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CAKEWALK

11 (16.9%)

YOU F&@#KING DIE SON!!!  YOU GO TO HELL AND YOU DIE!

35 (53.8%)

Somewhere inbetween

19 (29.2%)

Total Members Voted: 49

[monk12]

I am laughing so hard you don't even


Through the power of Christ and Rock (opera), heal my broken pelvis! Then wrap my hands in the hipster's stupid scarf and climb out of the damn well.

[DinosaurusRex_x]

Through the power of Christ and Rock (opera), heal my broken pelvis! Then wrap my hands in the hipster's stupid scarf and climb out of the damn well.

Roll004 You feel a righteous powerchord rip through the sky.  You raise your hand, and a single beam of light touches your hand.   You move your hand, but it still glows as if the power of a thousand suns were still in it.   You POWERSTROKE your wounded pelvis, and it begins to feel all tingly.  A big smile hits your face when you know your business is done and your pelvis feels good again.   Your skin regenerates itself too from the sand-burn, making for a perfect heal!



Suddenly a fight breaks out between Henchman01 and the Hipster about which tablet is the best.  Urkel tries to sell the Hipster on his own private invention, and the Hipster, afraid of being mainstream in comparison tries to counter Steve Urkel with immediate blogging.



Henchman01 strikes first, wielding rapidly spinning arms!



Roll005 it is very effective!   The Hipster gets knocked onto the ground, his iPad2 flies up in the air just as his tweet about Screech from Saved by the Bell having way more integrity as a 90s nerd than Urkel did posts on his blogs.  His unnecessary plastic glasses get knocked off and he is KNOCKED OUT, right in front of the well.


"Oops...  Did I do that?"

Roll006 The hipster's scarf is long and dangly, and floats down to you with immaculate precision.  With a little bit of a stretch you're able to grab a hold of it and climb up the well unobstructed.


Mr T shouts down at you as you start to climb up.



Mr T tries to football tackle you as you get to the top Roll007 but he miscalculates and dives into the Hipster Roll008 breaking every rib in the Hipster's ribcage and jabbing their shards into various internal organs, killing your zealot instantly.

Henchman02 appears to be charging up....

Spoiler: Player Status: Brian (click to show/hide)

Just climbed out of the well!  Doing pretty well!
Inventory: Dinosaur jawbone, BMF wallet, mysterious briefcase
Current Injuries: None!

[monk12]

And Jesus did say, "I died for your sins- now it's your turn".

Hurl my Crown of Thorns at the Henchmen!

[DinosaurusRex_x]

And Jesus did say, "I died for your sins- now it's your turn".

Hurl my Crown of Thorns at the Henchmen!

You whip off your Crown of Thorns and aptly snap it in two.  You throw one at each henchman. Roll009 You hit Henchman01 Roll010, who fails to notice it coming towards him.  It lightly scratches his hand in a nasty scratch.   Almost draws blood too. Hey!  That line is turning slightly red!

You aim at it Henchman02 next...


                           Roll011 

but instead you decide it'd be better to hit the Hipster's remains instead.

Henchman02 Roll012 spends another turn charging.  He seems to have flipped the back of his T-shirt over his head...

Henchman01 attacks



                            Roll013 

Placing a nerd-rage blow to the sternum, but Jesus Christ Superstar Roll014 had a wooden cross there that took the blow then shatters, taking all the brunt of the dammage and leaving you unharmed.


Mr T reaches back to his recent victory over Rocky Balboa in the boxing ring and Roll015 starts to unleash a punishing pummeling on Brian's liver and body.   Jesus Christ Superstar fails at properly defending himself and takes the beating like a punching bag Roll016.

Spoiler: Player Status: Brian (click to show/hide)

Getting your club on with Clubber Lang.
Inventory: Dinosaur jawbone, BMF wallet, mysterious briefcase
Current Injuries: Liver damage, 3 broken ribs

[monk12]

Summon musical bitches!

[DinosaurusRex_x]

Edit:  Derp.

[DinosaurusRex_x]

Summon musical bitches!

Brian raises his hands to the sky and makes a plea to the rock gods. Roll015 They listen to him well and after consulting with the random generator gods send the result of the following d6 table who to send: 1 2 3 4 5 6

Spoiler: Thou see, walking down from the heavenly staircase... (click to show/hide)

                                                    Roll016

                                                       ...




                                         The rock gods hath forsaken thou.

Their effect on rock is negligible as it is on this whole situation. Roll017
Henchman02 uses his charge and goes full-scale CORNHOLIO and does the world a favour by taking them all on at once.



He strikes bandmember01 Roll018 and punches him straight in the throat.   
With bandmember02 he Roll019 RIPS OFF HIS ENTIRE HEAD AND THROWS IT AT THE GROUND MAKING IT EXPLODE.   BLOOD AND GORE COVER EVERYWHERE.   
He Roll020 just stares at bandmember03 instead of bothering to attack,
then creeps over to bandmember04 and Roll021 breaks his right wrist.

CORNHOLIO IS DEMANDING TP

Henchman01 initiates a charge Roll022 and it is successful!   Steve Urkel enchants a puppet Urkel and it attacks you with it!



Roll023 and the little puppet proves that he is infact a nutcracker when he cracks you right in the nuts.   Brian attempts to use godly power to intervene Roll024 but instead summons a lightening bolt to zap bandmember01 from Nickelback, which promptly kills him, all while Brian takes the full brunt of Mini Urkels attack on his manhood.
 

Mr T goes to attack Roll025 but instead switches to EPIC RAP BATTLE MODE.

Spoiler: Player Status: Brian (click to show/hide)

Nutcrackered.
Inventory: Dinosaur jawbone, BMF wallet, mysterious briefcase
Current Injuries: Liver damage, Punched Junk, 3 broken ribs

                                                         .….

Spoiler: meanwhile... (click to show/hide)

[monk12]

Well, you ask for bitches, you get bitches.

And thus did Jesus say, "This is my blood, which will be given up that you may rock out"

Use my bloody piss to bless the surviving members of Nickleback my bitches with awesome dance combat skills!

[DinosaurusRex_x]

And thus did Jesus say, "This is my blood, which will be given up that you may rock out"

Use my bloody piss to bless the surviving members of Nickleback my bitches with awesome dance combat skills!

Brian whips out his holiest of holy, and lets loose the Blood of Christ Roll026 with just enough range and power he spreads a trickle of his love on bandmember03 and bandmember04.  Roll027 Brian then speaks out a holy blessing from his mouth-hole, and tells his children to drink from him.  The remaining members of Nickelback have no issues with this and drink Jesus Christ Superstar's blessing.  bandmember03 and bandmember04 receive a +1 on their next DANCE attack roll.

 They get straight to business.



Roll028 bandmember03 stabs henchman02 with a drumstick, while bandmember04 Roll029 rips AN ENTIRE KIDNEY out of Beavis while spinning him in a tango, then flings him into a wall where he crashes.




Beavis is in serious condition and will die in 2 turns without medical attention.  He decides it would be best to spend his last few moments of life on earth continuing his attack on the dwindling remains of Nickelback.

Roll030 He hits bandmember03 right in the face-hole, Roll031, which actually seems to increase his musical ability.   Bandmember03 is seriously wounded, will receives an additional +1 to all combat and music rolls while still alive with that injury (that will kill him in 3 turns without medical attention)
Roll032 To try to pay it back Beavis rips BOTH kidneys out of bandmember04 Roll033, who will manage to stay alive for 1 more turn unless immedicate medical care/kidney donations are given.



Urkel attacks Roll034, stabbing you in the chest wall with a spear with a super powered spear he developed to go super far at frat-house competitions. This is a serious injury.



Mini Urkel Roll035 turns around and his facial expression changes completely.  He wanted his master and creator to die.   His name was STEVIL and he was a PSYCHO KILLER SENTIENT PUPPET!



Stevil presses his thumbs into henchman01's chest, jamming through the thick pocket protector full of pens and not stopping until he felt POPS as his hands pierced the Urkel's diaphram and rips his heart out with his bare hands.

henchman01 has been defeated.

Stevil then retreats to the backscenes, unseen....


...

Mr T attempts to attack Roll036 but at the last minute he decides to do a montage his early 80s rap album

Spoiler: Player Status: Brian (click to show/hide)

Feeling Stigmatic
Inventory: Dinosaur jawbone, BMF wallet, mysterious briefcase, Spear
Current Injuries: Liver damage, Ribcage pierced by a spear, 3 broken ribs

[Ahra]

yeah... this has broken every law beset upon brains that touches sanity

[monk12]

Heal myself, then attempt to convince Urkel to accept me as his personal Lord and Savior!

[DinosaurusRex_x]

LOADING...

Character name: Bob, just Bob.
Character level:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

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Character class: Vladimir Putin
Sex: Probably Male
Favourite hobbie: Collecting plates, just plates.
Irrational phobia: Forks
A number between 0 and 7: 3.13

player03 begins

Gun the stage down with an assault copter.

Roll037 you blow the Nickelback stage to pieces.   Their fan wallows in agony as you rain bullet upon bullet in his soft wobbly organs.



Bob turns on his tracker bug and sees that Mr T is one turn to the North.  Getting a tracking bug on him was easy after you activated your ex-KGB soviet-era spy robotics.  He's been hired by a very powerful religious underground organization to retrieve a briefcase from him that they determine to be worth enough to justify your ridiculously high salary.   Your dog Medvedev should be able to handle to tedious affairs of Russia while you secure a cash cow and avid supporter to your cause.


Cornholio attacks bandmember03: Roll038, smashing his head Roll039 repeatedly into the kerosene soaked sandpaper lined well until the very friction from his face-bones generates enough heat on the fuel to ignite it.   Bandmember03’s last few agonising moments on Earth are spent in severe pain grabbing at the flaming remains of his face as he dies.

Bandmember03 dies.

...

Henchman02 turns to bandmember04 and spits in his kidney holes Roll040 Roll041 but he manages to side step it and counter-attack in one last coupe-de-grace effort.

Bandmember04 does a no kidney'ed caporea windmill attack on Beavis, Roll042 lodging the back of his heel right in his eye  Roll043 Beavis takes the full brunt, and falls over onto his own tombstone...



Henchman02 dies.

...

Bandmember04 dies due to his turn expiring before receiving medical care for his missing kidneys.

...

Heal myself, then attempt to convince Urkel to accept me as his personal Lord and Savior!

Roll044 Oh cool you fused a rib back together.  You're still dying and stuff from other stuff, but I guess that rib thing is good.

Roll045 You resurrect Urkel with your Jesus-grade powers, you send him a drop of your blood.  He awakens for a split second to accept you as his personal saviour before the spasms and screaming begins.  The wall between the dead and the undead has been breached.  Deep rumblings from the underworld are heard and felt by all..  and but a few feet away, a decaying hand, still nailed to a broken crucifix, breaks the cusp of dirt protecting the domains of Earth and Hell from one another.





LOADING...

Character Name: Jegus Grist
Character Level: Pi
Character class: Zombie Jesus
Sex: Indeterminate
Favourite hobbie: Watching Netflix
Irrational phobia: Bed Bug Sized Demons
A number between 0 and 7: 4.14

player04 begins

Cast "support" "magic" on everyone else.

Roll046 your idea of "support" "magic" is to bless the living with the great gift of immortality.  You attack the first person you see, who is Mr T Roll047 and you bite him right in the jugular, Roll048 Mr T is caught by surprise!

Roll049 The exact location player04 gnaws on is where the KGB implanted the tracking chip. Roll050 throwing off player03’s tracking software and leading him straight to you.



Stevil pulls up in an escape vehicle...


 
I don't have time for this Jibba-Jabba.

Need a lift, T?
 
Yeah lets get out of here foo.   Our business isn't over yet, Brian.

Mr T stares you down as he takes off in his get-away vehicle.



 

‘I'LL GET YOU FOOOOOOooooooooo!!!!!!!!!’

Spoiler: player02 status: Brian (click to show/hide)

Character Class: Jesus Christ Superstar
Character Level: all of them
Currently: Feeling Stigmatic
Inventory: Dinosaur jawbone, BMF wallet, mysterious briefcase, Spear
Current Injuries: Liver damage, Ribcage pierced by a spear, 2 broken ribs

Spoiler: player03 status: Bob (click to show/hide)

Character Class: Vladimyr Putin
Character Level: 9.99 x 10^10000
Currently: Shooting up
Inventory: Assault Chopper, handheld tracking system, GSh-18 Pistol
Current Injuries: None!

Spoiler: player04 status: Jegus Grist (click to show/hide)

Character Class: Zombie Jesus
Character Level: Pi
Currently: Preaching to the masses.
Inventory: crucifix, tracking bug
Current Injuries:  Decaying, hand broken off

[monk12]

"Those who live by the evil Urkel puppet shall die by the evil Urkel puppet!" Wait, that doesn't make sense. Wait, this thread doesn't make sense. I'm home.

Heal self! Repeatedly!

[DinosaurusRex_x]

The following character classes are now added to the pool of options in the first post:

Spoiler: Luigi (click to show/hide)

Can hit random floating boxes to get powerups.   
Luigi can have up to 3 lives and special powers.
Always rolls last.

Spoiler: Spiderman (click to show/hide)

 
+1 spidey strength
+1 spidey reflexes
Has a spidey sense
Can trap opponents in webs
-1 vs parasites

               

Spoiler: Lady Gaga (click to show/hide)

+1 disguises
+1 enchanting
Controls a cult of young women across North America and Europe.

Spoiler: Anna Kournikova (click to show/hide)

+1 tennis related attacks
+1 dodge
Birds randomly make her miss her shots.

Spoiler: Meg Griffin (click to show/hide)

+1 avoiding being seen
+1 healing when done on self
Other characters can’t heal Meg
-1 at healing others
Punching bag:  Opponents will always attack Meg first.   Misfires in friendly fire accidentally hit her much more often.

Spoiler: Playerlist (click to show/hide)

player01 = Skreeagh (Ahra) (Sentient Velociraptor) (x)
player02 = Brian (monk12) (Jesus Christ Superstar) (*)
player03 = Bob (micelus) (Vladimir Putin) (*)
player04 = Jegus Grist (freeformschooler) (Zombie Jesus) (*)
player05 = Ǫ͕̻S̵̰̼͇̠̜̝M̳̻͉̦̺!̲̮̼̮͟ͅͅ ͏̫ͅX̜̝̣̖̹̹͖D̸̳̪ (Time Blossom) (Hubert Farnsworth) ()
player06 = Open
player07 = Open
player08 = Open
player09 = Open

[freeformschooler]

Pull the tracking bug out of a hole in my unliving corpse quickly and throw it at the T-mobile!