden re-entry. The miner had come down the hole to check up on me. And, upon finding me deep in meditation, figured the best thing to do was poke at me and ask if I was alright.
"I'm fine, I'm fine. What is it?", I ask, somewhat irritated.
"I just wanted to warn you about going down that mineshaft over there. I found something pretty nasty locked deep away in there. Wanted to make sure you didn't go mess and with it by accident", replies the miner.
"You mean that thing in the suit? Yeah. I admit, I was hesitant to set it free, but it hasn't seemed to cause any trouble since I broke the bars, so I think we'll be alright", I tell the miner.
"A suit? Did you hit your head or something?", asks the miner, in a confused tone. "I'm talking about the giant-
Suddenly, Giant Cave Spider out of fucking nowhere! It viciously clicks and chitters as it watches the miner with its many beady eyes. The miner takes off, climbing his way back up the hole. The Giant Cave Spider quickly pursues.
> Suddenly, 300 cats.
NO. Suddenly INFINITE cats.
Deciding I've spent enough time in this hole, I begin climbing my way back up as well. When I make it to the surface, I am greeted by complete chaos. The four heroes still in the stuck in the circular structure managed to break from their shackles and have been fighting off the relentless fluffball hordes with the large swords previously belonging to the armored figures(though the kobold prince seems to be having a bit of trouble with it). Looks like they've been at it for a while now, they don't look like they can keep it up for much longer. Meanwhile, the Giant Cave Spider seems to have caught up with the miner, and is in the process of enveloping him in a large web cocoon.
Peeking up over the wall, I realize the fluffballs haven't been paying any attention to the hybrid creature up until now. They must have thought he was dead until I healed him. Now they seem to be slowly surrounding the little guy, ready to fluff the fuck out of him.
All of a sudden, a sound other than squeaks and purrs fill the air. It's the sound, of meowing, and scratching. I look up to see dozens of cats climbing out of cracks in the ceiling. Dozens more clawing their way out of the rushing water and onto the stone walls and walkways. the cats, entranced by the puffy, bouncing balls of fluff, do what they do best:
Kill adorable little creatures that are smaller than them, just for fun.
Unfortunately(for the cats), the fluffballs aren't as easy to take down as a mouse or small bird, and in less then a couple minutes, the single most adorable war in the history of everything breaks out in the Arena of Armok.
>GET TO THE DAMN CHOPPAH TUNNEL
Music, for added epicness."Everyone, Into the tunnel! NOW!", I shout.
Dodging cats and fluffballs from all directions, the heroes run toward the hole. After looking around at the miner and the hybrid, however, I reconsider retreating just yet. "WAIT!", I yell to the heroes just as they reach the hole. "We can't leave them here!". I run over to the heroes, or at least try to, before falling over as a result of still having my feet restrained."Fucking shackles", I say, snapping the damaged ones around my wrists. Tholtig Cryptbrain runs over and breaks the chain connecting shackles on my ankles, before helping me up.
As the war between cats and fluffballs intensifies, I go over to meet up with the other three heroes. "Alright, Cacame, kobold prince! Go take out that the eight-legged bastard before he devours the miner! Tholtig and Morul, follow me!".
The kobold prince begins to speak, "By the way, my name is-" "Right! Now let's get a move on!", I interrupt, before bolting to the wall of the circular structure, Morul and Tholtig following closely behind.
"What are we doing??", I hear Morul ask. "There's a half-dwarf half-elf hybrid in the southeastern part of this arena. We need to rescue him before we can leave!", I respond, trying to concentrate. "Why!?", shouts Tholtig, batting an incoming fluffball out of the air with the flat of her sword. I shout back to Tholtig, "I don't know!!"
Approaching the wall, I quickly instruct my two companions on what to do. "Morul, stay behind. Tholtig, JUMP!". At the last second me and Tholtig Cryptbrain leap into the air, barely making it over the wall, while Morul slows down to avoid running into it.
Landing at the edge of the large stone platform that makes up the southeastern portion of the arena, I scout out the area, looking for the hybrid creature. Covered in fluff and cat blood, this place is a battlefield, just like the rest of the arena. Finally spotting the hybrid, I tell Tholtig to cover me as I charge onward to reach him. He's passed out, and also covered in fluff and cat blood, but he's alive.
"MORUL, CATCH!", I yell, just before preforming the most badass half-elf half-dwarf hybrid toss ever witnessed. Seeing the unconscious hybrid fly over the wall, morul drops his sword and executes an impressive dive-catch,
preventing the hybrid creature from taking the full force of the impact!"Great! Now how are we going to get back up over the wall?", Tholtig asks. "Umm...Quick! Hand me your sword!". Taking the large sword from Tholtig, I throw it javelin-style at the wall,
lodging it firmly in place! Taking another large leap, I manage to grab hold of the sword. Slicing my hands open in the process, I endure the pain and pull myself up over the wall. Tholtig follows my lead, not having to worry about any unintentional hand slicing due to her gauntlets.
We run to meet with the others. Cacame waits by the hole along with Morul the kobold prince, and the passed out hybrid. The web-encased miner lifted over his shoulder. "OK, into the hole! Go! Go! Go!", I exclaim. The entire arena beginning to crumble around us. Thunderous clapping and guffawing can be heard throughout the arena. The blood god is distracted by the ever-growing war of cats VS. fluffballs, now is our chance.
"What about the others still locked in their cells?", asks Cacame, with worry in his voice.
"There's no time! We have to go now, before this entire place collapses!"
Cacame tries to speak again, but is interrupted by half of the circular structure breaking off and falling into the water below.
"NO TIME!", I say, pushing him into the hole. I check to make sure everyone has made it in, before jumping down myself.
Realize the Tunnel is a portal which takes you above a new city near the ocean, you are about 30,000 feet in the air and would be currently going for the patented belly flop to try and cause a tidal wave in the city.
The amount of pure adorableness, violence, and general insanity in a single location is putting a strain on the entire ASCII realm, which is beginning to tear at the seams as Armok continues to erupt with joyous laughter over the bloodshed. The ties of reality within the ASCII realm are so weak at the moment, that halfway through the tunnel, we end slipping through a portal,
leading to another realm entirely!Almost instantly, me and the others find ourselves tens of thousands of feet in the sky, and making our way to the ground at an exceedingly fast velocity. Hm, there seems to be a city by the coast of a large body of water below. That can only mean one thing, time for a belly flop of EPIC PROPORTIONS! I preform a stunning quadruple flip before getting into perfect belly flop position. This is certain to cause an absolutely monstrous tidal wave!...wait.
Realize the Tunnel is a portal which takes you above a new city near the ocean, you are about 30,000 feet in the air and would be currently going for the patented belly flop to try and cause a tidal wave in the city.
a portal which takes you above a new city near the ocean
above a new city
....
Fuck.
Name: D.Z.A.
Sex: Male.
Age: ??
Badassery Level:
MAXIMUM.
Location: Several thousand feet above a new city.
Inventory: Pocket lint.
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Topic: You are Me, Chapter IV: Into Lands Unknown (Read 131433 times)