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[Brotato]

No worries, I'm not a dwarf, nor an elf. I'm an omnipresent being who considers himself to be the single highest power in existence.
Ergo, while I may not be a part of any one civilization, I do feel that I have absolute control over each every individual within them.

Now where's my war peahen.

From another thread, but somewhat relevant nonetheless. Terms such as "dorfy", "elven", and the like, do not apply to me.

How dare the unbelievers come to our sacred forum just to mock us!? You will pay for your treachery in betraying dorf-kind! 

[King DZA]

Once again, not a dwarf. Can't very well betray what I was never a part of to begin with. I try to do what's best for all beings, dwarf or otherwise.

[Brotato]

Once again, not a dwarf. Can't very well betray what I was never a part of to begin with. I try to do what's best for all beings, dwarf or otherwise.

Now you're an elf-lover! You come to the most sacred forums of all just to mock us! Now you're probably going to say something like "..and the Big People don't smell funny!" Or "We should let elves eat other sentient beings. We wouldn't want to offend them!"

[Necro910]

Once again, not a dwarf. Can't very well betray what I was never a part of to begin with. I try to do what's best for all beings, dwarf or otherwise.

Now you're an elf-lover! You come to the most sacred forums of all just to mock us! Now you're probably going to say something like "..and the Big People don't smell funny!" Or "We should let elves eat other sentient beings. We wouldn't want to offend them!"

...He wants to join them in their meals so he can be friends and end war 

[King DZA]

You seem to be having slight trouble comprehending what I'm trying to say, allow me to provide some aid to assist you in understanding.


In terms of superiority, most people see the races in an order similar to this:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Dwarf
 ^
Human
 ^
Goblin
 ^
Elf

For me, it's more like this:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

  King DZA
      ^
Everything else

So, being the vastly superior entity, it is my duty to do all in my power to provide the lesser beings with the best life possible, regardless of race/species. Anything else would be a selfish waste of my awe-inspiring power.

"But, King DZA, what can be considered the best life possible for us lesser beings?", I hear you ask? That's quite simple. A life in which I am lovingly accepted as omnipotent god-king of everything, which would allow me to ensure that balance is kept, and harmony spreads flawlessly across this existence, subsequently granting everyone and everything more freedom and fulfillment then they ever dreamed possible.

Any questions?

[Necro910]

I go by "Nothing is perfect". An object without flaws is perfect, so nothing is perfect. In order to be closer to perfection, one must be nothing. Poverty is not "Closer to nothing", less humans is "Closer to nothing". I could right a fucking holy book on this shit. I could start a god damned cult and take over the world. With my knowledge of homemade weaponry and their undying loyalty, I could do anything 

[King DZA]

I'm going to be incredibly cliché here and say that it is the fact that the many imperfections of existence seem work together with brilliant grace to create everything around us that makes it all perfect, or at least comes close.

And a cult lead by you would certainly make my life a good bit more difficult. I would probably have to assemble some mismatched team of adventurers to bring forth the downfall of your cult and enable me to once again continue on my quest to liberate the world. So that would be a hassle.

[Iton Ibrukrithzam]

You should do it.  I'll help your mismatched team of adventurers by hiring you to bring me back parts of local animals, while at the same time selling information on your whereabouts and capabilities to Necro's cult.

Wait, is that right?  Am I supposed to say that last part?

[Necro910]

I'm going to be incredibly cliché here and say that it is the fact that the many imperfections of existence seem work together with brilliant grace to create everything around us that makes it all perfect, or at least comes close.

My cynical, dark self being me hates all the flaws, so they must be removed in order to achieve perfection.

And a cult lead by you would certainly make my life a good bit more difficult. I would probably have to assemble some mismatched team of adventurers to bring forth the downfall of your cult and enable me to once again continue on my quest to liberate the world. So that would be a hassle.

Too bad I'm that neighborhood warmonger that knows how to make high explosives out of everyday crap 

Radiological weapons lead to Fun, nuclear plants are Fun, napalm is ‼Fun‼

You should do it.  I'll help your mismatched team of adventurers by hiring you to bring me back parts of local animals, while at the same time selling information on your whereabouts and capabilities to Necro's cult.

Wait, is that right?  Am I supposed to say that last part?

Whereabouts: Behind several feet of concrete with a detonator and revolver in hand. Nuclear plants are bunkers dontchaknow

Capabilities: Radiological, bro.

[King DZA]

See, with an attitude like that, you're just asking to lose. It will turn out that one vital member of your cult is actually a member of my adventurer group, or you'll end up getting paranoid and screwing something up, or some other totally unexpected event that leads to your ultimate downfall.

The power of radiological weaponry doesn't have shit on the power of adventure.

[Necro910]

See, with an attitude like that, you're just asking to lose. It will turn out that one vital member of your cult is actually a member of my adventurer group, or you'll end up getting paranoid and screwing something up, or some other totally unexpected event that leads to your ultimate downfall.

The power of radiological weaponry doesn't have shit on the power of adventure.

The power of fear is a powerful thing. I don't get queasy at the sight of mutilation, normal people do. If I were to start a cult, initiation to gain trust would be torture. Not this "Get your ribs kicked in for 13 seconds", that's for fucking pansies. This is "Carve the symbol of your leader into your skin, remove your genitalia" initiation. An adventurer... shall not be so willing to join my fanatical cult.

We should probably start our own thread/PMround for this.

[King DZA]

The thing about controlling with fear, is that it can easily backfire. I'm betting you'll push your cultists to the point that they don't even care about your cause anymore, and are just desperate for a way out. Perfect condition for a persuasive adventurer to start a revolution within your organization.

We should probably start our own thread/PMround for this.

Yeah, that probably would probably be best.

[Loud Whispers]

I will kneel down next to you, and whisper into your ear...

Whispers are under my jurisdiction. So are loud things apparently. And besides, what is planet Earth going to do when the great bread death star crashes into the moon?

[King DZA]

Make lots of sandwiches...?

[Loud Whispers]

Make lots of sandwiches...?

Under the lovely glare of the fuming sphere of gas called sol... Without the protection of your lovely moon. Or sandwiches.

THEY ALL GOT TOASTED.