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[AzuredreamsXT]

Preferably from games where you didn't have all the advantages an easy embark site brings, so sieges and megabeast attacks are a serious threat. Despite the fact this game is ASCII and text based, i'm finding there's some pretty epic battles to be had regardless.

[Mitchewawa]

Oh, there's hundreds in the annals of these forums if you look. And if not, just google Hamlet of Tyranny.

E: OHOHOHO I said annals!

[tommy521]

E: OHOHOHO I said annals!

Teehee, I wasn't the only one who laughed!

[Namfuak]

I just had a scorpion forgotten beast with a poison tail (how original), and my squad of dwarves nearly managed to kill it without taking any hits.  It was literally 30 pages of combat log with just "The Axedwarf cleaves the Forgotten Beast in the leg, bruising the fat and bruising the muscle."  The two parts that were most interesting were when the one of my sword dwarves managed to poke the beast in the eye and lodge it in the wound, and then proceed to turn it (ouch), and also when the scorpion managed to grab one of my dwarves by the leg and shake him so hard the leg tore off.

[Oaktree]

I've been writing fortress histories for a friend who doesn't play DF (so there are asides and footnotes explaining how things work)

This is a chapter from my 2nd fort - which essentially was my "learning fort" - Ok Okbod "The Fingers of Doom"

CHAPTER 13 – Goblin Redux ("Blood in the Snow")
Before the winter of 263 ends another goblin siege army arrives.  This brings construction and item recovery in the Depot Tunnel to a stop.  The other tunnels are also currently closed as well for repairs or expansion work.

Over the cliff to the south come two squads of goblin infantry; a sword squad led by an elite crossbow goblin and an axe squad led by a hammer lord.  From the northwest by the ponds come two more infantry squads; a mace squad led by a hammer lord and an archer squad led by a mace lord.  The force is rounded out by an assault group of trolls entering from the east.

After some quick preparations the Depot Tunnel outer drawbridge is lowered to see if the goblins will enter this way and face the gauntlet of traps set up in the tunnel.  While this is going on it is discovered that recent parapet and wall construction near the eastern pasture has accidently created a crossable spot across the wall tops.  And the trolls have discovered it.  One is at a hilltop position pounding on a locked hatch that will let him into the rest of the eastern Outer Works (mainly pastures).  The on-call melee squad is sent to this area to await developments.  And a work order is dispatched to remove a section of wall and close off this hole in the defenses.
The attempt for a quick fix fails since whenever a workman approaches the spot a troll appears nearby and scares him off.  The one troll already inside continues to attack the hatch while the other seven mill about on the hillside.  In a chamber just below the hatch a defense squad assembles.
Meanwhile, all four goblin squads are marching to the Depot Tunnel.  The leading northwest (archers) and southern (swords) goblin squads reach the Depot Tunnel entrance at the same time and troop in.  The southern axe goblins are close behind while the mace goblins are lagging to the north.
 
(PICTURE SHOWING STRETCH OF TUNNEL WITH LOTS OF GOBLINS IN IT)
Goblin infantry advance into the Depot Tunnel (32 are actually in this shot)

The pit and nearby weapon traps promptly eat most of the archer squad and part of the axe squad.  The Hammer Lord leader continues on while the next squad starts to file onto the reset bridge.

The troll on the hillside breaks through the hatch…
…and is immediately engaged by two hammer dwarves.  They dispatch the first troll quickly, but more are coming down the stairs.  The trolls crowd in on the two dwarf warriors.  They are forced back when one gets stunned, but the other hammer dwarf has already slain three trolls.  Eventually the dwarves are backed into a dead end and the battle becomes truly one of deadly earnest.   Stakud Dorenamem earns the nickname “Rir Ron” (The Ear of Rages) as he slays his fifth troll of this combat.  The other hammer dwarf has slain two and the last troll tardily arrives to face two enraged killing machines.  Stakud gets his sixth kill and the eastern threat is eliminated.

The advancing Hammer Lord in the Depot Tunnel dodges some traps and heads further in until he encounters a cage trap.  At the same time a dwarven militia captain comes into the tunnel, avoids combats, and then dodges into a shallow pit from which he cannot climb out.   Most of the archer goblins are already dead, though a crossbow armed goblin leader is nearby and advancing with the squad he leads.  This could be an easy kill once they cross the bridge and find the dwarf trapped in the pit. 

A well-timed lever pull opens the pit  and sends thirteen more goblins to their doom; including two leaders and the last missile weapon armed goblin in the siege.  Axe and mace goblins mill about the tunnel entrance area since there are currently no traceable paths into the fortress .  Then the mostly intact axe goblin squad leaves over the south cliff with the only surviving leader.  The squad escapes lightly having only lost three casualties.  The remaining four sword goblins and the intact, but leaderless, mace squad lurk in the Depot Tunnel to the west of the still open pit and keep the siege going.

A conundrum is apparent.  To rescue the militia captain in the pit a miner is needed.  However, a miner will not come close enough due to the goblin soldiers on the far side of the pit.  So a marksdwarf squadron is summoned to fire on the goblins in order to either kill them or at least drive them back.  A barrage of bolts later (including bolts made from goblin bone, oh the irony…) four more goblins are dead from bolts or dodging into the open pit, and a few more wounded who crawl off the map.

At this point civilians are let into the tunnel since the remaining goblins are sealed off from the main part of the tunnel.  The militia captain is rescued and time is taken to reset traps and remove metal items left by the goblins.

The final event of the winter before events move on to 264 is the entrance of a minotaur on the east side of the map.  He circles the fortress to the south and enters the Depot Tunnel.  And the mace goblins pound him to a pulp.

END BOOK 4 OF THE ANNALS OF OK OKBOD

[krenshala]

Oaktree's epic tales of Okbod make what I was going to post weaker than it already was. 

With my current fort, the best battle so far was either the two line racoon battle (racoon attacks the sparring guards at my front entrance):

- the racoon attacks the speardwarf, but he dodges out of the way.
- the speardwarf stabs the racoon in the head, and the severed part sales off in an arc.

Or my third squad's "hunting" trip, where they pounded, poked and prodded a moose cow with training spears for two full months before it finally died.  They managed to knock the moose unconscious with the opening hit of the battle (stab to the head), but couldn't do more than bruise anything due to the moose's "gigantic muscles".  I'm guessing it bled to death from the broken ears/nose and split skin due to constant "(stabs|bashes) the moose cow in the head with (his|her) training spear, bruising the fat".  On the bright side, all seven of those militia members gained two months of actual combat experience with their assigned weapon.

Now if only I can scrape up enough copper and/or iron to make another 8 weapons so all three squads (of seven) are armed with something other than training weapons.

[Shinotsa]

Recently had an epic battle in an average embark with no flux and only 1/3 biomes with iron. At this time, only two years or so in, I had my dwarves living in a temporary home and making weapons (obsidian shortswords, hadn't found the iron yet) for the 5 man militia. I made more swords than I needed, so I assigned an inactive squad to any non mining/woodcutting dwarves and gave a few of them weapons. Not long after my screen pauses a million times in the row announcing, after all was tallied, an attack group of 30-40 elves with war grizzlies and war giant eagles. My militia was stationed behind some walls to be out of the way of the archers and when they were attacked took down 3 elves for every one of them, but the grizzlies proved too much for my unarmored military. I assigned my dwarves to wall off the entrance and to get down to the burrow, with an emergency squad stationed near the entrance. The elves killed my mason as he was about to put up the final wall and charged in.

I stopped watching for a bit, but when the fort didn't end immediately I decided to look at what was going on. There were two dwarves left alive (not counting crazies or people bleeding out outside) a mason and a miner. They were surrounded by dead bodies at the end of the hallway I was digging when the attack came. The miner was wounded at the mason was standing in front of him literally wrestling a bear, or maybe biting it, probably both if I remember the combat log correctly. He killed the bear and I stationed him beside the miner who I presumed to be his friend, though I didn't check his relationships. They sat there for a moment as the goblin seige that had just arrived slaughtered the elves and then, after much bloodshed, killed them both. I that little mason had nearly thirty kills with a rock sword when all was said and done.

Also, if anyone isn't aware elves come incredibly lightly armored, and I'm guessing the training he got from them allowed him to kill a few goblins before they took him down. Lashers are never fun, but always ‼Fun‼

[eggrock]

Oh, there's hundreds in the annals of these forums if you look. And if not, just google Hamlet of Tyranny.

E: OHOHOHO I said annals!

Ok so I looked that up and found this thread, which: 1) is worth a read, and 2) contains a copy/paste of the Hamlet of Tyranny.

[edit] Damn it, I forgot the link. And the story of the Hamlet of Tyranny (p. 3 of that thread in a spoiler tag) actually brought a tear to my eye. Amazing.

[Ultimuh]

E: OHOHOHO I said annals!

Teehee, I wasn't the only one who laughed!

Either I am growing old, or I am more mentally mature than you guys..
Either way, I didn't give that word a second thought.

[Telgin]

I feel a little left out in that I've never seen any particularly good or hilarious combats.

The best I've seen personally was one ambush I encountered while playing with the pony mod.  A dark princess (a bigger, nastier pony) was in the ambush, and all of her friends got picked off by my marksponies.  They then ran out of ammo, ran up to her and knocked her unconscious with their crossbows.

Then, for 120 combat pages, 20 marksponies bashed her head over, and over, and over again, but failing to kill her.  I think it's because she had a leather hood.  In the end her skull had been shattered several times, but they never jammed the skull through the brain.  Eventually one pony got tired of it and bucked her skull in.  Now, why didn't he do that to begin with?

The exact same thing happened when a minotaur attacked a few months later.  Knocked out with a bash to the head, followed by 100 pages of head bashing and finally a fatal buck to the head.

[Oaktree]

I'm re-reading the Ok Okbod documents - and found more interesting battles.  So I'll post a few more.
(My more recent forts are actually fairly boring in comparison - much better defenses and combat units are better trained and armed before being turned loose on the goblins.)  But on with the show...

Annals of a Fortress Book 5 – Goblin Wars

PRELUDE – Year 264
The year opens with the fortress of Ok Okbod already under “siege”.  A leaderless vestige of a goblin infantry assault lurks in the western section of the Depot Tunnel.  In an eastern tunnel lie the hammer-shattered bodies of trolls who discovered what initially appeared to be a chink in the fortress defenses.  Not all walls in Ok Okbod are built of stone.  Far below the surface in the glow of molten magma forges and smelters work constantly as the dwarves prepare better weaponry and armor for facing further onslaughts.  In the upper levels the militia continues to train and prepare. 

CHAPTER 14 – Dwellers on the Doorstep (luckily not the tentacled kind)
The goblin siege continues with the goblins firmly entrenched and the dwarves doing little to attempt to dislodge them.  Traps are in position and the dwarves concentrate their activities on other projects.  This approach runs smoothly until an off-duty hammer dwarf (the one who recently killed two trolls) wanders to the end of the Depot Tunnel and gets violently killed along with an accompanying war dog.  Not to let this event go without a reaction two melee squads and a crossbow squad are activated to clean things up.  They gather in the Outer Bailey and prepare for action.

(And of course, as the squads are being maneuvered into position to assault the tunnel entrance in proper fashion with melee leading with crossbow supporting one of the militia captains goes rushing in solo while everyone else is way behind.  On the plus side he is wearing a mix of steel and bronze armor and carrying a silver morningstar which he is quite qualified to use as well as being a skilled shield user.)

And into the murky tunnel goes the captain…
The dwarf engages with five mace goblins in a wide side tunnel.  He dodges and blocks the initial goblin attacks and in return cripples and then kills one of the goblins.  The second and third rounds of circling combat leave two goblins stunned and wounded and the dwarf still unharmed.  One of these goblins are finished off shortly afterwards.

The noise of combat has not yet attracted any of the goblins further in the tunnel.  And at this point the set piece assault on the tunnel is started by three squads of dwarves .

The fight in the side tunnel comes back up a ramp into the main tunnel, leaving two dead and a wounded goblin below.  The militia captain wounds another goblin, but is stunned by a strike.  Just then axe dwarves and marksdwarves enter the tunnel and a general melee breaks out. 

(PICTURE OF DWARVES AND GOBLINS IN THE WESTERN EDGE OF THE TUNNEL)
Dwarf Assault!  Crossbow and Axe dwarves charge down the ramp while the militia captain continues to engage two mace goblins.  The side tunnel ramp is to the north of the captain.  The remaining seven goblins are sitting in a pit area just to the west of the closed drawbridge.

The wounded mace goblin is pulped by a hammer dwarf .  The militia captain and the remaining mace goblin duel back down the ramp to the north.  A few dwarves head that way to aid him.  Meanwhile the crossbow squad forms up and prepares to offer support fire while melee dwarves head to the east to complete the attack. 

The side tunnel fight finishes quickly once the goblins are outnumbered and axe dwarves  enter the fray.  Not everything goes the dwarves way in the main attack as a hammer dwarf in lighter armor is killed by a mace goblin .  The goblins start to emerge from the pit, but are driven back by a hail of crossbow bolts and attacking dwarves.  An axe dwarf is killed in the final assault as the last four goblins are killed.
Things add up to a relatively expensive fight for the fortress.  Including the preliminary event the dwarves lose a war dog and three combat trained melee dwarves in exchange for killing a dozen goblins.  No wounded are reported.  At this point the Depot Tunnel entrance is temporarily walled up to allow for some extensive rework and time to clean out all the corpses and equipment.

ASIDE: IT IS MUCH MORE PREFERABLE TO HAVE THE TRAPS DO THE WORK SINCE THE BLUNTS (MORNINGSTARS AND HAMMERS) WILL CRIPPLE IF THEY HIT CLEANLY, AND CAN BREAK LIMBS THROUGH ARMOR.  A DWARF HAS TO BE SKILLED IN SHIELD, DODGING, AND LUCKY TO GET THROUGH THIS EVEN WHEN WEARING GOOD ARMOR.  AND IN THIS CASE THE DWARVES WERE UNDER-ARMORED AND I SUSPECT THE DWARVES KILLED IN COMBAT HAD WEAKER HEAD PROTECTION, THUS THE SUDDEN DEATHS AS A MACE CRACKED THEIR SKULLS.  THE LACK OF WOUNDED SUPPORTS THIS THEORY SINCE NON-HEAD WOUNDS WOULD BE EXPECTED AND THE GOBLINS HAD VERY LITTLE TIME TO COUP DE GRACE ANY DWARVES THEY MANAGED TO WOUND.

THE CAPTAIN DID FAIRLY WELL SINCE HE HAD A GOOD HELM (THUS ONLY STUNS FROM GLANCING BLOWS) AND WAS DEFLECTING ATTACKS WITH HIS SHIELD OR DODGING  THEM ALTOGETHER.  HIS STRIKES WERE WORKING SINCE HE WOULD HIT A GOBLIN IN THE LEG WHERE THEY HAD LITTLE OR NO ARMOR TO CRIPPLE THEM AND THEN DELIVER A FINISHING BLOW TO THE WOUNDED OR STUNNED TARGET.

[Oaktree]

And one more since my first 4-name dwarf makes an appearance.

This chapter starts right after a goblin ambush team is sighted...

CHAPTER 15 – A Winter’s Day (in a deep and dark Opal)
The few workers in the Outer Bailey are called in.  The ready melee squad of hammer dwarves is mobilized and sent to deal with the incursion.  A crossbow squad is sent to the northwest bastion overlooking the western side of the Outer Bailey, but it is expected that they probably will not arrive there in time.  The attacking goblins look to be a sword goblin leading four pike goblins.  And then the Outer Bailey gate goes up before any goblins get inside…
 
Since this stops the combat and leaves goblins lurking about the gate is ordered lowered again.  This operation obliterates two pike goblins that were standing in the right place at the wrong time.
 
An order snafu causes the crossbow squad to go back to barracks and a training squad to assemble by the Main Gate.  As the three remaining goblin cautiously enter the Outer Bailey the correct melee squad forms up at the eastern end of the Outer Bailey.  Shortly afterwards, battle is joined.
 
(PICTURE OF GOBLINS AND DWARVES STARTING FIGHT ON OPEN GROUND CROSSED BY A ROAD)
The skirmish begins.  The rabbit in the lower right is not from Caerbannog – it’s retreating.  The dwarves are not holding good formation, but have numbers and better armor.

(PICTURE OF GOBLIN NUMBERS SUDDENLY DOUBLING)
And right at contact the goblins spring a surprise!  Another ambush team!
 
A mace goblin armed with a morningstar and four lashers suddenly appear.

A back-up melee squad of spear dwarves is immediately sent for, but will not arrive for a while.  The initial round of strikes incapacitates a pike goblin while a dwarf receives a minor leg wound .  A single lasher avoids the melee and heads towards the gate.  Soon afterwards a second lasher breaks off and heads that way as well.  The militia captain takes a hit from a morningstar in the leg and goes down.  A lasher piles on and inflicts additional injuries.
 
(PICTURE OF GOBLINS AND DWARVES IN COMBAT)
The swirl of combat (roughly the end of Round 2).  Note lasher headed east, probably chasing livestock.

A second dwarf gets knocked unconscious by the morningstar wielding goblin.  Not seriously injured – yet.  The lasher headed east finds a weapon trap and gets mangled, but continues towards the gate.  And then gets caught by a cage trap.

The two wounded dwarves are finished off by the goblins.  The mace goblin is wounded and disarmed in the exchange however.  And a lone crossbow dwarf to the south starts taking potshots.

At this point the melee breaks up.  Three goblins are chasing a hammer dwarf to the north.  The lashers are scattered about, and two dwarves are chasing individual goblins.  The hammer dwarf dodges off the Outer Bailey hill and lies stunned next to the creek.  The wounded mace goblin is then chased eastward, right into the arriving spear squad.

The goblins rally at the west side of the Outer Bailey and the dwarves at the eastern side.  The goblins have the sword goblin leader, a pike goblin, and three lashers.  None are seriously wounded, but they have lost a leader and two other goblins (plus the two the gate smashed).  The dwarves have lost a hammer squad captain and another hammer dwarf, plus a dwarf out of the combat area (who will possibly be up on cowardice charges.)  One of the remaining hammer dwarves is in a martial trance as well.

The second combat exchange ends much quicker.  The sword and pike goblins are bashed down and then the fight degenerates into a chase of the three remaining lashers.  This ends when two are chased into the main gate area traps and cornered.  Another dwarf is killed in the exchange from whip damage to the throat .  Upon investigation it turns out this fatality was a trainee spear dwarf who was under-armored and not assigned to be there at all.  This appears to be the requisite idiot death that seems to occur with every goblin encounter.

The gate is opened for the trade caravan to depart while the Outer Bailey is cleaned up and the bodies brought in for burial.  Overall, not a satisfactory encounter and the militia are obviously in need of more work.  Even when the fight turned into five on eight the superior equipment and presumably training should have performed better.  The squad in question was disbanded; there were sufficient squads available and it was quietly decided to split the remaining members up by assigning them elsewhere.

Interlude – The end of a quiet year
The rest of the winter passes without further military unrest.
Militia upgrades drag due to a desire to wait for better armor smith skills to develop.  And the desire to use the dwarves to carry out construction or support work as five projects are carried out simultaneously:
1.    Exploration tunnels in two places attempting to map the magma sea and also hopefully locate more adamantine veins.
2.   Completion of a cistern and tunnel to run water to the current adamantine works.  The easily accessible ore has been mined out – now water is needed to create obsidian barriers to allow access to the rest.  This project is long-term and is still in the primary tunneling phase.  The follow-up work is primarily for the engineers installing floodgates and the appropriate control levers.
3.   The masons have been busy extending walls in the Outer Bailey, completing walk-able parapets on the east and west walls for patrolling, converting a northwest pasture room into a full-fledged multi-story bastion, and completing the hillside tower.
4.    The west end of the Depot Tunnel has been heavily modified.  It now has north and south branches that will end in additional exits to the surface.  This also includes more drawbridges that can be used to control which exits are available to be used.  And a separate tunnel from the Core area is under construction to allow marksdwarves to reach firing galleries that cover the new exits.
5.   The engineers and miners have nearly completed a modernization to the upper end of the Switchback Tunnel.  This incorporates a newly designed “Goblin Grinder Mark II” system.  (See Appendix C) 

Interlude Part 2 – Just a jump to the left (and then a step to the right…)
A hushed conversation takes place in the Duke’s private quarters.  Around a table lit by a few candles sit the Duke, the Mayor, and the fortress Militia Commander.
“Explain to me again what makes you so insistent upon a private meeting and what your log book has to do with it.”

“I initially noticed that the log book had mysteriously moved to a different spot in my desk.  When I went to fill out the day’s entry I found it already filled in.  And the entries for the rest of the year had been made as well.  All in my handwriting, and the older entries had aged ink.  According to it we will have a fight in the North Forty six weeks from now with a goblin raiding force.  We will win, but it will be somewhat costly.  Three killed and some other repercussions I choose to keep quiet about at this time.”

“Well, that would be better than seeing the handwriting change with a date a few weeks with the note ‘Logem was killed by a crundle .’”

“Ha ha. It is to laugh.  Seriously, what we need to decide is how to act on this.  Assuming it’s accurate we get a chance to adjust our actions.  Change construction orders, have a different gate open, or simply make sure that we react to the raid with greater force.”

“Do you assume that the goblins will attack in the same pattern with the same troops?”

 “I will not assume that.  In fact my preference is to avoid that fight altogether.  Open the Pond or Brookside Tunnel now and see if the raiders go in there.  Don’t open the Outer Bailey gate until mid-winter when the trade caravan is actually ready to leave.”

“How about using some of the new tunnel exits?  They are about ready.”

“I think we should hold off on that until all the construction there is complete.  Use one of the existing tunnels to attempt to draw the raiders off, or at least distract them.  If we do not see them by the time the caravan leaves we will try to route them out the far side of the fortress.  Or consider making a large-scale patrol sweep.  In any case we need to get this caravan out intact simply to prove that we are a viable Mountainhome.”

“I concur.  The Brookside is probably the better option for drawing them off.  And if the Switchback gets higher priority we can open it earlier than scheduled as well.”

“Agreed.”

AND WE HAD A GAME CRASH (FOR NO APPARENT REASON.)  SO WE LOSE THREE MONTHS OF TIME AND IT IS NOW IN THE AUTUMN RIGHT AFTER THE DWARVEN CARAVAN ARRIVES.  AND CHAPTER 15 DID NOT OCCUR…
AND TIME UNWINDS IN A NEW COURSE.

Chapter 15A – Danger in the Depths
Mining work continues and things appear to be normal.  There is a minor breach in the second cavern system while getting ore, but only a naked mole dog gets in before the hole is sealed.  The creature does some minor damage before it is hunted down and killed.

In the middle of this disruption a floor hatch in the mining galleries is ruptured.  Through it flies the forgotten beast Spos Esnuststospdab – a gigantic nightjar with three-eyes and an enormous shell . This constitutes a somewhat more serious emergency than the incursion of a naked mole dog.

An immediate alert is sounded and the mining galleries ordered to be cleared while militia squads are summoned to guard the entrance, and then proceed downward once the creature is located.  On Level Z+97 the monster finds dwarves who have not cleared the area.  A miner is attacked, but drives the creature off while inflicting some injury to it.  Another miner is not so lucky.  He gets bowled over, driven into a dead-end gallery and killed.

The melee squad rushes to the area, but the creature has gone deeper.  On Level Z+91 the beast and hammer dwarf Stakud Dorenamem Rir Ron  confront each other.  The fight moves down and back in a wide gallery.  Stakud dodges the beast’s charge, but his strikes only bruise the animal.  Shortly afterwards two more hammer dwarves from the squad arrive.  Once the fight becomes three on one the fell beast is rapidly incapacitated and then pounded into oblivion.  Stakud is not credited with the kill, but his contribution is recognized in helping to corner the beast .

The fractured hatch is replaced with a solid floor and the galleries are re-opened.  In the dining hall it is declared that cooked Forgotten Beast  “tastes like chicken”.

[Oaktree]

the recruit stabs the giant panda in the rigth upper eye tooth with his spear, and the severed part sails off in an arc!
the giant panda grabs the recruit by the right upper arm with the panda left front paw!
the giant panda throws the recruit by the right upper arm!

cue a dwarf hitting a cliff (ouch) surviving, only to fall down several Z-levels and splat on the ground into a crumpled mess at the bottom of a river, then start getting devoured by hoary marmots.

Ouch!   

[restricted]

A wild bronze colossus has appeared!
Go Urist! I choose you!
Urist uses stab! It's not very effective!
Bronze colossus uses punch! It's super effective!
Urist has been knocked unconcious!

That was pretty much the outcome of my first few forts. Consistently faced Bronze Colossus MBs, and of course they were no iron embarks where I hadn't found the candy yet.

Though, in my first successfulish fort, I had a wrestler do the unthinkable and choke a dragon to death. Was... A 250 year old world, I think, so that Dragon wasn't too big yet, but I was proud. Of course, in that fort, I hadn't learned of the magic of forbidding items, so I lost half my fort to the dragon, and the other half to the tantrum spiral which ensued.

[restricted]

I've learned to hate giant pandas. I had one tear several ateries in an axelord wearing steel clothes by grabbing him by the head then shaking him round by it.
the dwarf survived 2 in game months (or something like that) with no care before FINALLY being brought in by the broker.
after I had cancelled 5 dwarve's jobs. every damn one except for recover patients and feed them.

I find they make great pincushions for training ballista operators and novice marksdwarves. However, I've had them rip quite a few woodcutters to pieces, and be ripped to pieces by other woodcutters who also doubled as my axedwarf for initial militia.