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[Dsarker]

Spoiler: Taster of next project. Safe for kids (click to show/hide)

++TOP SECRET. UNAUTHORISED ACCESS WILL RESULT IN TERMINATION++

The following is pieced together through a compilation of security footage, diary entries from main examiners, and subsequent inquiries regarding unknown equinoid species alpha, beta, gamma and the theorised delta

Abstract: Analysis on unknown equinoid species alpha, beta, and gamma.

Diary entry one

We (Doctors von Hamfried, Smithson, and McThompson) received samples of equinoid species alpha, beta and gamma (delta, while theorised by some of our less orthodox colleagues, is most likely fanciful in nature). Said samples were composed of: one male and one female adult of each species, one adolescent of each species, and one of the young of each species. Said samples were alive when received.

Two main tests were conducted on these samples while alive. Blood samples were taken and counts were made of blood type and other chemicals in the blood.

Results were standard for equinoids of their size and age. We then euthanised the animals for disection tomorrow.

(Camera footage of these events indicates that what we know recognise as sexual dimorphism is extreme in adults, noticable in adolescents, but virtually impossible in young. Adolescents were, notably, universally female. This fits with current theory on gender breakdown of the equinoids.)

Here must be added a note on equinoid species delta. At the time, it was theorised that with the two 'variants' of equinoid species alpha (at the time, only species alpha was accepted as an actual species, known as equus caballus dicens for its habit of being able to approximate human speaking, much like a lyre bird, while the other two were theorised as offshoots that were still within the same species), a third which combined both of the variants' features would also be present, but rarer. At the time of this analysis, this was not a widely held belief and those who held it were often ridiculed.

Diary entry two

By all that's holy....

(This rather uninformative diary entry has forced us to use camera footage, transcribed for this.)

VON HAMFRIED: Have specimen αa1 brought out.
ORDERLY: Yes, doctor.
VON HAMFRIED: Today we can begin a proper analysis of the equinoid life. <is interrupted by ORDERLY>
ORDERLY: What in blimey? The body's still warm!
<Muttered curses, loudest from SMITHSON>
SMITHSON: Who the hell left it out all night?
VON HAMFRIED: It doesn't matter. At least it hasn't decayed. Orderly, a scalpel.
<ORDERLY hands VON HAMFRIED a scalpel. Body can be seen to belong to FEMALE of the species. VON HAMFRIED makes opening incision, cutting along stomach. A faint noise can be heard. Silence, incision halts.>
VON HAMFRIED: If you're feeling squeamish, feel free to exit for now. Who was it?
<Mutterings. No one lays claim to the sound>
VON HAMFRIED: Very well, we'll continue.
<Incision continues. Sound is heard again, but louder this time. Now blood can be seen from where incision is being made>
VON HAMFRIED: Mein Gott! It's still alive!
<Confused shouting. Guards enter.>
GUARD: What's the matter, sir?
VON HAMFRIED: The beast is still alive. Somehow!
GUARD: What?
VON HAMFRIED: I don't know. Orderly! Bring me another dose of the euthanising poison!
ORDERLY: Right away.
<ORDERLY exits. Reenters, muttering curses>
VON HAMFRIED: What is it, orderly?
ORDERLY: They're all alive!
SMITHSON: By all that's holy! What do we do?
MCTHOMPSON: Stop the disection. We'll have to find a way to put them down permanently.
VON HAMFRIED: The events in this room are absolutely top secret! Do you understand? <looks to the camera> Cut the camera! Shut it off!

End of footage.

As we can see, the first problem with our campaign was noticed here. However... It was here that sparked our greatest victory.

Day Three

We did the disection today. Anaesthesia works still, thank God.

I think it's dead now. We took out all of its organs. We put the remains into the freezer. We can forget about it, for now.


Wait.

The organs aren't dying. We've just checked them. They're still damned well alive.

What the frak?



Anyway. Organ size appears to be similar to that of equinoid Equus Caballus of similar sizes. αa1 shows no signs of infection. Brain is substantially larger, and head shape is different as well. Strangely, the head shape has extreme variance between male and female but not within gender.

Something still troubles me. There are noises coming from the freezer. I'm going to check it out.


(subsequent to this, the rest of this entry shows rambling writing. Sentence structure shows no apparent language. No words can be discerned. We have thus changed back to camera footage of the freezer. This is a transcription of the camera footage)

VON HAMFRIED: <enters from left> No one is here. What the hell could that noise be coming from?
UNIDENTIFIED VOICE 1: <weakly> Help me.
VON HAMFRIED: Who is that? Damnfool tricks. <makes to leave>
UNIDENTIFIED VOICE 1: <slightly stronger> Please, let me out, I'm so cold.
VON HAMFRIED: <snorts> In the freezer, are you? All right, I'll play along. <opens freezer> Now what?
UNIDENTIFIED VOICE 1: <clearly> Get me out, please.
VON HAMFRIED: Right...MEIN GOTT!<visibly shaken. hands shaking>
UNIDENTIFIED VOICE 1: <comes from freezer. recognised as speciment αa1.> Thank you.
VON HAMFRIED: <laughs weakly> Jesus Christ. You scared me, guys. Come on, come out.
ΑA1: I am out.
VON HAMFRIED: <laughs haltingly> O....Okay. This is a hallucination. You're dead.
AA1: I'm not dead.
VON HAMFRIED: Ha...thinking an animal could talk. Proof that this is a hallucination.
<GUARD enters>
GUARD: Look out, sir! <sound of gunfire. Two shots. One hits AA1>
AA1: That....hurt...<AA1 collapses.>
<GUARD moves closer>
GUARD: That's the second one that's gotten loose. The other killed one of the orderlies somehow. We had to burn the body of the beast. Sir, you're not safe alone anymore. Someone is letting them loose.
VON HAMFRIED: <appears dazed> Yes...yes, thank you.

[Sean Mirrsen]

Leave it to the Bay12 forumgoers to turn cute magical ponies into a renewable source for a profitable second-hand organ trading business.

* Sean Mirrsen shakes his head in a sad reverie.

[Dsarker]

I assume you can tell who the six adults and three adolescents apprehended were, right?

[Sean Mirrsen]

I can even tell who AA1 is, though not the other escapee.

If I ever get my avatar's power, I'm quarantining every AU you had so much as contemplated, ever.

On an unrelated note, can somebody recommend me a few good MLP:FiM fanfics that can be said to accurately or even plausibly convey the characters of the M6? Being something of an unsocial and unemotional person with a somewhat flimsy grasp of the finer parts of English vocabulary, I'm having trouble conveying... well, anything, in text, especially dialogue, because normally I don't experience the things I would want to describe.

Since for the next Goblin's Friend project some of our writers are not participating, I fear I might have to take a part in the writing as well, so I'll need reference material that I can align my writing to.

[Dsarker]

Really?


Who is αa1, then?

[Dsarker]

I assume that includes the AU where the ponies come to earth and solve everything and the entire thing ends happily?

[Sean Mirrsen]

Actually, now that I look at it again, you may be referring to a fic I didn't read. (That wouldn't be surprising, I hardly read any MLP fiction at all)
Nevertheless, all other things disregarded, of the ponies I've seen only Pinkie could pull off such a Captain Obvious moment as "I'm out" and "I'm not dead".

Imagining ponies as nigh-unkillable ever-cheery abominations of nature certainly helps distancing from the source of the crossover, btw.

And yes, just to be on the safe side.
To clarify, that simply entails reparenting the relevant multiverse branches to a controlled virtual sub-universe, so that anyone attempting to view or enter the universes in question would hit a metaphorical brick wall. Unfortunately, the process will only be effective after you're dead, so I might have to wait a while.

[Dsarker]

Oh, that's not Pinkie Pie.


That's old AJ. Pinkie was the other one.

[Sean Mirrsen]

Well, that just shows how good of a judge of character I am, doesn't it?

[Dsarker]

Well, who is the Element of Honesty?

[Sean Mirrsen]

The Element of Honesty has an accent. Also, your notes said "one male and one female of each species", so unless you were drawing from an AU where half the M6 are Spear Counterparts...

edit: also, I read your notes wrong. Confusing, your text sometimes is. Still, they do seem to be of comparable age, so splitting them between "three females of each species" and "three adolescents" is a little odd.

[Dsarker]

Okay. So as to understand:

Diary entries are made at the time. This is still early times in pony-human relations. They think that they're all pairs of both genders, but they don't really know.

Annotations to the entries are made post-war. They've got a hell of a lot more knowledge, and they now know how to differentiate sexually between them.

Camera transcriptions are made post-war but don't have all of the events. This is basically a dossier on the experiment.

So, for example, if the camera transcripts were telling you that pony A had butchered people, but the diary said that the pony didn't.... Well..

[Dsarker]

Spoiler: Taster v0.1 (click to show/hide)

++TOP SECRET. UNAUTHORISED ACCESS WILL RESULT IN TERMINATION++

The following is pieced together through a compilation of security footage, diary entries from main examiners, and subsequent inquiries regarding unknown equinoid species alpha, beta, gamma and the theorised delta.

Abstract: Analysis on unknown equinoid species alpha, beta, and gamma.

Diary entry one

We (Doctors von Hamfried, Smithson, and McThompson) received samples of equinoid species alpha, beta and gamma (delta, while theorised by some of our less orthodox colleagues, is most likely fanciful in nature). Said samples were composed of: one male and one female adult of each species, one adolescent of each species, and one of the young of each species. Said samples were alive when received.

Two main tests were conducted on these samples while alive. Blood samples were taken and counts were made of blood type and other chemicals in the blood.

Results were standard for equinoids of their size and age. We then euthanised the animals for disection tomorrow.

(Camera footage of these events indicates that what we know recognise as sexual dimorphism is extreme in adults, noticable in adolescents, but virtually impossible in young. Adolescents were, notably, universally female. This fits with current theory on gender breakdown of the equinoids.)

Here must be added a note on equinoid species delta. At the time, it was theorised that with the two 'variants' of equinoid species alpha (at the time, only species alpha was accepted as an actual species, known as equus caballus dicens for its habit of being able to approximate human speaking, much like a lyre bird, while the other two were theorised as offshoots that were still within the same species), a third which combined both of the variants' features would also be present, but rarer. At the time of this analysis, this was not a widely held belief and those who held it were often ridiculed.

Diary entry two

By all that's holy....

This rather uninformative diary entry has forced us to use camera footage, transcribed for this.

VON HAMFRIED: Have specimen αa1 brought out.
ORDERLY: Yes, doctor.
VON HAMFRIED: Today we can begin a proper analysis of the equinoid life. <is interupted by ORDERLY>
ORDERLY: What in blimey? The body's still warm!
<Muttered curses, loudest from SMITHSON>
SMITHSON: Who the hell left it out all night?
VON HAMFRIED: It doesn't matter. At least it hasn't decayed. Orderly, a scalpel.
<ORDERLY hands VON HAMFRIED a scalpel. Body can be seen to belong to FEMALE of the species. VON HAMFRIED makes opening incision, cutting along stomach. A faint noise can be heard. Silence, incision halts.>
VON HAMFRIED: If you're feeling squeamish, feel free to exit for now. Who was it?
<Mutterings. No one lays claim to the sound>
VON HAMFRIED: Very well, we'll continue.
<Incision continues. Sound is heard again, but louder this time. Now blood can be seen from where incision is being made>
VON HAMFRIED: Mein Gott! It's still alive!
<Confused shouting. Guards enter.>
GUARD: What's the matter, sir?
VON HAMFRIED: The beast is still alive. Somehow!
GUARD: What?
VON HAMFRIED: I don't know. Orderly! Bring me another dose of the euthanising poison!
ORDERLY: Right away.
<ORDERLY exits. Reenters, muttering curses>
VON HAMFRIED: What is it, orderly?
ORDERLY: They're all alive!
SMITHSON: By all that's holy! What do we do?
MCTHOMPSON: Stop the disection. We'll have to find a way to put them down permanently.
VON HAMFRIED: The events in this room are absolutely top secret! Do you understand? <looks to the camera> Cut the camera! Shut it off!

End of footage.

As we can see, the first problem with our campaign was noticed here. However... It was here that sparked our greatest victory.

Day Three

We did the disection today. Anaesthesia works still, thank God.

I think it's dead now. We took out all of its organs. We put the remains into the freezer. We can forget about it, for now.


Wait.

The organs aren't dying. We've just checked them. They're still damned well alive.

What the frak?



Anyway. Organ size appears to be similar to that of equinoid Equus Caballus of similar sizes. αa1 shows no signs of infection. Brain is substantially larger, and head shape is different as well. Strangely, the head shape has extreme variance between male and female but not within gender.

Something still troubles me. There are noises coming from the freezer. I'm going to check it out.


Subsequent to this, the rest of this entry shows rambling writing. Sentence structure shows no apparent language. No words can be discerned. We have thus changed back to camera footage of the freezer. This is a transcription of the camera footage.

VON HAMFRIED: <enters from left> No one is here. What the hell could that noise be coming from?
UNIDENTIFIED VOICE 1: <weakly. Slight accent> Help me.
VON HAMFRIED: Who is that? Damnfool tricks. <makes to leave>
UNIDENTIFIED VOICE 1: <slightly stronger> Please, let me out, I'm so cold.
VON HAMFRIED: <snorts> In the freezer, are you? All right, I'll play along. <opens freezer> Now what?
UNIDENTIFIED VOICE 1: <clearly> Get me out, please.
VON HAMFRIED: Right...MEIN GOTT!<visibly shaken. hands shaking>
UNIDENTIFIED VOICE 1: <comes from freezer. recognised as speciment αa1.> Thank you.
VON HAMFRIED: <laughs weakly> Jesus Christ. You scared me, guys. Come on, come out.
ΑA1: I am out.
VON HAMFRIED: <laughs haltingly> O....Okay. This is a hallucination. You're dead.
AA1: I'm not dead.
VON HAMFRIED: Ha...thinking an animal could talk. Proof that this is a hallucination.
<GUARD enters>
GUARD: Look out, sir! <sound of gunfire. Two shots. One hits AA1>
AA1: That....hurt...<AA1 collapses.>
<GUARD moves closer>
GUARD: That's the second one that's gotten loose. The other killed one of the orderlies somehow. We had to burn the body of the beast. Sir, you're not safe alone anymore. Someone is letting them loose.
VON HAMFRIED: <appears dazed> Yes...yes, thank you.
GUARD: <concerned tone> Sir? You okay? <turns to where he came from. Sound of gunfire, barely discernable> Jack? JACK! GET HELP, DAMNIT!
<second GUARD enters>
GUARD2: McThompson's wounded, sah. Somehow the beast grabbed a scalpel and started cutting on 'im, desecrating 'is flesh, sah.
GUARD: What? Didn't you burn it?
GUARD2: Must 'ave done it before. If Smith hadn't been so la-
GUARD: Enough. Just make sure to get Von Hamfried to safety. I'll deal with this one.
GUARD2: 'e won't like it, sah.
GUARD: Too bad. I'm responsible for his safety. I'll call in evac for McThompson after I burn this one. Who'd have thought?
GUARD2: That all, sah?
GUARD: Yes.
GUARD2: Rightio, sah. <exits witth VON HAMFRIED>
GUARD: Right...let's get this over with. I know you're still alive. Damn you. <he fires two more shots> Your bastard partner, you know what he did? He cost me a friend, the murderer!
AA1: <coughs> Not a he.
GUARD: SHUT UP! <fires again twice. AA1 stops moving> Now time to burn your Godforsaken body. <leaves. He comes back with a flamethrower and torches the body>
GUARD: This is the way.
(Camera footage ends here)

To add to this, we now have diary entry from the chief guard, known as GUARD in camera transcripts.

Brief sabotage. Don't know who it was, but someone let the hyperactive pink one out. Killed an orderly, two guards, and wounded McThompson. Seemed to want to torture them. Put it down and burned the body. Type αa. Other specimen also escaped and nearly killed Von Hamfried. Just the adolescent and child to go.

I'm not sure what the government is playing at. These things are clearly dangerous. We should be wiping them out, not diplomacising with them. Heard from a buddy in the Corps that their 'delegate' or whatever is a princess, if you can believe it. Seems overly concerned with one of them who 'went missing' and turned up in our facility.

Seems they can survive what would be mortal wounds to a person. I need bigger weapons than just these handguns.

Damn it all.

Day Four

Today, we checked over our systems. Nobody released the first specimen, the violent one. The bars just unlocked. I need a drink. I just can't understand it all. We've got pressure to finish this experiment quickly and dispose of the bodies before their leader learns of this place.

I need a drink. (following section is hastily scratched out) FLYING. PHYSICS DON'T LET THEM. WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING?(scratching out ends here) We've given our superiors what information we can on αa. Time for βa. The winged ones.

I need a drink.


We've just finished the disection. It whinnied the entire time. I can't forget that. The anaesthesia didn't work. I need a drink.

We're having troubles this analysis. McThompson was our head of biology here. We don't know how this stuff can happen. They can fly, but they shouldn't be able to.

(Camera transcription unavailable. Transcriber was physically unwell approximately twelve seconds into the video.)

Sketches were taken this time. Analysis by current biologists and veterans confirms our suspicions that these are the beasts that caused the Destruction of Chicago, and that they shouldn't be able to fly. This is further evidence for the belief of the 'specialisation'. While all of the equinoid variants are tough, alpha are supernaturally so, taking several mortal wounds to bring down. Beta have specialised in their wings. Gamma have specialised in their horns.

++THIS SECTION CENSORED BY ORDER OF THE INQUISITOR REGULAR HUMANUM FOR TREASON. HUMANITY PREVAILS!++

[Sean Mirrsen]

So far, excepting that you seem to be forging yet another crapsack world, I can see nothing interesting. SCP, Secure and Contain the Ponies?

And please, do remind me not to mention any more crossover ideas in your presence. You seem to be doing a pretty good job without my help.

On a, now completely, unrelated note, I'm still waiting for someone to recommend me some good fiction. Preferably not conceived or directed by Dsarker.

[Dsarker]

Well, I'm experimenting with different ways of story telling. Right now I'm going for unreliable sources and lots of them. Letting the audience piece together the story from the scattered parts I give them.