One day... ONE DAY, fucking JUPITER came to me (the planet, not the god). Jupiter was a pretty cool guy, but he said that my avatar was insufficient. "But Jupiterbro", i said, "I don't know how to get a new avatar!" i pleaded. But Jupiterbro was cold. He said "no shook, you have to go on a quest for it." At that point i shat myself, so much so that Jupiter wondered why i just got a few inches taller on my chair. A true quest, for me! Is it not the dream of every gamer to actually have a legitimate quest? I was ecstatic, but Jupiter warned me. "This is no childs play quest mate! You will face EVIL THINGS in the quest for a new avatar!" he said. I produced a steely look in my eyes, and with enough determination to physically blow Jupiter back in his normal orbit, i said "neat."
As Jupiter was flying away, crying tears of joy from the immense power of my determination, he managed to disclose the destination and goal of my quest. I was to go to PIXLAND, THE GREAT LAND OF ADVENTURE and knee Evil King Overlord Fo'kuit in the face, because he was being a fuckwit, and because my kneecaps had the mystical power of making fuckwits stop being fuckwits, but only when applied to the face. I quietly thought to myself that this was going to hurt like hell, because remember the last time you banged your kneecap against something hard? Yeah, Evil King Overlord Fo'kuit's face is pretty hard too, even without the evil king overlord helmcrown.
I set off towards PIXLAND, THE GREAT LAND OF ADVENTURE. On my way, i encountered many curious people. "Why would you even go there?" they ask. I just calmly replied, "Me and my knees, we're going on an adventure, and we're going to knee some fuckwit in the face." They usually just gaped silently in awe. If they asked further questions, i went all up in their faces and said "I WAS TOLD BY A FUCKING PLANET TO DO THIS SO GO AWAY" in a moderately annoyed tone, which made them go away.
When i finally reached the border of PIXLAND, THE GREAT LAND OF ADVENTURE, i was greeted by two burly guard dudes. They were all like "dude you don't look adventurous enough to go in here." Annoyed by this, i flashed my knees. They instantly recognized the chosen knees, promptly apologized for any inconvenience and pointed me in the general direction of Evil King Overlord Fuckw- uh, Fo'kuit's castlekeepfortress. They also warned me about the TERRIBLE VINYL DRAGON guarding the path, but i just dismissed that, for i have ways of dealing with such creatures.
Sure enough, after having dropkicked my way through lego trolls and barbarians made of delicious cheddar, i was beset by the TERRIBLE VINYL DRAGON. It landed right in front of me with a mighty thud, confident that i pose no threat to it. "YOU AM LOOK LIKE GOOD TREAT HUMAN." it bellowed right in my face, with a breath smelling curiously like freshly unpacked electronics. "No vinyl dragon i am not a good treat" i retorted. The words hit it in the face like my previous dropkicks hit the mooks. "Oh, my bad." it replied in a much more collected tone. I totally had this under control. "So, vinylbro, since your boss Evil King Overlord Fo'kuit is being a fuckwit, how about giving me a lift to his place?" i asked, confidently. The TERRIBLE VINYL DRAGON, which turned out to be a pretty cool bro, looked confused and said "Boss? Pfft i'm just eating people on this particular path, he ain't got shit on me. What's this about a fuckwit? I don't particularly like fuckwits. Does this involve kneeing a fuckwit in the face?" I struck a super confident pose, and with a voice most manly, i laid the info of the quest upon the TERRIBLE VINYL DRAGON, who just happened to actually be called Chadsworth. Chadsworth was pleased to hear that my entire quest was about kneeing Evil King Overlord Fo'kuit in the face, so he agreed to fly me right the fuck past all the castlekeepfortress defenses so i could dropkick through the throne room doors.
As we flew to the final destination, Chadsworth used his amazing vinyl powers to play kickawesome music to go with the impending battle. It was so kickawesome that i nearly missed the fact that the throne room doors, conveniently facing out into the open on top of the castlekeepfortress, were within dropkick range. And by that, i mean dragon-assisted dropkick. "WELL HERE'S MY STOP CHADSWORTH!" I bellowed out like a MAN, and climbed back to the top of his tail. "Roger that comrade kneemaster!" he replied, and promptly swung me towards the door with his tail, still in rapid flight, making me achieve a dropkick velocity around half the speed of sound. Only half the speed of sound, because otherwise i wouldn't properly be able to hear the awesome music that Chadsworth was blasting out. In fact, he had somehow produced an electric guitar, and was playing a facemelting solo in mid-air.
The door approached rapidly, so i prepared for what would be the hardest dropkick in human history. I reared my legs back, and just as the door was about to hit me, i stretched them out like a dude who kicked really hard into the air, except i was kicking a door. The impact was so hard, it actually made the doors explode violently, and knocked down half the castlekeepfortress in the process. I bounced off the floor, landed safely on my feet and slammed a pair of cool sunglasses right the fuck on my face. Evil King Overlord Fo'kuit barely looked in my direction, and in a manner most disinterested, merely said "fuck that was a lame entry." Unfazed by this cruel insult, i said "LAME THIS" and jumped in his direction, rotating rapidly around my vertical axis so as to deliver a spinning knee of doom. Unfortunately, i spun so fast that the differing air flows around my body diverted me into the nearest wall, like a really mean curveball. "wow you're hopeless nerd" he taunted me, cruelly. I was not going to take any more of his shit, so i angrily said "That is not a nice thing to say!" and then jumped at him again, this time without spinning. Evil King Overlord Fo'kuit was too much of a fuckwit to move out of the way, so my flying knee of doom struck him in the face with the fury of a thousand dying suns (which could have been a MILLION dying suns if i was spinning).
Then, there was only pain. Thousand years of knee pain. Through the fog of pain, i could see Evil King Overlord Fo'kuit flying haplessly through the wall behind him, leaving only a fuckwit-sized hole behind. If my knee didn't work, i was at his mercy now, because GOD FUCKING DAMMIT KNEE HURTS OH GOD AUGH. Then, much to my chagrin, Evil King Overlord Fo'kuit popped back through the hole, with a massive knee mark in his face. "WOW man that was a knee of doom if i ever felt one man", he said, "i can now see that i was being a total fuckwit, and i will stop being a fuckwit now that you have kneed me in the face." Joy surged through me for a second, but was quickly overridden by intense knee pain.
Fortunately for me, Jupiter came back, now that i had completed my quest. He used the POWER OF GRAVITATION to heal my knee, and congratulated me on a job well done. "But Jupiterbro, what about my avatar?" I asked. Embarassed at having forgotten that, he quickly said "Oh er just slap a fish on top of a stickman and give them both top hats, that'll work nicely." I gazed at Jupiter for what seems like a thousand years. "That is the best idea ever!" i said, and tried to kiss Jupiter. Unfortunately, Jupiter is a gas giant, so he lacked substance for me to kiss. I lamented that fact, but Jupiter understood the predicament, and just calmly sailed back into orbit, although not before using the POWER OF GRAVITATION to lob me back into my comfy office chair.
"Oh er just slap a fish on top of a stickman and give them both top hats, that'll work nicely."
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Topic: What's the origin of your avatar? (Read 27728 times)