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[Anon]

Now, before you start accusing me of spamming because I'm an escaped lunatic, I've created an alternate account, as I have some irl friends who read these forums from time to time that I'd rather not have know about this. Now, on to the problem: I have a crush on a friend of mine. We get along well, but I can't tell if she's interested in me beyond friendship, and I've refrained from trying to find out for fear of creeping her out. Any advice?

[Heron TSG]

How about you keep hanging out, perhaps flirt a bit. Maybe go do stuff together, like watch movies or whatnot. If you want 'something more', you'll have to go and do 'something more' than just getting along well.

[Anon]

I forgot to mention that our school is an academic magnet, and as a result, noone really has a ton of free time. As for flirting, I actually don't really have any idea of what that consists of :\

[Criptfeind]

Tell her how you feel.

You need to take the first step as soon as you can. Otherwise you are that guy hanging out with a girl in the hopes she falls in love with you. AKA a creep.

[Powder Miner]

Hey, hey, hey.
PEople who have crushes on their friends but don't make moves aren't creeps, note the friend part of the clause.
PEople aorudn here need to stop calling people who are making these threads creeps/obssessed.

[Footkerchief]

Hey, hey, hey.
PEople who have crushes on their friends but don't make moves aren't creeps, note the friend part of the clause.
PEople aorudn here need to stop calling people who are making these threads creeps/obssessed.

Depends on what kind of "crush" it is (and what kind of friendship, too).  It's very possible to have a creepy crush on a friend.  I bet you can think of some ways.

[Powder Miner]

YEah, but people shouldn't just assume that peopel are say hanging over their shoulders and leering.

[Criptfeind]

I am not assuming he is. Yet. I am warning him against doing so.

[noodle0117]

Have enough free time to at least invite her out to dinner?

[Knight of Fools]

Relationships are like plants - Trying to make it grow too quick or giving too much attention to it could kill it.

I'd stick to mild flirting and being yourself.

As for how to flirt, you really have to learn that for yourself. Generally, flirting does not consist of cheesy pick up lines and 'hitting' on girls. Just be a gentleman and you'll be fine.

[Virex]

Tell her how you feel.

You need to take the first step as soon as you can. Otherwise you are that guy hanging out with a girl in the hopes she falls in love with you. AKA a creep.

And instead you'll be the guy who only befriends girls because he wants to screw them. Either way you lose. The only effective remedy is to take some time off and reduce the amount of contact you two have to get over your feelings. And most importantly, don't foster them but cut them off if they crop up.

[GlyphGryph]

Virex... what? How does admitting feelings for a friend make you "the kind of guy who only befriends girls because he wants to screw them"? And what is really wrong with that anyways, if you recover well? Hell, one could argue I'm friends with MOST of my friends because I wanted to screw them at some point. I'm not sure why that's an auto-lose.

Anyways, assuming she is potentially interested, flirting is the way to go. Ask her to spend some quality time alone with you. Go with the flow, and most of all don't be afraid to either back off and forget about OR outright admit your feelings if things don't seem to be going your way. (the first gives the best chance of the friendship continuing if you value it most highly, and the second gives the best chance of something more happening but might compromise the friendship) Only you can decide which is more important to you.

Generally, though, flirt. Flirting always skirts the "creep" border, of course, so make sure to stay aware and make sure she's responsive. Its a fun game to play, but only if both parties are interested. And remember that being interested in flirting doesn't necessarily mean she's interested in something more - eventually you WILL probably have to make an overt move (or she will, but someone will at least)

[Virex]

Virex... what? How does admitting feelings for a friend make you "the kind of guy who only befriends girls because he wants to screw them"? And what is really wrong with that anyways, if you recover well? Hell, one could argue I'm friends with MOST of my friends because I wanted to screw them at some point. I'm not sure why that's an auto-lose.

If you would really care about someone as a friend, why do you feel the need to go beyond being (possibly very good) friends and make it a 'relationship'? Having a crush on someone is your bodies way of reducing her to a piece of fuckmeat (excuzes le mot) and willingly giving in to that means you're dehumanizing her. If that is not the case, why break the friendship?

[GlyphGryph]

Because people enjoy intimacy? There's a lot more to both crushes and romantic relationships than sex! And if it's someone you do like and get along with and find attractive, why the heck /wouldn't/ you want a roll in the hay with them? But he's clearly just not looking for sex here, anyways! Also, a need is not the same as a desire.

If you really care about someone as a friend, there's a good chance part of you might want more from them because being a good friend is, like, a primary component of being a good significant other for many people. Friends are already halfway there, and it seems like a reasonable pool to pull from, no? I mean, why wouldn't you choose to date people you already know and trust if its a viable option?

Considering I have absolutely zero desire to have sex with people I wouldn't also want to be friends with, you're basically saying I need to choose one or the other. Talk about dehumanizing! You're arguing I never should be friends with someone just because I might want to also have sex with them.

If that is not the case, why break the friendship?

I'm honestly not sure what you mean, here.

[Footkerchief]

Having a crush on someone is your bodies way of reducing her to a piece of fuckmeat (excuzes le mot) and willingly giving in to that means you're dehumanizing her.

You think sexual desire and personal respect can't coexist?