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[Darvi]

Or the zombie will abscond with the stuff.

Which is actually a good thing.

[yamgrenade]

Just keep STABBING IT!

[freeformschooler]

You desire to have sloppy zombified makeouts, but unfortunately, the ZOMBIFIED DOUCHEBAG has already divorced you, and has refused to pay child support. Sloppy makeouts would just be awkward at this point, and would probably leave you feeling dead inside. You're better off stabbing him.

You try to cast a healing spell at the zombie, but you only manage to spell healing. H-E-A-L-I-N-G. It's a good thing you don't have ZERO INTELLIGENCE, or you wouldn't have been able to do that either.

The ZOMBIFIED DOUCHEBAG rolls a 1, and commits zombie seppuku. You will never forget all the time you spent together.

Beyond the ZOMBIFIED DOUCHEBAG and his ZOMBIFIED KATANA lies a very cold room with meat hanging from the ceiling. IRONIC MEAT. You suspect that this might be an IRONIC MEAT LOCKER. You'll have to venture into it if you wish to see what else is there.

Due to gaining a single experience point from the zombie, YOU HAVE LEVELED UP! Since this is the first level, you must choose between the following BASIC CLASSES:

REBELLIOUS ZOMBIE: You turn into a REBELLIOUS ZOMBIE version of yourself, rebelling against your zombie nature like a really bad fanfiction plot. You lose 3 intelligence, but you gain 5 HP and +2 to your ARMOR CLASS.
GENERIC FIGHTER: You like swords. In fact, you make sure that you're never more than 3 feet from a BLADED WEAPON of some kind, even if it has to be conjured from thin air by the GM. +2 to strength, +3 to HP.
MAGIC ELITIST: You have the power to cast MAGIC that doesn't work most of the time, and believe you are thus much better than those NON-MAGIC PEOPLE, similar to the default mindset of GENERIC ELVES. +2 to intelligence.

You have also gained the ability to see your BASIC STATS!


Name: Frank Frankie Frankson IV
Gender: Female
Level: 1 [0/20]
Health: 15/25
STR: 10 (+0)
DEX: 10 (+0)
INT: 10 (+0)
AC: 10
Abilities: None
Traits: None
Inventory: Poor man's robe, Bronze dagger
Weapons: Bronze dagger

[Bdthemag]

Become a MAGIC ELITIST.

[Monkeyfacedprickleback]

MAGIC ELITIST

[Hubris Incalculable]

MAGIC ELITIST

[Darvi]

Shit, lets be a douchy wizard.

[freeformschooler]

You are now a MAGIC ELITIST. You gain 2 points of INTELLIGENCE, pushing your INTELLIGENCE MODIFIER up to +1, which gives you a +1 to any INTELLIGENCE-RELATED rolls. Not that it really matters, since this is a suggestion game and nobody cares about stuff like that.

You suddenly feel better than everyone else, but at the same time feel empty inside, like you need some sort of MAGICAL DISCS to cast any spells at all.

Since the whimsy of the gods guiding you did not give a suggestion, you opt to just head into the IRONIC MEAT LOCKER anyway. You roll a 16 on your OBLIGATORY SPOT CHECK, and notice that there's a small round disc sticking out of one of the IRONIC SLABS OF MEAT hanging from the ceiling.

There is an exit further east.


Name: Frank Frankie Frankson IV
Gender: Female
Level: 1 [0/20]
Health: 15/25
STR: 10 (+0)
DEX: 10 (+0)
INT: 12 (+1)
AC: 10
Abilities: Disc Magic
Traits: None
Inventory: Poor man's robe, Bronze dagger
Weapons: Bronze dagger

[Darvi]

Take some meat first. Y'know, in case you have to distract some hungry monster. *has played too many adventure games*

[Monkeyfacedprickleback]

Ignore the disc. Everyone know spell squares are where it's at.

[EveryZig]

Take the disk, and EAT IT use it.

[freeformschooler]

You grind your teeth and try to use your ELITIST POWERS to change the requirement for casting spells from DISCS to SQUARES. Unfortunately, you roll an 18, and even with a +1 modifier, you still fall 1 meaningless number short of the 20 required to successfully give the middle finger to GM. Instead, the GM gives the middle finger to you by requiring that all your magic spells cost ELITIST POINTS, which you now have a limited number of.

You take a handful of IRONIC MEAT from one of the IRONIC MEAT SLABS, causing the MAGIC DISC also known as a TECHNICAL MACHINE to pop out and fall to the floor. Upon inspection, it appears to be TM 44: LOW LEVEL FIRE. You are pretty sure that every new adventurer is obligated to run across a LOW LEVEL FIRE SPELL at some point.


Name: Frank Frankie Frankson IV
Gender: Female
Level: 1 [0/20]
Health: 15/25
Elitist Points: 5/5
STR: 10 (+0)
DEX: 10 (+0)
INT: 12 (+1)
AC: 10
Abilities: Disc Magic
Traits: None
Inventory: Poor man's robe, Bronze dagger, TM 44, Ironic meat chunk
Weapons: Bronze dagger

[EveryZig]

Absorb disk. Or whatever you do with those things.

[Monkeyfacedprickleback]

Place the disk between your buttcheeks and dance around foolishly.

[Bdthemag]

Place the disk between your buttcheeks and dance around foolishly.

ಠ_ಠ