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Author Topic: Dwarf Fortress's worlds biggest dick. [Minor spoilers]  (Read 3525 times)

Mitchewawa

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Dwarf Fortress's worlds biggest dick. [Minor spoilers]
« on: November 11, 2011, 07:29:09 am »



Militia captain, legendary pick-wielder, one of the starting 7. He's held off an entire siege of Dark Stranglers (Fort Defence Mod), on his own in our early years, and I knew I had to pay him back. 5 years later I'm a barony; now I thought is the chance to give him a heroes reward.

After the liaison left, I saw a [MANDATE]. Crystal glass? That doesn't even work in the current version! So I looked into his preferances; and...

Holy.
Fucking.
Shit.

Four rare and expensive to impossible materials are on this guys preferances. Slade and crystal glass products are impossible to make without cheating, period. Unicorn horn? Psh, this isn't some pansy ass, elf, mirthful environment for little girls with pigtails. Candy? Oh lord, I havn't even found the adamantine yet. My miners are busy and the forges are running steel armour for my 20 crossbow dwarves.

Ok, so I think I just found the hardest to please noble in existence. So much for a humble hero; this guys extravagant tastes is going to get everyone's head caved in from my dual-wielding silver hammer/crossbow captain.

And yet... I'm going to keep him. 'MAGMA' some of you will say. 'Unfortunate accidents are a way of life!' you will say. But you know what? I play the Fortress Defence Mod (plus the extra, hard civs) for a god damn reason:
For some fucking !!FUN!!
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Mitch cancels sleep: Interrupted by Clowns

geail

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Re: Dwarf Fortress's worlds biggest dick. [Minor spoilers]
« Reply #1 on: November 11, 2011, 07:38:47 am »

just build a large jail.  sure, you will have plenty of dwarves stationed there, but that's the point.  I'd rather have imprisoned legendary weaponsmiths over dead legendary weaponsmiths
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Mitchewawa

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Re: Dwarf Fortress's worlds biggest dick. [Minor spoilers]
« Reply #2 on: November 11, 2011, 07:50:56 am »

Haha. Her squad name is 'The Virginal Dykes'.
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FearfulJesuit

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Re: Dwarf Fortress's worlds biggest dick. [Minor spoilers]
« Reply #3 on: November 11, 2011, 08:23:47 am »

*immature giggle*
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@Footjob, you can microwave most grains I've tried pretty easily through the microwave, even if they aren't packaged for it.

ASCIt

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Re: Dwarf Fortress's worlds biggest dick. [Minor spoilers]
« Reply #4 on: November 11, 2011, 08:59:38 am »

Actually, read my sig. Slade is totally usable if you embark on a curious underground structure.

Also, there was an unofficial patch around here somewhere that fixes the crystal glass thing.
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This is a very dorfy thread, and you WILL read it.

Sutremaine

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Re: Dwarf Fortress's worlds biggest dick. [Minor spoilers]
« Reply #5 on: November 11, 2011, 09:17:40 am »

You can import raw crystal glass and cut it to fulfil mandates. But wait until the mandate goes yellow or red, since you can't import it in large amounts.
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I am trying to make chickens lay bees as eggs. So far it only produces a single "Tame Small Creature" when a hen lays bees.
Honestly at the time, I didn't see what could go wrong with crowding 80 military Dwarves into a small room with a necromancer for the purpose of making bacon.

Alastar

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Re: Dwarf Fortress's worlds biggest dick. [Minor spoilers]
« Reply #6 on: November 11, 2011, 09:31:20 am »

With the title, I expected an erection of epic proportions spewing pressurised magma at invaders... or some other cocky megaproject.
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tmrt

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Re: Dwarf Fortress's worlds biggest dick. [Minor spoilers]
« Reply #7 on: November 11, 2011, 10:23:07 am »

crystal glass products are impossible to make without cheating, period

Especially since the crystal glass problem is easily fixable.
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That Guy Over There

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Re: Dwarf Fortress's worlds biggest dick. [Minor spoilers]
« Reply #8 on: November 11, 2011, 10:32:10 am »

With the title, I expected an erection of epic proportions spewing pressurised magma at invaders... or some other cocky megaproject.

ಠ_ಠ
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Kylarus

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Re: Dwarf Fortress's worlds biggest dick. [Minor spoilers]
« Reply #9 on: November 11, 2011, 11:59:26 am »

You didn't know? Rakustamud "TombThunder, the Strap of Obeisance" was sent from her home for her family's demanding nature. They have long been a problem to the mountain homes, and rather than kill a noble family for their petulance and decadence, they removed the titles from their children. Now it seems, one has been able to hide her nature long enough to gain acceptance and regain her title. None can stop her from raising a fortress home dedicated to her. It's not that she likes those items, so much as it is she loves to have her subjects beaten and tortured. Some say there's evil in the blood, but none can say. Tread warily in her fort, for she's watching for the slightest misstep to give her some fun. She will have order in this place, whether it kills everyone or not.
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You mean the ability to have endless training dummies, a carpet of eyestalks and tendrills, and a plant that both makes for some good grizzled sea man hard liquor AND the ability to turn your dwarves into the Night´s Watch...not reward enough?

Diamond

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Re: Dwarf Fortress's worlds biggest dick. [Minor spoilers]
« Reply #10 on: November 11, 2011, 12:50:36 pm »

Wait for him to get children - I'm not sure but I read it somewhere here that you will not get another baron, unless he has children that will grow up into being a baron/ess.
And then send him to fight siege of werewolves alone.  >:(
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ancistrus

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Re: Dwarf Fortress's worlds biggest dick. [Minor spoilers]
« Reply #11 on: November 11, 2011, 03:35:46 pm »

It is possible that he will never ask for any of those materials and demand construction of doors/amulets, no material specified.
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davros

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Re: Dwarf Fortress's worlds biggest dick. [Minor spoilers]
« Reply #12 on: November 11, 2011, 04:26:16 pm »

Awsome. I sugest you stock the prision with food and water, lest your legendary stuffsmiths starve.
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Quote from: Malarauko
I had an above ground garden built in the grounds of my castle and two young dwarves spent time socialising there over the summer and at the end of the summer they were in love. Remember those long summers of your childhood? That first kiss in the gardens while crossbows dwarves shoot goblins above your head? The rain of dead birds as the hunters get to work? Truly Spearhills is a paradise.

BeforeLifer

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Re: Dwarf Fortress's worlds biggest dick. [Minor spoilers]
« Reply #13 on: November 11, 2011, 04:41:25 pm »

arn't legendary dwarfs justice immune?
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Any thoughts on how this can be abused?
Around these parts It's called weaponized

Sutremaine

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Re: Dwarf Fortress's worlds biggest dick. [Minor spoilers]
« Reply #14 on: November 11, 2011, 04:52:58 pm »

No. They used to be economy-immune though.
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I am trying to make chickens lay bees as eggs. So far it only produces a single "Tame Small Creature" when a hen lays bees.
Honestly at the time, I didn't see what could go wrong with crowding 80 military Dwarves into a small room with a necromancer for the purpose of making bacon.