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[The Fool]

>Be Metalhoof

This. I changed my mind. This is awesome.

[Ghazkull]

THUNDERHORSE!  for more Dethklok references...XD

[hachnslay]

oooooh, stereotypical metal band names! my forte!
Stählernes Ross
Hufeisen
or one without the horse theme:
Bügelbrätt

[Robocorn]

>Be the Pony

>Be metalhoof

[Ehndras]

Oh gods, this is hilarious. I'd put in some Death Metal references but this is just too entertaining.


...I'm afraid of someone making a glam rock version.

Oh, the horror of pixelated men in high heels. *cringes*

By the power of SATAAAN, use the headless bat as a painbrush and pain our band's name upon the wall... IN BLOOD. Also, search the shop for that asshole Sven's phone number and address. Must be SOMEWHERE. 666 minutes is just shy of 11 hours, and the METAAAAL of SATAN waits for no one.

[Svarte Troner]

>Be the Pony

>Be metalhoof

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Fuck yes. My text books have been covered with these since 7th grade.
----
Just for the fuck of it, you decide to use the bat corpse (The name of your 3rd album) to paint your band's logo on the wall in your record store. Mikko is pleased with the results:


Now to deal with Sven.
After searching for all of about 20 minutes, you recover your address book:


Who in Satan's name is Jari Päsikivi? Oh yeah, your awesome Finnish guitarist. He was playing a gig with Tote Fledermäus in the area recently, you could call him up to jam beat the shit out of Sven. It says Sven lives a couple miles past the "city" limits in that old shack in the woods you guys used to record stuff. Funny, you always thought Sven lived in your basement. Oh wait, that's Mikko.

[Ghazkull]

Call Jari and ask him how far the New Album "Duration" is...and ask him why you are not making progress with it XDDDD

[Ehndras]

Call Jari for backup, tell him to bring a medieval spike mace or ball-and-chain. Take the shitty Honda Civic Infernal Chariot to Dickhead's shack and confront him about our property and his being a coward and leaving the infernal legions. Call him a mainstream pussy for extra result and bonus points. If need be, have Jari liberate him from the coils of mortality.

[Lillipad]

>By the power of satan, wear bright pink high heel shoes with black skulls on the toes.
>Name shoes Metalhoof Minis.
>Call Jari and tell him the wonders of Metalhoof Minis.

[Svarte Troner]

You and Mikko decide that Jari would help you black metal curbstomp Sven, given his extensive service in the Finnish military:


"En ole juuri nyt tavoitettavissa. Ole hyvä ja jätä viesti äänimerkin kuultuasi."

Why the fuck is Jari's answering machine speaking Somali? I thought he was ^Finnish. Well, it looks like you two will have to kick the shit out of Sven by yourselves, since the Norwegian Embassy probably won't help you. What now?!

[Lillipad]

>By the power of satan, wear bright pink high heel shoes with black skulls on the toes.
>Name shoes Metalhoof Minis.
>Inform Mikko of the wonders of Metalhoof Minis.

[Svarte Troner]

>By the power of satan, wear bright pink high heel shoes with black skulls on the toes.
>Name shoes Metalhoof Minis.
>Inform Mikko of the wonders of Metalhoof Minis.

Blasphemy!
------
Without further adieu, you hastily make your way out the back of the store to the infernal parking lot of Satan! Mikko takes a moment to admire the ol' Hell Chariot.



Mikko's also brought along a homemade-spike-bracelet-thing-that's-typical-of-Black Metal-attire! in case you need to bitch slap Sven a bit. In the  trunk you've got a Nordic Battle Axe, Medieval spiked ball and chain, hunting knife, a modified Mosin-Nagant used by Simo Häyhä himself, some ammo, and a shard of glass. You can only take two weapons into the shack when you get there!!!!!

[Trapezohedron]

> How the heck did all these weapons get here? Decorate them with the Metalhoof Logo, so the police will have an easier time framing you up for crimes.

> Play a sweet guitar solo with your funky eclectic bass.

[Ehndras]

Satan's choice is made easy by logic and METAL.

Battle Plan: Smash Sven's kneecaps with the Spiked Retribution(tm) flail before removing a single traitorous hand and his tongue via Battle Axe of the Dark Gods. Without those, he won't ever be able to play, steal, or rat us out if he even survives. Make sure to use the bloody stump of his hand to draw a satanic pentagram and a ritualistic note on the wall to further confuse authorities and make it look like he did it himself. Perhaps this could work:

"With Tongue of Black Shadow,
I call to Satan, my Master
By the Hand of Treason,
I grasp the blackness of soul.
A part of self, sacrificed,
A greater whole achieved;
A part of Him, collected,
Infernal grace received.

HAIL SATAN!"

[Hubris Incalculable]

OMS. Not SOMALI. SUOMI. gah.