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Author Topic: Terrible poem for a friend  (Read 1392 times)

klingon13524

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Terrible poem for a friend
« on: October 26, 2011, 11:15:10 am »
I threw together this Haiku for my cousin who's birthday is on Halloween. I felt like posting it here so you all can laugh at me.

Shining star born on
Hallow's eve, overshadowed (1 to many syllable, I know)
by the festival
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Quote from: MetalSlimeHunt on April 07, 2012, 10:16:46 pm
Quote from: Cthulhu on April 07, 2012, 09:06:34 pm
By creating a gobstopper that never loses its flavor he broke thermodynamics
Maybe it's parasitic. It never loses its flavor because you eventually die from having your nutrients stolen by it.

Neonivek

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Re: Terrible poem for a friend
« Reply #1 on: October 26, 2011, 11:18:21 am »
Hark a poem read
Words racing into focus
cannot grasp purpose
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klingon13524

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Re: Terrible poem for a friend
« Reply #2 on: October 26, 2011, 11:35:55 am »
The purpose of giving it to him is to something better than a genetic birthday card.
The purpose of posting it here is so that you can give constructive criticism laugh at me.
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Quote from: MetalSlimeHunt on April 07, 2012, 10:16:46 pm
Quote from: Cthulhu on April 07, 2012, 09:06:34 pm
By creating a gobstopper that never loses its flavor he broke thermodynamics
Maybe it's parasitic. It never loses its flavor because you eventually die from having your nutrients stolen by it.

Virex

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Re: Terrible poem for a friend
« Reply #3 on: October 26, 2011, 11:38:06 am »
I imagined Klingon poetry to be a little more like ancient Greek literature...


Jokes aside, what are you going to do with this poem? It feels to short to bring it up at his party, so I'm assuming you're going to make your own card?
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klingon13524

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Re: Terrible poem for a friend
« Reply #4 on: October 26, 2011, 11:44:29 am »
Quote from: Virex on October 26, 2011, 11:38:06 am
I imagined Klingon poetry to be a little more like ancient Greek literature...


Jokes aside, what are you going to do with this poem? It feels to short to bring it up at his party, so I'm assuming you're going to make your own card?
I'm in Estonia right now (That's in Europe), He's in Tennessee. I'm sending it to him along with a generic Estonian postcard.
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Quote from: MetalSlimeHunt on April 07, 2012, 10:16:46 pm
Quote from: Cthulhu on April 07, 2012, 09:06:34 pm
By creating a gobstopper that never loses its flavor he broke thermodynamics
Maybe it's parasitic. It never loses its flavor because you eventually die from having your nutrients stolen by it.

Svarte Troner

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Re: Terrible poem for a friend
« Reply #5 on: October 28, 2011, 03:51:19 pm »
I wish I could have
An Estonian cousin
Alas, I do not
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BackgroundGuy

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Re: Terrible poem for a friend
« Reply #6 on: October 29, 2011, 07:03:03 pm »
Quote from: klingon13524 on October 26, 2011, 11:15:10 am
I threw together this Haiku for my cousin who's birthday is on Halloween. I felt like posting it here so you all can laugh at me.

Shining star born on
Hallow's eve, overshadowed (1 to many syllable, I know)
by the festival

Pretty good.  The last line seems like it could be more poetic (replace 'by the' with something?  'by screeching fiends' maybe?)  according to this site http://www.howmanysyllables.com/index.html your haiku is fine as it is.
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Heron TSG

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Re: Terrible poem for a friend
« Reply #7 on: October 29, 2011, 08:48:37 pm »
Quote from: klingon13524 on October 26, 2011, 11:35:55 am
The purpose of giving it to him is to something better than a genetic birthday card.
Are you kidding me?
A living birthday card would
be cooler than ice.
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