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[AzuredreamsXT]

After my first appointed captain of the guard ever, a hammerdwarf, chased down and beat a tantruming citizen so badly he was hospitalized?

This game was so worth getting into

[crekit]

He survived?!

[Yoink]

My first sheriff was a skilled axedwarf. Oh yes, I cracked up.

[Imakuni]

Mine usually punch criminals in the head so hard that their skulls shatter and they die.

Usually in one hit, too.

[Loud Whispers]

Really? My most hilarious moment was my Captain of the guard attacking my master speardwarf.

She was carrying her adamantine spear, and almost all of her armour at the time.

[Aspgren]

hehe. I read it as he beat the citizen for so long that THE HAMMERER had to be hospitalized.

"I'm sorry Urist. It's very badly sprained ... you won't be able to hold a hammer ever again!"

[DrKillPatient]

I tend to have my CotG forge two of his own base-quality adamantine warhammers and rename his profession to "Harmless Hammerer". Then he just beats dwarves with his two squeaky inflatable hammers. The nobles still consider it justice, oddly. I'd think the baron/ess would end up completely enraged when the criminal laughs off a beating.

[thegoatgod_pan]

My current captain distinguished himself in a remarkable way to earn that promotion (I usually run anarchist forts, unless I have a damn good reason to bring in law and order).  He seized a bowyers shop while in a possessed mood and built a blowgun.

He now beats criminals with that blowgun.  I don't think they even need hospitalization.  (Good thing too, my mayor keeps demanding tin items)

[Yoink]

Hey, I always try to arm my sheriff with a decent, sharp weapon. Justice for all! I also haven't had many problems with mandates, though.

[dwarfhoplite]

i dont usually get a sheriff before my jail is ready because sheriff DESTROYS "criminals"

[Reudh]

I had a captain of the guard who was little more than a torso. Well, he had arm stumps, and  leg stumps. He could bite and push, and that was it... So it was pretty funny to think a beating from the captain involving him rolling up to you, sort of trying to roll into you, and snapping at your ankles.

[Andal]

I had a captain of the guard who was little more than a torso. Well, he had arm stumps, and  leg stumps. He could bite and push, and that was it... So it was pretty funny to think a beating from the captain involving him rolling up to you, sort of trying to roll into you, and snapping at your ankles.

Thank you for making my day. I haven't laughed at a mental picture that hard in a while.

[Shzar]

A mason of mine once had a tantrum in the statue garden. This was during a bid of down-time in my fortress, so the statue garden had maybe 30 dwarves hanging around, but of course this mason picks a fight with the Captain of the Guard, who carried a steel sword and he knew how to use it. Mason punches the Captain the arm; Captain responds by beheading the poor dwarf with such fury that his head flies across the room and landing on a statue. I had to deconstruct it to retrieve the damn thing.

This was a version before statues had descriptions, but I like to think that the statue was of the same Captain of the Guard striking a pose and the flying head skewered itself on the statue's sword. I laughed at that thought. Less funny was the 28 other dwarves tantrumming because they witnessed their bestest buddy being beheaded.

[Loud Whispers]

I had a captain of the guard who was little more than a torso. Well, he had arm stumps, and  leg stumps. He could bite and push, and that was it... So it was pretty funny to think a beating from the captain involving him rolling up to you, sort of trying to roll into you, and snapping at your ankles.

Thank you for making my day. I haven't laughed at a mental picture that hard in a while.

Seconded.

[dreadmullet]

I had a captain of the guard who was little more than a torso. Well, he had arm stumps, and  leg stumps. He could bite and push, and that was it... So it was pretty funny to think a beating from the captain involving him rolling up to you, sort of trying to roll into you, and snapping at your ankles.

Thank you for making my day. I haven't laughed at a mental picture that hard in a while.

It's about twice a week I die from laughter reading these forums.