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[freeformschooler]

Your anger overcomes you! You shout "FUS RO DAH" at the plot barrier. The plot barrier sheds a single manly plot tear, but does not budge.

Suddenly, you remember all the great times you spent with the ZOMBIFIED DOUCHEBAG. Instead of describing your experience with words, you prepare a SENTIMENTAL BLINGIE.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The GILDED MEAT BOY, seeing you all caught up in preparing a blingee, takes advantage of the opportunity and slashes at you again! However, the GILDED MEAT BOY is not only smaller but also weaker than you, so you're able to deflect his attack with a carefully-timed ELITIST BLOCK.

In return, you squat down to the GILDED MEAT BOY's level and stab him in the face with your BRONZE DAGGER. He takes four damage and explodes in a pile of liquefied green meat. It would be red, but the publishers have deemed red gibs inappropriate for the game's ESRB rating.

You gain 15 EXP!


Name: Frank Frankie Frankson IV
Gender: Female
Level: 1 [15/20]
Health: 13/25
Elitist Points: 4/5
STR: 10 (+0)
DEX: 10 (+0)
INT: 12 (+1)
AC: 10
Abilities: Disc Magic
Traits: None
Inventory: Poor man's robe, Bronze dagger, Ironic meat chunk
Weapons: Bronze dagger, TM 44

[cerapa]

Demand passage from the plot barrier. If it does not budge, offer....favours.

[freeformschooler]

You demand passage from the PLOT BARRIER. For the first time in the entire game, you roll a 19, which with a +1 for mental rolls gives you 20! The PLOT BARRIER begrudgingly opens. You are free to continue exploring the crypt, but you are also free to explore the world around it.

The GM refuses to throw together a world map yet.


Name: Frank Frankie Frankson IV
Gender: Female
Level: 1 [15/20]
Health: 13/25
Elitist Points: 4/5
STR: 10 (+0)
DEX: 10 (+0)
INT: 12 (+1)
AC: 10
Abilities: Disc Magic
Traits: None
Inventory: Poor man's robe, Bronze dagger, Ironic meat chunk
Weapons: Bronze dagger, TM 44

[Trapezohedron]

Go into the world, but fall into the ground (air?), because of the lack of a world outside to begin with.

[Roboboy33]

Go in that world.

[freeformschooler]

You walk out into the world where your adventure allegedly began. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and you remember that the crypt you were in was situated right next to a steep cliff, which you accidentally walk off of.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAaaaa

aaaa....

CRASH.

You fall through a ceiling of some kind, and find that you have landed butt-first in a dark room full of spider webs, ASSHOLE SKELETONS and old, discarded venison. You take 3 damage from the fall.

You can't see any exits yet. You'll have to find some sort of light source.


Name: Frank Frankie Frankson IV
Gender: Female
Level: 1 [15/20]
Health: 10/25
Elitist Points: 4/5
STR: 10 (+0)
DEX: 10 (+0)
INT: 12 (+1)
AC: 10
Abilities: Disc Magic
Traits: None
Inventory: Poor man's robe, Ironic meat chunk
Weapons: Bronze dagger, TM 44

[Trapezohedron]

> Hold the rotten venison hostage

[freeformschooler]

You hold your BRONZE DAGGER to the pile of rotten venison strips. They're not going anywhere on your watch. MANIACAL LAUGH. MANIACAL LAUGH.

"Stop right there, miss!" One of the ASSHOLE SKELETONS has risen up, and is now pointing a lone ASSHOLE BONE at you. "Put the dagger down and leave the venison ALONE!"

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The ASSHOLE SKELETON advances on you. What will you do?


Name: Frank Frankie Frankson IV
Gender: Female
Level: 1 [15/20]
Health: 10/25
Elitist Points: 4/5
STR: 10 (+0)
DEX: 10 (+0)
INT: 12 (+1)
AC: 10
Abilities: Disc Magic
Traits: None
Inventory: Poor man's robe, Ironic meat chunk
Weapons: Bronze dagger, TM 44

[Trapezohedron]

> Make a deal. Safe passage and directions in exchange for the venison's safety (and life?).

[freeformschooler]

You take one of the STRIPS OF ROTTEN VENISON in your free hand (which is to say, your mouth), and attempt to barter for safe passage and directions. If you get these, the venison will go free. The ASSHOLE SKELETON carefully considers your offer.

Unfortunately, the ASSHOLE SKELETON, being an ASSHOLE, just clubs you with his ASSHOLE BONE anyway. You narrowly dodge.


Name: Frank Frankie Frankson IV
Gender: Female
Level: 1 [15/20]
Health: 10/25
Elitist Points: 4/5
STR: 10 (+0)
DEX: 10 (+0)
INT: 12 (+1)
AC: 10
Abilities: Disc Magic
Traits: None
Inventory: Poor man's robe, Ironic meat chunk
Weapons: Bronze dagger, TM 44

[Trapezohedron]

> Counter his ASSHOLE-ness with DOUCHEBAGGERY. See who wins.

[EveryZig]

Throw the venison at him.

[freeformschooler]

Deciding that this is a fight not best fought with sticks and stones, you use 2 EP to call upon the quintessential douchebag persona, CLYDE CASH. The ASSHOLE SKELETON draws back a few steps before making its next move, awestruck by CLYDE CASH's quintessential douchebag-style demeanor.

Suddenly, the ASSHOLE SKELETON gets a very clever idea, and waves its ASSHOLE BONE around, summoning the personification of all assholery, CHARLIE SHEEN. The two personas become locked in deadly JERK COMBAT.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

A few minutes later, after attempting to borrow everything CHARLIE SHEEN owns, CLYDE CASH tells CHARLIE SHEEN the full story of CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER. CHARLIE SHEEN surrenders, knowing now for sure that he is not at the top of the ASSHOLE LADDER. Both personas disappear in a puff of smoke, and the ASSHOLE SKELETON takes eight damage.


Name: Frank Frankie Frankson IV
Gender: Female
Level: 1 [15/20]
Health: 10/25
Elitist Points: 2/5
STR: 10 (+0)
DEX: 10 (+0)
INT: 12 (+1)
AC: 10
Abilities: Disc Magic
Traits: None
Inventory: Poor man's robe, Ironic meat chunk
Weapons: Bronze dagger, TM 44

[Darvi]

That seriously was a metaphorical groinshot.

[EveryZig]

That seriously was a metaphorical groinshot.

Follow it up with a real one.