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[freeformschooler]

You get the sudden urge to stick the TECHNICAL MACHINE into one of your orifices, possibly absorbing it, but you deem that both unsanitary and potentially not appropriate for this game's ESRB rating. You instead EQUIP the disc in your other hand, Skyrim-style.

Out of nowhere, one of the SLABS OF IRONIC MEAT goes through a horrifying translation, and turns into a hostile MEAT BOY.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The MEAT BOY advances upon you, making squishing sounds and leaving a trail of meat behind it. What will you do?


Name: Frank Frankie Frankson IV
Gender: Female
Level: 1 [0/20]
Health: 15/25
Elitist Points: 5/5
STR: 10 (+0)
DEX: 10 (+0)
INT: 12 (+1)
AC: 10
Abilities: Disc Magic
Traits: None
Inventory: Poor man's robe, Bronze dagger, Ironic meat chunk
Weapons: Bronze dagger, TM 44

[Monkeyfacedprickleback]

Monster Meat Makeouts!

[EveryZig]

Now we can do the thing with luring it to the gold stuff. Because gold.

[micelus]

Now we can do the thing with luring it to the gold stuff. Because gold.

This, and if nothing happens, eat him.

[Monkeyfacedprickleback]

Now we can do the thing with luring it to the gold stuff. Because gold.

This, and if nothing happens, eat him.

But before that we should roast him with our fire spell.

[freeformschooler]

You suddenly have the bright idea to lure the meat boy back to the room with the gold weapons. You back into the hallway slowly as he advances on you, then you hop through the doorway to the entrance room. The Meat Boy spots the gold weaponry, gets distracted and picks it up!

The MEAT BOY has become a GILDED MEAT BOY.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

You almost cast a fire spell and attempt to eat the GILDED MEAT BOY, but realize both of those actions were based on the condition that "nothing happened", which turned out to not be the case. The GILDED MEAT BOY, upon viewing your grave action-wording blunder, slashes you with the GOLDEN SWORD, dealing 2 points of damage. It's a good thing that GOLD makes for awful weaponry.


Name: Frank Frankie Frankson IV
Gender: Female
Level: 1 [0/20]
Health: 15/25
Elitist Points: 5/5
STR: 10 (+0)
DEX: 10 (+0)
INT: 12 (+1)
AC: 10
Abilities: Disc Magic
Traits: None
Inventory: Poor man's robe, Bronze dagger, Ironic meat chunk
Weapons: Bronze dagger, TM 44

[Hubris Incalculable]

Slice him down the middle. Then roast him.

[EveryZig]

Perform the traditional mage ritual for this situation. Cast an attack spell at him then run.

[freeformschooler]

I promised myself I wouldn't draw for this. But I can't keep that kind of a promise.

[micelus]

Perform the traditional mage ritual for this situation. Cast an attack spell at him then run.

This, but run out of the crypt.

[freeformschooler]

The GILDED MEAT BOY smiles at you too hard, clearly excited to feast upon your flesh or whatever the heck your death message would be if you died to the thing. It then takes a great big swipe at your feet, but you just hop into the air to dodge it. Dang, this monster is really pretty small.

You then prepare your first ATTACK SPELL: LOW LEVEL FIRE. Fire blasts out of your hands with special effects so great-looking that at least half of the budget was spent preparing them. The Meat Boy is roasted, and takes 6 damage! Also, due to DUAL WIELDING ASS-PULL MECHANICS which the GM is not merely winging, absolutely not, you take a swipe at the GILDED MEAT BOY with your dagger directly after your first attack. You miss, though. It's a shame this game runs on ATTACK ROLLS, because that's really silly, even for a mage.

You then attempt to run out of the crypt, breaking sequence. However, the INVISIBLE PLOT BARRIER prevents you from leaving.


Name: Frank Frankie Frankson IV
Gender: Female
Level: 1 [0/20]
Health: 13/25
Elitist Points: 4/5
STR: 10 (+0)
DEX: 10 (+0)
INT: 12 (+1)
AC: 10
Abilities: Disc Magic
Traits: None
Inventory: Poor man's robe, Bronze dagger, Ironic meat chunk
Weapons: Bronze dagger, TM 44

[ShoesandHats]

Off-topic: Hubris, would you check your messages? Sorry for the off-topicness.

[Trapezohedron]

> Rage, then shout FUS RO DAH in front of the plot barrier. Then recall the moments you spent with the ZOMBIFIED DOUCHEBAG.

Off topic: This is absolutely hilarious, I don't think I'll be able to catch up with the humour.

[hachnslay]

contemplate how a one hit wonder survived a hit. then hit it with the dagger again.

[fergus]

Stab the meat boy as many times as it takes.
Then eat him.