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[Sir Broccoli]

Okay, Trampletongs has taught me a number of very useful things:
 - It's difficult to use the fortress defense mod AND fullfill citizen mandates.
 - That's because the fortress defense mod was crafted by a sadist whose only purpose it is to hurt me in various ways.
 - Use more screenshots.
 - Christopher Walken is kinda badass.
 - Refrain from dying.
 - Seriously, the fortress defense mod = pain.

So, with this in mind I present to you:

RAZORTHORN, the second experiment in citizen mandates. Yes, the random name generator actually gave me a name as awesome as 'Razorthorn'. Seriously, 'Razorthorn', how awesome is that?



So here's how this is gonna work:

 - Everybody can get dorfed (You can only have one dwarf at a time though.) Feel free to give me a little info on your dwarf's appearance, personality and/or backstory and I'll try to incorporate it into the story. If you don't I'll just make stuff up.
 - Every citizen of the fort can make mandates that I will have to fullfill (I might ignore a mandate, but only if it's too difficult/unfun/fort-destroying/time-consuming/undwarvenly)
 - Mandates can be pretty much anything. Adamantine shoes for everyone? No problem. Solid gold bedrooms? Sure! A magma-powered jacuzzi in the dining room? Of course! Sky's the limit.
 - I'm NOT using the fortress defense mod anymore. It was fun, but it made it practically impossible to properly focus on the mandates. I did mess about with some settings though. Kobolds no longer starve to death, kobolds and goblins breed faster and they're both [MISCHIEVOUS] for extra Fun.
 - We're at war with the elves.

And that's pretty much it you guys. Razorthorn is officially open for business!

Spoiler: Dorfed peeps (click to show/hide)

 - Hitty40 ("G")
 - Peregarrett  ("Gar")
 - Ansontan2000 ("Anderz")
- Drakon 136 ("Yerp") (Torn in twain by a bunch of harpies)
 - Tryrar ("Tryrar")
 - Spaghetti7 ("Spaghetti")
 - TwentyThree ("Takoa Fishfist")
 - Ifeno ("Ifeno")

Spoiler: Mandates (click to show/hide)

 - Go at war with the elves! (Hitty40/G)
 - Super-bedroom! (Tryrar)
 - Fishfist's special bedroom
- Basic defenses! (Peregarrett/Gar)
 - Full plate armor! (Ansontan/Anderz)
 - Ironworks! (Drakon/Yerp)
 - Fountain! (Spaghetti)
 - Gold bedroom! (Hitty40)
 - Gold furniture! (GreatWyrmGold)
 - ARENA! (Uthrist)
 - CAPES! (Uthrist)

Index:
Entry 1
Entry 2
Entry 3
Entry 4


...

What's that? You want a proper intro?

Fine. But only because you asked so nicely. Ahem...
____________

This place feels wrong.

I'm not sure why. Maybe it's the fact that if you look closely you can see a goblin tower on the horizon. Maybe it's because you can hear the moans and mumblings of the undead at night. Maybe it's because it feels as if you're being watched at all times, not by anything in particular. Just... Watched. As if the grass itself has eyes, eyes that can see your every move and can see right into your soul.

Maybe it's because the wagon just creaked to a halt and seemed to have no intentions of moving any further.

"Why did we stop?" I knew the answer before the driver even opened his mouth.

"'Cos we're here. This is the spot."

That cursed baron! Just because I accidentally magma'd his cat and beard doesn't mean he has to send me here! Couldn't he just have given me a couple of whacks with the Hammer of Justice(tm)? And to top it off he had to force me to take orders from every nutjob who chooses to settle down here.

I looked around. Well, no worries there I guess. I can't imagine anyone ever voluntarily moving into a place that somehow managed to stare at you all the time.

What's the point? What is the point of sending out a carpenter, a bloody carpenter to start a fort? Why not send out someone with some actual managing skills? Why give me equipment to start an actual fort rather than just send me to my death without any food or expensive tools? What is the man thinking!?

Maybe he thinks this place will kill me. Maybe he hopes that this place will drive me insane. Maybe he hopes one of the citizens will come up with a punishment worse than anything he could think of.

We'll I'll show him. I'll make this work. I'll run this bloody fort! I'll follow his damn orders and turn this into the best damn fort he's ever seen! I'll run this place so well they'll turn me into a baron. No, a duke! And then I'll send HIM out to start a fortress on the edge of a frickin' volcano!

Everyone was looking at me. Appearantly this inner monologue was mostly a shouty monologue. I straightened myself out and prepared myself to give the most inspiring speech anyone has ever given in the history of the world.

"Let's get some booze up in this bitch.

Also, strike the earth."

It was a good speech. Maybe it dragged on a little near the end. Should've left out that last sentence.

And so begins the story of Thikut Febthoth. Overseer.

[Hitty40]

Dwarf, please. Name as G, the axedwarf. I also mandate we go to war with the Elves and make peace with Goblins.

[peregarrett]

I'm in! As before, first migrant with mechanic skill, name him Gar.

First mandate will be - basic defence system. Walls, gate, some traps. I want this to last longer!

[ansontan2000]

I'm ba-ack!
Rename that hammerdorf as Anderz (AGAIN XD)
Mandate is to get me in full iron plate ASAP.

[drakon136]

I'll take the armorer, as Yerp please.
As for mandates..... no idea yet. I mandate the construction of ironworks.

[tryrar]

Heh sounds fun, I'll take a dorf. I'll be a miner, mandate is my own large bedroom ASAP

[Spaghetti7]

I'd love to be the other miner, ta'.
As for mandates... Urm. Let's see. I want a fountain in the dining hall. A big one. Magma or water, I don't mind.
But fountain.

[Sir Broccoli]

Entry 1

From the log of Tikut Febthoth, overseer of Razorthorn.

So far so good. We dig into the side of a hill and just kept digging down until we hit rock. Turns out we're on chalk here, that means iron, coal and flux stone. Truly there are no better circumstances to start a fort with.

Except for maybe a friendlier environment, this place still gives me the creeps.

We'll set up an ironworks as soon as we can but for now we'll focus on building farms, bedrooms and a dining room. You gotta have priorities.

I stopped writing. The miners -Tryrar and Spaghetti- just emerged from the stairway leading down into the bedroom area.

"We're all done down there. If you've got the beds all finished we can start furnishing immediately."

"Very good, we'll do that and you guys can start with the dining room." I handed them the blueprints I'd made for the dining area. Spaghetti's idea for a fountain was difficult to incorporate, but I have to say it turned out nicely and it's going to look spectacular when it's finished. "I take it there were no problems with the bedrooms?"

"Weell..." Tryrar started, I recognized that sound. That was the same kind of 'weell' that usually went hand in hand with such classic phrases as 'remember what you said about not using magma as toothpaste? Turns out you were right' or 'Really, I don't think demons are that bad. It's probably a good thing that we let the go from their prison.'

He continued, "I may have improvised a bit, just applying some artistic liberties you know?"

"Just... Just start with the dining room, alright? We'll discuss this later."

I descended the stairs until I arrived in the bedroom area. At the first glance everything seemed to be alright until you opened the door that had 'Tryrar' carved into it. Artistic liberties my ass! His room is twice as big as all the others! How dare he! He's no better than any of us so why does he deserve a bigger room!?

I'd be angry as all hell if it weren't for the fact that my room is EVEN BIGGER!


It feels good to be king

---

The digging out of the dining room area and the cisterns that are needed for the fountain are taking up a lot of time. I'm considering suspending the operation until a later date but honestly it's not that bad. The hallways are wide enough to set up workshops and stockpiles so we can all work without trouble. I just finished the parts needed for-

A scream interrupted my writing. This wasn't just a 'I just stubbed my shin against a table'-scream or a 'we've run out of my favorite kind of booze'-scream but an honest-to-god 'I'm being torn to shreds by wild harpies'-scream.

I rushed upstairs to find Tryrar pointing towards the river.

"Harpies!" He yelled, "They got Yerp! They're tearing him to shreds!" -I frickin' CALLED it!- "He's still alive but-"

AArghSHI-RRRIIIP!

"Not anymore he ain't. That is, unless he found some way to survive not having the top half of his body."


Guess I'm going to have to learn the art of masonry...

I turned around to see Anderz, brandishing a hammer the size of a bobcat, running towards the exit with murder in his eyes. I managed to trip him up before he exposed himself to danger.

"You're not going anywhere without a full set of armor!" I yelled as he fell to the ground. "One loss is bad enough, but two is simply too much."

Anderz got up, spun around and punched me square in the chest and pinned me against the wall in one swift motion. "Alright then mr. Overseer. If you want me to wear armor then make me some damn armor! Consider that a mandate!"

Turns out it's physically impossible to deny a mandate if whoever is making it has you pinned against a wall and is currently wielding a weapon that's capable of turning your head into an unrecognizable mass of something that could best be described as 'goop'. Who knew?

---

I took over Yerp's masonry jobs. I never had any experience in masonry in my life, but then again no-one has. Anderz is still pretty miffed about not being allowed to kill the harpies. They hung out near the river, killing fish for fun until one day they had killed all the fish and just left. I must say I'm glad they left but it's too bad we never got to have revenge, would've made a nice story too.

Anderz is running the smelter, he's not particularly good at it but he gets the job done. He wanted a full iron armor and I'll give it to him. It's tempting to use steel instead but seeing as we have nobody who can make a proper armor it just seems like a waste of time and resources. We'll get to steel once we're done training an armorsmith.

G volunteered to operate the forge on the condition that we go at war with the elves ("With their fancy rope reed trousers and their brain-melting herbs and their 'music with rocks in'. Bah, despicable!") I'm not sure if he realizes that we already are at war with the elves. I promised him we'd kill all of them, just to do him a favour. It shut him up and he went to work so I'd call that a win-win.

"A-hem." It was a clearing of the throat that had absolutely nothing to do with clearing the throat. It was simply a sound made to make sure that I noticed someone's presence. I looked up to see a dwarf dressed in the traditional mechanic's apron.

"And you are?.."

"Gar Dastotthum. Me and four other shall live in this establishment from now on. And you are the overseer of this place. Correct?"

I nodded.

"Then I must say this fortress' defenses are woefully inadequate."

"What defenses?"

"Exactly. I shall be taking over this fort's mechanic's guild and order the production of mechanisms, walls and traps to keep invaders and dangerous creatures at bay." It was impressive how this guy could somehow order himself around.

"That's fantastic, all you have to do is create a mechanic's guild and then you can do all that." This seemed to startle him.

"No mechanic's guild?! How did you survive this long?"

"Well, that depends on how you define 'survive'. That reminds me, did you guys bring a mason along? Ours is busy feeding fish."

As a matter of fact they did bring a mason along, and a damn good one at that. Unfortunately there was no armorsmith among the bunch, but the extra help is always welcome.

[Uthric]

same as last time


I MANDATE AN ARENA

and CAPES!

[ansontan2000]

Thats a SWEET graphics pack! What is it?

[Uthric]

Thats a SWEET graphics pack! What is it?

looks alot like  the one i use its probably the one that comes with lazy noob pack

[TwentyThree]

Takoa Fishfist if you please, i'll be the Farmer

Short stubbly and grouchy, he hates being disturbed by people who steps on his plants. He loves his rum, but despises all other types of alcohol. He can grow quite a few types of plants, and he loves wool clothing, but the only type he has on him is his Sheep Wool Socks. He took them off a dead dwarf in the middle of a fortress assault, and got out without dying.

Mandate: Four plots of farming land with his own room attached with a Farmers Workshop. All count as his room. I require a chair and cabinet.

[Sir Broccoli]

Thats a SWEET graphics pack! What is it?

looks alot like  the one i use its probably the one that comes with lazy noob pack

It's probably in the lazy noob pack, though I didn't get it from there.

It's the Mike Mayday graphics pack.

[Ifeno]

dorf me as the furnace operator / terrible armor smith!  Ifeno, of course!

[Sir Broccoli]

"Thikut..."

The voice sounded like someone was dragging their nails across a chalkboard. No, scratch that. It sounded like someone was dragging a rake made from cats over a chalkboard made from glass shards.

"Thiiikuuuut..."

I decided to igore it. I'll just lie in my bed and try to fall asleep again. When I wake up tomorrow everything will be all right and totally non-scary.

"Thiiiiiiikuuuuuuut..."

I'm just hallucinating. Maybe I ate a rotten plump helmet. Can those things rot? I mean, they are already a kind of fungus. It'd be weird if they could, I should look into this.

"Dammit Thikut! Wake up!"

Lalala, I can't hear you!

Something tipped my bed. I planned to ignore it some more but then I realized that that would mean that I'd have to spend the night face-down on the cold, hard floor. I stood up, preparing for the worst.

And there he was, a mere shadow of what he used to be.

Yerp, the ghostly mason.

"Thikut, tonight you shall be visited by three spirits! They shall show you-"

"Who are the spirits?"

"What?"

"Who are the spirits? I mean, are they people who died here? Are they related to me? 'Cos if my mum is coming back from the dead I'm gonna have to clean my room or she'll go berserk!"

"Well, I'm the only person who ever died in this place so they'll all be me."

"That seems a bit-"

"I mean, I could outsource. But the paperwork is just- well, you know."

I nodded. Paperwork's a bitch.

"Anyway, you'll be visited by three-"

I had to interrupt him again. "Can't you just do it now?"

"What?"

"The visiting. You're here now so can't you just to all three visits at the same time rather than visit me three times over?"

"Well, I was gonna work with a whole- Ah, screw it. Alright then. Ahem:

I am the first spirit! I shall show you Razorthorn's past! Behold!"

Honestly, I was expecting more of a light show for something that was announced by a magical floating spirit from beyond the void but I guess I can't blame it for not showing off. Everything just simply blurred and faded until we were standing next to the river.

"Okay, now what?"

"Behold!"

I beheld. It was simply the river from back when Razorthorn was nothing more than a hole in a pile of dirt (Which is completely different from how it is now. Now it's a hole in a pile of dirt with bedrooms.)

A shape approached, it was Yerp. Except this one was alive and kicking.

Another shape followed it, it was a harpy. It swooped down.

AArghSHI-RRRIIIP!

"Ooooh, now I remember! This is from when you were torn a new one by those things! Man, they really messed you up didn't they?"

"Yes they did, now-"

"I mean, they severed your damn torso! I didn't even know that was possible!"

"Yes! Thank you for reminding me of that experience. Now, can you see what you did wrong?"

I looked around for a bit. "Not really. I mean, it's not like I could help you or anything."

The ghost sighed -note to self: Why?- "I see." Everything blurred and we were back in my bedroom.

"I guess we're done with the past then."

He disappeared. He reappeared.

"I am the second spirit! I shall show you Razorthorn's present! Behold!"

Nothing happened.

"Yeah, this is not freaking me out."

"It's not supposed to freak you out. It's supposed to teach you a lesson! Follow me."

I followed the ghost upstairs, into the workshop area.

"What do you see?"

I looked around.

"The mason's workshops?"

"And what are the masons doing?"

"Making tables?"

"Ah, perhaps that was the wrong question. A better question would be: What are they not doing?"

I looked around again. "Getting their torsos torn off by harpies? Which reminds me, did you feel it when they tore out your liver? 'Cos I'm pretty sure your spinal cord was still intact at that point-"

"Yes, yes I did feel that. Now can we please drop that and move on with this?"

"Alright, whatever you say chief."

"Thank you, now can you see what they should be doing?"

I wandered around the room, inspecting every mason's work as I went by. "They should all be using chalk instead of bauxite! This guy is using bauxite!-"

"And you don't-"

"Bloody bauxite! That's completely going to mess up the color scheme! We can't have one bauxite table in a dining hall that uses chalk for everything else! That's just silly!"

"And you can't think of something, anything more important than the dining hall's color scheme?"

"Nnnnnnnnope. Nothing."

"Alright, let's skip the show and go straight to the future then!"

The future was bloody. On the floor was something that was beaten to an unrecognizable pulp.

"What's that?"

"That's what I'm going to do with you if you don't craft me a bloody coffin!"

"All this for a coffin?!"

"Or at least a nice slab with my name carved into it! It's not that difficult!"

"You could've just asked! You didn't need to do the whole three-spirits-thing!"

"And you could've just crafted a damn slab. Really, not. That. Difficult."

"Alright, I'll craft a slab! Happy now?"

"Very happy. I hope you learnt something from this experience." He started to fade away.

"Go to hell."

"You're a doooouuuuuche."