For several reasons, I will postpone the update proper until tomorrow (unless something interesting happens). I won't just leave you hanging though, so here's a tally of the fort's current population.
'Dariush' Stelidnish, The Great and Exalted Legendary Miner
Proving that DF titles can be longer than most people think, Mrs. Dariush Washedtrades is essential for the well-being of the Fortress. She's a Legendary Miner, and during her downtime she engages in the art of Gem Cutting, in which she is Talented. She is married to Creiydrek, has a nameless child, is happy and has no wounds.
'Grov' Shetbêthlogem, Transmuter
A former militiadorf who didn't do much of anything in the Battle of Hellcannon, Grov Twinklingpaints is a Competent Macedwarf, Shield User, Armor User and Fighter, making him a good warrior overall. That's about all he does, as his Competent Wood Cutter skill is rusty. He's still a Skilled Carpenter, although we haven't produced a lot of wooden items recently. Mostly because everyone was too busy getting their skulls caved in. He's unhappy, single, and escaped being hurt because of his High Master Slacking Off skill.
'Mego II' Kivishlegem, Chaos Crafter and Metalord
Mrs. Mego Lancerpaint is the archetypal socialite, possessing little actual skill (save for an Adequate Carpenter rating), but is Adequate in all social skills. She is miserable, probably because her husband, MomuzC, is now food for the zombie worms, and her three nameless children have done little to mitigate her grief.
Asmel Tûsedkikrost, Carpenter
Also known as "A Drain on the Fortress' Resources", Mrs. Asmel Stopstockades is a Novice Carpenter and a Dabbling everything else. She's married to another nameless dorf and has no children. On the upside, she's happy, so she probably won't go caveswallowmanshit any time soon.
Monom Dedukurus, Woodcutter
A Talented Wood Cutter, Monom Manorfells is going to be useful in the exploitation of the cavern layers. Otherwise, only notable for being Asmel's husband. Makes sense I guess, he chops down trees and his wife turns them into beds and cabinets and training spears and so on. He's a happy chappy.
'Bates' Bomrekshem, Innkeeper
This dwarf has picked up a skill that will make him invaluable once we get crossbow and bolt production going: Professional Dodger. Bates Whipplank is also an Expert Markswarf, and a Skilled Animal Trainer, Caretaker, Dissector and Trapper, which is a more than mildly unsettling combination, although she's rusty with all of these. She says she's fine, but I think she's a bit upset at the death of her lover, Urist McJoeBloggs.
'Karakzon' Kelzeg, Mayor
Aside from being a Rusty Novice Miner, Mrs. Karakzon Metaltattoo is the perfect mayor, with Adequate social skills across the board. She's miserable because her husband, Andreus XIV, The Immortal, The Neverending turned out to be mortal, and ending, as well as her lack of a proper office, and the fact that her child is nameless.
'Lord Reudh' Idenemen, Eccentric
This madly babbling woman used to be the greatest threat to my rule, until I died and she went bonkers. Lord Reudh Paddledstrength's only useful skills were Novice Trapper and Novice Gem Setter, both rusty - sorry Reudh, your dorf just wasn't very useful overall. She's miserable, obviously, probably because of killing MomuzC.
'Thor' Rìthareshtân, Armorer
Miss Trammelsmiths is a useful dwarf to have around, being a Competent, if Rusty, Marksdwarf and Archer, an Adequate Armor User and Dodger, an Accomplished Armorsmith and a Talented Dyer (ok, so maybe not useful across the board). Like all the other normal people, she's been miserable.
'Zeratul' Avuzginet, Dark Templar
Despite his fearsome title, Zeratul Minedcrew isn't that scary in a fight. However, his Accomplished Metalsmithing skill makes him a worthwhile member of the fortress. He's also a Rusty Skilled Glazer, but I don't think that's going to do a whole lot of good. He's miserable.
Olin Almôshzon, Furnace Operator
How exactly one goes about becoming a High Master Furnace Operator is anyone's guess. It is pretty useful though. Proficient Animal Trainer, not so much, unless we train some of the caged animals the trader dropped for war. Of course, Olin Gleamedhelms is a miserable bachelorette.
Lorbam Rigòthkogan, Furnace Operator
This one, Lorbam Craftboats, is only a Novice Furnace Operator, although her Novice Siege Operator skill might come in useful later. Might. She's remarkably okay with everything that's been going on around her, probably because she doesn't have any friends.
Iden Fathteshkad, Metalcrafter
Having a High Master Metal Crafter could be useful. Iden Sackprices has been quite content, also probably because he doesn't have any friends. Which means he didn't lose a friend to tragedy recently.
Mafol Rovodmasos, Gem Cutter
Miss Mafol Archtalk is a Talented Gem Cutter, which is going to be very useful if any trade caravan actually survives the hordes of rampaging skwildlife on the tundra. She's been quite content.
'Gamemaster' Melbillolor, The Unstoppable Force
Still lying on the ground in the second cavern layer due to getting her left leg ripped off, Miss Gamemaster Tomesletters is a Competent Swordsdwarf and a Competent Dodger, courtesy of one Skeletal Blind Cave Ogre who apparently died from some other cause than getting whacked with a sword a lot since it doesn't appear on her kill list. She's also a Competent Gem Cutter and Talented Gem Setter, which she'll likely have to revert to if she recuperates because, I don't know, HER LEG HAS BEEN TORN OFF and it's kind of hard hopping around killing stuff on one leg and a crutch. She's miserable, but what do you expect.
'Conchobar II' Rithamug, Revengineer
Aside from being a Rusty Novice Gem Setter, Miss Conchobar II Bellfrog is useless, possessing mostly social skills. She's miserable, but who isn't.
'Ledi V' Vabôkenseb, Crazy Cat Lady
This Talented Gem Setter, Skilled Thresher, Novice Strand Extractor, Ledi V Orbbasis, is useful enough, especially once we get some adamantine mined out. Despite the utter lack of cats, she's been quite content lately.
Lorbam Tomusmomuz, Leatherworker
This High Master Leatherworker could come in useful if we decide to butcher the animals the trader brought, otherwise, since the local wildlife above AND below ground level is skeletal, not so much. Mr. Lorbam Shovecrypt has been quite content, the smarmy git. Also his last name is hard to say 10 times fast.
Lokum Amemmeng, Stonecrafter
She may only be a Novice Stone Crafter, but Miss Lokum Curllash can still be useful. After all, every fortress needs haulers. The blithering idiot is happy.
Stâkud Rimtarnekol, Woodcrafter
An Adequate Wood Crafter. Yay. Miss Stâkud Castleskull will be a very productive hauler, and she appears to be content with this.
'Eric Blank' Neravuz, Something
It's only natural that a Competent Wood Cutter would be a Dabbling Axedwarf. Don't worry Eric, I'll find plenty of use for you in the military once you've chopped down all the trees in the second cavern outpost. She's also a Rusty Adequate Carpenter, which could be useful, a Rusty Adequate Bone Carver, which could be handy for making bone bolts, and a Very Rusty Proficient Soaper and equally Vrusty Talented Presser. Miss Eric Blank Lakesmined has been miserable lately, despite starting a fist fight. Kindly stop that before Urist Imiknorris II inadvertently picks up one of the silver war hammers to beat you, rather than the thoughtfully-provided styrofoam one.
'Vursa' Loloksastres, Farmer
Mrs. Vursa Graniteprincess (my what an inviting name) is an all-around Novice Hammerdwarf (and other miscellaneous combat skills), although she's rusty. I think that she'll have to brush up on her skills though, since we need hammerdwarfs more than we need Accomplished Shearers or Adept Pressers. She's married to the late Epithemius, and has one nameless child. Of course, she's ecstatic.
'Darvi' Sitalducim, Madman
In addition to some miscellaneous Rusty skills, some more useful (Competent Metalsmith), some less so (Skilled Swimmer), Mr. Darvi Westworks is a Great Brewer. It's in everyone's best interests if he stops being miserable.
Kulet Sigunstukos, Herbalist
The fortress' only surviving herbalist, Miss Kulet Tourrazors is Talented at her craft and has been quite content. Which means she's either going to be stuck hauling shit or she'll be drafted into the military as a meatshield.
Nil Umarbim, Lye Maker
The less said about this Adequate Fish Cleaner, Competent Stone Crafter, Talented Lye Maker, who's been quite content lately, the better.
'LordSlowpoke' Inoddesor, Surgeon
Dabbling Surgeon, Novice Butcher. I'm..... not quite sure how to take that. Also several Rusty skills, including Competent Strand Extractor and Talented Miller. I love how dwarfs' skills can be so all over the place. Unfortunately, Miss LordSlowpoke Gateentrance has been miserable lately. (I could have her "accidentally" fall into the magma pipe and redorf LordSlowpoke as Dr. Mengelbel, theoretically.) She has also created an artifact diorite throne, which is encrusted with diorite and encircled with bands of diorite. How very useful. I also have no idea where it is.
Stodir Imsalreg, Spinner
Skilled Wound Dresser, Talented Spinner, has been fine despite having a broken finger, another finger smashed open and a broken nose. Miss Stodir Racegloves could make a decent nurse once we get a hospital set up.
Oddom Äkilstâkud, Tanner
A Novice Tanner who is quite content. Like the leatherworker, Oddom Pointmachines will be useful if we slaughter some beasties, otherwise relegated to hauling duty.
èrith Akrulkan, Mechanic
Having a Talented Mechanic around will probably prove useful in the future. She's been quite content too, so little risk of èrith Tintire going giant badgershit on us.
Sazir Rithzim, Pump Operator
We've seen better (I'm pretty sure we had a High Master Pump Operator who died in the Battle of Hellcannon), but a Novice Pump Operator could still prove useful to start up any future reactor projects. Miss Sazir Bellscrests has been happy lately.
Zuntîr Mengelbel, chief medical dwarf
The great Dr. Mengele Mengelbel. She's a Talented Fisherdwarf, but that's just her hobby - her real job uses her High Master Diagnostician and Wound Dresser skills. Also experimenting on captured elves. Miss Lashedrenown has been fine lately, natch.
'Creiydrek' Likotkor, Peasant
This Adequate Swordsdwarf will be recruited into the militia at the first opportunity, despite several injuries to fingers and toes. Unfortunately, he's been miserable lately, so maybe drafting him will have to wait until his mood improves - having a berserk dwarf is bad, having a berserk dwarf with a bronze short sword is worse. He's Dariush's husband, and they have one nameless child together. (So we come full circle. Husband and wife at the end and beginning of the list, going from the "U"nits screen. How appropriate.)
Also three children and three babies.
Yes, this was fairly tedious to do, but also useful. It's a good tally of who can do what, and it turned up a few surprisingly good warriors. I'll be using this post as reference for the future as well, and of course the unnamed dorfs are open for requests, although as always the perpetual dorfing list takes priority.