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[nogoodnames]

Giving up without trying will be a serious mistake with potential consequences. Wallowing in lost opportunities is not something you want to fall victim to. Take your chances while you're young.

But don't you see that he's missing opportunities because he won't give her up?

I agree that you should be honest with this girl about your feelings. And after that if she turns you down then you need to accept that and get on with your life. If you actually love her and aren't doing this for selfish reasons then you need to respect her feelings as well.

[Vector]

She's already turned him down.

[nogoodnames]

Perhaps, but he has a right to let her know the full extent of his feelings for her. Hopefully if he's honest then she'll be honest as well. It would be much better to have a decisive and painful 'No' than be left with an answer that leaves too much room for hope.

[Vector]

There seems to be a lot of not understanding "no means no" here.

[Andrew425]

If you've asked her already then don't ask.

But if you've never actually asked her, then go up to her one day and ask her straight, if she says no then drop the subject and don't talk about it again.

So I guess take a shot if you want but once you have an answer from her listen to her.

[nogoodnames]

There seems to be a lot of not understanding "no means no" here.

Yes, that's the source of the problem. But I'm willing to bet that the girl deserves some of the blame. She should have confronted him, and made her opinion on the matter clear (which I assume she didn't). Of course I can see how hard that would be, so I don't look down on her for not doing it.

[Heron TSG]

If you feel you must ask, do it confidently, none of the hemming and hawing I read in your situation description. Steel yourself for a no. It's likely, from my perspective, but if I'm wrong you'll be happy. If I'm right, you have your answer.

[Knight of Fools]

Listen to Vector. You can't force a relationship. If she doesn't want it, don't press the issue. If a good friendship develops, it's only grow by letting it happen naturally.

My best advice is more about life in general: Be yourself, and don't try to force yourself to be something else. Life is about becoming, growing and developing, so you might as well relax and steer yourself towards it slowly. You're not going to change over night, and you're not going to do yourself any good by trying.

She may be uncomfortable around you because you're so desperate to be someone else around her. You want her to see you in the same idealistic way she sees you, but you think about it too much and try to force yourself to be something that you're not - And, what's worse, you don't even know what you're trying to force yourself to be, because you don't know what her ideal is. Whatever it is, though, your subconscious is absolutely convinced that what you are is not it, so you try to be something else. She's picked up on your confused attempts to impress her, and she doesn't like it, because it feels like you're trying to force the relationship, too.

Think about it for a second: Can you really blame her? How would you feel if a girl tried the same thing with you? You'd much prefer that she just be herself so you could get to know her, right?

Despite how a lot of guys think, women aren't mysterious or omnipotent in any way. (Just don't tell them that. They work really hard to keep that ruse going.) They aren't objects or puzzles to be figured out, either. They have a slightly different way of looking at things, but in the end they're human, too. Like most people, she'd rather have a serious relationship based on trust and understanding. Since it's hard to trust and understand someone that acts differently around you, she's probably just avoiding what could definitely be a bad relationship. Be grateful for it: This is probably saving you and her a lot of heartache.

Focus on just being yourself. If it turns out that her ideal isn't what you are, then I can guarantee one thing: You two never would have been happy together.

If it does turn out that you're compatible, best to let things go naturally - Since she was the one feeling uncomfortable, let her be the initiator. If you try forcing the issue again after becoming friends, you may lose all the ground you've lost. So let her make the first move towards something more than "friend".

[Exerosp]

Wow. I guess you guys are what we call average people. I got together with my girlfriend by being annoying, repetively declaring my love for her, being clingy as hell and saying sweet stuff. Ex: I was sleeping next to her on a blowup matress during a weekend (Before we got together) and while we were sleeping I had laid myself down next to her with my clothes on (She had hers on too, being embarassed about her body) and I was waiting for her to wake up, when she did I just asked her "May I kiss you?". We went to bed soon after a friend of ours who was sleeping on the couch in the same room went "Eeeeeeeeh" in an annoying-ish sound.

But yeah, If you really like her, go for it. She might not like you but you like her. And if you love her the only thing you need and should do is show it. You don't need her to love you, but it would hurt less if she did. Oh and... Might I also add, I don't usually hang with the "Popular" peeps, that most of you seem to? Like, all of my relationships like friendship tend to be them serious-bizz?

Edit: *Cough* May I add that i'm kinda "Dumb"? That meaning, my poor ability to write correctly and put my mind into words and saying stuff clearly?

[ChairmanPoo]

I was sleeping next to her on a blowup matress during a weekend (Before we got together) and while we were sleeping I had laid myself down next to her with my clothes on (

Thats creepy as hell.


But hey op, listen to this guy's advice. Either you'll hook up or you'll get a restraining order. Either way it'll be settled

[Exerosp]

But hey op, listen to this guy's advice. Either you'll hook up or you'll get a restraining order. Either way it'll be settled

And everyone piling up on eachother on the couch, me owning my friends on wii sports boxing without looking at the tv and grabbing something to drink, and everyone going "Disco Disco Good Good" while humping the air ain't? Like said. We ain't like ye average people.
Edit: Oh yeah. Now I get it. Sleeping with clothes on. 

[G-Flex]

But yeah, If you really like her, go for it. She might not like you but you like her. And if you love her the only thing you need and should do is show it. You don't need her to love you, but it would hurt less if she did.

Contrary to your belief, her liking him is a necessary part of them forming any kind of interpersonal relationship. I would also call it rather juvenile if he does think he's in love with her, considering they seem to barely know each other and there's not even any indication that they get along very well.

[MorleyDev]

Time for me to come blowing in with unbridled brutal cynicism under the pretense of tough love and in the form of unconnected sentences!

Congratulations, you're a frog.

In almost all such cases, the only people who can change their personality for another person are people who don't have a very well-defined personality to begin with. Which means you're either a tool or a psychopath.

A lack of confidence is simply taking yourself too seriously: If you don't care when you fuck it up, how can anybody else?

Ultimately, if you got with her by some chain of events, after all this time what'd happen? Most likely, you'll realise she's reached the point of an idol as you start to notice the flaws everybody has. And what use is a flawed god?

One thing you'll notice as you get older is nobody is unique. After a few years of being a social animal, I can safely say people are depressingly rather predictable based of your past experiences with others, if you know how to read them at all I guess. Nobody is really special or unique, you'll always meet better and worse people so really, why give a shit about the ones that are getting or got (or from the sounds of it, in this case it'll be ran) away?

[Girlinhat]

I think the first response had it right all along.  Cage traps.  Or rather, Dwarf.  Get in touch with your inner dwarf.  Go take a walk.  To the hardware store, to buy an axe.  And then cut down that one limb in the back yard that always hangs too low and makes cutting the lawn difficult because it slaps you in the face.  Cut it down!  To the Street!  You are Dwarf, lord of all that you claim to be lord of and you own an axe!  It doesn't make sense, it doesn't have to make sense, but it makes sense to you, in a way that doesn't make sense.  You are one who cuts down trees recreationally and you do what you want.  Confidence.  Get some, and then just keep it.  Don't get up the confidence to go ask her out.  Just keep it in a flask on your hip and say "yeah, what about it?" because you don't care what others think about your hip flask.  You are secure in your abilities and strengths, aware of your weaknesses and shortcomings, and good enough to avoid putting yourself in a position where your weaknesses could be exploited.  Get THAT, your will to self-improve and your personal trust in your own capabilities, and keep it.  Once you've gotten to that point, the rest will settle itself in one way or another.  You'll either feel good enough to make a move, or you'll realize that you've been idolizing and you'll move on.

Also I'm serious, go cut down a tree limb.  I know how highschool can be when you're not on the football team.  The human body is a machine that craves activity.  Sunlight provides vitamin D (I think it's D) and encourages the release of various hormones and chemicals that improve health and mood - Seasonal Affective Disorder is something that happens to some people during winter months when the days are shorter and the decreased sunlight hurts their mindset.  Exercise is also vital, promotes all sorts of healthy things in the body and the mind - chemically, not just metaphorically.  Take a jog, do some yardwork, push yourself a little.  You'll feel better for it, especially if you're getting the usual highschool experience and not doing much physical labor.

And... I suppose a non-threatening setup could help as well.  "Me and a few friends are going to see that new movie" or "We're taking that one guy to that one restaurant for his birthday" are nice group events where you can position to take her as a guest - thus hopefully making her feel a little more obligated to stick with you - while also putting everyone in a casual group setting - thus she can move away from you if things are going badly, and you can still enjoy the event.  Of course it's moot if you don't have the confidence to deal with the situation and don't have the willpower/self-control/whatever-word-I'm-thinking-of to avoid doting on her the whole evening.

(It's true, girls can smell fear :3)

[G-Flex]

Another valid question: What's the rest of your social life like? It's far easier to get clingy with one person when your social life as a whole is unsatisfying, not to mention if you aren't keeping yourself busy and productive with other things on your mind.